My Daughter and her Husband Hate my Husband.

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

My Daughter & her Husband hate my Husband. This has been going on for 7 years. I used to visit her & family (Husband,2 Granddaughters) by myself (they live in another State). I used to see her when she came to my State , but my Husband was never allowed to join us & she refuses to visit me in our home because of her hatred for my Husband.
For seven years, I have been compromising, groveling, pleading, but nothing has changed. (all this because her Husband's family invested in my Husband's company which failed when dot com happened & they think my Husband is a "crook.")
I was being pulled in half & in so much pain, so I recently wrote my Daughter & told her that I would not visit her without my Husband & would not see her where I live unless she comes to our home.
I just couldn't stand the pain my Husband has been under anymore.
My Daughter did call me on Mother's Day. But, we used to talk on the phone alot, Now we don't , though I send her messages, like Hi, etc.
I think I did the right thing, but it is very, very hard. I also worry about their kids learning not to be compassionate and forgiving.
What do you think? Any advise? Anyone with a similar story and what you did? (I pray a lot).
Thanks.

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Holly - posted on 06/21/2009

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also ,i would pray that you and your kids and you rhusband could forgive each other may be get togetherat a park and have lunch and just talk see how things go .(but all im saying is that if they meaning your husband and her and him cant getalong then ,just see her and those grandkids ..well good luck

[deleted account]

I am thrilled to hear! Best wishes to you. I lift you up and pray that God will keep his hands on you giving you guidance and peace.

Shelly - posted on 05/30/2009

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Lynn,

I am so sorry that you have to go theu this pain...But NO your not wrong if they don't have the sence to know that buisnesses fail then they shouldn't be investing thier money any were!!! If they are into investing maybe you should ask them how thier 401k's are doing??? I'm really sorry that you have has to put your foot down with them b/c it does hurt your relationship with your grandbabys and I know that hurts...Ya know the old saying that God will not give us any more than we can handle...Sweety it's all in the way we choose to handle it and so far it sounds like you have done what needs to be done to save your self from more heart ache...I'm sorry that your son-in-law has never had the leason on comassion or forgiveness. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that the Lord will lay a blessing of forgiveness upon your entire family

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Holly - posted on 06/21/2009

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I agree with you but all im saying is that if they want to belive what they belive then lwt them but dont sat away from those grandkids they need you as much as you need them and you need to talk to your daughter and tell her thats just how it worked out and that your husband never stole or took from the company and you would like to put past in the past and start over ...........show them the papper work or what ever you have !good luck pluss my kids are 9yr 6yr and 211/2 months

so thats a nother reason why i pick my kids more !!!!

[deleted account]

somewhere in the Holy Bible, Jesus talks about the Sacrament of Marriage. I believe in the Holy Bible and my Lord Jesus. I follow Him. My Husband comes first.

[deleted account]

well, your kids cannot be replaced, either can mine. But, in my world, my Husband is the one I cling to...My daughter and her husband have believed false information. My husband has never done anything to them, they are just choosing to keep their opinion, based on nothing. I know i did the right thing. My husband does not drink or break anyone up. He is a man of integrity. He has compassion and forgiveness. They have never taken him up on his offer to talk to them and give them the facts. Their loss.

Holly - posted on 06/19/2009

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Hello my name is holly and i m also wondering why she does not like him do much is there other factors at all did he break u and her dad up or maybe drink and she dont like it ?I say as long as you and her can get along then thats all that matters cause im telling you what ,my dad was soposto walk me down the assile when i got married ,welll my step mom said no he could not and boy to day rest my step moms sole ,my dad regrets every min of it .WHEN he comes over he sees my pitchers and almost cries because he allowed thata to happen ,i had my step -dad walk me down and i would not take that back eaither ,my step dad has and had been more of a supporting dad then him .my self being a mom i know a marriage is to last for ever but if my husband ever thought in his head for a min that i would pick him over them ,WRONG .I dont know if i should say this but im going to (husbands can be replaced ,kids and children cannot ).

[deleted account]

Hi Stephanie-yes you have been of help. And thank u very much. I do not want to drive away my Daughter, I love her. I have talked with her and her husband many times. Unfortunately, they refuse to talk with my Husband and have not been willing to hear another side of the matter that has them hate him. They have heard the truth from me many times, but they think that I have been duped. (I can't go into details except it has to do with $). My Husband and I will never spllit up.

Stephanie - posted on 06/16/2009

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All I can say is that they should let the past remain in the past. They do not have to love him they just have to tolerate him. They do not have to live with him either. But I do think that maybe all of you need to talk this over and hear what each other has to say. As far as your daughter goes do not drive her away she is your flesh and blood and so are her kids try to find a way that you can all be happy. I am going through something like this with my father and stepmom and I have not talked to my dad in a month and it is killing me but I am tired of being second rate. I was in his life for 13 years before she came along and that should stand for something. Other than that it sounds like they just need to grow up and let it go it has been 7 years time to move on. But do remember at the end of the day if you and your husband were to split up who will still be there YOUR DAUGHTER!! I am just hoping that after a month and me calming down some my dad can understand where I am coming from. I hope I have been of help.

[deleted account]

Hi and thank you and Bless you. I really was helped by your first sentence "what their kids learn is their problem." And, strangly enough, when I was at my Church today and saw all the kids there at school, I thought wow, I would really love to spend time with them. You have confirmed my thoughts (actually, probably the Holy Spirit talking to me) and so I am going to ask if I can volunteer to be with those little Angels.
God Bless You!

[deleted account]

What their kids learn is their problem.

That is hard. But your choice is right.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Stand firm and be polite and loving any time your daughter wishes to see or speak to you. she is they one in the wrong even if your husband intentionally stole from them. this is family. Family backs family and if they lose out to family they can choose not to invest a second time, but that doesn't mean they had to be cruel to get back at anyone.

Bless you. Find another outlet that needs your love and time invested into them. they will not be your grand babies, but they have a deep need you CAN meet in the meantime.

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2009

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Lynne, I'm just curious. Were you looking for advice or were you looking for comfort?

[deleted account]

Hi Shelly-your post brought me much comfort. God Bless You for your prayers.
Writing my Daughter was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I join my prayers with yours-that our Lord lays the blessing of forgiveness on my family.
Michelle's (post is below yours) thinks differently. In truth, it was not only my heartache, it was also that of my Husbands. To see him so broken when he was shunned, was too much to bear. Thank you so much.

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2009

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Wow! I have an opposing view on this one. It sounds to me like you have just issued an ultimatum to your daughter - either she spends time with and likes the man you married or you will not be playing "mom" or "grandma" from here on out. I mean no disrespect here, but why do you have to pick one over the other? Clearly, you want to have a relationship with your daughter and your grandchildren. And, clearly, she is not comfortable around your husband - for whatever reason. Yet, you're telling her that the only way you will be "mom" or "Grandma" from here on out, is with your husband in tow everywhere you meet? There are 365 days in a year. Does it really cause your husband that much pain to give you up for a couple of days a year, so that you can maintain a relationship with your daughter?

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