What to do when step child is telling lies to bio mom

Ashley - posted on 09/10/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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So long story but will try to keep it short. My boyfriend has a 2 year old daughter from ex but she had a son when they met so when we take daughter we also try to take boy. This sounds bad but when they went to court ex cried to judge about how she felt my boyfriend was unsafe all to not allow him visitation so judge believed this crap and he now has to have supervision. Judge made boy 7 at the time a supervisor ya i no crazy right any way this has been for almost 2 years now im in the picture anyway apparently not sure if i believe because came from bio mom boy has told her that my boyfriend has taken girl to store and what not now i have never seen this happen and im always there so it did not happen we live in a small town someone she knows would see him alone with his girl that would be crazy to take that chance anyway i believe if he told her that it was because he wanted attention he gets left out a lot but now im worried because if we take him he may make up more lies to get attention but he loves it with us so it makes no sense other then a mothers attention out ways everything else. And also now bio mom thinks this is happening i told her wasn't but why would she believe me really court is next month and im worried that all this crap is going to come up. what do i do im a mother i love all the kids but im just confused by boys statements and a bit hurt as i try for him to have as much fun as possible with us. Also she has told boy that my boyfriend dosent care about him lots of awful lies to hurt boy out of his own mouth she hurts her own son to get back at my boyfriend. ok sorry it was long but any advice welcome.

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Linda - posted on 09/14/2010

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Many biological parents are insecure about the new relationship. Typically you can't do much about this, but love the child, be an example of honesty, be over diligent in being sure EVERYTHING is in order all of the time and document document document. Our ex (my hubby's) did the same thing but we were able to disprove everything. You will have to put in extra effort but that pays off in the long run... The child will grow up and know the difference, my step daughter is 10 and is seeing the differences very clearly lately. It doesn't stop mom from trying but we keep things organized and above board, mom's dishonesty is quickly loosing power on the child.
Best of luck to you....

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Ashley - posted on 09/24/2010

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ya things have gotten worse i have read a lot of court papers the mother was the one to put boy in supervision judge allowed it it was only suppose to be for a short time till they could get a court date again to deal with allegations anyway things are crazy we will have to wait and see court is posponed now because she has made more allegations have to hire a lawyer to deal with it all let u know how it goes

Ellen - posted on 09/24/2010

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Well, something isn't right here. A seven year old cannot supervise visitation with a 2 year old. No judge would order that. I think you need to read the court order and find out the truth here.

Ashley - posted on 09/16/2010

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Thank you for your replies she will not send boy anymore and wont tell him were asking for him so now he feels like we have abandoned him all to make him hate us so she has control its so sick anyway we will c if it changes after court but thanks again.

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Ashley,

First off, you need to calm down. The Good Lord is looking out for you, just try to be patient and live your life the best way possible. As the other mothers said, love both children. They DO NOT have control of who their parents are and what parental examples they have. Show both of the kids the right path in life. You are the example, be strong for them.

As to your boyfriend's step-son, just love him. Have your boyfriend have a man-to-man conversation with him. Ask him what is going on. Ask him how is his life. Ask him what interests him. Children crave love and attention, but they also need boundaries. Your boyfriend needs to set those boundaries. He needs to be firm, but loving to the child. Ask him about the rumors. And then tell him how hurt you both are because of the rumors. DO NOT blame the child. He's lashing out. Find the root of it.

As to court, document everything and live your life to the highest standards possible. See if you guys can find credible, honest witnesses who can vouch for the care and well-being of your children.

And be professional and courteous in court. The way you carry yourself, your body language, says a lot without you even opening your mouth. Don't be aggressive or defensive. Stay calm, cool, and collective and you should be all right. If I were you, (and if you can afford it) I would hire a family lawyer to help out. They know the how the court systems work.

Anitta - posted on 09/14/2010

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are you sure it is the boy lying to his mum or is the mum just saying he said that to try to make things more difficult? reassure the boy that he is as love and as special as his sister and that you enjoy having them both, let him feel safe and let him know that you are there for him if he needs you. good luck in court

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