18 Year Old Expectant Mum Needing Advice!!

Jade Kerry Marie - posted on 11/24/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am 18, im currently 24 weeks pregnant and i really need some advice about what to do about my baby's father. Hes 17, he already has a 3 year old son, and i am expecting his second son - so yes 2 sons by 2 different woman, nice start huh. We dated for over 11 months, when he ended things, apparently hes not the type of lad to have a serious relationship, we didnt know i was pregnant when he ended it, we found out like 4 weeks after, but things still stay the same when he ended it for 8 weeks after, then all of a sudden he stopped contacting me, he wouldnt hang out with me, just cut me dead for a solid 6-8 weeks, then he got in contact again, hes come to both of my scans, he facebook messages me everyday asking how the baby is, however he doesnt offer to meet up, he has only paid for steriliser and gave me £50 thats it, even though he works full time, and im a student living off benefits, while ive struggled to pay for everything, everytime we have planned to hang out he has changed plans, he dumps me to hang out with his mates or this one specific girl. He is good as gold with his 3 year old son, it took him 2 years to get access to him because the mother gave her rights up to her mum so his son thinks his biological nan is his mum, but the way hes acting at the moment makes me think hes not going to be around when the baby is here. He wants to be my birthing partner. what do you guys think? x

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Dollie - posted on 12/07/2010

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I believe that no matter what age a person is,they should take responsibilty for their actions. We teach our kids from the very begining to do this. We punish and discipline them when they deserve it,and praise them for good deeds. I don't understand how a 17 year old boy,can't man up to something this huge. His life is changing to,but he's to selfish to be concerned about it. I say you drop contact with him. Get a paternity test even though you know it's his baby,that way he can't deny it later. If he doesn't want to pay child support then make him give up his parental rights. There is no reason why you should put up with his crap. You are young,beautiful,intelligent,and responsible for this child. You don't want your baby to be like that boy who refuses to be a man,don't let him have that influence. You have to be strong,even though it's hard. Tell him that unless he can take responsibilty for his baby,then he doesn't have one,it's yours. He doesn't need to be anywhere near the delivery room if he's not going to be a father.
Sorry if I seem harsh,but there are some things you just don't compromise on,and your baby is one of them. If you know in your heart what's right for that child,then you do it,even if no one agrees. My husband and I were together for 12 years,9 of them we were married. My divorce is being finalised now,because I couldn't force myself to be with him any longer. I was depressed and I wanted to die. I knew if I stayed,even if I didn't kill myself,I would never be the kind of mother my daughter deserved. I had to leave him,so I could live,so my daughter could have a better life. You evaluate your life,think about the kind of person you want your baby to be,then make the decisions to help them down that path to the best of your abilities. Even if it means doing what everyone else thinks is wrong,you do what's right for you and that baby.
Best of luck to you sweetie,stay stong

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11 Comments

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Meghan - posted on 12/21/2010

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First of all ::Hugs:: It is not easy going through a pregnancy alone, and to add that you are 18 and in school it must be tough. I would say, don't stress about this guy. If he wants to be involved, let him, but don't count on him. Unfortunately, it sounds like you will have to do most of this on your own. I would suggest, however, before the baby is born, meet with a lawyer. A lot of places have free lawyers that will give you a consultation on your rights. That way you and he can make a plan for child support, visitation, etc. You don't want to have to go back after the fact and get this stuff taken care of.

Just remember, you have to do what's best for you and your child. If that means raising him yourself, then so be it. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 12/20/2010

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I hate to disagree with the other ladies for the most part, and even though he seems like a dirt bag. If he wants to be involved in the birth, he is the Dad and this may be him trying to step up to the plate. I can't see what harm it would do to let him try and be there. The less conflict between the two of you the better for the baby. But of course that's as long as you feel you and your child aren't in any danger b/c of that decision. It sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do, and only you can decide what is best. but I wouldn't cut him out completely, this may be his best (even though it may not be enough, financially and emotionally). Make sure you have other people who support you and keep your guard up and know that it's likely he'll fail you and your child again. Try to be strong :) God bless you!

Krystle - posted on 12/18/2010

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i am in the same boat, but what i did is gave up on him and now i am doing what is best for me and my child. and if he dont want to be there that is his loss not yours you can make it with the help and support of your family and friends i know it dont make things easier but it helps and at this point and time you take one day at a time and hope for the best.. best wishes and good luck

Meghan - posted on 12/10/2010

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I would definitely agree with the moms that have already posted. The one thing I might add is that I would make him earn your trust back before I let him get too involved because when it comes right down to it...a baby is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility and you can't just walk out for 6-8 weeks of your child's life, its not fair to the baby. So I wouldn't necessarily cut im out of your life...but I would make it very clear that he needs to prove that he will be there through everything because Im sure that you want that stability for your child. But as most of the moms have said, it is up to you..but I would try and surround yourself with people who will support you unconditionally. Hope that helps, hun.

Dorothy - posted on 12/02/2010

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Start thinking about yourself first. You're better off without him in your life. Start surrounding yourself with positive people and your life will start to be less complicated. To put it frank : Cut out the CRAP from your life. Youre propably thinking, "what about my baby" its hard but do you really want him as a role model in your childs life? Take this time to focus on you and your baby. Remember that most men dont grow up untill their past their 20s, and some dont ever grow up. I hope youll be ok, you have a difficult path ahead. The fact that you asked this question is a step in the right direction, whatever choice you make. Remember its YOUR choice. You can listen to advice, you DONT have to take it. :) Good luck.

Stephanie - posted on 11/30/2010

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11 months is a fairly long time to be dating and if he can just drop contact with you like that then what do you think he is going to do to this poor baby?
Tell him to grow up and when he has grown some balls thats when he should be allowed to be in the delivery room!
Guys like this piss me off!

Erin - posted on 11/30/2010

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i think i would kick this guy to the curb. you and your baby deserve better, dont settle for a guy who dosent treat you right. you are young, find support in family and friends, and the right guy will come along and you will be happy you arent stuck with someone who you dont care about.

Naomi - posted on 11/29/2010

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1. is there someone else you trust who you can count on to be there in the room with you? If so, I would make plans for them to be there no matter what. 2. if he wants to be there, I wouldn't tell him no... this is his child as well, but I'd let him know you're not counting on him because he has not proven himself to be reliable. I hope it all works out.

Lindsay - posted on 11/27/2010

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You should do what is best for you and your unborn. If he is ready to accept that he must take responsibility then you should give him a chance. The way he just cuts you off without reason is irresponsible and juvenile. If those actions continue I would drop him completely until he's ready to become man, and a good father figure. I truly hope all works out for the best.

Beck - posted on 11/25/2010

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i think that, from the sounds of it, you are in a fairly complicated position, i have to say that if i was in your position i wouldnt want him in the birthing room, because he hasnt earned that right to be there. he may want to be there for his child, but that doesnt mean he can treat you like sh**. He obviously has no interest in you, because he doesnt respect you, or drop things for you, and probably expects you to drop everything for him.. i have been in a relationship like this before, except my baby wasnt involved. just have a think about whether this guy is someone you want in your life, or whther you can do better..


hope things work out love. im here if you need to talk,xx

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