Kari - posted on 01/17/2011 ( 125 moms have responded )
Ok,.. here is the deal,.. and I know I'm not alone here. I don't have a sex drive anymore, I don't want it, don't need it. Of course my other half says he'll be patient,... NOT! About once every month or 2 I'll give in, and even though I'm not in the mood,.. I'll walk in the bedroom and make him happy just so he'll stop being a grumpy, moody man. What ticks me off though is that he knows I don't want to,.. but he doesn't seem to care. What makes me want to punch him,... is when he not -so-subtly reminds me that he wants sex. Ex: I'm washing dishes, cleaning, trying to deal with my 2yr old( who has ADHD), and the hubby says something like," I wonder when Daddy is gonna get lucky,.. hopefully soon." I've told him many times before,. "I know you want it, you always do,.. but please stop dropping stupid hints and reminders around me. I'll come to you when I want sex." He doesn't seem to be hearing me. He still drops hints. I remind him that the hinting just stands to piss me off, but he keeps doing it. Every single time I feel like turning around and punching him and say that since he had to drop another hint, knowing how I feel,.. that he's never gonna get sex again. I've even told him to go find a sex buddy,.. I don't care. I know I don't want it and men seem to need it. I tell him I love him, but if that's what he needs to be in a good mood,.. go find it. Of course he doesn't believe it so I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't actually slept in the same bed as him for over a yr as I have to sleep on a special matress on the floor for my back,.. and with my 2 yr old as he gets night terrors due to the ADHD. I'm tired, worn-out and for those who question,.. I have my tubes tied,.. no birth control,.. but do take other meds that don't help the libido either. Arrrrrgggg. I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm not doing my womanly responsibilties,.. yet I do everything as a SAHM. Not once has he gotten up at night with his son, cause he sleeps so deep, I can't even wake him. I cook, bake, clean. He cooks once in a while and does dishes but I feel it's more to try to suck up to me so I'll put out. Any suggestions? I'm so done that I'm not even sure I like men anymore....lol.
Since not everyone reds all the replies, here is more info that I added in the thread, but will attach here,...
Why the hell are the men telling me to go to the gym and exercise? I'm not out of shape. I'm 40 yrs old, 5'5, 135lbs and a size 6,... so WTF!!!!! My now 5yr old has been diagnosed with Autism. Non verbal so I have to work with him daily on signing, therapy for his back and arms which are weak. Because he spends most of his time on the floor I have to scrub on my hands and knees 2 x a day, vaccuum 2-3times a day. He has a oral stim so everything ends up in his mouth and needs washing and disinfecting. I have to make aprons for him out of his older brothers old shirts so he keeps his cloths on. Theres a crapload more to do with my beautiful boy. I myself am on disability as well as is my son. I have a boatload of conditions and go to a pain clinic on a regular bases to get injections into my spine and nerve groups. The dx is Fibromyalgia, which means I'm in moderate to severe pain 24/7. I have Interstitial cystitis, or bladder pain syndrome (also IC/BPS), is a chronic inflammatory condition of the submucosal and muscular layers of the bladder. Moderate degenerative disc disease in my lumbar spine, osteoarthritis in my lumbar and sciatic spine and both hips and severe anemia. I'm being treated for all of these things. With our combined disability, we could live on our own if that was the choice. My husband is covered under my medical benefits. He pays for our apt rent, I pay for the home phone, internet, satelite and both of our cell phones. I'm the only licensed driver with vehicle in the house. Both of my older boys play hockey for which I have to get my oldest to and from as my ex, take my middle son to his hockey as he plays rep. Despite all of my pain, being hardly able to walk some days,.. I STILL GET IT DONE!!! My hubby knows and appreciates all I do for him and our son as he can't do these things and admits it. So when he wants to get personal and I'm not able,.. he can have some understanding that if he wants to ram into me, while tears of pain stream down my face while I say nothing,. F off to ya all who feel we should split or I should just make sure he's happy while I'm crying in pain. He has been trying and he knows he can be an asshole when it's been awhile and stomps around. It doesn't stop me from feeling guilty for not always giving in just to improve his mood. I often ask him that if he had some accident and couldn't get it up do to pain or just plain old can't as a result, would I get upset with him just because of that, treat him like crap cause he can't please me,..... not in this lifetime!! I love the man, not his organ. You men need to really think about the terms " In sickness and in health"" when it comes to your vows. I don't think a lot of you could stay with your wives if something was wrong with them. This is the only issue we have in our marraige, which is probably more than alot of you can say. I'm more the financial provider in our family. so I don't rely on him and he knows it. So now that I've updated and set the record straight, maybe you assholes, and you know which ones you are,.. will learn to shut up and have some more respect for their woman when she say no to you. Sometimes it's a very legitimate reason.
Here is another thing that may also play into my not wanting sex with my hubby. Personal hygiene! He works a physical job, yet showers only twice a week. He brushes his teeth only when I tell him to, they are nasty. He can go to a dentist under my coverage but won't. Even sleeping, if Im awake and he turns his head my way, I want to gag. I tell him it's not a turn on, yet he gets pissy if I ask him to go wash and brush his teeth. He'll say his teeth are too sensitive. I buy him special toothpaste,. nope. If he took care of his hygiene it might go aways to helping at least make it more enjoyable when I do go to him. I shower everyday,sometimes twice if I've been on the treadmill. Brush my teeth 2-3 times a day. I can't understand someone not doing that. I feel gross if I don't and for sure don't want to offend anyone by my not being clean. I don't know,. I'm trying but he's just not making it easy. Brushing his teeth right before sex and only then doesn't cut it for me. It needs to be regular. Why should he expect me to put in the effort if he won't. <