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Should I make my 12 yr old son go with his dad?

Mariee - posted on 06/16/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mom for the past 11 years, my son hasn't seen his dad since 2/12. My ex has never been consistent in spending time with him so my son doesn't know his dad's side of the family. With tomorrow being Father's Day his dad is really pushing for my son to attend a family BB. My son doesn't want to go and is asking if his dad could come to our home instead. The last few times his dad has asked to pick him up my son has said the same thing and not wanted to go with him to dinner etc. Should I make him go anyways? I let my son know I wanted him to go and that he could call me at anytime and I would pick him up and he is insisting he doesn't want to go. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you!

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2 Comments

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Mary - posted on 07/24/2012

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You should listen to your son. Besides, you should also try and find out why he doesn't want to go. Your child must feel secure and he does with you, if you force him now, you would lose his trust. See if there's any counseling you can get for your child so you can feel you did everything you could for him to have a relationship with his dad, which I guess it's why your are willing after so many years of inconsistency.

Marie - posted on 06/22/2012

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Personally, I think it would be stressful and confusing for him. Wait until he is 18 yrs of age, as really as you say for what ever reasons, the father has had no connection any way for 11 yrs, so whats another few yrs, that way its the boys full consent to say.

You also have the answer form your son, t as you say in your words,(( your son does not want to go, so listen to your son)) I have to side on the boys side, why does not the family on his Dads side go to your place with in your rules, then you and your son can call the shots.



No you should not make him go, this would be forced, and would not achieve anything.

Your last words is that your son insists he does not want to go, so thats what you and his Dad and family should respect.



Last thin if the in laws feel you are not allowing him to go thats there own problem, as some times relatives can be a real pain and just want there own way, at no thought and concern for children feelings.

Your son and respect for what he wants counts at his tender age. You are his mum have been for 11 yrs, so guard his feelings. At 18 he will be much more stronger to make a more adult decision, hopefully with less apprehension and anxiety to have to please all others wishes, and even them at 18 what ever age, if the son does not want to or cannot , then plan and simply should not force any relationship, to be what it never has been.

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