Sabine - posted on 06/14/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
Hello & Help~!
I am dealing with the challenge of a painful MIL and are hoping for some advice/feedback.
I am originally from Europe and now married to an Aussie boy...so are not sure on the customs in Down Under..but maybe you can all shed some light on what’s normal and what’s not.
I grew up with 2 fantastic grannies that I would see ONCE a month. Looking back my mum must have felt more comfortable with her own mum minding me as they let me in her care for 2 weeks when I was 1 year old but I never spend more than a day with my dad’s mum. By the way - both grannies lived I my hometown, so very close by.
Well, now to my MIL (by the way - she is a lonely widow):
From Day 1 of dating her son she presented a challenge: there is either her way or no way. Just a few examples…:
* She tried to decide on our wedding venue and the guest list and even bought me a wedding dress without being asked for any help,
* When I fell pregnant she knew it all despite having adopted her own children.
* She bought CHRISTMAS Baby curtain material even though I clearly mentioned we had decided on blinds.
* She buys BOYZ clothes for our GIRL because they are on sale.
* She buys a special & expensive reflux pillow because I must have mentioned that little one threw up a bit.
* She asks inappropriate questions about my sex life with her son.
* She has made up lies on several occasions.
* She comes over unannounced/uninvited and knows she shouldn’t (Her excuse” I was just in the neighbourhood”)
And now the worst: she wants to come over to see little on all the time. I honestly threat her visits by now as she is not an entertaining person to hang out with (she always wants to know everything) and if I catch up with her without my husband, I can be sure she will call him afterwards and repeat or conversations. (slightly altered!)
Because I don’t like her anymore (I did originally but she has screwed up too many times) I also don’t want my daughter to be exposed to her all the time. Guess that’s just a normal mother thing to be protective.
Question is…how often should a granny be able to see her grandchild? Is it really common for her to come over every single weekend? (she knows I wouldn’t open the door if she starts popping by during the week)
After all her son has his own family now and she should respect that we want to spend time as a little new family… . I am happy for her to visit every 2 weeks but don’t think every weekend is appropriate.
Am I asking for too much??