Constance - posted on 08/19/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )
We all lose our sex drive for so many different reasons in life. Baby, work, stress, too tired, no time for yourself, etc.......... The list continues on and on. You can regain it even with all these things in your life. I know I have been there. I have been with my husband 17 yrs today. I have given birth to 4 children and we have custody of 4 more. We have had a very rough 9 yrs and we were on the verge of divorce for almost that long. We have never stopped loving each other we just lost how to show that we loved each other. His compay moved to another state he went I stayed. Originlly it was for our daughter to finish school with her friends. Slowly we started pulling away from each other without fully realizing it. We stil talked everal times a day but the duration of the calls were getting shorter and shorter. He finally came home for a weekend and we kinda reconnected. We realized that we didn't want to live apart any more. So we made plan of when I would move with the kids. He flew back and I guess we still stayed in the same faze. few weeks later I was checking the cell phone bill and notice he had over 400 text messages, so I pulled up th numbers and it was only one number. My stomach and heart dropped. I called him at work and demanded to know who the number belonged to and he admitted it was someone he worked with. He immedently said he was sorry and he he had already ended it. It only lasted 3 days and he slept with her once. He told me he was going back to his house and he would call me back in 10 mintes. I hung up with him and called her and made it clear that no whore was breaking up my marriage. That she better stay the F away from him or she would meet me in person. I called him back and tod him I had called her. We were on the phone the rest of the night I yeleed alot he apologized a lot. To show me he was sorry he changed his number and stpped going out with friends from work. Put GPS tracking on his phone so I could see were he was. To shorten a very long story she has moved almost 2,000 miles away after I got my hands on her. She walked up and kissed my husband right in front of me. He pushed her away and I preceeded to beat the daylights out of her. He jaw is still wired shut and he won't completely heal for probaly six monthes.
After this happened we both realized how far apart we really were and we knew didn't want to lose each other. We both played a major role in our distance so we have work hard at fixing it and we are better than ever.
This is how we put the spark and love back into our marriage. First we talkk everyday. I mean we talk about all the things we use to. No just about the kids and work. When we talk there is no TV, computer, or anything that would distact us from each other. He now flies home every weekend but next week will be the last because me and the kids are moving there. He bought me my dream house and I have everything I have ever wanted. We get intimate on the phone something we haven't done since he was active duty. He does something special in one way o another every single day. I get cards in the mail and I have even gotten several flower deliveries. He texts me all day at work talks to me at lunch. We even rent movies and watch them at the sametime on the phone. When he comes home he is all about me. He touches me something he had stopped doing a long time ago. He kisses me at random times just because. He smiles when he sees me. We cuddle all the time. He will kiss my neck just when he is walking by. I get so worked up by the time we do get back to the bed room that all I want is him. he oreplay doesn't stop there it continues for a very long time before we actually have sex. When we do get there he locks eyes with me and never stops lookng into them. He truelly makes love to me again. So making it into the bedroom several times a day I am all for it because it is about us not just him.
You can get it back too. These are simple ways to do it and stay connected to your partner. 1. Plan a date night once a week. That doesn't mean having to find a babysitter and actually leaving the house. Plan a romantic dinner after the kids are in bed. A time for just you and him. Talk through the dinner. Only positive things. No talking about the kids, work, bills, plumbing, or aything that auses stress. Tell each other why you love each other. You will be surprised what you start to remember. 2. Talk everyday for 10 minutes doing it with the same rules. 3. Say I love you just because not just when they leave for the day. 4. Kiss randomly. I am not tlaking about shoving your tongue don each others throats. Just those litle kisses that send a shiver down your spine. 5. Be playful with each other. Either through a text in the middle of the day because you are thinking about each other. Put a note in their brief case, or their blackberry.. Smile at each other when you look at each other. 6. This is the one I really never ralized until resently beef up his ego. Men have need to be praised and supported. They really have to hear it where we know just by touch that they are proud of us. The more they hear how proud of them for everything they work hard for actually attracks them more than sex itself.
Men are for lack of a better word stupid. They will completely talk out their ass and not be aware of what they did wrong. It does take both people to make it happen but you have to lay it all out for both sids to know what to do for the other.He is missing something and so are you. Talk in imple straight forward terms with your partner it is the only way to really get your point accross. Make sure you are open to hear him as well. It can be fixed but it takes work.
I hope this helps someone. I know it saved my marriage and we are planning on having more children something we have boh wanted but didn't know the other one did too.