How Do You Discipline Your Little One?

Meagan - posted on 12/31/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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Hi! I was just wondering how everybody disciplines their little one? We are entering the two's and that means a lot of defiance. I know there are a lot of different thoughts on disciplining, and I'd like to hear what your thoughts are.

Thanks!

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Catharine - posted on 01/05/2011

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I find telling Samuel what I want him to do is much more effective than telling him to stop doing something I don't like. So, if he picks up something I don't want him to have like the remote control, I tell him to bring it to me or his daddy or to put it on the table. He's almost always very happy to comply with this sort of thing, and as a result, he usually just brings things like that straight to me now rather than playing with them. If he opens a cabinet or is unpacking the fridge door or dishwasher, I tell him to shut the door in a happy tone of voice as though he were being helpful around the kitchen. He's always happy to comply--of course, now I can expect my fridge or pantry will be shut the minute I turn around, sometimes before.

I started this because as a young baby crawling around the house he started playing with the power cord to my laptop and I freaked out, which he thought was funny, so he started doing it on purpose to get a reaction from me--he would be smiling and looking around for me with the cord in his hand poised in front of his mouth. I had to find another way to get him to stop doing things without teaching him that he could make me react that way. Now that he's almost two, telling him what I want him to do rather than just trying to stop him from what he is doing seems to avoid him snatching things back, running away from me, etc.

Sometimes he does things he knows he shouldn't on purpose, like throwing his sippy cup at the table. This sort of thing usually just means he doesn't get his cup or whatever he's thrown back. Actually, this has pretty much stopped that behavior without any other discipline--natural consequences. But he will sometimes throw a toy at one of us, or be intentionally rough with the cats or his baby sister. For this we use time out. We say something like "we don't hit/throw/etc." and put him in the corner of the living room for two minutes. He usually cries the whole time. Then, when the time's up, we go over and say something like "you were in time out because you threw/hit/etc. Now, give me a hug." He loves this part. He's all grins all of a sudden and usually makes his rounds hugging everyone and the pets even if they didn't have anything to do with it. He likes the reconciliation part a lot.

The first 5 or 6 times we used time out, I'd put him down and walk away and he would get up and leave, and I had to go put him back. I would do that sometimes 5 or 6 times. I didn't really keep him in the corner for two minutes then--I usually just let him stay as long as I thought he would when he finally stayed put on his own because by then the whole process had already taken 7 or 8 minutes and I didn't think it would be effective going on forever. I figured at first he was just learning how time out worked and that my main goal needed to just be his learning to stay put. This seemed to work fairly well for us--he doesn't leave time out anymore.

His worst behavior will usually happen in the evening in the hour before bedtime. We don't attempt time outs when we think he's misbehaving because he's too tired. We just get him through his bedtime routine and into bed early. I figure timeout is pointless because he's too tired to practice self control.

Meghan - posted on 01/01/2011

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At this age, I have read that they can't control their impulses so well. So even if you tell them over and over that throwing your toys is not ok, they could still do it. Its not because they are disobeying you, they just can't control it. But, as you said, they are getting close to 2 and we will have to start disciplining.

For us, if its something that I don't want him doing, but isn't hurting anyone- for example, he likes to pull all the dvd's off the shelves at my parents house. Something like this is an act I want to correct, but its not hurting anyone. So first I say "Riely, I don't want you doing that, can you do something else". If he doesn't stop, then I physcally move him somewhere else and show him a new activity (redirect his attention to something else). If he goes back to it, then he gets a time out. I sit with him in a corner for about a minute to a minute and a half, and I tell him when he is in time out. That usually works.

Now, if its something bad that could hurt someone- like the other day he through a toy car at one of his friends. I take the toy away, put him in time out and then redirect him after the time out.

I think its important to "choose your battles". I think they respond better that way.

Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 01/09/2011

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Are you serious????????????
My little one is 22 months old and is starting to throw horrible tantrums. As soon as one starts we spray him in the face with a spray bottle to shock him out of it. Then we tell him he needs to relax and then we discuss whatever the issue is. Now all we have to do is threaten to get the spray bottle and it stops his tantrums right in its tracks. It is not mean and it is very effective.

Please, this is a baby. You have got to think of an alternative. That is completely unacceptable.

Renae - posted on 01/01/2011

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I haven't needed to discipline yet, but I am planning on time out and holding favourite toys hostage (as SIL always called it). At this stage all tantrums are ignored, I mean, we continue whatever we are doing and dont even look at him, it gets zero reaction from anyone, so he only tried it twice. I warned hubby in advance that one day he would try out what he gets from throwing a tanty and when that day came he would learn straight up it gets absolutely no reaction at all and is pointless - so as soon as it happened we just looked at each other, then continued the conversation and what we were doing like nothing was happening. I'll let you know in a year whether it worked or whether we still get the terrible twos tanties!

Other than that I redirect, replace anything he is not allowed to have/do with something he is allowed that is of equal type and amount of stimulation. I am a big praiser, I make a massive deal out of it every time he does something good or right or just gives it a good try, so the instant I put on a grumpy face instead of a happy face he knows its wrong and stops (and looks for something good to do so he can get praised - which is so cute).

I think smacking is an extreme punishment that shoudl be reserved for extreme cases and nothing that extreme has happened. I wonder with people who smack all the time, what then do they do when the child does something really wrong, like where do you go from there? Anyway, hope this helps. There is a positive discipline community - I think Katherine is a member - try asking in there, I'm sure you will get lots of good advice.

Catharine - posted on 01/10/2011

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Well, unfortunately, I doubt there is any effective way to raise children and avoid all crying. That sounds like a lot of pressure on you. I think single parenting must be very stressful. But, I wonder if another sort of discipline would result in less crying and defiance overall.

The first thing I look at when Samuel is defiant, though, is sleep. Whiney, defiant children are usually sleepy children in my house. When this is the case, I don't spend any time disciplining (because our toddler is usually too far gone) and just get the kid to bed as soon as possible. He usually wakes up a totally new child willing to please. A 21-month-old still needs 12-14 hours a day, although my 22-month-old often still sleeps up to 15 hours--11-12 hours at night and either one 2.5-3 hour nap, or two 1.5-2 hour naps. If Samuel is whiney and defiant by 9:30 after being awake for 2-3 hours, I know it's going to be a 2-nap day. When he's at daycare he gets only one nap, and sometimes that means going to bed by 6:45 instead of 7:30 if he's just impossible to be around.

We have some experience parenting with extreme defiance (more defiant than your 21-month-old)--we had a foster daughter for a while who struggled with this. She was much older (school aged) but I find the basic principles apply to toddlers: avoidance. It may seem the opposite of what you would think, but battles and arguments are ineffective with children. When you allow yourself to be drawn into a battle of wills with a child you are teaching the child how to control you and how to relate to you. Right now my toddler refuses to take a bath unless he keeps his diaper on. Fine. I put him in with his diaper on (so far, it's never been poopy). Actually, the first time, he got in with his clothes on--nothing that could be ruined, and it was all headed to the wash anyway. Now it's just the diaper, which baloons up like you wouldn't believe and finally he'll pull it off and hand it to me. It goes into one of the tupperware bowls he plays with and eventually off to the trash can. But, we're not in a battle just before bed time.

Another thing I avoid (unless he's hurting his sister, our cats, us, or my furniture) is telling him no. No is pretty much limited to those things I listed above--hurting people (himself included), animals or property. Beyond that, I tell him what I want him to do--this sets him in the direction of something positive and doesn't set him up to resist me as much. So, if he's picking up something I don't want him to have, I ask him to hand it to me or someone else or to put it on a table, etc. If he's pulling all my laundry out of the basket, I ask him to put it in the basket, on the chair, etc. some place I want it. He usually likes the attention and if I help him do the task, that works too. Some will say he's not learning limits, but what I've seen is that he's actually learning helpful, positive behaviors. He now goes around shutting doors, bringing me remotes and telephones, moving laundry into the dryer (sometimes dirty, but he's trying), and throwing away trash (and the occassional dish towel, but he's trying).

Sometimes Samuel does things he knows he shouldn't on purpose to get attention. When he's resorted to misbehaving to get attention I know I have not been spending enough time playing with him--when a person is willing to have people upset with them because that's better than feeling lonely, they need some love. I usually know when this is the case because it'll be a day when I've had a long agenda and am frustrated that I haven't been able to focus on my own things as much as I'd like. In this case, I ignore what just happened, and say "let's read a book," or something I know he'll respond to. If he switches to being a happy, cheerful boy right away, I know I've figured out the problem. Some will say that he should still have to learn not to misbehave, but I think in this case we as parents have to learn when we're not parenting our best. Besides, how else is a toddler supposed to communicate unmet emotional needs. Actually, on days like this, I usually benefit from a brake myself--a rest from my endless to-do list with a Dr. Seuss book and floor wrestling is more fun.

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In reading through the posts in this discussion and other discussions, I think the most important thing is that even very young children are given clear boundaries and disciplined when appropriate. Whether your child responds to timeouts, spankings, positive reinforcement, or a combination of the above, the important thing is the parent's consistency and dedication to discipline. Which I can say from experience is MUCH easier said than done!

Lindsey - posted on 01/13/2011

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I totally agree with Geneen and Jenny. I spank my child when she does something wrong. Now if she pulls out the pots and pans or goes through cabinets thats fine because its not hurting me or anyone else. she knows what she can play with and what she cant play with but if she hits, talk back, bite or anything in that are then she gets her butt spanked and i let her know what she did wrong. when we go out in public she knows not to yell and "show out" because she knows she will get a spanking. Thats how i was brought up and thats how she's going to be brought up. and she most certainly knows not to tell me to shut up. i dont see how people tolerate their child telling them to shut up or no. thats out the question

Phoebe - posted on 01/12/2011

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We use the naughty step a-la-Super Nanny. It was hard at first, but now she is used to it and sits on the step until her time is up and always seems very apologetic when her punishment is over. She is so much better behaved after a stint on the naughty step.

Meghan - posted on 01/12/2011

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Well, I think this is one of those topics where we will all have different opinions, based on where we live, what's acceptable and how we were raised. I hope all of these posts gives the initial poster a view into various ways to discipline.

Geneen - posted on 01/12/2011

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In the Bahamas we spank. Eden has to really push my buttons for this. If all other things fail like talking to her letting her know that I don't like what she is doing. Walking away and counting to ten. If she throwsa tantrum then I walk over her an tell her when she is finished she knows where to find me. Bahmains do nopt really tolerate our childern calling us stupid and telling us shut-up. Your liable to loose a few teeth (back in my day).

Geneen - posted on 01/12/2011

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Here in the Bahamas we Spank. My daughter is 22 mths and sometimes I have to spank her if she gets too out of hand. Bahamians are not very tolerent of there kids screaming, and throwing themselves down in tantrums. We are not in agreement of our kids calling us stupid and saying things like shut-up. We nip it in the bud quickly. Depending on what she doses I will walk away and count to ten, but I do let her know that wahtshe is doing she needs to stop cause mummy des not like it.

[deleted account]

I have a 22 month-old and a 5 year-old and yes, I do believe in spanking, especially around the age of 2 years-old. Have you ever noticed that every two year-old understands "ow"? Whether it's staying away from a hot stove or choosing to to obey to avoid a spanking...most kids just get it. As our daughter got to preschool age, we mostly use time-outs and loss of privilege as discipline, but we've also been diligent to start explaining more of the "why's" behind the expected behavior and she is learning to make behavioral decisions not based only on whether she'll be disciplined, but also based on how her actions will affect others.

I know there's a lot of people out there who chose not us spanking as a form or discipline, but whenever someone in public compliments me on my children's behavior I have to think that we must be on the right track. **We still have a LONG way to go though:-)

Meghan - posted on 01/10/2011

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I thank you for the tips on time out, I guess I have been looking at it in the wrong way. Like many of you, we use the distract method mostly. So instead of saying "no don't do that" I say, how about we play with this, or maybe you should drive your car over here. That seems to work most to the time.

I agree with whomever said it (and I read so many posts I can't remember) that they are just trying to learn about their world, and we need to teach them. Saying no all the time isn't teaching.

My son is usually a good communicator and speaks very well, but there are of course times when they all break down. Unfortunately for me, we can't use sleep as an option. He only naps 12-3, if I try to put him down before 12, he wont sleep, no matter what time he woke up that morning. And trying to put him to bed will only make the situation worse.

I think its all a trial and error to see what works with your child and for your situation.

For the woman who asked about trying to resolve things without so much crying, what we do is ask Riely to "use his words". I look at him and calmly say, "calm down honey and tell me what you would like". Usually he will take a minute to calm down and then tell me.

I also find that Riely gets most frustrated when I am not paying attention to him- on the phone, cooking dinner, etc. We are trying to break him of this since we are having another baby soon. So before I go to start dinner, I ask him if he wants anything and then set him up with his trains, or some sort of toy that will keep him occupied for a while. I think being proactive and knowing what will "set your child off" is a good plan too.

[deleted account]

I have been thinking alot on this issue. I am a single parent (Well i have a boyfriend but he is only home 4 days a month and is not the father of my daughter) and when my daughter does something she isnt suppost to she eather gets a swat on the but and told no you are not suppost to... ect or a tap an the hand and explained that she isnt suppost to do.. etc. But i dont belive that my method is very effective because my daughter is very stubborn and defiant. so i have been telling her no and why and moving her away from the situation. But i want to try timeouts but given my current living situation (i live with my great aunt) i dont know if it's going to be possible because my daughter screams and crys if she has to sit in one place. and on the weekends and evenings if my aunt is already in bed she gets mad at me if my daughter crys and wakes her up. I am trying to get my own place but recently lost my job so things are kind of hard in that department at the moment. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly apperciated. btw my daughter is 21 months old.

Becky - posted on 01/09/2011

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If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Thats what i try to live by, and hitting little kids has no place in a loving family.
My kids are age one,four twelve fifteen and eighteen four boys and a baby girl, if i can bring them up without violence its the very very least i can do.

JuLeah - posted on 01/09/2011

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Discipline means to teach. You have to ask with each response you give, "What am I teaching here? Is this the lesson I want them to learn?"
Twos are meant to be exactly as they are. We mess ourselves up when we talk about them in negative terms and use negative labels.
For the first time, they understand they are separate from us, they see they have some power to make change in their world (light switch, TV, doors, reactions of parents)
They have new big ideas and fears they lack the words to express. For two years, they cry and an adult knows what they need and offers it to them. That is no longer working and they can't understand why. So, they cry louder and bigger. Until they have language to express themselves, they will cry. If we make the mistake of teaching them tantrums work, they will continue to use tantrums to get their needs met.
Each and every behavior has a function - the behavior meets a need. Figure out what need they are attempting to have met, help them find a better way to get that need met, and the behaviors you don't want will stop.
This is shy punishments don't work. You can punish away most any behavior if you are willing to be harsh enough, but the child's need remains and they will find a new behavior to get that need met. They new behavior might be worse. Help them replace the behavior you don't want with one that is okay with you AND meet their need.
Understand life from their point of view, they can't understand it from yours. They have a biological need to explore, ask, push boundaries, jump on things, make noise, make a mess .... make sure they get a chance to do all of that in a time and place that works for you.
They have little bodies, so if they are tired or hungry, their ability to cope and just deal until lunch is served is not as developed as an older child’s or an adults. They fall apart.
Things frighten them that you might not even think about and when frightened, they do odd things :)
For example, I took a little one to see Santa Claus thinking he would really enjoy the experience. He LOVED Santa. He wanted to see Santa, couldn't wait to see Santa.
Freaked out when we actually arrived- I mean freaked. He wanted to see Santa! All adults kept saying, "He's right there, Santa Claus, the guy you wanted to see, right here"
We ended up taking him home sobbing. It took days to figure it all out. He wanted to see Santa, not Santa Claus.
He heard the word Claus and understood it to mean Claws, like on the cat that had attacked him days prior. No way was he sitting on the lap of one who would claw his face and hands!
But the tantrum he threw in the mall .... based in real fear. How would you feel if I asked you to go get your face clawed?
Life from their point of view is ... well, different.

Tara - posted on 01/09/2011

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When I read the response about the water bottle, I thought she must be talking about a cat or dog, same with the one who looks their kid in the eyes and just says "bad". I thought, wow that's how I am treating my dog to stop barking at people.
I am a mom of 6 kids ages 1, 5, 8, 10, 14, and 17.
At the age you are talking about a child is exploring their environment, they are learning about the world, every day is a new opportunity for growth and self awareness. Children learn how to get along in the world by mimicking the behaviours of their caregivers.
The emotional intelligence that is being learned in those early years is critical to their future emotional relationships.
What you are doing is not going to do anything to further your child's emotional intelligence. And when he starts spraying his little siblings (if and when you have more) I'm sure you will see the merit in a better more humanly productive form of discipline. What you are doing is punishment. And truly it is not a good idea to punish a young child for being overwhelmed and frustrated. Teaching him how to deal with those feelings will come in time. Right now he needs to know he is safe to feel. Spraying him in the face when he starts to feel anything but good, is not the best teaching method.

Heidi - posted on 01/09/2011

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I think at this age my mantra is distract, distract, distract. That doesn't mean just moving them (although that definitely can be a part of it) but also introducing another toy, thought or activity. Most of the time this seems to work. If it doesn't, I am a proponent of "time in", meaning rather than separate your child from you when they are melting down, you take a little break and have some quiet (or not so quiet!) time holding them or staying next to them while they calm down. I will say, however, I really think children are different and what works for one child will completely fail with another. The reactions of my two children to different techniques I have tried have been very, very different. So, in the end, go with your gut because you know your child best. Good luck!

Carol - posted on 01/08/2011

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The really bad thing we have to deal with is our son 'attacking' our daughter. Soem times he just pushes on her for no reason, like she'll be sitting up and the next thign we hear is her crying and hes running away. Normally we know he has done something to her and will catch him and ask him what he did, ask if he pushed her or hit her and tell him that it hurts her when he does things liek that and its mean. Then there are times when we do have to spank. Its not very often and it reserved when he does something he know he isnt supposed to and on purpose. Other then that we put him in time out in baby jail aka the pack n play.

Ashleigh - posted on 01/08/2011

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I'm not a fan of spanking, but sometimes I do resort to it, when there's a certain point reached. Usually all I gotta do is make her look me in the eye and say "bad", and she gets the hint real quick. Time outs come in handy when she get's really demanding on our attention and we are busy. When she bites she gets a LIGHT smack on the mouth, just enough to feel it. The real issue we have is her getting into the cat stuff. For that one, I do admit to having spanked her, repeatedly. It doesn't deter her permanently but she leaves it alone for a few days.



Also, before most any disciplinary measure. try a 3 count. Some things I do admit warrant immediate punishment, but try a 1-2-3 as much as you can. But don't let them get away with it if when you get up at 3 they stop. Don't let them push the limits like that. Trust me they pick up on that real quick.

Catharine - posted on 01/08/2011

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I think time out probably isn't effective if the child isn't staying there by himself to learn 1) how to control his own behavior and 2) that his bad behavior has resulted in separation from his family or friends--this of course is a bisc fact of life, people don't want to be with those who behave badly. Obviously, he has to learn how to do this, and the only way is probably to keep picking him up and putting him back without discussion.



So, the first time you put him in time you say "we don't hit (or whatever), so you need to stay in time out." Then you pick him up and put him in his time out spot, which needs to be somewhere slightly away from everyone, but no out of sight. The corner of the room, the bottom step of the stairs, etc. Then you walk away. You can't hover over him like you're going to make him stay there because then you're being drawn into a battle of wills and he isn't learning to control himself. You have to walk away like you're in charge of the situation. Of course, he's probably going to get up. So, without saying anything, you pick him up, put him in his corner, and walk away. You will probably have to do this many many times, but eventually he's going to give up and stay there--probably disolved into tears and laying on the ground. That's okay. He's just leanring what how timeout works and that you mean what you say. I've heard a minute a year, so you're little one is in the 1-2 minutes, and I would start with just one. It doesn't matter how long he stays at first, just that he's learning to stay and how timeout works. Then when the minute is up, you go back to him and say "you were in timeout for throwing (or whatever), now give me a hug." Maybe if he hit or hurt some else or an animal he needs to go give hugs to that person as well, but the hugs need to be joyful and show that all is forgiven and the relationship is restored. Then everything needs to be forgotten and everyone can go back to playing.



You'll probably have to put him back into timeout many times the first several times you do it, but eventually, if you're persistent and consistent, he'll learn to keep himself there. If you hover over him or stay with him or strap him into a chair though, he won't learn to keep himself there and it won't be that effective.



Also, I would use timeout for a small handfull of things, or maybe just one or two things that you're working on right now. I think it's not effective if they go to timeout many times a day for many different things. So, pick your battle and stick with it.



Now here's my full discolsure--I based all this (and this is what we do) on episodes of suppernanny that we watched five years ago. I think it's very effective, though. If you watch a few episodes of that show she always explains how timeout works and you'll get to see some kids behaving much worse than your own and you'll feel gratefull. : )

Lindsay L - posted on 01/08/2011

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Hi Moms'!
With my son we redirect him to do something else.
We make him say he is sorry (usually by hugging & kisses) when he does something bad toward someone, or our dogs. we also use time out in a the same chair every time. We only use spanking as a last resort.
I have only had to a few times, and it's always on the butt.

Meghan - posted on 01/08/2011

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I don't know if my son gets the point of time out. I put him the corner and sit with him (other wise he wouldn't stay) and I try to calmly explain what he did wrong and why it was wrong. But he just cries and fights be more. Does anyone have tips on how to have a successful time out?

[deleted account]

My little one is 22 months old and is starting to throw horrible tantrums. As soon as one starts we spray him in the face with a spray bottle to shock him out of it. Then we tell him he needs to relax and then we discuss whatever the issue is. Now all we have to do is threaten to get the spray bottle and it stops his tantrums right in its tracks. It is not mean and it is very effective.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2011

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ignoring tantrums and saying Yay! when she does good stuff definitely helps. When our 22 mth old girl is doing something bad I try to redirect it to doing something good n it usually works.

Catharine - posted on 01/07/2011

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We do time out for hitting or pushing or throwing things at other people. We also take away toys that were thrown at someone else, or take the cat away or the little sister--basically, the message to Samuel is, you don't get to play with the cat/your sister/us if you hurt them/us. Then, after time out, we make a big deal of hugging whoever was hurt. So far this is working for us, but Samuel doesn't have a big problem with this.

I read or heard somewhere that the point of disciplining children is to teach them self discipline and how to control their own behavior--we're not controlling their behavior for them. This made sense to me. This is supposed to be the point of time-out--the child has to keep themself in the naughty chair or naughty corner or whatever you use. By doing this, they are learning self discipline. Of course, with Samuel, this meant putting him back into the corner time and time again until he finally stayed.

Meghan - posted on 01/07/2011

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I know, right? I don't like to do it, but its like instinct. When he hits or throws, I tap his hand. I am trying to get out of the habit of doing it. What do others do?

Erin - posted on 01/06/2011

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so, you hit in response to your little guy hitting? That doesn't make sense to me and I'm 36. How could that make any sense to a two year old?

Meghan - posted on 01/06/2011

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We try to do a little hand slap when he throws/hits, and say "we don't hit/throw/etc". But I wonder, does this teach him that hitting is ok in some instances? I am not sure, for or against it. Obviously, we aren't beating our children, it is just a little tap. But I wonder if its confusing to them? I honestly don't know.

By the way, I heard somewhere that you should praise your child 10x more then your scold them. So like one mom said, rather then say "don't do that" we should turn it into a positive. Its hard, but we are trying to do that in our house.

Sarah-Anne - posted on 01/06/2011

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Bella is very stubborn and defiant. she gets counted, time out strapped into "naughty" chair (otherwise she'll just get out), we r working on getting all toys out of her room so she'll soon get in room time outs, and occasionally she'll get a hand smack or butt swat. my husband and i both agree that while we don't want to spank our daughter, sometimes it's necessary and the only way to get thru to her that she can't do something. we got her to stop pulling (and ripping out to point of drawing blood) others hair, by lightly tugging on hers. it took about a week to break her of that. she gets butt smacks when she stands up in the bathtub for the 3rd time or tells me no when i ask her to sit. i ignore any temper tantrums if we are home or friends/family's homes. if we are out somewhere (grocery store, mall, etc), i usually move her out of the way then go about my business while keeping her in sight. this way she thinks i'm ignoring her, but i can be right there if need be. tho i have found the best way to keep Bella from misbehaving is to point out other childrens' bad behavior. when she sees other kids crying and throwing fits, we always say "the baby is crying, he/she isn't being a big boy/girl, or he/she isn't being a good boy/girl" Bella loves being told she's a big girl or a good girl. the only problem i have with my daughter is when i am watching my niece who is 5 and her mom doesn't believe in spankings. she gets counted and time outs but when she gets to the point where i would spank Bella, I'm not allowed to spank her, but Bella usually reminds me that her cousin should be getting a spank and doesn't understand why she gets spanks and her cousin doesn't. i'm just waiting for the day when taking toys, tv time, computer time, etc will work for misbehaving. tho that's about the time talking back starts as well.

Sue-Allan - posted on 01/05/2011

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Thanks Renae. Your advice is helpful. My daughter Kendra will be 2 in March and she's a real energetic little princess:). Hands on everything and she has quite a strong personality. However, I did notice that the ignoring helps ALOT, especially when the temper tantrum throwing is on board. She continued and after 5 minutes, she completely stopped, got on the couch, laid herself down and voila, quiet as a mouse. hehehehe. We'll continue with this though. The praising is also very true! They seem to love being praised:)

Marcy - posted on 01/05/2011

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We usually say "No baby, you can't do that" and physically remove her at first (redirect). If she does it again and we try to stop her and she throws a major fit, we put her in the pack and play until she calms down. We say "are you done crying" she shakes her head yes and stops herself and goes off to play/do something else. I *think* its working pretty well - she seems to get it. We do believe in spankings for last resort and/or major offensives (direct disobedience, lying, etc.) but that is when they are older (probably around 3 or so) not at this young age.

Amy - posted on 01/04/2011

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Haven't had much problem in that area yet w/ our 22 mth old, although smacking her hand seemed to work when she refused to stop touching things. She's gotten a swat on the butt once. Our daughter is very stubborn and when she does get into those moments when she just won't listen, she gets to sit on the couch for awhile til we tell her to get up. We do believe in spankings but we keep them as a last resort.

Katherine - posted on 12/31/2010

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Time out. Saying, "No thank you" when she does something I don't want her to do. If she continues to do it I redirect her. If she still continues, I physically pick her up and move her. I continue until she stops. And eventually she does. I don't believe in spanking, although I have with my 5yo, but that's another story.....
I am determined and set not to spank my baby.
When she hits she gets a time out. She won't stay so I hold her there. 1.5 minutes.
Hope this helps.

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