How can i get my toddler under control and know whos boss?

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2010

We have a saying with our March baby girl Bridget... "If Bridget isn't happy.. nobody is happy!". She has hit this same wall, if she doesn't want to put her coat on then she throws herself on the floor in a fit. This morning the ground was icy so I decided to carry her to the car, she screamed walk and I said no, and I almost dropped her she flung herself so hard. I find the only thing that works is a time out. She hates to be excluded or have her cartoons taken away. I do have to say I have a harder time punishing her then her 4 year old brother. We aren't going to have anymore children so I tend to baby her. Maybe this is partially my fault too.

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2010

I have been having the same problems. My daughter has started with the hitting and even pulling of hair. She has full blown melt downs too (she falls on the floor and kicks, crys, and screams). I was at ends with her I did not know how to address this either. Then my mom gave me some tips. For the melt downs I give her a couple of minutes. When they are in that mind state there is no reasoning with them. Let it take it's course. Let them kick and scream and get it out. As long as they are not hurting them selves or any one else. They are just overly frustrated and this is the only way they know how to deal with it. I will give my daughter two to three minutes. Then I will go back and try and redirect her away from the situation. Usually once she gets it out she just wants her blanket and her bottle then she calms down and we do some thing else. With punishment I started with the 1-2-2 and a half- two and three quarters and then 3 method. It took her a few times to get to 3 but the key is always carring out with a punishment no matter what! My daughter gets a time out based on her age. She is one so she gets one minute on the timer and I place her in her designated time out chair. I only use this chair for time outs nothing else. When she turns two it will go to two minutes etc. She does some times put up a fight to take the time out but I do not let her deviate even if it means actually sitting with her for the whole time. If she moves from off the chair then we start the time all over again. It took a good two weeks for her to get the time outs along with counting. But that is not the end of it. Once her time out is over we talk about why she received the time out and what she did wrong and why it is wrong to do what she did. Usually it is because she was doing some thing unsafe or she hurt some one else and that includes me. The other key is you have to stay calm and control your temper and yelling. The bigger reaction you do the more they will do it because they get an arousal out of you. Yelling does not get you any where just a hoars voice. Not to mention they do not completely understand you yet. When she hits and pulls hair that is an automatic time out without counting. They are at the age when they are starting to test the boundries. My daughter is not in day care and she just started hitting and pulling hair. She picked it up right away one evening when I had my nephew and nice over.
At this age they are trying to express them selves and they do not completly know the proper words or ways to do it. You have to set the boundries now and follow through with them. It goes the same for any one else in your house hold. My husband also does the same technique with her. You can not control what goes on at the day care. You can control what goes on at home and when you are around. This will help set the boundry line for outside of your home when you are not around. You are laying the foundation for their conscience. I also had this conversations with my paretns and in-laws in regards to punishing her. When my daughter is watched by my in-laws or even my parents I explained our rules and technique for punishment with them. They are more then happy to enforce the rules when we are not around. This has helped set stronger boundries for my daughter. She knows that she will be punished the same way whether she is at home or at grandma's and grandpa's house. Not all inlaws or parents are agreeable as mine. Do your best to let them know this is how you want whatever technique you use to be carried out. The more often she is at different places and the same technique is used the easier it will get for you and the more understanding your children will have as far as what is acceptable behavior and not. This is not some thing that will be fixed over night it takes time and consistency. It will eventually pass if you stay on top of it and address it now and not later.

Madihah - posted on 01/25/2010

Well my twins are march 08 baby as well and they not in day care and they do the same thing so don't blame the day care .....I just think it's the 08 BABY's

Melanie - posted on 01/25/2010

My daughter is about the same age and she's certainly pushing boundaries and gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants. She hits, but strangely it's when she's having fun. We started reacting firmly, saying no etc, but I soon realized that this reaction intrigued her in some way and she started hitting more because she wanted a reaction. So, we changed methods and now we just say "no thank you, I don't like being hit, it hurts" and prevent her from hitting me by taking her hand. I then change the subject and get her interested in something else. It took a little while but she lost her interest in hitting - it wasn't getting the reaction she wanted. When she gets upset over not getting her way I sit with her while she cries and talk to her about it. Depending on how upset she is I sit with her and wait until she's calm then say. Are you upset because I won't let you play with xyz? or ask she what happened and she responds and I ask her a few more questions about it and tell her why I won't let her do what she wants (generally it's a safety issue). I started talking like this with her a long time ago, and do it when she's upset because she fell and bumped her knee or whatever. Generally now, she doesn't cry for long and calms down after she explains to me what happened or why she is upset (even if it's not clear to me what she's saying).

Samia - posted on 01/25/2010

I tried time-out with my son.. he really doesn't understand it at this time. I don't know how to control his bad behavior. He is starting to hit if he doesn't get his way, not really sure what to do with my son so i feel your pain

Tasha - posted on 01/25/2010

I'm a pre-school teacher, with a 22 month old daughter. She is doing the same things. Everything is "NO", "Mine", and she hits as well. I believe that it's just them trying to push our buttons. They want to see how far they can go. When she hits, I will take her hand and stroke the side of my face with it saying "You may NOT hit Mama! You LOVE Mama!" She usually calms down after that. When she yells, I simply say "Enough!" as stern as I can, and she will smile and say "Hi!". She's learning, but consistency is key. She needs to learn her boundaries, and at this age she isn't going to understand a "Time Out". It's frustrating, but when you show them love, and patience, hopefully they will learn to respond in the same manner. Hope this helps!

Kerry - posted on 01/25/2010

sorry i just clicked the funny button and did'nt mean to....
my son is the same at 22 months, i find distraction and ignorance to his tantrums works wonders....

JUDY - posted on 01/24/2010

my baby girl was the same. she was born on the 16th. i use the 1,2,3 method. i will tell her to stop and if she doesn't then i start counting. if i get to 3 then i stomp my feet as i walk towards her. when i get there then i give her the angry face and say NO! now i only have to say 1 and she stops. but it took me about a week and a half to reach this point. try it, it might just work for you. but remember to keep doing it otherwise ur baby won't take you seriousely. enjoy and good luck!

Agnes - posted on 01/23/2010

I am Also going through this with my son Anthony. He Throws things at me..or tries to pinch me. He also has done that whole thing with Throwing himself back onto the floor and hitting his head. He started that at like 15 months to 18 months I asked his doctor about it. She said he will never do it hard enough to actually hurt himself. And that it's normal. He has grown out of that. I just wish he would Grow out of the whole Throwing things. He has gotten me a few times. I also have limited space. I put him on the couch..he gets down..Stand him in the corner he walks away. His doctor...told me that its a minute for each year so for our babies it will be almost 2 minutes. just to have consistancey...pick a spot and keep using the same spot. they will eventually get the hint. But of course don't use force. My son knows that when he is put in his quiet time corner he has done wrong. But he still Throws things.. I hope some of the info I have given ya'll ladies helps. Just keep at it. Like I am! Best of Luck!

Jeanie - posted on 01/22/2010

Oh my Gosh. Seems like im going through exactly the same! My son is a March baby and geez is he a difficult one to deal with. Im a stay at home mom, in the day and work night shift from 5 to 2. He seems to get worse by the day. I do not send him to school as i like spending as much time with him as possible. He screams and yells, bite and hit and throw everything around. I dont struggle with him when going to people but as soon as he's not getting he's way he goes crazy beyond.

Help me as well please! It's going to far now

Gwen - posted on 01/21/2010

I take my daughter firmly by the shoulders, get down at her level and tell her "ABSOLUTELY no hitting Mommy." If she laughs or tries it again I point at the hallway and say "GO! go to your room until you can be nice." or "Go sit on your stool..." The babysitter does the same thing so the consistency really helps! She starts crying and walks away, but almost as soon as she gets out of the room, she stops and comes back to me. She figured out real fast that if she's in another room, no one's paying any attention to her! When she is "nice" again I remind her why she got in trouble (no hitting, etc.) and give her a hug & kiss. :-)

There are still many times when she tries my patience!!! I try not to let her push my buttons.

Tanya - posted on 01/21/2010

I think we're entering the "terrible twos"! It's a stage, I have lots of younger brothers and sisters and remember them when they'd get to around 2 years old they'd start acting out more. I don't think it has anything to do with parenting, its mainly the childs frusteration coming out. My daughter (will be 2 mar.31) gets time out in the corner, she doesn't stay there good though, and for the most part I try ignore the bad, reward the good. When she freaks out, I'll tell her to calm down, and ignore it for the most part. It actually works pretty good so far because to her, there is no point in freaking out when its not going to get moms attention. good luck ladies!!

Julia - posted on 01/20/2010

My little girl is 22 mths. She sometimes hits or pinches, or tries to hurt herself and says 'ow' . I was told by a paediatriation to ignore most of these behaviours - but of course if things get worse I put her by the door in a time out spot for 2 minutes and tell her why she is there. After the 2 minutes she has to give me a hug and a kiss to say sorry. She didn't understand the time out spot at first, but now she does and she will stay there - while I am watching.

Victoria - posted on 01/20/2010

my little girl was born on the 21st of march i havnt had this problem YET with my daughter but my nephew is 9 months older than my little girl and he lives jst across the road so they see each other nearly every day he was actin out like that a few months back towards my sister and my little girl i dont think at they age they know they bin naughty its more jst that they wound up or things it goin they own way so they act out because they dont know how to handle they emotions yet ny sister jst use 2 put hime on the naughty step for 2 mins even if u got 2 sit nxt to em to kp them there we'd never gve him attention durin that 2 mins either even if he spoke 2 us it worked within a month or 2 hed stopped i also noticed shes in day care u want 2 make sure shes not pickin up this behaviour off other children while shes there cause my neice was in day care 2 she 6 now but was 2 at the time and she started biting when my sister talked to her she told her there was a boy at her day care whod been biting her once my sister explained to her it was naughty and informed the day care of what had been going on she gradually stopped biting hope this helps!!!

Lorraine - posted on 01/20/2010

I have 2 boys. 3 1/2 and my youngest is almost 2. When they are naughty or have tantrums they have time out in the corner. I have a specific corner in my house, where they have full view of everyone in the house. (They dont like being excluded) I found putting them in the bedroom is not effective at all! They start playing and forget that they are actually doing time-out! :o)
It is difficult at the beginning to actually keep them in the corner, but just stay strong and you'll see that they will stay there eventually. Also.. watch Nanny 911 or super Nanny. The tips they give you are great!! Good luck

Chantelle - posted on 01/20/2010

I use the time out method, (she sits next to the fridge). If she gets up I just keep putting her back, I don't care if I do this for the next 10-15 mins, she will be doing time for her bad behaviour lol. If she is having a real bad moment I put her in her cot for 10 mins with no toys - nothing. She does her time out now because she has realised 2 mins in time out is better than being put to bed for 10 mins away from the rest of the family.

Lyndsey - posted on 01/18/2010

i think antonia has the right idea and im going to try that. i honestly think its this age, not due to bad parenting. my son just started doing this about 1 or 2 months ago... everyone looks at me like im a bad mom, but i dont care! i dont let him walk all over me and i know that. its just a phase and i just ignore him. luckily most of the time he doesnt hit or hurt others, he just throws things or bangs his head against the wall. i have a 4 month old too, so thankfully for me i still have the crib to put him in for time outs even though he is already sleeping in his toddler bed at night. good luck ladies and let me know if you have any more tips! hopefully this stage will pass soon, but i dont think it will until at least around 30 months... :(

Antonia - posted on 01/16/2010

Does ur daughter get upset if you put her into her room for time out? Thats what i do with my son, and he doesnt like it. i think at this age, time out is more a cooling off time, rather than "you've been naughty and im punishing you" so im not worried if he sits and plays, at least he is not at me and super grumpy. once cooper has cooled down he comes out and i tell him whatever he did was wrong, he says sorry we hug and its over.

Kelera - posted on 01/15/2010

Hi Britt
I am having the same problem with my 22 month old son, if he doesnt get his way he will chuck a hissy fit, when i discipline him he tends to talk back and he goes to hit me however he knows i will not tolerate it.
Ive really noticed he does hit , scratch, pinches and talks back to my 14 yr old son,
Ive got to admit my older son smothers his lil brother and i keep telling him not to thats why casey retaliates with the older brother casey hits my older son more than me.
14 yr olds the never listen think they know everything , i feel your pain?

Lisa - posted on 01/15/2010

yea i have limited space to my house is all open plan and she can et out of her bed ill give a time out spot a go thanks

Britt - posted on 01/15/2010

i was told to try time outs. i have tryed a few times but its so hard when you dont really have a spot to put her where she cant play. i have tryed putting her in her bed but since she is in a big girl bed she just gets down and plays with the stuff in our room. i have tryed putting her on the couch and turning the tv off and making her sit there but she just screams and screams. i been trying to figure out how i can set up a time out area but i have limited space. i think i am goin to have to use her high chair. if you make any progress please let me know what worked for you. thank u

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2010

im having the same problem and i cant find a awy to stop her either shes not in kindy yet but shes hitting me and cryn when told no hitting her head against anything throws herself back and hurts her self and me i have tryed alot of things different things family and friends have told me and nothingss working what did u try and how did that go i just put my gurl in her bed and walk away but its hard to hear her cry and scream