Need suggestions for my stubborn 4 year bad behavior

Brooke - posted on 01/18/2012

I would give him the choice, either he starts to listen or there is a time out when you get home. Or if he is doing it in public like you say he is, I would tell him either stop and listen or one of his favorite toys will be taken away. You can tell him if you show me you can be good in the stores, then when we get home you can pick out a movie and you and I will watch it together. You have to get down to there level and make them listen and try to put your self in their shoes. My daughter threw fits every time we would go to the store, she expected to get something every time. I finally said enough is a enough and I make her take her own money and go get what she wants. she is going to be 5 in Feb. It may seem young to do that but, she learned she can not have everything she wants now because, she doesn't have enough money.

Gretchen - posted on 01/17/2012

The 1=2=3 Magic worked for me. It did take some time. I sat my son down before we started it and explained what we were going to do from now on. (it says to do that in the book). You have to calmingly follow through.....it gets easier...many times it is just "1" and he stops his behavior. I also believe in not taking them out when they are tired and keep a snack along....I didn't realize how affected my lil guy gets when he is hungry or has a drop in energy. Also know sometimes it is unavoidable. Try to stay calm and maintain it and be CONSISTENT, And every once in a while you just have to stop the tantrum by giving them a hug and some sympathy = they get insecure in this big world.

Maria - posted on 01/17/2012

I know it makes you feel embarrassed but everyone has been there and done that lol look at the pic of my sweet angel, your son sounds very similar to mine in temperament. I explain to my son who is 3 why I want him to stop and what will happen if not. If it happens I count to 3 and then time out no matter where we are and if he does it again after the time out I tell him I will take him straight home the next time he does it and he will go straight to bed. after a couple of times he will understand you mean what you say and will behave. Now 99% of the time I only get to 2 and he does as hes told even though sometimes he looks at me and carries on counting lol irritating but at least he did as I asked. If your son has a special toy try taking away from him for a specified amount of time. For example he is not doing as hes told once hes calmed down tell him the next time he doesnt do as asked his favourite toy will go away for an hour when you go back home. Hope this helps.

Stacee - posted on 01/13/2012

Follow through!! You have to prove to him that you are not afraid to leave a grocery cart in the middle of the store. I know you say you don't have a choice but you can go shopping twice for the same things if it means that you will never again have to experience this kind of behavior. I agree with the comments about taking them out when they are tired but even then my daughter knows who is in charge. She has what I call a healthy fear of me- and by that, I mean she doesn't act a fool for fear she is going to be punished! She knows that if I threaten her that it will in fact happen no matter how much she apologizes and begs after she has crossed the line. You will only have to do it a couple times- trust me, just make a believer out of him and suddenly you will not be apprehensive about taking him anywhere!!

Michele - posted on 10/27/2011

My son is very stubborn and seems like he just doesn't care what I say. We have been using the 1,2,3 Magic method for a while. We were not always consistant and in the past 4 months my husband and I committed to it no matter where we are or what were doing. It took about 2 weeks to really start to work, but now I get to 2 and he stops the bad behavior and does what we ask. It really has been pretty amazing. You can google it, we actually went to the seminar with the author. :)

Diane - posted on 08/10/2011

I commented to my pediatrician that my son stopped listening at age 4 and she replied that 4 is 2 squared. I count to three and then there is a consquence. He will usually comply by the time I get to three. Honestly, if I know he is tired or hungry I don't bring him out into public if I can avoid it. There are still time that nothing works. I have fireman carried him out of several establishments.

Neva - posted on 05/13/2011

You can have a timeout where ever you are. Children quickly learn if the rules change when they are out in public and think they have the upper hand. A time out spot can be a spot on the floor in any store, a side walk, a place in the park. Don't be embarrassedto do this. Once they learn that you are in control everywhere their behavior usually improves.

Christina - posted on 03/31/2011

There is no reasoning with a child who is out of control. I know i have heard if they are screaming in the grocery store, then take them out and leave the shopping cart. That just does not work for me, I have no time and if i go shopping, I have to get it done, screaming kid or not. Sometimes you just have to have a thick skin and let people stare. Sometimes I turn it around on my son while he is lying on the floor at Target, I just look at him and tell him everyone is watching him (which he doesn't care). You can try to anticipate an explosion before you go out and prepare by having something on you to distract him with. My son has the mother of all tantrums but he is frusterated because he has no speech yet and his receptive language is also delayed so he can't understand what a normal 4 year old could.
We recently tried the Love & Logic parenting classes. Just google Love & Logic, they have a whole line of books, video and CDs, it might work for your son. You use alot of short phrases like "uh oh, this is so sad". Not sure if I helped any. Sounds like you are on the same boat as me. Good luck!