I feel I don't want to live anymore

Patricia - posted on 03/09/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I lost my beautiful blonde green-eyed princess who was only 14 near to 15, a very lightful girl, loved by her family, friends, and her boyfriend who was only 17 at the time, and still suffers a lot.

I got deeply into depression, a profound one. Now I take medicines (antidepressants) to go to work, but I don't see any sense, in anything. No reason to live. Our pain as parents is perpetual. Her father is also too depressive. He said he just lives 'cause he can't commite suicide, because he is a Christian. But we in fact, are surviving only.People say many offensive things. She passed away on October 2009, and they think we have to overcome and stop crying. I say that only who knows this horrible loss, never stops suffering and missing. People always like to say things that they don't know, trying to comfort, in vain.

Each day is a sacrifice to go to work, put on my cothes, return home and "watch the silence." She was movement, happiness, everything. She used to tell me what happened during her day while I was cooking our dinner. We laughed, we loved each other.

One horrible day, my angel had a pain in the chest and severe fever. She had had a normal day before, went out with her boyfriend and friends.The fever got worse when she got home. When we took her to the hospital, the doctors couldn't do anything. It was a broncopneumonia, a rare one, and she passed away that day.

Our only child. And we ask: our girl, our kid, now, only in pictures and pictures, spread through the house, smiling, since she was a baby till a beautiful teenager. She couldn't become a beautiful woman, graduate, have our grandchildren. Her life was robbed. I feel this way.

And we couldn't go before her!! This is not natural!! We, her parents, are here to see the other families ' luck for having their kids, and miss our girl. I feel I'm dead. Thanks,

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Des - posted on 04/14/2014

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i feel the same way, it will be 2 years on may the 13th since my little 16 year old son died from stomach cancer, just about 9 or 10 months before that date he was fit and healthy. he started complaining of being sick of feeling sick when he eat things and from there on it just got worse. as a single parent dad i had to finish work to look after him get him around all the hospitals as they tried all they could to save my son but nothing worked. in the end i had him at home and he got weaker and weaker with not eating he couldnt even quench his thrist with having a drink as that would make him violently sick.
i have all this living on inside of me his pain,his suffering etc and of course the question why ??
i have been back to work but can not stand to be around people i have my other kids at home with me but i am locked up in myself my kids have not only lost there brother but also there fun loving bouncy dad although i am still here for them and always will be as i wouldnt dream of commiting suicide or anything but i do wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up again that to me would be the only way out of the pain i am in just like my little boy knew the only way he had to get out of his pain was death
am i depressed or is my heart smashed to much to ever be repaired as nothing matters to me anymore. i dont want anything

Christina - posted on 11/08/2013

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Hello,
I am sorry I didn't see this earlier. I felt the same way when I lost my son. I couldn't breath and wanted to die. It was only because a friend of mine called me everyday for a month and made me promise I would wake up in the morning(he knew if I promise then I would keep my promises). I hope you have support and you are able to remember how your child was and that is what gets you through the day. Her smile, humor and she would want you to be happy

Mary - posted on 12/19/2012

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My dear friend. I feel your pain. We lost our son to a horrible car accident because an idiot 19 year old was street racing and lost control went over the median and crashed into our son. It will be 5 years on December 21 in 2 days always a sad day. He left a 2 year old daughter. She wants her daddy. You never get over it. A part of your being was torn from your heart. No one can know the pain unless they lose a child. If it wasn't for our other son and granddaughter we wouldn't be here. We live for them. I put on happy faces. I wish "I" could be back again. I use to have hope not sadness. One day at a time. Sime are good some are not. Nothing will be the same. Just take it one day at a time. I pray a lot. Bless your family

NANCY - posted on 10/28/2012

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I lost my son 8 years ago from suicide and I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago. It's been really hard for me, but my family gives me guilty feelings of all of what I have done. I don't know what to do but I feel my family judges me and only wants me for my money not love.

NANCY - posted on 10/28/2012

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I lost my son 8 years ago from suicide and I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago. It's been really hard for me, but my family gives me guilty feelings of all of what I have done. I don't know what to do but I feel my family judges me and only wants me for my money not love.

Christina - posted on 08/29/2011

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It is definitely not a club we want to be in. I felt the same way. I didn't want to live, I think that is natural but I had so much support from family and friends but the thing is that meant so much and I hope you find it in your heart and mind you feel this also, I have the memories of my son like you have of your daughter, the joy and the fun they shared with us we have for ever. The lives they effected they may have never have done had they not passed when they did. As time goes by it doesn't mean we forget but I am experiencing is I don't want to forget the memories. I am so scared I will forget the stories, he was so funny. I do think when someone loses a child it is different then another kind of loss. Not to take away from other people's pain or loss but your right people think we should be over it. And it does take every ounce of us to wake up each day and live life to full but for me I still feel guilt even behind the smile. Don't feel dead, you know your daughter more than anyone how would she want you to live.......

Warm regards,

Christina

Dawn - posted on 04/02/2011

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I understand exactly how you are feeling. I blamed myself for my daughter's death (unfounded of course) and came within days of dying myself. I have two other children but they were older and I convinced myself they would be better off if I was gone. It has been 24 years since my Mandi died and I still feel the loss deeply. I can tell you that time really does heal, I know it doesn't feel possible right now I won't tell you that it will stop hurting because it doesn't and I won't say you will "get over it" because you never will. What I WILL tell you is that you will learn to live with it. It will become part of the fabric that is you and one day you will hear yourself laugh and realize that you survived. It is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, to survive the loss of a child, but someday you will take that love for your child which is now frozen in your heart and you will be able to reinvest it. Then you will know you have truly survived. I hope this helps you and any other Moms out there.

Dawn - posted on 04/02/2011

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I understand exactly how you are feeling. I blamed myself for my daughter's death (unfounded of course) and came within days of dying myself. I have two other children but they were older and I convinced myself they would be better off if I was gone. It has been 24 years since my Mandi died and I still feel the loss deeply. I can tell you that time really does heal, I know it doesn't feel possible right now I won't tell you that it will stop hurting because it doesn't and I won't say you will "get over it" because you never will. What I WILL tell you is that you will learn to live with it. It will become part of the fabric that is you and one day you will hear yourself laugh and realize that you survived. It is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, to survive the loss of a child, but someday you will take that love for your child which is now frozen in your heart and you will be able to reinvest it. Then you will know you have truly survived. I hope this helps you and any other Moms out there.

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