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how to handle critisim from an in-law

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I used to handle it well...I would grin and bare it and maybe say what i thought but mainly I just took it! But today after spending a week in our home my father-in-law left with much critisim. He started by saying your doing a great job but...
then followed by you not setting boundries at feeding times..(our son has receantly with in the past few weeks developed a picking eating habit, but has been under weight and had eating issues for many many months) you cant just feed him what he wants your making him picky...I explained a method I am doing with him that is starting to work...he said he doesnt see it.
Then he said there was a reason why our does things when he is here, because he pushes him to and we need to push him more and push him to stay awake. he also said he doesnt know of babies that take morning naps.(our son starting crawling when he was here but thats it everything else he did with us and now takes one long morning nap a day)He then followed it by saying watch how much processed food I give him...I told him the reason why when he was here he got the processed food he did and he thought I shouldnt (my son had cearal bars, and a muffin) most everything else I feed him is organic and minumaly processed. he got an attitude and said a cearal bar was very processed and I reminded him why he got the kind I gave him.
Am I over reacting but took great offence to all of this. He always has something to say about how we are choosing to raise our son, when our son was young he used to say co-sleeping was wrong and you shouldnt hold him to fall asleep I mean it has been never ending. We dont do things the way he does but he thinks his way is the best...ok he is grandpa I get that but let me raise my son my way. He acts as though we are clueless and dont know what we are doing. I am 34 years of age( the same age as his ex-wife and the mother to his young daughters) and I have been around many babies and have nannied for years but he just doesnt think we are doing anything right! Ihave never let it get to me untill now, I am offended and my husband is not on my side and is sticking up for his dad.....could I maybe be overreacting?

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3 Comments

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April - posted on 04/28/2011

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Ideally, your husband should be dealing with his dad and supporting you but since that is not happening you need to do it. Although it's easier to be offended and defensive, you should kindly but VERY firmly tell your father in law that you are doing what is best for YOUR son and that if he really has that much problem with it that he's welcome to LEAVE. This is what I ultimately had to do with my mother in law and (with occasional reminders) it has worked.

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Haha thank you so much Brandy I agree but it was great to hear! And ya after today I probably need to start a new thread...my huuby is %100 not careing how much it sometimes bothers me...he says get over it thats not how I took it! uuurr! His mom and aunt got on my case about not sending them a thank you card for a gift we recieved but I thanked in person and she layed into me and called me pathetic, ungrateful, and I just grinned and bared it..has my hubby said anything in my defence..NO...anyway im getting off on another tangent....
thank you for your words of encouragment!

Brandy - posted on 04/25/2011

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First things first: STOP defending your actions, you are doing just fine! Even here you are explaining everything you are doing... there is no need for that! You are doing a great job and you know your son better than anyone else!

Now, as for FIL practice with me smile and nod... now turn and run! The ideal thing would be for your hubby to talk to your dad about keeping his yap shut. My husband and have a deal.. I handle my crazy parents, he handles his crazy parents.
Is your husband defending his dad because he agrees with him? Or is he defending his dad because he is his dad and he feels like he has to?
It doesn't matter if he agrees with your dad or not- his dad needs to respect you and that is the end of it. If he won't agree with that then we need to start a new thread......

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