Drowning in my own tears

Charlotte - posted on 02/12/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Life is hard after losing a baby nobody nows how you feel unless they have experienced it themselves. You feel alone, angry, you blame yourself. You hate feeling sad all the time but you know you have to carry on, yet don't know how too. People tell you it was just one of those things you will fall pregnant again. ARRRRRRRRGH why do people say that , its not what you want to hear, you dont want another baby you want the one you lost. I had an ectopic pregnancy christmas eve, I lost my right tube. Aswell as dealing with that i missed christmas day with my now 8 year old son. So Sorry people if im feeling sorry for myself but i have a very good reason too. Theres no time limit on how long you should grieve its up too you, but know this life does go on and us women are strong, thats why god made us to be the ones to bare children.

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Bella - posted on 03/09/2015

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After a miscarriage, making the decision to try for another pregnancy can be difficult. It is natural to want to become pregnant again right away after going through the heartache of losing a baby. However, you should wait to attempt again until you are physically, as well as emotionally ready. You may want to check the http://pregnancyhours.com site for information on trying to conceive after miscarriage, there’s lots of very useful information like how to boost your chances of getting pregnant, what you should and shouldn't do, what kind of food that actually boost your fertility, how to have a healthy pregnancy and so much more.

Denise - posted on 03/27/2010

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Charlotte I'm sorry to hear you lost again. I tried to type all what was going on with me a few months or so ago but it wouldn't post! So I'll try to wrap it up shorter. I finally got into see a OBGYN at the very end of Nov. days after seeing him I started to have what I thought was just a period, until about the third day in I had bled and past tissue so I went straight to his office as I was to pick up a prescription for a bladder infection anyways.. so I told the lady at the front desk I thought I was having a miscarriage so she got me in to see the doc... turns out from some tests he just ran that I was pregnant, so then he tells me he thinks I have lupus! What a bad day 2 blows! So I had more testing done 2 things are saying lupus wasn't detected but my ANA levels were high so we did re test those and they are still up a bit I was referred to another doc for further testing. So it took 8 months to get into see the OBGYN then I had to wait another 2 months to get an appointment for this other doc. My OBGYN also found out I am at risk for blood clots, its called Factor V (5) Leiden Mutation, on the plus side ( if there is a plus side) I only have one mutated gene, so it does increase my risk but not as severe as if I had 2 mutated genes. So given I'm at risk if I ever decided to try for another baby I would need to be on heparin shots daily throughout the pregnancy. If I were to ever fly long distances I'd have to take it before I leave and before I came back, if I break a bone etc. I can never take hormonal birth control.. I have never taken it because I was always afraid of the risk of clots, I guess it was a good thing!!.. I cross my fingers I didn't pass it on to my son, he has a 50-50 chance of having it..I'm not a religious person but if there is a God I pray I didn't pass it to him. My obgyn told me not to make any decisions yet about if I want or don't want another baby. I lean very much toward not trying again, I really don't think I could give myself a needle everyday! I shouldn't complain my diabetic sister has to! Not only the needle factor but I feel afraid to pass the mutation on to the child. I will get my son tested someday, I would be beyond crushed if I past it on. I haven't yet had the nerve to do the test if he did have it I don't think I could handle that stress right now. Anyways I go to see this other doc on Monday so I guess I'll see what he says and what tests they are going to send me for, I've been a stress case for months.
Good luck to you all, wish you the best!

Charlotte - posted on 03/27/2010

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ive since lost another baby im waiting for tests to be carried out im optimistic but my doctor reckons i might not ever have another baby. i want to prove him wrong so im waiting for the test results and only then will i be able to move on. please god i have another baby i only wont one more is that to much to ask

Stephanie - posted on 02/15/2010

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It's hard for people to understand how it's feels when you go through that unless they have I went through two and lost both tubes. I was blessed with two kids before I had my ectopic. My ectopic were 11 months apart, my first one happened in January of 2007 and while i was dealing with my loss three weeks later on valentines day I lost my grandmother, so grieving for both my child and grandmother was hard and people who were said they were there for me really wasn't my best friend and a few family members told me to get over it the baby wasn't really a baby, that made me so mad. My husband and I decided to try again, On December 6Th 2007 we found out we were having another baby ya we were so happy 10 minutes later I found out my uncle had past away. I was so stressed I had started cramping when we were out of stay my doc told me to rest and get right in they thought I had another ectopic, On dec20th my husband rushed me to the er because he came home from work and I was pure white, my tube had ruptured. I had lost another baby and the chance to have anymore. My husbands family on christmas was happy and celebrating because my sister in law was expecting there first baby while I was trying not to cry about my loss I just wanted to stay home and not be around anyone, my hubby thought it would be for my best to be with the family now he see that we should have stayed home because I was not able to be joyful with the rest of the family that day,. So I know how it feels to have people tell you it's OK move on it's no big deal they just don't get it. I am so sorry for your loss. I still grieve my babies I have losted on the day they were due my husband and I have a special family day and on the days they were lost he holds me while I cry. I get asked why it hurts so much still and I said it just does I have to kids so I remember all the first that I should have had with my little ones and I miss it so much. I am so sorry I went on it's just hard my husband was my only support through all this we didn't have anyone to talk to I guess I am still angry after three years. To all the women who have lost that will read this I am so sorry for your loss and pain.

Charlotte - posted on 12/11/2009

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Hi denise how are you? Im still trying had a miscarriage in june, at 7 weeks, My doc reckons it will happen but if im not pregnant by Feb 10, He is going to put me on clomid which helps by making you produce more eggs, so fingers crossed i fall either way, Just scared i will land up with triplets if i fall pregnant on clomid. ha ha

Charlotte - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting April:

Hi, I'm new here. I just lost my baby (ectopic pregnancy) last week. I appreciate everything you have all said. That's exactly how I feel. I'm so scared that I won't be able to face my 3 pregnant friends. The emotional pain is more than I bargined for.



Hello sweety,



I had an ectopic xmas eve 2008, Im still dealing with that pain, my heart goes out to you but know this, it does get easier, theres no time limit on how long it will take but i promise it will get better, give yourself  time and it will happen.



 



Charlotte x

Charlotte - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

i am so sorry and can feel your pain!!!!i had an ectopic pregnancy at 2 months.it was the scariest thing ever!!!i had pains so bad and was rushed by ambulance on the verge of dying!!!i lost my right tube as well and found out out that i also have endometriosis bad and i am scarred on my left side,so getting pregnant isnt an option for me unless i wanna end up in a high risk situation all over again.not sure if you have other children,but luckily i already have a almost 13 year old daughter.take care and i most certainly know your pain!!!hang in there!(:



I am so sorry amanda for you loss, ive had an ectopic aswell as a miscarriage in june this year, i also have endometriosis, my left tube is ok and i still have a 70% chance of falling pregnant, but im waiting for counsilling as the doctor reckons i need to heal in my mind aswell as body before trying again, we take for granted that because we are women we can have kids no probs, I wish that were true, i just thank god that i have my son.



Wishing you all the best for the future



 



Charlotte x 



 

Amanda - posted on 06/16/2009

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i am so sorry and can feel your pain!!!!i had an ectopic pregnancy at 2 months.it was the scariest thing ever!!!i had pains so bad and was rushed by ambulance on the verge of dying!!!i lost my right tube as well and found out out that i also have endometriosis bad and i am scarred on my left side,so getting pregnant isnt an option for me unless i wanna end up in a high risk situation all over again.not sure if you have other children,but luckily i already have a almost 13 year old daughter.take care and i most certainly know your pain!!!hang in there!(:

April - posted on 06/02/2009

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Hi, I'm new here. I just lost my baby (ectopic pregnancy) last week. I appreciate everything you have all said. That's exactly how I feel. I'm so scared that I won't be able to face my 3 pregnant friends. The emotional pain is more than I bargined for.

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Diane:

hi lost my baby 5 weeks ago and i am trying to cope with it i have a 15 month old and if it wasnt for her i dont no how i would have coped. i am an older mother i am 42 and would love another baby but i am so scarred it will happen again i dont no what to do. people keep saying it was for the best it must have been damaged its not what i want to hear it was my baby and i loved it, do i try again or am i two old ?



Diane.. I know how you feel.. I just got my cycle again so we are free and clear to try again when we want as the doctor gave his ok.. And I am really really conflicted.. I have a son and DESPERATELY want him to have at least 1 sibling but I am just so scared to death of trying again.  Scared on teh one hand of having another miscarriage but on the other hand (and this might sound weird) I'm also terrified we'll get pregnant right away.  I worry about how I will handle that emotionally even though it's exactly what I want, you know?  Is it too soon?  Will it ever feel like it's ok to get pregnant again? If I wait, will I get too scared to ever try again?  It's so confusing..



But to address you question directly: you know, as long as your doctor has ok'd you trying again, and if you're ready, I think you should try.  Yeah, 42 is what it is but it's not an impossibility by any stretch of the imagination!!!  You're definitely not too old, ESPECIALLY if you've got a 15-month-old keeping you on your toes!  And you know what?  My mom's mom had her first child at 23 and her last (of 5) at 42!  Don't give up your dream.  Don't give up what you want for your family.  If you are healthy and strong enough, physically and emotionally, I think you should go for it.  Whenever you're ready, you go for it!

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Diane:

hi lost my baby 5 weeks ago and i am trying to cope with it i have a 15 month old and if it wasnt for her i dont no how i would have coped. i am an older mother i am 42 and would love another baby but i am so scarred it will happen again i dont no what to do. people keep saying it was for the best it must have been damaged its not what i want to hear it was my baby and i loved it, do i try again or am i two old ?



Diane.. I know how you feel.. I just got my cycle again so we are free and clear to try again when we want as the doctor gave his ok.. And I am really really conflicted.. I have a son and DESPERATELY want him to have at least 1 sibling but I am just so scared to death of trying again.  Scared on teh one hand of having another miscarriage but on the other hand (and this might sound weird) I'm also terrified we'll get pregnant right away.  I worry about how I will handle that emotionally even though it's exactly what I want, you know?  Is it too soon?  Will it ever feel like it's ok to get pregnant again? If I wait, will I get too scared to ever try again?  It's so confusing..



But to address you question directly: you know, as long as your doctor has ok'd you trying again, and if you're ready, I think you should try.  Yeah, 42 is what it is but it's not an impossibility by any stretch of the imagination!!!  You're definitely not too old, ESPECIALLY if you've got a 15-month-old keeping you on your toes!  And you know what?  My mom's mom had her first child at 23 and her last (of 5) at 42!  Don't give up your dream.  Don't give up what you want for your family.  If you are healthy and strong enough, physically and emotionally, I think you should go for it.  Whenever you're ready, you go for it!

Lauren - posted on 05/26/2009

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I feel for you sooo much, i am 18, and had 2 miscarriages in the past year, n everynyt i think of my 2 babies all alone in heaven.n i no wot you mean when you say people say "you will get pregnant again", it pisses me off too :(, all you want is your baby here with you. people also say it happens for a reason, but it also pisses me off the fact you see druggies gettin pregnant, and not caring for their children, yet the people who most want children loose them. I hope you are feeling ok, i no how you feel, n i cant get over it.

Diane - posted on 05/25/2009

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hi lost my baby 5 weeks ago and i am trying to cope with it i have a 15 month old and if it wasnt for her i dont no how i would have coped. i am an older mother i am 42 and would love another baby but i am so scarred it will happen again i dont no what to do. people keep saying it was for the best it must have been damaged its not what i want to hear it was my baby and i loved it, do i try again or am i two old ?

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2009

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Quoting Hayley:

You are exactly right. No one knows how it feels and to everyone else around you it is forgotten almost instantly. I lost my first baby at 9 wks. Unfortunately my counsin was also 9 wks pregnant. We were so excited, we having our babies together. When I miscarried I couldn't bare to see anyone. I couldn't bring myself to go to her babyshower or even see her in hospital. My parents & other family members just thought I was being selfish and immature, like I was doing it out of spite. Thankfully I now have a happy healthy 2yr old. I made it through that pregnancy but not without difficulty. I think about the baby that could have been everytime I see my cousin and even when I look at my son. I always worry about what will happen if I fall pregnant again. I feel for everyone who has to go through this. There is nothing that anyone can say or do during these hard times and although it seems like you will never be able to move on, it really does get easier with time.



Hayley.. I feel for you so deeply.. 3 weeks ago Friday I also lost miscarried at 9 weeks.  I am very lucky to have a very supportive family. I have a cousin I am incredibly close with and can only imagine what it would be like if she and I were pregnant at the same time and this happened.. I'm happy to hear you have a wonderful son!  And I can completely understand how that must hurt when you see your cousin's child.  You don't begrudge anyone their happiness at all but it has to be so so hard to constantly have that 'what could have been' to deal with.  It doesn't make you ungrateful for your wonderful son.  It just makes you miss that little baby you were supposed to have..



 



Anyway, I just wanted to say that.  I hope you are well and thank you so much for sharing your story..

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2009

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Charlotte and Denise.. Thank you for sharing your stories.. I'm just starting on this path and the upcoming Mother's Day holiday have just hit me all of a sudden with so much saddness.. It makes me feel terrible because I have the most incredible (almost) 2 year old son and I just don't want anyone (people, God, etc) to think I am in ANY way ungrateful for him because I am mourning the baby I should be pregnant with right now. If it wasn't for my son I think I would be a complete basketcase right now. I miscarried 3 weeks ago Friday at 9 weeks..

Well, that's it.. I hope all is incredibly well with you and yours!

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2009

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Quoting Hayley:

You are exactly right. No one knows how it feels and to everyone else around you it is forgotten almost instantly. I lost my first baby at 9 wks. Unfortunately my counsin was also 9 wks pregnant. We were so excited, we having our babies together. When I miscarried I couldn't bare to see anyone. I couldn't bring myself to go to her babyshower or even see her in hospital. My parents & other family members just thought I was being selfish and immature, like I was doing it out of spite. Thankfully I now have a happy healthy 2yr old. I made it through that pregnancy but not without difficulty. I think about the baby that could have been everytime I see my cousin and even when I look at my son. I always worry about what will happen if I fall pregnant again. I feel for everyone who has to go through this. There is nothing that anyone can say or do during these hard times and although it seems like you will never be able to move on, it really does get easier with time.



Hayley.. I feel for you so deeply.. 3 weeks ago Friday I also lost miscarried at 9 weeks.  I am very lucky to have a very supportive family. I have a cousin I am incredibly close with and can only imagine what it would be like if she and I were pregnant at the same time and this happened.. I'm happy to hear you have a wonderful son!  And I can completely understand how that must hurt when you see your cousin's child.  You don't begrudge anyone their happiness at all but it has to be so so hard to constantly have that 'what could have been' to deal with.  It doesn't make you ungrateful for your wonderful son.  It just makes you miss that little baby you were supposed to have..



 



Anyway, I just wanted to say that.  I hope you are well and thank you so much for sharing your story..

Denise - posted on 04/17/2009

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You are right, I want a little girl so bad and feel like with out her something will always be missing.. but if I never get her at least I have my son and he's a sweet heart!
Let me know how things go!

Charlotte - posted on 04/17/2009

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50/50 i can only pray that i fall pregnant again and all goes well, Im sorry for your loss sweety, lifes s**** but we survive and carry on for the sake of our other children. If i never have another baby im greatful for my son and thank god for him.

Denise - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hi Charlotte! I haven't been her forever either. I'm doing good. Had a follow up to get referred to a OBGYN, and the one I asked to see had a 6-8 month waiting list! So all I know is that the doc said because my HCG was so low we can pretty much say what I already knew. Thats all that has happened. I'm still trying to decide if we infact want another baby, and I will have to wait to talk with the OBGYN to see whats been going on. I got a period this month right on time, which is weird I'm usually off a few days, but it seems after I miscarry I get them on time! So as I stand right now I want to talk with the OBGYN before making further plans.

Did any doc tell you what your chances for having another baby are? Best of luck to you!!

Charlotte - posted on 04/17/2009

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im praying that even with one tube left i have another baby. I have my period again so it didnt work this month, maybe next month please god

Hayley - posted on 04/13/2009

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You are exactly right. No one knows how it feels and to everyone else around you it is forgotten almost instantly. I lost my first baby at 9 wks. Unfortunately my counsin was also 9 wks pregnant. We were so excited, we having our babies together. When I miscarried I couldn't bare to see anyone. I couldn't bring myself to go to her babyshower or even see her in hospital. My parents & other family members just thought I was being selfish and immature, like I was doing it out of spite. Thankfully I now have a happy healthy 2yr old. I made it through that pregnancy but not without difficulty. I think about the baby that could have been everytime I see my cousin and even when I look at my son. I always worry about what will happen if I fall pregnant again. I feel for everyone who has to go through this. There is nothing that anyone can say or do during these hard times and although it seems like you will never be able to move on, it really does get easier with time.

Denise - posted on 03/17/2009

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Thank you.



I had a couple doc appointments, and my HCG level was very low at 2.  I am going for a follow up tomorrow to see what they say.  If I need my hormones checked or need to see a obgyn.  I'm hanging in there.



 



How are you doing?



I'll have to let you know what the doc says tomorrow.

Charlotte - posted on 03/11/2009

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I pray that things will be ok for you, and i have great faith that when a child passes no matter how be it through miscarriage or illness they become angels and thats why god chose to take them as He has a higher purpose for them. I wish you all the luck in the world honey and hope you have  another healthy pregnancy in the near future. I am sending you the biggest hug i can, take care.

Denise - posted on 03/11/2009

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No one will know who it feels until they have lost. I lost 3 in about 14 months a few years back. I finally got pregnant and some how managed to have a healthy baby. My son is turning 4 this year. I took a pregnancy test 4 days ago and it was positive, 2 days later the spotting started, then the next day it was worse. I am positive we have lost. I have a doc appointment today, but I already know what they will say. I would have only been about 5.5 weeks, and even so it hurts so bad. Feel so empy and lost. My husband seems sad but hasn't really said much. MY sister in law had a dream a week before I took the test that I was pregnant with a baby girl, but i guess that isn't going to happen.... you try to act like you are ok but just break down... because why should we be strong when we hurt so bad? I know the pain gets better with time, and I will cry as much as I need to. Just wish I knew why I have a hard time staying pregnant.



I am sorry for your loss.

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