Upset teenager

Claudia - posted on 10/01/2009

I have a 14 yr old at home also and completely understand what you are going through. It is very hard to get through to a child that won't open up to you and has anger issues. I don't know the situation at home or at school so I will share with you a technique my sister and I use. We gather all of our children whenever they are at ease and we give them a clean spiral. We play a game of "finish the sentence". Before we started to do this we made it very clear to them that we knew they sometimes had personal issues they didn't want to share and we assured them they could keep their answers to themselves. We have always respected their privacy and urge that you do too if they decide to participate. Anyway....we start to say simple things like "my name is ...." and they just write down the answer. We build up the questions slowly to more serious issues like " I hate it when..." or " at schoo i struggle with...." Afterwards you can discuss the answers and ask them to share them with you. Sometimes they will...sometimes they wont. This gives them an outlet to vent even if it is at you. Eventually....if you respect their privacy it also gives them an outlet to open up to you. Always remind your child that they can come to you no matter what. Never react to what your child is saying immediately. Sometimes we go off about difficult issues because it's our nature. Just listen. Just listen. Take a while to hear what they are saying and never respond aggresively. Let them know you love them with loving words. It was very hard for us to learn how to talk to our kids because we were raised that the parent has the authority but it should be more of a loving partnership ...not a who's the boss issue.

Francis - posted on 09/30/2009

Just let him know that you understand him and most important that you love him no matter what and before you start talking I would recommend you to listen first to what he has to said maybe he is having troubles at school and he needs help but doesn't know how to ask for it, by the way I'm a mother of a 19 , 18 and 11 year two girls and a boy.
Remember you are the adult so be strong to love him and support him.

Sandra - posted on 09/28/2009

My son is 15, and I totally understand the anger. I was talking to my soon to be brother in law, and as a pharmacist who understands the human body. he pointed out a little fact the boys that age must be going thru puberty and their hormones are out of control just like girls except it's testoterone, so it is natural for them to be more angry than usual.



When my son was younger, we used to lay in bed looking at the ceiling and we used to call it communication time. He would tell me what he liked or disliked about us or whatever was bothering him, and as he got older it got harder. (yes, I tried all the parenting magazines advises).



You need to find him an outlet for that testoterone build up, sports, excercise, learning an instrument, art or doing what he likes. All of the kids are different, and you have to find what works for you, but you need to find a way to let him open up to you. Let him talk to you, and do listen Quietly do not give them your opinion unless he ask you for it, no judging, no negative comments. He will start to trust you, and talk to you more it takes LOTS of patience, but soon enought he will open up as he is bursting to talk. Warning! once he start you can't stop them. lol, lol there are a few times that I just tell him give me a break my head is going to explode - information overload... some of it make no sense to us, but some of those bits are crucial. I try to persuade him by giving him facts, and I try to show him. You can't tell them directly or force them to see it your way because then he won't budge. Remember you didn't like your parents to tell you what to do, so it's the same thing, you have to be smarter... It's quite a balancing act.

Sonia - posted on 09/28/2009

I know it's not easy to handle teenagers... but I've made a habit to always ask my children how has their day been and if they have anything they want to share... at times like you said, they get angry with anything and everything, but eventually they do come around a talk... GOOD LUCK!

Katya - posted on 09/25/2009

I thnk is normal, maybe he had a bad day and don't want to talk about it, just pay close attention encourage him as much a lot.

Christina - posted on 09/10/2009

Hi, I have 4 girls, no boys. However, I have experienced the anger for no apparent reason attitude (from only two of my girls). I find that asking them to think about what is making them angry and verbalize it. "Please explain to me what is making you mad, because it affects not just you, but me and others in our family." It is not fair to everyone else that the child feels they can stomp around mad and moping. A child, particularly one who is trying to be a grown up, must be able to express themselves. When the answer is "nothing" I drill down more. There is always a reason. My girls seem to open up when I or my husband express an interest in their feelings, the more questions we ask them, the more they open up. We do not always have the answers for them, but we do try to demonstrate emotional support. Young people don't necessarily know how to handle social situations which may generate feelings of embarrassment, shyness, anger or infatuation. We as parents need to help our children work through these situations. A young person may feel it's a scary thing and that they are alone in it. I wish you the strength and wisdom in handling this issue with your son. You sound like a concerned mother who will surely raise a strong and loving young man.

Iysha - posted on 09/10/2009

I have a 2 month old, but it wasn't that long ago that I was fourteen and my younger sister is just past that mark. It sounds like he might have something on his mind that is bothering him. I was in a counseling group in Highschool and it seemed that a lot of the kids were upset a lot due to school issues as well as home issues. For example, being picked on, not feeling like they have a say in anything at home, feeling like they're in a rut. There's a lot of pressure put on kids at an early age. As adults we tend to think that kids have it so easy.



I'm not sure how this sounds to you but, I would talk to him and start out with, "I am worried about you. I love you and want you to be happy. The reason I am worried is because you seem upset most days. Is there anything I can do to help you be happier?" At this point, he may be angry and turn away and tell you to leave him alone, etc. but don't stop at just one conversation about his anger.



If this doesn't help, I'd suggest having him talk to a councelor. Don't worry, I'm not saying that It is a serious issue if you talking to him doesn't help. It's just that sometimes, teenagers need to talk to someone other than their parents and friends. I know that it helped me out being in a counseling support group. I was a little reluctant to go at first, but it was a big help for me and my family and I actually came to enjoy it.



Best of Luck =]