Introductions :)

Marie - posted on 06/26/2009

Sherry: I have a daughter who has ODD and Adhd. My son has ADHD but from experience I think he has ODD too. I will tell you that I have been very lucky. The key with my children was lots of support and the correct meds.. At first my husband didn't think anything was wrong. Then I signed us up for counseling. I remember what I said to our first counselor when she asked what I want out of counseling, all I said is that I didn't want to raise a axe murderer. I know it sounds harsh and no, neither of our kids showed that type of behavior but I wanted to get my point across. But we had lots of counseling, and I also was able to get services from the state, I had to have my children labeled as mentally challenged. But we were able to get to an agency that helped developed social skill and we got respite for both kids. Never over night but for a couple hours a week. With the economy the way it is our family lost our family support services but as bleak as our story sounds, I have to tell you that this was about 18years ago when my son was first diagnosed. Fast forward to today, both of my kids are able to control themselves for the most part, they both graduated from High school , My son is 24 and holds a job. He does have a job coach and works with a agency for employment support. And my daughter is now 21 and just graduated this june from high school, and is going to our local community college in the fall. I really believe, that one of the keys to success is plenty of support. You can not do this alone. It really took a lot of hard work. I don't know what the future holds but at least I know my husband and I tried the best we could with what we had. So hang in there. Take one day at a time. You can make it through.
Marie

Sherry - posted on 06/25/2009

Hi all, I am new to the group. I have 3 sons, 10, 6 and 4. My stepson visits once a year when my husband isn't deployed. My 10 year old is my ODD child and he wears me out! As a few of you have said, He can be very sweet, sympathetic, and eager to please...but something goes wrong and he has a major outburst. His 6yo brother usually gets the worst end of it, and recently he has started to hit me as well. I learned about a program from his school that is paid for by the city. It is a behavior therapy type program and has 3 levels of treatment (outpatient, school hours and residential care). He just started weekly sessions there. Previously,he has been in weekly counseling since he was 5, and has med checks every 30 days. Counseling with the psychologist didn't seem to be making an impact, but the meds do help somewhat. He takes Concerta for ADHD, prozac for anxiety, and Risperdal for the ODD.
One of the problems I face is the fear to hire a babysitter. I am so afraid a sitter wouldn't know what to do if he had an outburst or hurt his brothers. My husband is deployed for 6 months and this means I do not get out. I am going insane. At school he has an IEP and this last year was in an inclusion class. Because he is still struggling in math and language arts, next year he will advance to 5th grade, but be in a self contained class for half the day. What is interesting is that at school, he doesn't lash out when he is upset. He just crosses his arms and looks down tuning everyone out and refusing to move. Next week he starts summer school and I will get a 3 hour break 4 days a week. I am going to need it!
-Sherry

Emma - posted on 06/05/2009

Quoting Stacie:

I'm so glad I found this community! Glad to know there are others that are dealing with the same issues I am! I have 2 boys, ages 6 and 8. My eight-year old has always been a little high-maintenance, but over the course of about the last three months his behavior toward me has gotten apalling! He gets mad at me and blows up everytime I ask him to do something (clean up his room, homework, etc.) or if I constructively criticize him, he puts the blame on me. He does not see that he does anything wrong and he says very, very hateful things to me. He yells and pushes and says he wants to hit me. I try to stay calm, but it still escalates and if I yell back it gets absolutely worse. The past couple of months, his anger was only aimed at me and he was doing okay at school, but in the past few days, he is starting to act out with his teachers, too.
He tells me "I don't like to listen to adults!" He is always trying to annoy his little brother. I am trying to do the parenting rules like the books on the subject say, but it is a constant challenge! I know he can be a very sweet, loving child when he wants to be and I constantly try to tell him I love him no matter what.

I need all the support I can get! ;)

Oh Stacie that sound so familiar! The books and the rules they tell us sound pretty good on paper but the practice is soooo hard. And I found you can spend an entire weekend doing exactly what they say and by the last evening you may notice a teeny tiny difference that gives you a whole heap of hope that it's going to work.....then you send your child off to school where the rules are different and that glimmer of hope is gone. I had a meeting with the senior teachers and principal of our school and they explained all their rules and consequences to me, and I found it easier to change what happens at home to match what happens at school to get the consistency the 'experts' say kids with ODD need to have. Thanks to the new guidance officers at the school they have now given Caleb a set routine on his mornings at school which is also making a big difference. It's hard to keep the routine going at home, I mean we have one, and it works for us but there is always a time where something comes up and we have to break from the routine which means the next day it's a battle to get Caleb back into it!

I am no expert on this, every day is hard is for one reason or another but all I can say is talk regulary to the teachers and principal so you know exaclty what is happening at school, throw away the books and do what works for you and your family because every 'case' is different and if you get a diagnosis or not make sure you stress to the school what will and wont work for your child because if they're not on board it only makes things worse. 

Emma - posted on 06/05/2009

Quoting Brandi:

I am new to Circle of Moms and am so happy I found this site, I have a 7 year old son that I believe has ODD, I have read up on it and all the symptoms fit. Just wondering how all of you had your child diagnosed as my doctor doesnt seem to know much about it and the school wont really help as they have no professionals there. Any advice?

I agree, my son was diagnosed through the primary school's guidance officer (fancy name for councillor) I had been to our doctor who said "he's a little boy, let him be a little boy, if he want's to climb walls let him, if he wants to run let him!"....yeah thanks for that Doc!!! Anyhow, the guidance officer did an assesment which came up with the ODD diagnosis, and then sent us on to the local hospital to meet with Child Mental Health experts and come up with a plan for intensive councilling for Caleb. Once we got there they decided that Caleb didn't need them, he wasn't as bad as the school had said (he was soooo well behaved at the hospital!) so we were back to square one. This year though, the school got a new counciller and a new guidance officer and they both have some great ideas about dealing with Caleb, and have told all the teachers what they should and shouldn't do and it's making all the difference.....he has just been offered an extra morning back at school next term I am soooo relieved that something is finally going our way!!! Try looking in the yellow pages for child councillers, or even in the government listing for free help service for parents having trouble because any of those could lead to a referral, or call the education department and tell them you want your child assessed but the school is not helping and they should get the ball rolling. Good luck :)

Stacie - posted on 05/29/2009

I'm so glad I found this community! Glad to know there are others that are dealing with the same issues I am! I have 2 boys, ages 6 and 8. My eight-year old has always been a little high-maintenance, but over the course of about the last three months his behavior toward me has gotten apalling! He gets mad at me and blows up everytime I ask him to do something (clean up his room, homework, etc.) or if I constructively criticize him, he puts the blame on me. He does not see that he does anything wrong and he says very, very hateful things to me. He yells and pushes and says he wants to hit me. I try to stay calm, but it still escalates and if I yell back it gets absolutely worse. The past couple of months, his anger was only aimed at me and he was doing okay at school, but in the past few days, he is starting to act out with his teachers, too.
He tells me "I don't like to listen to adults!" He is always trying to annoy his little brother. I am trying to do the parenting rules like the books on the subject say, but it is a constant challenge! I know he can be a very sweet, loving child when he wants to be and I constantly try to tell him I love him no matter what.



I need all the support I can get! ;)

Tabitha - posted on 05/28/2009

Quoting Brandi:

I am new to Circle of Moms and am so happy I found this site, I have a 7 year old son that I believe has ODD, I have read up on it and all the symptoms fit. Just wondering how all of you had your child diagnosed as my doctor doesnt seem to know much about it and the school wont really help as they have no professionals there. Any advice?

I put my daughter in counseling. Ask his pediatrician for a referal to a good  counselor/therapist. They will be able to accurately diagnose him and give him some much needed coping skills. If you can't get a referal from his doc stay on it. Don't give up. I know in Kansas we have a plan called Healthwave for kids and we just had to set up the counseling sessions through the state insurance. Might try it if you don't have any luck with the doc. We fought off the idea of meds until we exhausted all other possibilities. We didn't have to put her on meds until last year after her diagnosis in 2005 or 2006.

Brandi - posted on 05/26/2009

I am new to Circle of Moms and am so happy I found this site, I have a 7 year old son that I believe has ODD, I have read up on it and all the symptoms fit. Just wondering how all of you had your child diagnosed as my doctor doesnt seem to know much about it and the school wont really help as they have no professionals there. Any advice?

Rebecca - posted on 05/23/2009

Thanks Emma, I forgot to say that I was born in Tassie and moved to Melbourne 10 Years ago : )

Emma - posted on 05/17/2009

Hi Bec, I think we all have days like yours!! I'm a single mum too but I only have two so I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Is the father of your children still around? I find the hardest thing with ODD is that all the information you find tells you that the best way to help improve the situation is through your own 'parenting skills' they make it sound like we're bad parents and it's all our fault. It makes me sick. I've done everything they tell us to do, but my kids can have one weekend with their father (to whom I have passed on all the information and tips I have found), and Caleb comes home a monster. We've both agreed on rules, bedtimes, food, consequences and so on but it's obvious from the behaviour and what both the kids say that things are not going the same at Dad's house as they do here and it really affects Caleb's behaviour for days after coming home. I talk to Dad about it but he just says 'yes I'm doing what I'm supposed to', tells me the kids are making things up when I mention what they've said, then they get in trouble the next time they see him because they told me things!! It's frustrating, and now I'm rambling!!! Any-how, Bec welcome to our little group, hope we can make you smile when it seems like the hardest thing to do!!

Emma - posted on 05/17/2009

Welcome Peggy!!!!!!

I'm glad you found us!!! I started this because I felt the same way, I searched and searched for people in the same situation but all I could find was groups for autism and ADHD! Believe me I'm no expert on ODD I just hope we can all find some common ground and people to talk to who know exactly what we're going through!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 05/17/2009

Hi I'm Bec i'm a single mother of 5, My oldest daughter (almost 10) has ODD. She has been a handful since birth and drives me crazy some times but I love her anyway. I have tryed everything to help her but it doesn't seem to help, she swears, hits, kicks, lies and steals. Some days I don't know what to do (today being one of them).

Peggy - posted on 05/17/2009

Hi, I'm Peggy. I located this page through the adoptive Mom's page and may I say what a blessing! I had posted a discussion about dealing with O.D.D. and No One responded until May 13th which is how I came to find this group. My husband and I adopted twins when they were three. They got off to a rough start in life but are doing well now. They turned six in January. I posted my discussion topic on a day where I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. When no one responded for weeks- I felt really alone. Reading the posts here, has been comforting because I am dealing with the same things- schools that don't know how to deal with O.D.D. children, arguing, temper tantrums, etc. and with twins it is everything times two. Thank you so much for starting this page!

Tabitha - posted on 05/13/2009

Quoting Emma:

WOW Vanessa that sounds like it's working great!! You're very lucky she hasn't been violent, my son started that 'side' of things when he was three, now he's almost 9 and he has almost stopped hurting others completely. I think what's helped ther is coming to work with me....I work as an after school carer in another neighbourhood, it was very hard for Caleb to fit in there not only as the new kid but also as the kid that doesn't even go to school with the others! He was picked on and bullied for the first few weeks, for me to see it was horrible, but now he has made great friends (with the kids who picked on him) and he has settled in. There is one child (much older) who still picks on him, but now instead of lashing out he tries so hard to control himself, he ends up crying. He'll still give this child a mouthfull of abuse wich gets him in trouble from the other carers but I'd much prefer to pull him aside for this and send him along to another activity than be seperating a physical attack.
He recieved a certificate in the school assembly yesterday for trying so hard with his work there, hopefully he'll earn an extra morning soon!!!!
I have been considering medication for so long, but the kids father is as dead against it as I used to be, he's a absent dad only seeing them here and there for a few hours so I dont think he really has any idea how bad things can be, when I try to tell him he laughs. I'd like to go and just see the doctor with him knowing, but according to the court orders we have this kind of thing is a joint decission, and as Caleb has been showing he is capeable of making the right choices lately......I dunno, maybe I'll just see what happens!!
Totally agree with you Rosalind, I am so happy that you all found this page and joined!!!

Please don't close all doors on the medication. I used to think that my little girl never needed the medication but when she hit puberty, man what a change. I'm not sure how old your young man is but just watch for the "red flags", especially when he gets close to puberty.  That really seems to be when my daughter really started to have trouble controlling the "fits". Good luck in what ever you choose.

Tabitha - posted on 05/13/2009

Quoting Vanessa:

Hi, I'm Vanessa... I have two kids ages 7 and 2. My 7 year old daughter has always been a terror. I have never been able to take her shopping, ever. She embarrasses me so badly in public that I choose to leave her at school or at home while I go to the store. She screams, whines, throws fits. At home is always a challenge because she argues with everything and everyone.

I started her on ADHD meds last year and so far we've been through 4 or 5 different kinds. At 6 years old she topped out the max dosage for all of them and they still weren't really effective. I just started her on Resperidol. She's on her 2nd day... and maybe its just me but at dinner last night she didn't argue with me when I asked her to eat her pork chops. I'm hoping that there is a light at the end of this tunnel......

Vanessa I think its great that the resperdol is working for your little girl. Please be careful with it though, that is what the doctor was going to put my little girl on at first but they said some of the side effects were that it could effect her reproductive system. They had my husband on it for his schizoeffective and it seemed to help a little, when he would take it. Please be careful and watch for any negative signs.
   Emma thanks for the reply about the school. I will talk to the school and see if they think it may be an option. We have also considered home school but with the two younger girls I'm afraid she couldn't concentrate on her work. I think some of it may be the school too. They just don't know how to deal with this disorder.

Emma - posted on 05/12/2009

WOW Vanessa that sounds like it's working great!! You're very lucky she hasn't been violent, my son started that 'side' of things when he was three, now he's almost 9 and he has almost stopped hurting others completely. I think what's helped ther is coming to work with me....I work as an after school carer in another neighbourhood, it was very hard for Caleb to fit in there not only as the new kid but also as the kid that doesn't even go to school with the others! He was picked on and bullied for the first few weeks, for me to see it was horrible, but now he has made great friends (with the kids who picked on him) and he has settled in. There is one child (much older) who still picks on him, but now instead of lashing out he tries so hard to control himself, he ends up crying. He'll still give this child a mouthfull of abuse wich gets him in trouble from the other carers but I'd much prefer to pull him aside for this and send him along to another activity than be seperating a physical attack.
He recieved a certificate in the school assembly yesterday for trying so hard with his work there, hopefully he'll earn an extra morning soon!!!!
I have been considering medication for so long, but the kids father is as dead against it as I used to be, he's a absent dad only seeing them here and there for a few hours so I dont think he really has any idea how bad things can be, when I try to tell him he laughs. I'd like to go and just see the doctor with him knowing, but according to the court orders we have this kind of thing is a joint decission, and as Caleb has been showing he is capeable of making the right choices lately......I dunno, maybe I'll just see what happens!!
Totally agree with you Rosalind, I am so happy that you all found this page and joined!!!

Rosalind - posted on 05/01/2009

It is so nice to be able to connect with people that r experiencing similar situation to my own and I have to say Thank you for having this page available to us.Yet again I am having a difficult morning with Nelson and by visiting this page it has helped reduced my stress levels a little.Thanks again for just being there and knowing and understanding

Vanessa - posted on 05/01/2009

Resperidol... wow. Ladies, let me tell you. Its been a couple weeks since she started it and there have been some dramatic changes. I was hesitant at first to get excited because with Vyvance, it worked extremely well for a couple weeks and then not at all.

The first changes I noticed was her behavior when playing with the neighborhood kids. Two weeks prior to starting Resperidol, two kids came over to play. Every 15 minutes I had to intervene... reminding Courtney to stop being bossy and to play nicely. Two days after she started Resperidol, the same two kids came over to play. They played for FOUR HOURS and I didn't have to intervene once! She is also interacting with her little brother... which she NEVER did before. She is eating better! She goes to sleep immediately!! I can tell that she wants to argue with me sometimes and instead she does a huff under her breath and does what I asked her to do.

The down side... she is a little weepy. Its not terrible but sometimes it is a little unnerving because my defiant child is now falling over in a ball of tears sometimes. She has bad days and just melts

So far, the good has more than outweighed the bad. I have also dropped the dosage of the ADHD meds since they weren't really effective anyway. The doctor and I have discussed taking her off of them completely through the summer to see if she needs it with the Resperidol.

My daughter is not as violent as some of your children are... but she's a little younger too and I am desperately trying to stop this behavior before it gets to that point. I know a lot of people don't agree with medicating... but my personal opinion is that if it is going to help them maintain a normal life then it doesn't hurt to try. The doctor warned of children like ours who go untreated and end up self-medicating with illicit drugs and/or making rash decisions that affect the rest of their lives.

I will keep you guys updated!

Emma - posted on 05/01/2009

Good on you Rosalind for insisting on that referal!!! I hope it works out for you, it sounds like a difficult situation. I went to my doctor who said "He's a 7 year old boy, don't stifle his magination and spirit if he wants to jump off walls let him...."etc etc... not much help there!!

Tabitha it was the schools decision to put Caleb on part time enrolment, we had a new principal who spent about two weeks in our school and suspended Caleb about three times, he told me "the boy needs medicating" and I as so offended that I complained! Once the education department got involved this was the only way they could find to keep us all happy. It is an upside that he no longer gets suspended, and they have decided that even if he does get out of control they wont call me to collect him because he's only there for a couple of hours, but home is soooo stressed now! The last few weeks he has been as well behaved as he can be at school (I think he's glad to get away from me for a while!!) but I work in after school care at another school, I take him with me and there are times when I could just run out the door and not look back!

Vanessa please keep me updated on the Resperidol, I'm still saying no I wont put Caleb on medication.....but.....he needs a future, he needs to learn and to make/keep friends so once I've exhausted everything else......

Rosalind - posted on 05/01/2009

Hi iam a single mother of a 11y.o daughter and a 9y.o son.Reading your post sounded very similar to my situation with my son.We generally don't make it though a week without him being suspended from school.I have been to councillor after councillor, doctor after doctor test after test and no one can give me any answers.Today I went into the doctors and insisted on a referel to see a Psychiatrist because he's behaviour has got to a point where one of he's teachers went to the police to find out where she stands when he has one of he's explosions and he is starting to threaten my daughter and I with knives.I'm so frustrated that all the help I have tried to get for my son over the years and tonight is the first time I have ever heard of O.D.D.Iam looking forward to be able to get some answers and hopefully some treatment that will help my beautiful son.

Tabitha - posted on 04/24/2009

Hi Emma, I am Tabitha. I am married to a wonderful man and we have 3 daughters. Our oldest is 12. Her name is also Emma. She was diagnosed with O.D.D. about 2 years ago. We also tried to "ignore" the problems we were having with Emma. Last year we finally had to put her on medication. We had exhausted all other options. She is a little less mean when she doesn't get her way or something upsets her but it's still a battle. She is a very smart young girl but like your son when she doesn't get her way or gets upset she throws things, screams, tears things up, swears, runs away, and/or tries to hurt people. She attends counseling weekly, meds daily and a sees a case manager weekly. I know it doesn't seem like it but to hear you say that your son only attends school for six hours a week would be a blessing for us. We spend as much time at the school for her "defiance of authority" as she does. She attends full time and is failing most of her classes due to lack of attendance. She has spent about 1 day in school in the last two weeks. How did you set it up with the school so he could attend like that or was it the school's suggestion? I like you am looking for a parent going through the same or similar problems. Please feel free to email me at tabbyblair@hotmail.com.

Vanessa - posted on 04/17/2009

Hi, I'm Vanessa... I have two kids ages 7 and 2. My 7 year old daughter has always been a terror. I have never been able to take her shopping, ever. She embarrasses me so badly in public that I choose to leave her at school or at home while I go to the store. She screams, whines, throws fits. At home is always a challenge because she argues with everything and everyone.



I started her on ADHD meds last year and so far we've been through 4 or 5 different kinds. At 6 years old she topped out the max dosage for all of them and they still weren't really effective. I just started her on Resperidol. She's on her 2nd day... and maybe its just me but at dinner last night she didn't argue with me when I asked her to eat her pork chops. I'm hoping that there is a light at the end of this tunnel......