Why won't he show affectionate?

DoubleA - posted on 04/22/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Me and my boyfriend have been together two years. We have a 6 month old. Lately we haven't been getting along because he refuses to talk about anything. And I've been complaining about his lack of affection towards me. He says it's not the time to talk. First it was while the baby was sleeping. Then it was not while she's sleeping. He is avoiding talking at all costs. I've been asking him to talk for the past five months now about some problems. Even asked him to go to counseling and he doesn't want to. I have a five year old daughter from a previous relationship. But he doesn't kiss me, say I love you, cuddle , hug me or anything. The last time he kissed me was the day the baby was born. I've explained to him that I need and want these things over and over. He still won't do them. He used to do them all the time and he was the one who said I love you first. And Friday's are usually our nights to spend time together.lately he's been making plans with his friends on Fridays. He ignores everything about me pretty much. We can go days without talking one word to each other and he is perfectly fine with it. He ignores all of my phone calls and never really texts me back about anything. We do live together. But when he's with me his phone is up his butt and it feels like the opposite when Im not around. I get upset and blow off the handle at times but lately I have just been keeping everything in and still the same effect. Nothing changes. There's times where I cry and he doesn't even want to comfort me or even ask what's wrong. I feel like he doesn't love me or want me anymore. He made a statement about all his pension money goes to the baby if he died. What about me and my other child? He has said things like that and about not wanting to marry me or have another kid with me or buy a house together. I feel totally horrible and have no one to turn to. He shows tons of affectionate to the baby. But I feel like he doesn't want me anymore. I don't know what to do or how to fix things. Any advice?

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Jen - posted on 05/15/2012

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Do you think maybe he has another girlfriend? Maybe he wants out... maybe the burden of fatherhood is more than he thought it would be... it was one thing when the other child wasn't his.. not really his responsibility.... but this one IS his.. so it IS his responsibility.

DoubleA, it;s really tough.. but I assume you are looking for what we HONESTLY think.. from everything you said.. it sounds like you shouldn't be making any long term plans to be with this guy.. he has TOLD YOU that he doesn't want to #1 get married #2 buy a house #3 have any more children with you. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You deserve better!

You did not mention how old you are.. but I am going to take a stab at it and say young.. under 25, right? All you want is a stable household for your children.. we ALL get that.. but this is no way for YOU to live or be treated. You need to sit him down and NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.. don't get upset and yell, just say "Dear, is this going anywhere, or should we just call it a day?".... he may be looking for a way out, but doesn't want to look like the bad guy.

Once he says "Yes, I want to leave, I am not happy, I need space, blah blah blah", graciously split up your stuff, and head down to the child support office, because you're going to need to do that!

I am SO SORRY if this came across as cold.. but sweety, read your post, and pretend that your friend posted it.. what would you tell her? It's kinda clear what's going on here, and you and your babies deserve a better life - when Mama ain't happy, NOBODY'S happy..remember! :) GOOD LUCK!

Lacieann - posted on 05/07/2012

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You're not the one who needs to fix anything. If he's not showing you affection after 6 months then he probably won't start again and might be waiting for you to leave so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy" who left you.



You biggest concern should be your kids. What is his lack of attention towards you teaching them? If he's good towards the baby then hopefully he will continue to be good if you guys split.



I'd say give him one last notice that if it doesn't change then you're gone. Then leave and don't look back. Take care of your mental health and your babies.

Starla - posted on 05/07/2012

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i hoped when reading this that I could have a word of advice. but as I read on I realized this is my story with my boyfriend onlt we dont have a child together. He makes me feel like less of a women for not being able to bare his child. My tubes are tied I have 4 children by the same dead beat that we only see on a kids birthday. My boyfriend is the love of my life and it seems ive been chasing him for 4 years. He has cheated so many times and bruised my pride. I wonder whats wrong with these men? Why cant you see a good women and stick with her and be faithful?

He as well as mine is scared of commitment. PPL always rag on women but men get women pregnant on purpose to keep them and make them a whipping post. He cant handle a family right now and has started acting out. Im praying for you honey I have been down this road and then some.

Louise - posted on 04/23/2012

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I think he is avoiding you because he does not know what he wants at the moment. What you have said is that he wants the relationship with the baby but not you. I think this is enough to call it a day. Sit him down in one last attempt and tell him straight he either changes or talks things through with you or you are finishing the relationship although you love him. You are worth more than this. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be ignored like this is mental torture.

If I were you a few days apart maybe the breathing space you both need to decide your future.

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