Don't know what to do

Joanna - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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This is long so bare with me. I have been married for 6 years and am not happy. My husband is not home much he works a lot. (Part owner with his dad) I work third shift (for about a year) and have a 6yr old daughter. We don't do anything. When we are home together (which is not much)we don't do anything. I want to go out and do something. I have told him this. I have been honest with him and told him that we don't do anything and that when we go out he is boaring. ( I know that hurt him but I told him I don't want to and I am being honest with him) There has been no sex for months. He has some issues and I have asked him to talk to his doctor about it and he said that he has and there is nothing he can do. ( i don't belilve him at all) I have talk to him many times about it. I don't enjoy sex with him. I am not wet. It hurts when we do it. He just puts more lube on me and that does not help. I have asked him that we try new things but it never happends. it takes him 45 mins or so to cum. I am sore and I am board. I don't even ask him to have sex anymore. I don't know what to do. I have been seeing a counsoler and we went for couples therapy two years ago for a while. we stoped because my insurance was not covering it all, and he thought things were getting better. I am so lost, there is nothing here we are roomates. Please help.

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Candi - posted on 10/10/2010

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If its hurting to have sex due to lack of lube, there may be a medical issue. if you are out of lube due to lack of desire, something needs to change. Turn off the lights and close your eyes and let your imagination go wild. While he is doing his business with you, just imgine he is Johnny Depp or whoever! Its ok to have erotic fantasies...no one has to know! Its healthy and gets people in the mood. Hope it works out for you

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2010

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I know exactly what you mean. I have the same situation and the worse thing for me is that we live in a very small town where there is nothing at all to do and everything is 1hour and a half away, we have 5 kids and having sex is also an issue. I finally had to ask a longtime male friend for some advice and came down to a conclusion that since my hubby also works long exhausting 16 hour shifts that stress and being tired has to do a lot with it. It does effect men more than women and because we start to feel lonely, unattractive and undesired we stop enjoying sex with our partners. We start to think that maybe there is something wrong with us or even that they might be having an affair. But the more we complain to them the more stressed they feel because they know that they are not meeting our expectations. So what I finally did was that I had to step back and try to understand him and be very patient(which I am not naturally) and talk to him ask him whats the problem is it me or are you just very stressed and tired, if he tells you that he is just so tired and stressed try to help him by giving him his alone time after work and have him shower and take a nap. You'll be surprise what a nap can do. Then when it comes to having sex when your baby is at school and try to sneak one in try to be naughty in other words, do it in the living room floor when the windows are open but you know that no one can see, it's just the thrill of the moment (some men find danger a turn on) or (depending on how much you do in your sex life) just go to him and give him a BJ out of nowhere without expecting anything in returned and if he tried to have sex with you tell him (no this is your time and enjoy it) little things like that made a difference in my relationship because we were also in that point where sex was not enjoyable anymore. i once had an older woman give me an advice when I was recently married and she told me that it has worked for her for many years and she has been married for 25 years she told me ("always remember to be lady in the streets and be the biggest SLUT in the sheets) and you know when I finally started doing that it worked. I also try talking dirty to him and telling him to do certain things to me and I see that all this turns him on but I also tell him what I want him to do to me. You both have to communicate even in the bed and be very daring. As for going out do keep in mind that we do get bored but they also work very hard to take care of us and kind of make it a little weekend getaway at least once a month but and try to make those gataways for just you too alone if possible it does make a difference spending alone time together.

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Nina - posted on 12/12/2010

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Kris - posted on 08/31/2010

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Hi Joanna,
After reading your post I am wondering what it is you want. You say you are bored but what specifically would you like to do when you go out? What things do you want to try in bed. You don't have to answer that to me. Just making sure you have been specific with your hubby. Instead of having him initiate things in the bedroom as you want tie him to the bed and have your way with him. Not sure what issues are that require medical attention but there is also masterbation. You can do it together, with each other, for each other or just on your own.
I am in a sexually frustrating marriage too and have no idea what to do. (See "Sexual Situation")
Give yourself some credit for still making the effort to work on it thought.
Kris

Tammy - posted on 08/19/2010

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couples counseling is the best cure for these kinds of issues. I had same problem. Are you still in love? Do you want to make it right, and more importantly does he? Noone tells you how hard marriage is, and kids, and just life:( Its a job and alot of effort, but if you want to save it, that uninvolved 3rd party is key

Joanna - posted on 07/20/2010

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why is it that not many people post anything or read the posts? It is fustrating

Laura - posted on 06/27/2010

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I am sorry you are feeling this way. I do not know what to say other than maybe trying a weekend getaway if you have someone to care for your daughter for the weekend. Try to make a list of things that you used to like about him and what made you fall in love and marry him in the first place and see if that helps.

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