SOME ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

Delani - posted on 03/02/2010

by the way have been together almost 15 years and married for almost 14yrs.

Delani - posted on 03/02/2010

I would like to suggest getting a book. it called the 5 Love languages, if you can at least get both of you to take the simple but insightfull short test you will find out what each of your love language is and how to fill up your "love tank" it is insightfull and has helped us out a great deal in understanding each other. Also when has he last been to the doctor for a physical, my huspand went and we found out that he had a very low level of vitamin B and iron level that affected our sex life. hope this helps

Myra - posted on 02/27/2010

No problem. Open mind, open ears, and occasionally shut mouth has been the key to things in me and my husband staying together. I have to employ the 'shut mouth' part more than him...I love to listen, but enjoy talking just as much. :) We talk until late at night most nights. We've been together 11 years last September, married for 9 this April. Keeping things fresh is hard to do, so the open mind is excellent. My husband loves when I hit the toy store because I get more unique things than the traditional items. I used to leave those things laying around the house before we had kids...just to tease him a bit if we hit a dry spell to see if I could spark some interest.

Shana - posted on 02/26/2010

Thanks Myra, ur advice made me smile a little. I have taking trips to the adult stores and everything is sitting on the dresser or in a dresser drawer.....maybe some day soon we will involve them.

Myra - posted on 02/26/2010

If you can, send the kids to Grandma's for the weekend, and do the things you did together when you were dating. Go out dancing, have a romantic dinner, or whatever you did back then...see if that gets him back in the mood to try some things.

...Or, you could just make a trip to the "adult toy store", and get some "supplies" to take him hostage so he has no choice but to listen to what you want. ;-P

Sometimes, in marriage, you just get in a rut of what has to be done, it can be hard to get around to the more fun parts of being together. So, initiate it -- set the tone you want. If you want things romantic, set the scene romantic...freaky, set it freaky.

As far as him getting up to go watch TV in the middle of the night, talk to him about why he's doing that. I used to do that...and sleep on the uncomfortable couch, too. My husband thought I didn't want to be with him in bed sleeping, but it had nothing to do with him. I developed fear of my house being taken over by guests -- It started witin days from when my in-laws moved out...if I slept on the couch, it meant there wasn't room for them to come back and take over my home again, and felt like I was protecting my home and family. But stress is the usual cause of someone exhibiting that kind of behavior. Talk with him, chances are, he has a reason for getting up, watching TV, and sleeping in the living room...and it's totally unrelated to not wanting to be in bed with you.

Best of luck!!!

Shana - posted on 02/21/2010

Thanks for the advice Gwendolyn. U really gave me alot to think about and speak on.

Gwendolyn - posted on 02/20/2010

Men tend not to be as romantic as us women. They do not need as much priming as women to get the fires burning. If you need more romance than your challenge may be communicating to him that this is a need that is a benefit to the marriage NOT just something else he has to do or buy that he does understand or feel why it is important. The late night TV watching is a bit curious. You may want to pray about and discuss with him why he does it. Is he having trouble sleeping? Could there be an underlying physical health issue? Is he worrying about something and does not know how to tell you? Is he stressed and just needs to feel he has a little space or break? Does he feel since you are in the bed sleep it is not wrong to “leave” you? Whatever you do remember to stand strong but speak sweetly.

Shana - posted on 02/19/2010

Thanks for the advice Adrienne, I will give it all a try. We dont have family here and my hubby dont wanna leave the kids with a sitter, so going out without them is a problem in his eyes but not mine. I try to do candle lite dinners when the kids are sleep, and sometimes a wine night. Our communication can be off a little so I guess we have to work on that.

Adrienne - posted on 02/18/2010

Try and set aside a kid-free time to talk to him about how you are feeling. Just be honest and open with him. My hubby has insomnia, so he used to do the same thing. Good communication is key. Have you tried telling him how you are feeling about your lack of intimacy? Hav eyou asked him what he does like? We didn't used to celebrate Valentine's Day either (it's our wedding anniversary now) but I explained to my husband that it wouldn't bother me if we set aside some romantic time or date nights at other times. Do you guys have a date night? Even one night a month to go out withOUT the kids and reconnect can do wonders...