I need advice

Tonya - posted on 10/28/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am 29 yrs old I have four kids(three)with my husband.what I need help with is I don't belive in divorce but I think my husband is taking advantage of that.let me explain my husband is always accusing me of cheating,is very mentally abusive,and paronoid.right now me and my husband do not live together cause I left.Me and my kids are staying with my mom.but he'll call and the phone will be busy cause my mom or older son will be on it so when he finally gets throguh he says I was talking to an ex-boyfriend.my thing is when I trie to call him he turns his phone off or just don't answer.my question is should we maybe see if marriage counseling will help.or is he to controlling.I dont know what to do cause I don't belive in divorce and he says he want divorce me cause then I'll be able to go and do as I please.what can I do??

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Lesley - posted on 02/06/2013

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I can tell you with a jelous dude, concelling frequently doesnt work. The will do the dance and be good for a week or so, but they internally have already judged you, either by divulging your past, or are broken themselves, and then its back to. The verbal abuse and snoopin g your phone and so on.

Lesley - posted on 02/06/2013

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Nope, dont try to fix it...run hard, run fast, run far! My sister is in a relationship just like this, and her fear of being alone keeps her in it."hes a good guy with a great heart, just parinoid". Shed say. Even when we caught him in Mexico having a sexual vacation with his ex my sister was still the slut.
If you keep up the relationship you are teaching your kids that women arw doormats and are easy to control with their emotions. Have some respect for yourself and tell him to loose your number!

Trish - posted on 09/27/2011

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Do the counselling. You just answered your own question. You don't believe in divorce and you want to save your marriage. Go and do the counselling now. Your husband needs to know how you feel and to listen to what you have to say. Counselling will give you that outlet. Your hubby sounds very insecure and has some issues he needs to tackle. Book that appointment and set that hubby of yours straight for the sake of your little family. Good luck.

Tiffany Michelle - posted on 04/25/2011

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you can try marriage counseling, but personally i think he is a bit controlling . . . another thing that throws a red flag up for me is that fact that he is accussing you of cheating . . . usually the accussee is the cheater . . . i hope that is not the case for your sake, but . . . i've been in a pretty bad marriage (possessive, obsessive, mentally and emotionally abusive as well as sexually abusive), and i didn't want to divorce either, and if it wouldn't have been for him hitting my 2 year old son i would still be with him, but that was the last straw . . . nobody lays a hand on my son . . . look at the obvious and make you decision . . .

Ashley - posted on 04/12/2011

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Hey sweetie,
First of all I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know you posted this back in February but I hope my advice helps you anyways. I actually understand where you are coming from. I acutally have had the same problem in my marriage. At one point is was really bad but we actually worked it out on our own which we were lucky. Honestly counseling will not hurt at all that is one thing that I would definitely try. But if you go to counseling and trying it again you it does not stop I mean try EVERYTHING that you can and if nothing works than you might need a divorce. I know the bible says that couples should get divorced only unless of death or adultery but honestly if your going to be unhappy and abused I don't believe you should have to be stuck in the marriage either. I can't stand couples who dont try at all to safe a marriage I mean we are all human beings we screw up I think everyone deserves that chance.

Trish - posted on 02/15/2011

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He sounds REALLY insecure. I agree with the other ladies if you can access it, persue Marriage counselling as soon as possible. You need to deal with this problem now.If you can't...and you go church...ask the minister if he can help...and hold a session where you and your husband can talk. Or tell your man he needs to seek counselling because you're not doing anything wrong.

I just have one question...Have you ever cheated on your husband in the past...like before marriage? Maybe that's why he's paranoid...if you haven't...He's messing with your head...and he sounds a bit like a control freak.

I have another question do you guys have sex on a regular basis? If he's not getting any maybe that's why he's going a bit loopy. I tell this to my girls all the time...Pussy is power. Men do crazy stuff for that putty tat. If he's not getting any...and you don't want a divorce...You gotta give him some chum chum.BUT before 'indulging' him...seek out that counsellor ASAP and get down to the root of his behaviour. He has to know he's hurting you with his behaviour and it gotta stop. And let him know that you haven't cheated...tell him you'll do a polygraph test even...just to calm him down.

Divorce is the easy way out...working it out is the challenge. So all the best...I really do hope everything will turn out good for you. I'm going through major dramas with my husband right now...So I feel what you are going through. It's horrible...all your feelings and head messed up because a man isn't thinking right.

Rachel - posted on 01/06/2011

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I would try the marriage counseling. Although it sounds like he needs to go to counseling for his trust issues and his problem with drugs and alcohol on his own. If he isn't willing then you can always get an annulment rather then a divorce.

Tonya - posted on 10/28/2010

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I know it sounds as if hes cheating and if thats the case then a divorce would happen.but I would have to have to have seriouse proof.In my heart I dont think he'd cheat not with a person anyway but maybe with drugs and drinking.he has a big drug and drinking problem.

SARAH - posted on 10/28/2010

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I'm with you on not believing in divorce, to a point! You have to do what you think is best! That being said: usually when someone is making false accusations it's because they themselves are doing wrong! It sounds to me like he may be seeing someone(s) on the side! Whats your belief when cheating is involved? I always suggest that a married couple try & work things out & if both parties are willing counseling is a great option to go! People these days run to divorce for an easy out! But if he is abusive (like it kinda sounds) then maybe staying gone is a better option!!! If you want divorce then there are ways to go that he can't stop it!

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