Need advice Thinking about leaving the church all together

Taffany - posted on 11/30/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have been a member of the church since 1999. I was baptized and then had something very tragic happen in my life. One of daughter died. I moved to Ohio in 2001 and I moved into one of the best wards I had ever been in. We felt welcome for the first time since my husband and I became members of the church. My husband is from Ghana, Africa. I had my son and we needed to move a bigger place. It put us in a new ward. The new ward I was to be in was now meeting in their own new bulding. I had seen how the people in that ward would look at my kids and my husband and I did not want to go. I was told my then RS president to give it a try it may be my time to shine and help theses sisters and brothers over come what they were going through to be better people. I did give it a try we had never felt more unwelcome then when we were in that ward I was talked about so were my kids our HT and VT never came and visited with us we were not included in ward activities my kids were never told when primary activities were get the picture. So when were were ready to get our own house and moved it put us yet in another ward.
I did not go to the new ward I felt like it was going to be the same as the old ward was. Then the RS president came to me and she was a convert and talked me into coming back to church. For a while we did. but then I got really sick and could no longer come. I had to have serveral surgerys and we since then and not being able to go to church I have been left out of a lot of things even though they no I am home bound at this point. I can not drive and husband is not active in the church at all as feels that they are way to judgmental. That is how I feel now. Several things have come back to me that people have said about me and about my kids who are all special needs in some type, friends that I had before are no longer my friends because I am not active any more. I do not want to raise my kids in a church that is very judgmental about looks and where some one is from or that are different then what they are. I feel if Heavenly Father wanted us all to be cookie cutter people he would have made us all the same. He did not and that was is so great about us we are all different. That means I can be my own individual person and be happy with it, but because I am not like them I seem to not be good enough for them.
I am really thinking about leaving the church my opinion on this is if the church was really interested in being there for me and my family, then they would be trying to do there best to come and talk to me however my VS teachers never come even when I was active and my HT come maybe once a year if I am lucky to be graced by their presence. Because I am not in the same income status as they are I am not good enough for them to come and see me but they are students just like I am I just do not have parents that bail me out like they do. Has anyone else gone through this or can someone help me with what I am feeling. I really do want to part of the church I love what the church teaches but I also teach my kids to be honest and be upfront with people and if the church is not that way why should I take my kids there to learn a value that I am not teaching them.

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7 Comments

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LuAnn - posted on 01/12/2013

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Hi Taffany, my name is LuAnn and I live with my family in Somerset, KY. Think of me as your neighbor to the south. :O) I feel for you that you have had some unpleasant experiences at church. I joined the LDS church when I was 27 . A couple of weeks after that, I was asked at the last minute to substitute in the 3 yr olds Sunday School class. I declined, as I felt totally unprepared. It seems I got a cold shoulder after that from some people. So I stopped going, oh for about 10 years. Then I had kids, and we moved to Texas (from Utah). The last time I went to church in Texas was with my 6 yr old boy, 4 yr old boy, and newly minted preemie daughter. The boys were a bit rowdy, and I wound up leaving before Sacrament Service was over, in tears. Some of that one is at my door, because I suffer from depression and was not having a great day to start with.

Here in Kentucky, when I go, I attend a branch. That's another whole thing altogether. I was working at a residential center for adults with mental retardation and had to work 2 out of every 3 Sundays. And I had no dresses. My excuse for not going on the 3rd Sunday was that people would not like it if I should up in pants.

I tend to blather on...so I'm going to stop there. Except (lol) even though you won't see me on the cover of the Ensign magazine or speaking at Conference anytime soon, I still consider myself very much a Church member. Anyhoo, if you want to msg, email or snail mail back and forth send me a msg here and we can figure it out from there. :O)

Taffany - posted on 11/18/2012

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Yes I still live in Ohio sometimes the ward I am in now is OK and at others I still feel like I am on the outside looking in.

Anita - posted on 07/09/2012

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One thing to remember is that the Church or Gospel is perfect, the people are not. Just like in any community, job, etc. there are some people who are just not so good to be around. It is a shame in the gospel that it happens but it does. In fact I just recently posted a comment about being judgemental, as we have recently found out our 2nd son is gay, and some members have been very understanding and loving, but some including our own family members are not. They call them sinners, abomination, They "choose" to do evil etc etc. No where in scriptures does it teach us to behave this way. It teaches us to "love one another" Mourn with those who mourn , comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and most of all "judge not that ye be not judged" Maybe you are someone who will be acatalyst to help others learn to love better . You are a daughter of A Heavenly father who loves you and your family. and he wants you to be able to partake of the fruits of the gospel. Don't let them push you out. Be strong. It is their problem not yours. You can contact me anytime you need to talk.

Jenna - posted on 12/27/2011

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Some ward are terrible. I have been a member my whole life. In the last 34 years (my whole life), I have lived in fifteen different family wards and about 6 different singles' wards. Some of them have been horrible, just as you've described and others have been wonderful. Currently, we live in one of the better ones, but only seven years ago, we lived in one where nobody was friendly. At that time, we were one of very few families who lived in apartments, rather than owning a home, and we felt that the ward looked down on us because of this status, but it wasn't reasonable at that time, given my husband's job and our circumstances, to consider buying a home. Is it possible to return to the ward you were in before you had to move? If you can't go because you're not physically able, have your records transferred to the other ward? I'm very sorry that you are going through this. I have truly felt very similar things about some of the wards I've attended. I keep reminding myself that Heavenly Father still wants me to be part of his church even if others aren't accepting of me.

Nancy J - posted on 12/26/2011

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I can understand how you feel. Church is about couples, and their children. I am no longer a couple. I am single. I don't like going alone. So I don't go. I love the Church. I have been in some great Wards. I have also been in some not so great wards. I went to church once, with a man of color. And people in the chapel moved away from us, and we left right after sacrament. I really do understand how you feel. you can write to me personally @youthfulfirecracker@yahoo.com if you would like to . I live in Rochester mn. Do you still live in Ohio?

Taffany - posted on 12/01/2011

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Thank you so much Malinda our Bishop has never even been to our home to find out why I am not going any more and to see him means I have to go to our ward building and that is about 15 miles from our home and I do not have a car at night since my husband works. It would just be with 3 kids as well but even they feel unwelcome and do not to go they are older I have two in YW and one that is almost ready to go YM. My daughter does not go to siminary because of her school and what time she has to be there and there is no way we could make it to both. I also get looked down on because we choose to send too a Catholic school we are in Ohio there are no schools here for the church or I would send her there. At this point I am really thinking of trying to find a ward where we will feel welcomed and not be judged or leave the church and find a church were I can be me. It is sad too because I know the church is true and I really love the word and what I learn when I am there. Since I have been in the ward I have never even been asked if I wanted a calling even though I had other callings in our first ward and have expressed that I would love to have a calling. Having a calling would mean that I had a reason to be there and maybe make me feel more welcome. Even my oldest daughter has a calling in YW.

Melinda - posted on 12/01/2011

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I wish I had a great answer for you. Unfortunitly there are bad apples anywhere you go. It is sad to see how horribly those wards are treating you and your family. Just because you havn't been able to go to church doesn't mean that you don't still need the church's support. My Mom is unable to attend church because of so many allergies. She has some wonderful visiting teachers that come and see her. They sometimes take her the sacrament. They should be doing this for you. I was inactive for quite a while. It started out because I had to way to get to church, then my husband started working on Sundays so I didn't go. What got me back was a working car and a calling. My husband doesn't go. So it is just me and three little kids. Your ward should be there for you. Maybe talking to the bishop might help? I hope things get better. You are welcome to send me a message if you want to talk.