Elda - posted on 08/14/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )
I know MANY women and men have the same issues as my husband and myself with the "dreaded" ex....but it's always nice to hear what others think with out being too biased.
Here's our CURRENT issue....
A few months back my husband decided to NOT pick up his 3 kids on their weekend here any longer. He would leave it up to the EX to bring them. Reason being- #1 She made pick ups EXTREMELY difficult. He would make it very clear to the kids what time he would be there to pick them up via text or by a phone call. He's self employed so his schedule is always very hectic and he can't always leave a job to be there at 6pm on the dot. Anyway, he would show up to get them and no one would be there...OR they would text and say they are somewhere else and to come pick them up there. They wouldn't have any clothes, etc and he would have to drive them back to their house to get their things. Now before anyone gets to out of whack let me give you some case history..
They've been divorced almost 5 years and we've been married 4. The ex is remarried but it's as problematic as her first and their is no stability in her home life.
There has been turmoil, chaos, disorder and insanity from the ex since the word go. She has always tried to make things as difficult as possible and any chance of causing a problem-she's there! In the beginning it was the drop off she would make hard. They were young and obviously couldn't be left alone..so she would make it a point to leave before they were brought back..or if we didn't have them home by 6 she would punish them by taking them go to her boyfriend's house to sleep. Petty torments as we called them...petty, but effective. Now they are older and can be left alone...so she leaves with them...or lets them wander off without knowing where they are....and on and on. These kids are older and are certainly accountable for their actions, too. But it's mainly her hatred for us that causes the drama.
Okay, so since his decision to stand his ground and insist she drop them off..she has (OBVIOUSLY) come up with every excuse imaginable not to. It goes from medication for an earache to 3 nails in her tire to plain out hatred for us and her not wanting to be near "our" house. I'm proud of my husband for finally taking a stand against her. She verbally and physically abused him through out their turbulent relationship, as well as the kids. I think what he's doing is a good thing, but I'm the "new and improved" wife (that's what I get referred to as by her,) so I'm biased. The kids of course are caught in the middle, but I honestly cannot remember a time when they weren't. This seems par for the course in this particular situation. But they try to guilt their dad by making comments of how he must not love them or that we don't want them here, etc. Most of this is part of the brainwashing that has been going on for the last 4 years. He loves his "new and improved" family more than them...according to the ex. He has shown them nothing but love, patience and spoiled the crap out of them since he left, to make up for his own personal guilt. And they are certainly accustomed to dad being a "push over"...but he's not anymore...or at least trying not to be.
He was told he needed to drop his "pride" and just continue to pick them up, but I don't see this as something to do with pride and neither does he. This has to do with a person having enough and wanting to put an end to the drama. And no it hasn't ended the drama, but at least he's not having to chase down his kids for several hours after having a brutally exhausting day. Any person who slaves in the sun for 10 hours everyday will understand that.
I suppose I'm not asking for any sort of advice or anything..just venting...but I am curious to know how others have dealt with similar situations.