i think depression is setting in

Sam - posted on 05/11/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i recently had a baby 9 days ago and i've been cooped up the house with nowhere to go and a mother in law whos driving me up the walls! it started to hit me today and i have been very down and want to cry about everything and plus my husband hasnt paid much attention to meet since the baby has been born. and to make matters worse i walked in on my husband looking at naked girls on the computer..now i already feel like he doesnt love me like he did when we first got together and now im pairanoid that hes gonna cheat on me cus i cant satisfy him cus i just gave birth not to long ago and i cant have sex yet and since hes not giving me any attention i feel like im falling out of love with him..

we have been together a year and a half and married for almost 5 months.

i dont know what to do can someone give me some advice on what to do?

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Theresa - posted on 05/12/2010

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First I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a long talk about how you're feeling. Try not to sound like you're blaming him, just let him know how you feel. If you sound like you're blaming him he will be on the defensive right away and not willing to really listen. Then I think you need to make an appt with your doc and talk to him about how you're feeling. It may be something you van just talk through, or he may feel that some meds would be a better way to help. Just because you start meds doesn't meen you'll need to be on them forever. I had PPD after my fist. Iwas on meds for several months, then went off and things were fine. I've had 3 more kids since and never had to be back on meds. I did get some feelings of being down after each of them, but nothing that needed meds. Depending on what the outcome of the talk with your husband is mayeb the two of you could benefit from some counseling. Having a baby can be a difficult change in a marriage. Trying to find time for the two of you when you have a new little one isn't always easy. I would say since your MIL is there the two of you should take an eve and just go out to dinner to spend time together. Just because your husband is looking at women on ine doesn't mean he's not satisfied with you. Men like to look. I'm not saying it's OK and I would not be happy if my husband did it, but it is normal male behavior (that he CAN control and not do). Men don't inderstand why it bothers us for them to do those kinds of things. As far as intimacy, even though sex is out for a couple weeks there's always cuddling and kissing. Maybe he's much more understanding and willing to wait than you think. His not paying attention to you since the baby coulg also be because he's excited about being a daddy and forgets that he still needs to be a husband. We women do the same thing a lot of times right after baby is born. Have a long honest discussion with him about all of it. Your hormones are out of whack right now and it a lot of times makes things seem much worse than they really are. As far as MIL. Does she live close by, is that why she's there, or is she staying to help out? If she's staying to help, then maybe it's time she be told "Thank you so much for helping me out these first few days, but I think I'm ready to do it on my own now." If you're not comfortable saying that, then your hubby should. Good luck. Remember when talking to hubby about all this try not to lay blame on him so he doesn't go on the defensive right away. Use statements that start out "I feel...." That puts the emphasis on you so he doesn't feel attacked. There's a good chance he doesn't realise that you feel neglected or scared of him cheating.

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Michelle - posted on 05/11/2010

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well all i can say to you honey is maybe its all just post partum depression? you should talk to your doc about it asap just in case. and i wouldnt really bother about your husband looking at naked ladies lol he has to keep himself occupied for thos 6 weeks your healing. and keep communication open with him and your mother in law. ask her if she'll babysit so you and the hubby can go have dinner and talk? i dont know if any of these are options for you but dont jump to conclusions and really talk to your doc. i hope some of this helps

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