What d you do when you love someone but he hates kids.

Linda - posted on 01/22/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have a partner of 4 years, we could be wonderful together. His children are grown with 4 grandchildren. I am an older mom of 50, hes 55. My kids are 11 and 13. He has tried but its just not working. He was a horible father to his own. Building a business. He has nothing to do with his grandkids. His 2 girls have pretty much only a finacial relationship. My two young kids mean everything to me. But they hate him, he hates them. what do I do?

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Michelle - posted on 01/29/2010

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I dont want to ruffle any feathers here, but I dont think I could ever be with someone that cant accept and love my children as if they were his own. I know that it may be none of my business and you dont know me from adam, so to speak, but I feel that your relationship to your kids is the most important thing here. If your kids arent happy, then eventually it will wear down your relationship. There comes a time when you got to know when to let go and of what.

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Kayla Taner - posted on 02/09/2014

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dump him im 11 and you better beleave that men are secretly mean to kids thay only care about sex

Jovena - posted on 01/30/2010

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Hate is a strong word! If that man can love every part of you especially the children, he needs to let the door knob hit him where the good Lord split him! I cant imagine what the last four years for your children have been like. You really need to look at the bigger picture if you continue this relationship with this man. Maybe your kids will only come to you for finanical support when they get older! Something to think about.

Khrys - posted on 01/28/2010

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Say goodbye. Really. You two may hit it off in certain areas, but if he doesn't want your kids, send him packing. Moms/dads with kids are a package deal.

Margaret - posted on 01/27/2010

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Ask yourself if you want the same relationship he has with his children when yours are older--if you stay with this man, you will. Your priorities are worlds apart! If all measures to reconcile things haven't worked, I'd look elsewhere--or you'll have to balance yourself between them indefinitely. Sorry--but your stance should be, love me, love my kids.

Linda - posted on 01/27/2010

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Your intuition is so clear to me. Thankyou for your thoughts, I mean it , it was great to almost be sitting here with other woman who can tell me like it is, thank you.

Linda - posted on 01/27/2010

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Thank you for our kind and thought out words. My situation is very difficult. I do listen to words of other womn. And yes I do hope and pray that somewhere each day there will be an answer for me.

Betty - posted on 01/27/2010

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Kids always know if a person is going to be good for you!!!! and My Kids always came before a man!!!!!

Kimberly - posted on 01/26/2010

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calll it quits..and remain friends if possible but you and your kids will not be happy.

you cant force anyone to like kids and his track record with his own show he is not really a caring person, is that what you want for yourself?

ask yourself why is he with you knowing you are a package deal with kids?? is he controlling? selfish? dominant? if so he is thinking you will choose him over your kids for whatever reason.

why are you with him? and is it worth not having a happy home life?

Rhoda - posted on 01/26/2010

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be friends with him, but find someone else to be in a relationship with...it isn't going to work when you want to spend time with your kids/grandkids, and he resents them.

[deleted account]

Wow...I don't know how or even WHY you would stay w/a man for 4years who hates your children. That takes too much emotional energy. My children HAVE to come first. We're not talking about trying to work things out. You said BOTH sides HATE each other. I could never be involved w/a man who HATES my children. Hate is a very strong word.



Children are "children" for a short amt of time...and their memories should not be filled w/mommy's boyfriend hating them. My advice would be cut your losses...devote yourself to your children...and remain single long enough to give yourself adequate time to hurt and heal.



There IS a man out there...who will not only love and adore YOU...but will feel the same about your children. Trust me...I have one in my life. My daughter was 7 when I married...and it was NOT easy to blend because my daughter was ALWAYS into something...and DOING something. She was a frustrating little girl...and I KNEW it would take work and the love of God to make things work. But even in all of that...my husband never HATED my daughter. Hated some of the things she did. But never hated her, and never gave up on their relationship. Fast forward 8 years. They are in love with each other, and she calls him Father now. You would never know what it took to "blend" us, but because we ALL worked at it...and "wanted" it...it worked.



You can have the SAME thing. Hold out for it. It what you...AND your children deserve!

Jernean - posted on 01/25/2010

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Do what is best for ur kids b/c a man @ a relationship comes @ goes but ur kids r their forever .You r the most important person in your kids'life so think of them 100%.

[deleted account]

Kids come first. You are a package deal. If the guy doesn't work with your kids then he has to go. If you stay with him your kids will be very unhappy and so will he.

Niesha - posted on 01/23/2010

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I know that you know that you have to end it. I can't see a mother being able to be happy with a man that hates her kids. I know it is easier said than done. But I also know that you know that's what has to be done.

Shannon - posted on 01/22/2010

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You really have to ask? He hate's them?? You need to kick him to the curb. Your kids will not respect him knowing he hate's them. And they sure as hell will not have any respect for you. Put your kids 1st. Goodluck!!!

Tammy - posted on 01/22/2010

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Sorry to say it, but you are a package and if he cant accept that, then in my opinion, he cant accept you! I am sorry to be so blunt, BUT your kids were there first and your kids will ALWAYS be there. I dont know your living situation, but if you want him in your life maybe live apart until your kids are old enough to move out and then you can move forward in your relationship with him?

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