Feeling guilty for being pregnant with twins...

Jeanna - posted on 10/15/2010

I have been through the same thing. I found out i was pregnant and a friend of mine had 2 miscarriages during our time of not telling anyone yet to the point that i didnt even want to tell because i felt bad for her.
I did what Rachel suggested. I sent her a letter (via snail mail for that personal touch) explaining to her that i was deeply sorry for her loss but that i was very excited about my pregnancy and that i may "prattle on" about it in the public areas, like facebook. I told her that I was not meaning to boast or to make her feel bad about her situation. I told her i was there for her if she wanted to talk about just her and i would refrain from talking about my kids at that time to help her. but i was not going to withhold information about my pregnancy and daughter from other people on my facebook page just for the fear of making her feel sad.
I worded it slightly better than that.
She understood and has really supported me. She is overjoyed when i tell all about the sex or milestones that my daughter goes through.
She has told me personally (as she is a very good friend) that hearing me be happy for my children has given her hope to some day have (or adopt if need be) her own children. We even at one time talked about surrogacy for her in case her reason for miscarriages cant be overcome.
I think it has made us better friends for it.

Sorry to prattle on but i thought you might apreciate the personal insight.
Hugs and good luck with your twins.

Jodi - posted on 09/30/2010

Thanks everyone! It's nice to know that I shouldn't have to tip toe around on egg shells, it will have been over 2 months since their tragedies when we find out the genders...and while I know they will still be grieving, I think that is enough time to pass for me not to say a peep about the babies. Not that I will start making daily posts!!!! But, I will post the genders! One of the cousins has private messaged me since I posted this, even though she didn't mention her miscarriage, she congratulated me and I did tell her I was sorry about her baby. She hasn't said anything back, but we were never close and it made me feel better that she could let me be happy, I think that was very hard for her.
Thanks again everyone!

Bobbi - posted on 09/30/2010

I'm sorry this happened to his cousins' but you should not at all feel guilty about being happy about having twins and your pregnancy...
It is not your fault for their miscarriages and they will probably be trying again soon and be pregnant again, it is common to miscarry your first baby, I did...
I wouldn't overly talk about the twins but I definitely wouldn't not talk about them and share what is going on with them, especially their gender and I would definitely put their gender on Facebook for everyone to know... And be proud and not worry about the petty comments his parents or any other part of his family say, which I know is easier said than done But you have every right to enjoy and share your pregnancy...
If you really are concerned then talk to your in-laws about the situation and let them know how you feel... It isn't right for them to make you feel guilty about wanting to share the joy of your pregnancy, especially with twins... Good Luck and God Bless...

Rachel - posted on 09/29/2010

I think your husbands family are being very unfair to you. Having a baby is a special time but having twins is incredible. My husband and I decided to try for baby number 4 and found out at the 12 week ultra sound that we are having twins. So I know how you are feeling about wanting to talk about the wonder of twins.

For your husbands cousins, they need to grieve the loss of their babies and to do that, they need to get over the hurdle that life goes on. If everyone tries to protect them from other peoples happy news about expecting a baby (or two in your case), it will only make it worse for them.

I recommend to you to live your life. Share with your family and friends on facebook what is happening with your twins. If you don't want to be disrespectful to the ladies who lost their babies, then contact them or send a card to them saying that you are sorry for their loss and you hope that the news of your twins isn't hard for them to hear about.

Good Luck with your babies, I hope everything goes well for you.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/29/2010

I really feel like they are asking a lot from you. I don't think that I could not talk/facebook about my pregnancy. Really it seems that they are being somewhat mean, these twins are there relatives. Good luck with everything i hope they come around soon

Kaleena - posted on 09/28/2010

dont feel bad your having twins yes its sad they lost their babies but sometimes it just happens and theres nothing that can be done to change that and the in laws arent very nice if they are talking bout you and their grandchildren behind your back

Fiona - posted on 09/27/2010

I would do nothing .. . .well cry to my partner about how horrible his family are.
You are aloud to write on your facebook page, you are writing things about your life, not there losses. You can feel sad and sorry for there loss, but dont feel guilty, it's not your fault.
As for facebooking the sex . . .hmmm maybe private message if you really are worried bout upsetting others. Personally if you always were going to put it up i dont see why not. You are not saying anything rude about there loss.

Not long ago i had a friend miscarriage, 4 weeks later i told her i was pregnant, she was happy for me. Then 2 weeks later, she found out she was pregnant again. What i'm tring to say is hopefully with in the next 12 months they will fall pregnant again.

Best of luck with it all.

Stephanie - posted on 09/27/2010

Why cant they be happy for you? Pregnancy is an exciting time and if they cant be happy for you then maybe they shouldnt read your facebook. I think its selfish of them to be upset with you. I wouldnt feel bad because like you said none of you are close and they havent exactly told anyone about their losses either so how were you meant to know? Or if your really worried about what they will say maybe private message the people you want to tell when you find out the sexes. What a crap sittuation :(