Childless Lesbian attempting to Co-Parent a Special Needs Kid!!!

Karen - posted on 12/09/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi to All,,
My name is Karen and I am currently attempting to co-parent a 12 yo girl with Aspbergers and ADHD. I am in a fairly new relationship with a beautiful transwoman with a 12 yo child that she has half time custody of. We have been living together since June and I am having a very hard time with having a kid around in my living space and with how much time and attention she needs and deserves from my partner. I am feeling resentful when Meg is around because I and my partner seem to disapear and everything is about Meg. I am way not used to the dynamics of having a child. I must admit that I have never wanted a kid.....if a kid or a dog walked by the dog gets my attention hands down over the kid every time!!! I get that being a parent is a top priority for my partner intellectually, but living in the reality of it all of a sudden is getting very hard for me. I really love my partner, and want to work at being a parent of sorts. I am not really sure what I need to do to help this situation get better for us all. Thanks for listening!!

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JAASY - posted on 06/17/2011

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I have been there, and at times still am there. So here is my 2 cents.

You have to remember that you probably love your partner because they are a caring individual. And that personality trait of your partner is the key element to the parent/child relationship.

It is selfish of us to want ALL the attention, but completely understandable as well ;) after all are we not the ones that should come above anyone else in our partner's eyes?

When you start to get that feeling of jealousy in the pit our your stomach and your mind starts to race with unconscionable thoughts of hate for a child, STOP! Remember this is a child who needs love and attention. It will only last for a short time. Be pro active in the interactions between your partner and child, become part of the solution to the problem that truly only exists for you not them.

I don't know if it truly ever gets any easier or if that jealous feeling ever goes away because it still exists for me. The only difference is I have changed my thought patterns, it seems to help.

Peace, Love and Happiness.

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