My son has too much energy. I need advice...desperately!

Amanda - posted on 05/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My three-year-old is driving me insane. He is so smart. He knows his letters, counts to 20, counts to 100 by tens, he memorizes songs that we sing and books that we read, he says please and thank you. He is smart as a whip, but he just doesn't seem to listen. I know it sounds strange, because he learns so fast, but when asked a question he doesn't respond. He doesn't even respond to his name. I have to actually get in front of him to get him to pay attention to what I'm saying. I can't take him to restaurants because he doesn't fit in the high chair anymore and won't sit still in a chair or booster. I can't take him to the photographer because he won't sit or stand still long enough to get a photo taken. This all sounds so normal for a three year old, but it goes on ALL THE TIME. I've started to think he may have some form of autism. However, his doctor says that he probably doesn't because he hits his milestones. He is too young to test for ADHD. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. People say I can potty train him by offering a reward. What if he doesn't care about a reward? What if when I ask him if he wants peanut butter on his sandwich or cheese, he just doesn't respond? He says he wants a cookie(he doesn't actually say "I want a cookie." He just says "cookie"), I say no and he just keeps saying cookie cookie cookie. If I say yes and offer him a choice of chocolate chip or animal cookie he doesn't answer. He should be able to answer a question. What show do you want to watch? What toy do you want to play with? What book do you want to read? Do you want to sing? He says "snack" I say what kind of snack, banana or crackers? Nothing. I get nothing from this kid. I am at my wits end.

Does anyone have ANY advice? I don't know what to do. I cut back on sugar, no change. I only let him watch two tv shows a day, nothing. I take him to the park so he can get some energy out, no change. I don't know what else to do. I know I can't keep strapping him into high chairs to get him to eat quietly. But when I let him sit in a chair or at his little table he is up running around tossing bits of sandwich, spitting out food he doesn't want, spilling his milk. I have an eight month old too. How am I supposed to continue caring for two kids at the same time who seem to need equal amounts of attention and care. He's 3. I realize that he still needs a lot, but I shouldn't have to spoon feed him anymore. He KNOWS how to use a spoon and even a fork. He chooses to toss his food around anyway. He acts like a baby.

I know you aren't supposed to compare your kids to other peoples, but I know people with kids who are two and can sit in a booster seat or point to something and say "I want that". Or even say "Hi Mommy". Tommy never calls me Mommy. He doesn't call my husband Daddy either. He never uses proper nouns. Tommy, Joey (his brother), Auntie, Mommy, Daddy, Grandma. If you say "Tommy, how old are you?" You get no response. Its like he can't hear me, but I know he can. He memorizes books that I read, songs I sing and so on. He's listening but not.

Now, I'm just rambling, and crying. I haven't been able to really talk about this to anyone, so here strangers, judge away but please, I beg you, leave me with some advice that isn't "Normal 3 year old behavior". Trust me when I say, it's not. It can't be. I love him, but either something is going on with him or something is WRONG with me.

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3 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 06/29/2012

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I would normally not do this...but you are listing RED FLAG after RED FLAG for Autism. IGNORE your doctor and find a local agency that could screen for this. Pennsylvania where I live has Intermediate Units that help with this. I am a special education teacher and know that these are some of the major signs. Autism can be helped so much if you catch it early. He will need intervention as much as you can to help progress normally and overcome some of the symptoms. You are the mom and it is your instinct. I would push for some kind of testing.

It is not normal three year old behavior to say one word at a time even after told to ask a question. If he is not responding to his name or looking you in the eyes...that is a major red flag. If you tell me the state that you live in, I can help you find a resource to go to. PLEASE DON'T IGNORE YOUR INSTINCT!!!! Austim is treatable....at least the symptoms and the challenges they face can be helped with therapy.

Katherine - posted on 05/26/2012

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My daughter is non-stop too. But what concerns me about your son is the not responding. He is NOT too young to be tested for autism. Get another opinion. It's either that or ADHD, from the info you've given me. No, this is no normal behavior. He should be responding to his name and other questions. Also don't worry about the potty training YET. Boys take longer.

I would go to another doctor if you haven't already. I know of kids diagnosed at 2 and 3. That's ridiculous that as a mother you KNOW something is wrong with your child but no one will help you! I hate that. And I've heard it so many times. Please seek another opinion. I hope it helps and you keep us updated.

Sarah-Anne - posted on 05/24/2012

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my daughter is the same. turned 3 on March 20. she is 100% potty trained and it took forcing her to go naked for 5 straight days and her peeing down her leg once to get her there. rewards would work for maybe a day (or hour) if i was lucky. she never listens, throws tantrums or just out right ignores. she does speak in full paragraphs, but if asked a direct question she doesn't bother to even acknowledge you. she knows all her colors, shapes, alphabet, 1-20, etc. many teachers think she's about to be in kindergarten not just starting preschool in the fall. she also has SO MUCH ENERGY. she is non-stop, on the go, from the minute she wakes up until i have to force her to go to bed at night. we went to the park today and she ran for two straight hours and was still wanting to run around a play outside when we got back home. we even walked there and back (over 1 mile each way) and i made her walk. our nickname for her in Jack Russell terror (terrier). our doctor said she is just very advanced but still only 3, so she may be mentally closer to 5 but emotionally she is her age. if she doesn't listen or pay attention, we need to remove all distractions and force her to look us in the eyes and respond, no matter how long it takes. it is more trying on us, but it is very slowly working. i just went back to work 6 weeks ago and the babysitter has noticed an improvement in her behavior, so she doesn't act this way with everyone, which is hopeful for when school starts. she is also an only child so the complete 1-on-1 also helps, but she isn't the only one with the sitter and that's where her behavior has most improved, go figure. Good luck, it's a process and a challenge, but just take a deep breath and hope he one day grows out of it. that's all i can hope for too.