Miss 2 will NOT say sorry

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

My daughter is an extremely clever & independent little thing and she definitely has a mind of her own. She is also really good most of the time but on those occasions when she does do something wrong and is told off or punished she absolutely point blank refuses to apologise for her behaviour. She is the queen of cutting off her own nose to spite her face.

I don’t even have to raise my voice but if she knows she is in trouble she will completely lose it. We get tears and tantrums, which makes things worse because then she has to go to time out to calm down. If I try to then get her to say sorry she actually refuses (she will say “No” when I tell her to say sorry) and we usually start all over again with the tears and tantrums.

I think it is because she gets really embarrassed that she has done something wrong and she just wants to pretend that it never happened. It would obviously be a lot easier to leave it be but we want her to realise that if she does something wrong then she needs to own up to it and accept the consequences. I am also trying to teach her that if she apologised straight away then it would be over and done with rather than the marathon she makes it.

What do you think? Am I expecting too much of a 2 year old?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Gretchen - posted on 06/30/2010

16

19

1

My daughter apologizes on her own quite often, but sometimes when I ask her to say "sorry," she refuses. I think that's just a power struggle. I have been really aware of being polite around her, so it seems just modeling the behavior works best. Putting her on the spot and asking her to apologize seems to invite a confrontation and tantrum!

Rachael - posted on 06/10/2010

90

8

3

thats tough my daughter is also very independant but she does apologize, give hugs and ask if your okay ect but still at 2yrs old do they really understand or mean it? Im not sure but as long as you explain what she did was wrong and why and that its not nice to make people sad ect i think it should be okay and that she will learn to apologize and say it when she means it :) After all an apology dosent mean to much if the person dosent really mean it.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

7 Comments

View replies by

Ryan - posted on 07/12/2010

14

56

1

I do not agree with forcing children to apologize because usually they are not sorry, they are acting impulsively because they are two. Also, I don't think that they should be able to say a "fake sorry" and then move on....if they don't mean it, why make them say it. It also allows them to have a "get out of jail free card"...Hey, if I hit someone, then say sorry, I don't get in trouble! Your daughter sounds like mine, she's not often in trouble and very strong willed. I would suggest you talk about it with her when she's not in trouble....maybe role play with toys. When I have to put my daughter in time out, I want her to tell me what she did wrong and why she should not have done whtever it was. I think she learns more from that then just giving a quick, insincere apology and then going right back to play. Also, if she sees you apologize when you've done something wrong or hurtful, she will learn.

Ami - posted on 07/02/2010

18

7

2

When my son is naughty he has to sit on time out for 2 minutes once the 2 minutes is up I explain to him what he done wrong then ask him to say sorry. If he refuses to I tell him that he will sit back out if he doesn't and he always says sorry and gives cuddles.

Gwen - posted on 05/17/2010

1,345

7

217

My daughter learned how to "be nice and give hugs" when she had gotten in trouble. Eventually, she learned how to say "sorry". Maybe try asking her to give hugs. Forcing her to say sorry is just turning the whole thing into a power struggle.

[deleted account]

I agree they need to learn early to apologize and have manners in general. Do you try and explain to her why she needs to say sorry, what it was that was wrong of her to do? I don't know if that would make any difference or not. Also maybe try and let her see you (and your partner?) say sorry to each other and also to her if necessary. Just so she knows it is a rule for everyone to follow. Goodluck. My 2yr old daughter has a tanty if I make her say please but if it is a piece of choc she says it straight away!!!

JESSINA - posted on 04/16/2010

68

34

10

I DON'T THINK UR EXPECTING TO MUCH AT ALL. IF A CHILD KNOWS THAT THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG THEN THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO SAY SORRY. IT MIGHT TAKE THEM A FEW TIMES TO GET THE CONCEPT BUT MY DAUGHTER IS THE SAME WAY. SO I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms