We have his, we have mine, would having "ours" be crazy?

Shelly - posted on 08/24/2011

Let me tell you my situation.... I have mine (3 boys ages 10, 5, & 3) He has his (boys 12 &5) they all live with us full time!! We have been married 2 years and really want an OURS!!! So on Monday we are going to the doctor to have my IUD removed.... Go with your heart...

Lacieann - posted on 08/18/2011

I don't think that having an "ours" baby is that out of the norm. My Fiance" has two kids and I have one from previous marriages. The big difference between our situations is I have full custody of my daughter and her Father seems to want nothing to do with her. His custody is 50/50.
We both definitely want to have kids together. The only real trouble I see is that the "ours" kid would want to have sleep overs at his siblings' other parents' house. Depending on the adult relationships that could be a good thing though.

I would definitely wait until you've been together a while longer, perhaps a year or more before you add to the brood though.

Kristin - posted on 08/17/2011

I'm from the side that didn't, and won't be having another.
I also think the most important part is to ask yourself why you want a baby. I did want another one at one point but realized that my reasons were not good enough ones. Reason 1, my clock was ticking loudly(lots of friends having babies), 2, I wanted a what if kid to carry on my line(my daughter is the possible only grandchild of our line), 3, I wanted his baby.
Because those were my reasons for wanting another baby, I chose no, my partner had a visectomy.
Now I feel happy, my daughter has siblings, she's loved, and I got to help raise two incredible kids, that I love.

Really think about why you want another one, then make a decision.
Good luck, this question really was a toughy for me too! Whatever choice you make, make the one that will improve your lives!

Barbara - posted on 08/17/2011

My husband and I met 5 years ago. At the time his son (16) lived with him full time, his oldest daughter (11) spent every other weekend, his youngest daughter (5) spent only summers, and my two (son 7 and daughter 5) were 50/50 with me. Though I always wanted another baby, we decided together that "ours" would be out of the question. We were 27 and 37 when we met, and since we both knew the pains of a divorce and custody issues, we felt it best that we love the 5 we had and leave well enough alone. I struggled with this idea through the years (esp once I hit 30 and that silly biological clock decided to start ticking). But about 6 months ago I finally came to terms with the fact that our children are growing up and that we have many years to look forward to after they are grown. About a month ago (on my daughter's 11th birthday) we found out that we are expecting! Something that I never thought I would have... to create a child with this man whom I love nearly as much as our children... is becoming true! Now, I'm not trying to say that you should or should not have a child together. It is a very personal question that only the two of you can answer. Our children blended well right off the bat. The custody arrangements made it so that we have always managed to have one on one time with each of them regularly, as well as letting them all spend quite a bit of time together. I think one of the best parts is the fact that we don't have all of them all of the time. When they start to get on each other's nerves they know it's only a matter of time before they go back to their other parent's house and can get away from each other !! lol I was worried about their reactions to the baby before I told them, but to my surprise they were ALL excited from the moment they found out! In fact they are helping to keep my spirits up through the yucky first trimester, and the worries of the future that keep rolling through my mind. I say give it some time... 5 months is just a blink of an eye in the world of blended families, and you never know how things will go. But that's just my HO

Lesley - posted on 07/17/2011

i have 3 step daughters one we dont see at all (long story) and the 2 we see comes whenever they want they are 13 and 11. i have 3 sons ages 10, 9 and 2. my oldest doesnt and will never know his father my 9 year old visits his dad every other weekend and we share him on holidays. and my 2 year old his for my hubby. i think its harder on my 2 year older bc he hates and misses his sisters and his brother when they are not around. but the 2 year old is spoiled by all the kids and loved by all of them so much. i wouldnt change anything at all. our lives are great. and everyone pretty much gets along.

Jennifer - posted on 07/17/2011

hi jessica my name is jenn and i live in philly this hit close to home with me i have 2 children and my fiancee has 4 we have one together it is very hard the different personalities and attitudes it is crazy and then there is the little guy four live with us full time the others visit it is tough you get through it though we have been doin it for 4 yrs it has its ups and downs but you should do what you feel is right and i had my little guy when i was 33 not so bad good luck if you ever want to chat e mail me frankdavisfamily@cavtel.net

Jessica - posted on 07/05/2011

I wouldn't do it without being married first. The more I think about it I want to enjoy and focus on our little ones a bit longer before adding a new baby. Although his mother told me my eggs are aging fast, I believe I still have lots of time! :)

Kelly - posted on 07/04/2011

My situation is close to your. My husband has 3 children from a previous marriage which we have 50/50 custody of they are on a week on week off schedule. We now have 2 of our own. All the kids love each other and love to be together. My younger kids are 2 and 3m months the older kids are 14, 11, and 7. We don't have any real problems with the older kids with being hurt. the biggest problem we have is the 2yr is very proctective of the baby and most of the time takes upset if the older kids say that she is their sister because he is worry that means that she will leave with them when they have to go back to their moms house. When I reassure he that she will not leave he is ok with the baby being the older kids sister too.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2011

get married first

Jessica - posted on 07/02/2011

Thank you Ginger!

Ginger - posted on 07/01/2011

I've only dealt with part of your situation- in that I have children from a previous marriage and my now husband (been together for 12 years) have a one child.

My children go and visit their father every year during summer and the youngest stays home. Sometimes he feels left out but he loves his other siblings dearly and they all love him too. And we do things with him during the summer so that he gets his 'own' time with us.

There have been times when one or two of my older children have chosen to actually live with their Dad so it would be them visiting us.... it's always different. Never a real 'issue' unless says something- like oh we're going here and going to do this...yada yada... and there is always a come back lol... so it's piddly minor things. My kids are 24, 19, 17, 14, and 10 and so far? Everyone has adjusted just fine! There is no I hate you's or this isnt fairs... it's just...this is how it is with our family!
And on another note? My ex husband has a son with his wife now too... so it's mix and mingle all the way around.

And once they get older? The kids will start choosing where they want to be more often anyway. The fact they are all close together is a true blessing! And any addition that you and your boyfriend choose to add will only tie the bonds they have even closer.

In a way a sort of 'glue' *grins* that makes them ALL your kids. I'm not saying that my situation is the norm... or that I know it all LOL... But I can't see adding a child as a bad thing on any side of the coin.