Coming up on the anniversary...

Jenny - posted on 08/09/2009

I am so sorry for how bad the pain is I also lost my only son it was 9 years ago July,25 I have 2 daughters that are older and when I lost my son I had already gotten my tubes tied so I can"t have anymore kids me and my kids dad ended in a divorce due to him not being supportive and telling me to get over it and move on and there was some abuse but when I met my husband he had a son that was only a few months younger than Brenden it was scary and even more so when we got custody because his mom wanted to party instead of have kids she would come to visit here and there and then she just stopped after years of her not seeing him I adopted him it was a blessing since I couldnt have another son I know how you feel about wanting another son you love your girls with all of your heart and they are your life but you are still missing your son and I hope you get the blessing that I did and you get your son and I am so sorry to hear about you and your husband I hope everything gets better for you...well as better as it can get and dont worry about not wanting to talk to people I am sure they understand we all go through it, it is very hard losing your child if you ever need to talk I am always here to listen

Marinda - posted on 04/20/2009

While reading your post I start thinking back to the times when my children where that age, and it is as if the though of loosing one of them at that age would`ve been .. I don`t think there is a word to describe what my feelings would`ve been, you just want to protect them, holding them safe, care for them, and them to have something happend to them,..

I can understand all your mixed emotions, we`ve lost our daughter 4 years ago at 20, and it was and still is devestating. I just don`t know how you cope with two little ones, do you have any help, someone who can take the girls (who you could trust) for a few hours or so, to give you some alone time, time to do something for yourself, like visiting his little grave or just sitting quietly by yourself, or whatever you may need to do. I also think that you must have a talk with your doctor for maybe some medication if he/she thinks its nessesary, to just get you through this emotional time, And Dana, talk as much as you needed to about him, even if you think what you`re saying is silly or doesn`t make any sense, we who have lost children will understand, and will always be more than willing to listen. All of my love to you, always

Dana - posted on 03/13/2009

Clayton was about as good a baby as you could ask for. Very happy and even tempered, he even woke up happy. He'd be smiling before his eyes even opened. He looked just like his daddy... He occasionally got into mischief though :) One day it was too quiet and I was looking for him, I found him elbow deep with both arms in the Crisco he had pulled out of the cabinet. I came in right about the time he was flinging it off of his hands... We went skiing a couple weeks before his first birthday. It is a 12 hour trip and he cried maybe a total of 30 minutes the whole way out and back. On the way home he was studying my brothers friend really intently, she was chewing gum and he started mocking her. It was the cutest little face he made when he did it. He was always so happy for my husband to get home. He'd run to the door and if I tried to take him back from his daddy he'd shake his head at me and curl into Wes. I miss him so much.

Christina - posted on 03/11/2009

Oh my gosh I know.... It has only been a month for me but I still feel like it is a dream and I will wake up and my son will be here. He was so much fun. His sense of humor was amazing. Tell me about your son... What are some stories you remember?

Dana - posted on 03/11/2009

Thanks for the prayers. I know they have to be helping even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. We are Christians and for awhile after we lost Clayton I think I felt even closer to God than I had in a while because I know that He is the only way I ever get to hold my little boy again. Then, for Clayton's second birthday I had all our family come over, everyone had written him a note and we attached them to balloons to release. Well it was a nasty windy day and some of the balloons caught in our highline, some caught in trees across the road. We live in the middle of nowhere basically, there is basically only 2 places they could have gotten caught up and they did. The next day was sunny and no wind. After that I had a really hard time for quite a while trusting God at all. I felt like I deserved for something small to go right, I mean, I had already lost my son and I really felt like that should be enough. I don't think most people understood why that meant so much to me but I just really felt that I had been let down. After that a string of little thing just added up for awhile. I had actually been doing better, but all the stress I've been under for the last few months has just been adding up and pushing me back under. I really feel like I want to give it over to God, but I can't let it go. It's like I'm trying to build back trust with a friend and I'm scared to do it. I know it doesn't matter if I let it go or not, what's going to happen is going to happen and I'm only hurting myself but I just can't seem to get there...

Crystal - posted on 03/10/2009

Aww sweetie! What a terrible amount of pain you must be feeling, have u seen a counselor about how u are feeling, i mean no one or anything can ever take the pain away but maybe they can help u with some techniques to manage how u feel. I will be thinking of u on the 25th. Maybe u keep thinking about having another child because u want ur son to come back so desperatly!! My heart break for you. sorry i am not much help

Christina - posted on 03/09/2009

I am sorry you are hurting...There are no words to describe when someone loses a child. I don't want to take away someone else's pain because they lost a loved one(mother, friend, husband) but when you lose a child it literally breaks out heart. I don't know how you do it. I know I live minute by minute. I am sorry you and your husband aren't seeing eye to eye on home life issues. I will continue to pray for you and your family. I hope you beleieve in God and that he is comforting you at this time.