How to resolve toddler showing preference/favouritism of a parent over another?

Norhuda - posted on 02/23/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

11

8

0

I need help! My almost 3 year old daughter has always shown a preference for me over her dad. Its coming to the point of impossibility for me. It has come to the point that I am resentful that he is 'allowed' not to help out since she will scream whenever he comes near her (during those diff moments) and I have to do everything for her, and her dad is not allowed to even touch her. At one point, she was much better but she's swung to the other extreme again. FYI, we are both extremely busy parents, happy with the occasional arguments, but otherwise in a stable, healthy relationship. I keep telling her to love her Papa equally but she just doesn't prefer him. He is by nature a quieter, non-confrontational sort of person, whereas my daughter follows more like me, gregarious by nature, more an extrovert and more domineering when dealing with family members. Any advice on how to resolve favouritism is much appreciated! :))

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

5 Comments

View replies by

Sara - posted on 01/16/2014

10

0

0

My son prefers me to his daddy too:(. I think it really hurts dhs feelings, but I keep telling him that WE are the adults and he can't take things personally. He can vent to me about it but I don't think it's helpful for DH to withdraw from ds when ds says he wants mommy etc. Sometikes my DH acts super pissed about it and I think that just makes things worse .

I do notice that on days when DH doesn't go to work (weekends) and he gets down on the floor w ds and plays, without looking at his phone or being distracted, my son will tackle him more and ask for tickles, etc. I don't think it's right for DH to think I should play less with ds so that his version of playing doesn't seem so... distant? I get really into playing with ds and it's hard for me to reign it in, but I think that my husband's nature (also a mellow quieter dude) might be fighting a losing battle against a natural mommy love that all kids have, plus an outgoing and enthusiastic mommy who gives ds most of her attention.

I wish you luck, and I'm sure there will be a time when the tables turn and she's ALL about daddy. I think this must he due to the new sibling, in your case. Just make sure you're spending time one on one with ODD, even if you think she's being too clingy.

Norhuda - posted on 03/09/2012

11

8

0

Thanks Dawn! Its nice to know that we're not the only one experiencing her extreme mood swings.. Yup, her daddy needs to step up to get her attention and spend more time with her, in the meantime, I'll just persevere on.. It just occured to me that maybe her extreme preference to me over her daddy could stem from the fact that she has a new younger sibling and that as I spend time breastfeeding her sis, she could also be jealous of the attention her sis is getting from me..

Dawn - posted on 03/06/2012

4

14

0

I agree with Katherine. My almost 3 year old daughter was the same way...drove me absolutely insane! And it sure didn't help her dad 'cause he referred to himself as the dirt stuck on sh*t on the bottom of a shoe when mommy was around. But he would take her and our oldest swimming or skating sometimes and now, when she's hurt or wants something, she sometimes goes running to daddy instead of me (thank god!) Still has her mommy only days though. Good luck!

Norhuda - posted on 03/05/2012

11

8

0

Thanks Katherine! Since my post, I've decided to put on a united front with the hubs and got my daughter to recognise its not one or either of us, but that she has parents. We've also taken turns to issue timeout to her - when she starts her crankiness as well as positive rewards to her. So far, it has kinda helped. Last night, she snuggled up to her Daddy! :)

Katherine - posted on 02/24/2012

65,420

232

4849

I so know how you feel. It's exhausting and maddening! Maybe if he actually took her out and did stuff with her, just the 2 of them it would help? That's the best way to deal with it. Before my separation I had the same issues. Now that daddy takes them everywhere it's much better.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms