What do I do when the ex is manipulating the children's feelings?

Michelle - posted on 09/08/2012

Maybe the child is saying spiteful things to the mother as well and she is saying things because she is frustrated and it is her intention to do what is doing. When this things come up immediately say I don't care what other people say when you are in my company you will put your seatbelt on

Aimee - posted on 09/06/2012

We deal with "Baby Mama Drama" all the time. But she is a subtle manipulater (much harder to prove, but still obvious to us). Although recently they have been with fancy gifts, vacations, and shopping trips.



Anyway, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. During the first few months I took a backseat and just watched how he parented their daughter. After a while I realized he did not discipline her in any way and did everything for her (which does not allow any sort of independence and spoils them). I am a huge advocate for teaching a child how to do be independent, to know when to actually ask for help, and to always be respectful to others no matter what age they are. Well, after taking a backseat for a while I had to step in before I lost my mind. When I initially started "disciplining" their daughter, my boyfriend got emails from bio mom about how I shouldn't be disciplining their child because I wasn't her parent. To this day, I do not believe I am "disciplining" their daughter. I am simply enforcing the rules that apply in our home. And when I am alone with their daughter, I am going to be slightly more strict,when it comes to safety, because in those moments I am her guardian, and if anything happened to her, I would get the blame.



It always baffles me that a bio mom will allow a nanny, who the child initially does not know, to enforce rules, give consequences for breaking the rules, and just discipline the child, but bio mom won't allow a long time girlfriend/fiancé/step-mom, who the child has at least some sort of connection with and will be in their lives constantly, to do the same thing the nanny is asked to do.



I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You are enforcing safety. And when it comes to enforcing household rules, it is your house too, and they cannot disrespect you or your rules in your house. Dad needs to be on board as well. A sit down with the kids about being respectful, being polite, and following the rules will make things easier for the kids to understand.



Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2012

Actually, I don't think he's being rude, he's just a child who's being manipulated. For situations that are about safety and/or the law, you can address those directly ("I'm not telling you, the law is. It's illegal for you to not have your seatbelt on. Besides, in case of an accident, it's safer to have it on than not. Kids have died when not wearing their seatbelts, that's why they made those laws, to keep you and me and everybody else safe.")



As far as your authority, you can discuss this with him, but his dad needs to check his ex. Actually, you should discuss with your boyfriend immediately, then have a family discussion with the kids about it. While you're at it, ask the kids how they would feel about not living with dad anymore, too, get an idea where their heads are at.



That's cruel, what she's doing, and patently unfair. I hate it when people do that!

Jemina - posted on 08/30/2012

I have similar "baby mama drama" between my husbands ex girlfriend and I. It's so juvenile and only hurts the children. Keep being the loving parents that you are, absolutely.correct that rude behavior as soon as.it occurs and dad needs to check his ex. Because she also has to understand.and accept that in your home, your just as much the boss as dad .I have a blended family that includes 2 baby mamas,2 baby daddies and 10, children altogether point is, whether.she likes.it or not you.absolutely can tell them what to do! So long as.nobody is hurting her kids, and she can't.decide whether or not he sees the kids, the.courts.will back him up.

Ashley - posted on 08/26/2012

You have to get tough hun seriusly, as in answer to him telling you that you cant tell him what to do your response should be, When your with me you have to listen to me regardless if you want to or not and next time you talk to me like that you can stay in your room, i want to point out that i undrestand its rtheir mom doing this but that does not mean that you are suppost to allow them to show such disrespect your not there friend you are now a parent so not being loved all the time is normal regardless if your bio or not. More importent than being liked if doing the right thing for them, being threatend by his mom if you mary his dad he wont be able to see you guys must feel horible for him let him know under no sercumstances would that ever happen even if you need to go to court. Your husband and you need to sit the kids down and explain that you are the boss too. good luck