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Melanie - posted on 03/07/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi, my name is Melanie. My partner, Rhandi and I have been together for 6 years and we have 2 beautiful adopted children and 3 amazing foster children. I am a stay at home mom and the kids keep me pretty busy. I look forward to being part of this circle of lesbian moms :)

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Melanie - posted on 03/12/2009

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Kim



Congrats to you and Donna on your adoptions :) We are in Tennessee and the depatment of children services is open to all different kinds of families fostering and adopting.  It is not the same with all other agencies that do fostering.  We have some friends that were turned down by an agency because they are gay.  They are now going through DCS.  It seems like every year they try to pass a law banning single parent and gay adoptions, but it never passes.  The adoptions were done with only one of us adopting each child,  this was because we did not know what judge we would do the adoptions through and if the judge did not agree we would not get to adopt.  Most case workers and adoption workers are supportive, but it is really is hit or miss, depending on who your case worker is.  They have never had any issues with our lifestyle, it is just that some workers do not do as great of a job as they should.  We get paid the same as all other foster parents and have access to all the same support systems.  We have friends who have done second parent adoptions in Tennessee and have told us that with the right lawyer and the right judge it can be done.  I think that there is many places that you guys can move that will be more supportive of your family.  I hope this is helpful and if you have any more questions feel free to ask. 

Kim - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi Melanie,



My partner Donna and I have been together 8 years. I have a son, 21, in the Navy and we just adopted a beautiful little girl three weeks ago (adoption is final next week).



Can I ask what state you are in? How are the foster/adoption laws with gay parents where you are? Are the workers supportive?



We have foster children but they are placed kinship placement, so we are not really foster parents. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me but it basically means we get paid less than $5 per day when a foster parent in Kansas can get over $30 per day and they get support from the agencies that we don't.



We have talked about moving once we are through with this placement. Kansas laws change almost year to year and agencies switch back and forth; pretty frustrating. Also, Kansas doesn't allow 2nd parent adoption. We tried to adopt several times and were always turned down (don't you love the line....there's not a strong male role model in the home.).



Then my sister's family got pretty screwed up and we ended up with this kinship placement. We love the twins (boy and girl 21 mo) and would adopt them in a heartbeat, but we've been burned by an agency who placed another relative with the intent we would adopt and then ten months later gave the child back to her mother.



I'm rambling on but it's getting late and I'm beyond tired. Sorry. Have a good evening.

Kim

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