stay at home mom & working husband. equal or not?

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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ok.
We are newly weds married in August 2008. been together since June. 2005 I'm 28 and he's 27. We have an 11 month old son together and he has an 8 yr old son from a previous marriage.

We have been at each others throats for a few weeks now. i don't know what to do....
my husband works and i stay home with the baby he doesn't think that what i do equals to what he does. its not fair

What usually starts our arguments its either me asking him to help with the baby then he immediately tells me how easy my life is
ok
his job requires him to work 25-30 hours a week. He leaves for work at 7am and sometimes he his home by 9:30 am but still tells me he doesn't have the energy to help or he tells me that he worked soo hard that day and that he needs a nap or there is some other excuse he gives me. BUT when he wants to do things he has all the energy in the world. for example. this week he worked long hours til 4pm (not usual at all)((i know he isn't cheating b/c my brother worked with him all this week.))
but monday and tuesday were hard days for him and both days got off work around 3pm but he has the energy to go to the bike park? he would rather drive to the bike park about ten min away than walk to the park 2 blocks away there is more things for the baby at the park right by the house.- and the bike park has broken glass all over the ground b/c the skateboarders don't want the bikers on the ramps and stuff so it is no where near safe for a baby learning to walk. i can't keep him in the stroller the entire time its not fair to jacob (our son)

another he waits til around 10pm to tell me he doesn't have clean work clothes. well if he wasn't worried about playing video games til bedtime and freaking riding his bicycle he would have clean clothes.
he can complain that the house is cluttery, messy WELL I CAN'T DO IT ALL MYSELF. LAUNDRY, BABY, ETC,. SO when he is home early i do expect him to help me out.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET THIS THROUGH TO MY HUSBAND THAT I'M GOING TO BREAK AND LOOSE MY MIND. i seriously feel like a single parent thats living in a furbished home.
i'm not sure what to do but leaving is NOT an option. I want my marriage to work!!

TODAY i sent him a text telling him we needed to talk about us and that i feel like we have lost respect for each other. i told him i loved him and he sent a text back telling me that he loves me also.
i can say i have lost something for him b/c anything he says just gets under my skin. i hate the way he drives i hate riding anywhere with him, he is such an asshole driver. i feel like i am finding and picking out more and more things that i don't like about him.
i know i can be overbearing and bossy but its because i need help!! i don't know how to ask his help with out seeming like i'm complaining or can't handle it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jami - posted on 07/08/2009

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What about those of us who have children who cannot understand the conept of picking up their stuff b/c they are not old enough? What about us who do not have such "luxuries" as a dishwasher...I have 2 ( my left hand & my right) So, it seems to me instead of criticizing those of us who have moved into the century where women are equal as men, you might want to move on into it with us & stop hiding behind your husbands coat tail. Yes my job is 24/7/365 but they are not 100% MY kids or MY marriage. He enjoyed making those kids so how come you feel he doesn't have to help take care of them? He said those same exact vows I did so how come he doesn't have to hold up his end of the bargain? And what are you saying... focus on your marriage now & put your children on the back burner. My husband is a big boy & can take care of himself regardless whether I'm there or not my kids cannot!!!So if it comes to me having ot focus on one or the other... hubby your on your own!

[deleted account]

Okay, I keep recommending this book, but it is because the issue I keep seeing are completely related to the woman and the man's role in marriage.

Our culture teaches it so badly that we do not understand what marriage is anymore!

NGJ Created to be His Help Meet.

Get it and make your way through it.

We have roles that are not taught anymore and so we have lost our understanding of how to live together.

Your husband does not know and neither do you, though you are doing it better as you are more naturally wired to do your job.

He is not stepping up and being a man.

You do not need his respect. Remember that. You can go on without it. If he talks about your job not being as hard laugh at him.

Stay on top of his clothes.

Quit complaining.

It is your job if you are a stay at home mom.

I am a stay at home, homeschooling mother of 10.

My husband is self employed and works more hours than your husband and yet he pitches in. Not always where and with what I want, but he helps and he keeps the kids. He does laundry, and washes dishes, but our first biggest fights were over what my job was and how easy I had it.

Both of you are fighting like children. Chose to let it go and do your part.

If he is not happy treat him like a child which is what he is acting like. Make him accountable.

But......BUT, your main job is to treat him with respect for his position even if he does not fill it!!!

You will either make this boy man of yours a man or not. It is very hard to be married. It is the biggest job you will ever do and you can stick it out or give up. Giving up with a child means that you will suffer and so will your child and husband and he will never grow up.

Chose to love him, chose to serve him, chose to keep growing with or without him, and chose to stay.

the benefits are worth all the suffering and sacrifice if you will do it.

Kristie - posted on 06/19/2012

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My house is far from sparkling clean but I do my best. If they want to complain tell him to do the work himself. my husband does help now and again arg men!!!

Jami - posted on 07/10/2009

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I am not complaining that my husband does nothing, all I was trying to say was while your "time management" technique does sound like a great thing, I feel as if we both said those vows, both made those kids,both eat on dishes, both wear clothes, both track in dirt, we should share the responsibilities of life! My situation may be a little different from others on here because my husband is the one that prefers( not allows) me to stay at home with our children. I would much rather go to work everyday & see different things other than the 4 walls of my home but instead I stay at home & do EVERYTHING related to housework & 99% of EVERYTHING related to the kids. Also the type of work my husband does allows him to work for 2 weeks & then hes off for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks while hes working I am either in a motel with him in another state with our kids or I'm sitting at home doing what I do every day which is great! I love it! During the two weeks he is at home I still do the same thing yet he sleeps until noon or later everyday & then once he gets up he lays on the couch watching T.V. until dark & the he goes outside to entertain a yard full of company we have. So what part of that do I not have the right to complain about? I do manage my time & i get what needs to be done, done but is it too much to ask for a little help every now & again? I could see your point if he worked every day all day but he doesnt hes off doing NOTHING for 2 weeks so when do I get just one off day? or at least off a little early, or get to sleep in a couple hours one morning? And as far as putting on make up and getting all "doodied" up for him everyday you can hang that up because if hes gonna cheat hes gonna do that regardless what i look like and as far as looking at other women, if he dont then theres something wrong b/c all men ( & women ) LOOK! I don't neglect his needs, I don't nag him about things but at some point I have to voice my opinion weather he likes it or not.

Marlana - posted on 06/23/2009

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I am a stay at home mom and my husband used to act like I did nothing besides sit on the couch and watch soap operas all day. He'd complain about not having clean clothes, or that there were dirty dishes, or that the house wasn't as clean as it was before we had a baby. He didn't realize how exhausting taking care of a baby could be...untill I get sick. I had strep-throat and the doctor told me that I needed to stay away from our 4 month old and 3 year old, so I locked myself in my bedroom and told Rick that he was on hisown for a few days. He replied "No problem, I can do what you do, maybe I'll have clean laundry by the end of the day." I just laughed. I came out for lunch around noon and he was telling me how the house was clean and he'd already one a load of laundry and was thinking about putting our Christmas tree up. Again I just laughed becuase after all it was only noon. When I came out later that night for dinner the house was a mess, the kids were still in the pajamas that they'd worn to bed the night before and there was a half put together Christmas tree in our living room. I took this as the perfect oportunity to remind him of "easy" my job is. I asked "What did you do all day? Look at what a mess this house is! Do I have clean laundry?" He wasn't too happy and finally got to experience how hard my job is. Since then he's been a lot more understanding about a messy house and he pitches in now. I am a stay at home mom and I do feel that most of the house work is my job and I do about 95% of it, but now when he sees that I'm getting behind he gets up and lends a hand.

I don't think that working fathers realize how hard it is to be a stay at home mom untill they've tried it out for a few days.

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Nicole - posted on 11/07/2012

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I am not trying to sound all 1950's here, but you are a stay at home mom. You shold be doing all these things, he works. But there is no reason you can't ask him to help you once in a while. Tell him you need a break. I would love to be a stay at home mom, I have to work. If he wants clean work cloths, do what I do, I tell my three boys (my sons are 5,3 and my hubby), if you want clean cloths put them in the hamper, if you want clean dishes put them in the sink. I don't mind cleaning the house, or doing the dishes, all I ask for is that kind of help. I do wok 32 hours on average a week. I think you just need to talk to him, or go back to work and let him see how hard your life is at home with the baby.

Gigliola - posted on 09/19/2012

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I know EXACTLY how you feel!! My hubby and I have been married a little over a year, been together 2 1/2 and have a 21 month old baby. (I'm 30, he's 28.) Right now, we are at each other's throats too because I feel like he's not pulling his weight around here at the house. (I am a SAHM too.) I understand my roles of laundry, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby. I get that he works 12 hours and he is usually tired when he gets home. (He also works a crazy on-call schedule all the time so he never knows when he will work.) I also know that I need his help too. However, just like in your situation, whenever he wants to do something he enjoys (the gym mainly) he's suddenly not too tired to go regardless of whatever time he gets off work. One time I was out of town visiting my parents with the baby, and he called me up one night and said he was going to have a few beers with one of his friends for a little bit. He ended up staying out til the bars closed and blamed it on his friend wanting to stay out. (I know if I had been there with the baby, he wouldn't have gone and he would've said he was too tired to stay up and hang out with me.)



I recently started going back to school 5 days a week and I told him I needed his help more around here because I was going to be studying a lot more and he said he would help more around here. Nothing is any different than before I started, I'm still doing everything with little help from him. In fact, after he was out of town for work for 2 days, after he got home (while I was making dinner), he said hi to me and my son and requested to go get a beer. I get that he may have had a hard day at work, but the first thing on his mind instead of spending time with the baby at the very least is to go get a beer? When he offered to help me (which was cool), I asked him to entertain the baby while I'm cooking, and the first thing he does is get on his phone to see when he is going to get called again and there's no interaction....until I say something about it. Then he takes it as a personal attack, or as me nagging, or how feels like I think he's a horrible dad. Which I have never said. Even if I am away from the baby for a few hours, the first thing I want to do is spend as much time as I can with him. I guess our priorities are different. But just like you, everything he does now annoys me...there are other issues that we've gone through that have led me to feel this way. He's also said he's fed up with my nagging, which I feel if I don't remind him to do something it won't get done (which is the case a lot of the time.) I love being a SAHM and am blessed to be able to do this, I just wish he would help me more and not take for granted how hard my job really is too. Now that I'm in school I have almost no free time to just relax except when I'm going to sleep for the night.

Katie - posted on 08/19/2012

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Girl, let me tell you. I don't work and my husband does. Its a normal 40 hour week sometimes a little more when he can. When I quit my job it was the understanding that I did the laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning. I honestly don't have a problem with it. What I do have a problem with is him coming home from work and leaving his dirty dishes all over the place, his dirty socks all over the place and his coat laying across the couch and his lunch dishes sitting on the coffee table. I've told him numerous times that it bugs me. And his reply is always well when you get up (he works 3rd shift) you have to do your job anyways. That was not part of the deal. I finally blew up and told him if he didn't pick it up I would put it all in his truck and he could clean it up. His reply was that he would just bring it all back in the house. After going rounds of I'll put it here and I'll put it there, we finally came to an understand that just because this is my job doesn't mean he can come in and trash the hard work that I've done. He's getting better about it but a friendly reminder here or there usually does the trick.

Kristie - posted on 06/19/2012

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I got out of the the army due to pregnancy(november 2002) was last time I worked. I was in the reserves for a year or 2 but Aaron works full time. We figured that if I worked all that I would make would go to daycare. There are some in the family that think I should be working, we tell them what's the point if it went to daycare and not what it was intended for. Since our baby will be in kindergarten(all 3 kiddos will be in school) then I shall get a job, and not be a waste!

Nicole - posted on 05/23/2012

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@ Shelly , Woman are you kidding me right now? Actually Yeah her husband asks her to do his job everytime he wants his clothes washed ! She takes care of her children cooks cleans umm last I checked when my husband and I said our vows it says to love and respect something he's not doing ! A mothers works is the hardiest of all I used to think that was bull but oh my goodness! We have to keep a human being ALIVE morning noon and night our eyes have to constantly be on them ! It's not fair after working all day at home even with time management that he come in and do whatever he wants when in a normal world he should go and rest for an hour and then come down give her an hour so they can both reboot themselves . And boo woo u have to wash dishes with ur hands so do I but don't knock a woman for havin a dishwasher it is the 21 st century u know most Mobil homes have them now ! I say if your living like ur a single parent then get out while u can it only goes down hill for here sweet pea I do wish u the best

Amy - posted on 11/16/2009

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Well my hubby said the same thing, but he has been home for 2 months now and is being stay at home dad.. He knows now he was wrong.. But he is enjoying it..LOL

Jami - posted on 07/12/2009

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So you dont have to sit back & be silent & do it all to make your marriage last? Amen!

Leesa - posted on 07/11/2009

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I have been married to my High school sweetheart for 22 yrs now I have always been an at home mom I love it my kids are grown up now but I had the same problem that you seem to be having There is not much you can do but I started letting my husband that my job was the most inportant job that there was because I was raising the next gerantion which will be in change of our world when we are old and gray so would he like you to do a good job and sometimes that means he needs to help you around teh house and taking care of the little one

Shelly - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Jami:

What about those of us who have children who cannot understand the conept of picking up their stuff b/c they are not old enough? What about us who do not have such "luxuries" as a dishwasher...I have 2 ( my left hand & my right) So, it seems to me instead of criticizing those of us who have moved into the century where women are equal as men, you might want to move on into it with us & stop hiding behind your husbands coat tail. Yes my job is 24/7/365 but they are not 100% MY kids or MY marriage. He enjoyed making those kids so how come you feel he doesn't have to help take care of them? He said those same exact vows I did so how come he doesn't have to hold up his end of the bargain? And what are you saying... focus on your marriage now & put your children on the back burner. My husband is a big boy & can take care of himself regardless whether I'm there or not my kids cannot!!!So if it comes to me having ot focus on one or the other... hubby your on your own!



Jami,



  I don't care if you have to go to the well to draw water or swweep dirt floors the message is still the same...it's called "TIME MANAGEMENT" If you are trying to just take it as it comes then yes you are going to run around like a chicken with thier head cut off!!!  And as far as coming into this century hey I'm not the one that has choosen to stay at home and let a man take care of me and then sit back and complain that my hubby does nothing....My hubby and I work both of our buisnesses together along with our children and have done this sence our boys were very small and I still have to come home and do the house work and the homework and make the meals and do the dishes and put a load of laundry in so don't talk to me about how hard you have it...



As far as dad helping with the kids I don't remember saying that dad shouldn't be involved but you also should not expect him to come home and take over.  You need to remember that he is taking care of his kids and YOU by leaving every morning and going to work to make sure that His family has a roof over thier head and food in there stomache and for you to go shopping for things that you want and need.....Do you really think that if they had the choice they would n't want to stay home and have thier spouce go to work and support  them.....Well no we didn't think about that because it's all about what we want and what we need....



How do you think these single paents (whether it be by choice or by no fault of thier own) feel having to do every thing by them selves they are the ones that have to leave thier children on a daily basis and drop them off at day care go to work every day to make sure that they have a roof over thier familys head and food on the table and some of them have to work two jobs just to make it which takes them away from thier children for most of the day???  So quit compaining about how hard you have it and think about the moms that don't have that man to go to work and allow them to stay home and raise thier babys!!!!! 



And as far as putting your marriage first, yes you should or your going to be mighty lonely when those babys grow up and move away from home and your sitting there looking at this stranger in your house b/c you decided that your marriage wasn't that important to you!!!  I'm not saying that you should ignore your children but you also don't need to ignore your husbands need and no I'm not just talk about sex I talking about all of his needs from stroking his ege to being able to come home to a beautiful wife...Yes I mean you need to take the time to do your hair and make up daily...Just b/c you married him and had his children does not mean that you don't need to keep your self up so he's not looking at another women!!! 



So yes you may call my ideals old fashion but then I guess thats why I have been married to my best friend for the past 19n years and have raised three boys to have two of them moved out and productive adults so if thats old fashion well I just stick to that b/c thats what has worked to keep my marriage strong and redy for the next 19 yrs!!! 

Shelly - posted on 07/06/2009

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Lisa,

Are you keeping score??? This what you have choosen in your marriage and now your going to sit back and complain??? Does your husband ask you to go do his job??? I think not, so why should he come home and do yours...Someone on here said that raising kids is not a job...another miss statement yes our children are gifts from God and yes they are a blessing but it is still our JOB to raise them into God fearing adults...a productive member of the world...I'm not sure why it is that you can't do your job every day!!! It sounds to me like some of you need to sit down and get a schedule together and stick to it...If you teach your children to put thier stuff away when thier done with it then that makes one less thing that you have to pick up...If you would get up in the morning and put away the dinner dishes, and then get breakfast done for the kids and while they are eating get on the phone making any appointments set or any other phone buisness you need to take care of and then you load the breakfast dishes into the dish washer...For you home school moms you go and get your children started on thier class work and then go put a load of laundry in the washer...It's all about managing your time if you don't have a plan for your day your going to run around like a chicken with your head lopped off...You might find by making a daily plan you will have time on your hands to be able to take care of your self and be a pleasure to come home to for your hubby and in turn he will want to do things for you...Yes your job is 24/7/365 but that was your choice when you said yes to his proposal of marriage and then when you said yes to having children...Welcome to motherhood!!! Get a schedule together and be the great wife and mom we all know you can be!!!! Because if you decide to keep up the way you are going you are going to be a single mom and I'm here to tell ya you don't want to go there...Work on your relationship with your husband b/c you vowed to stay with him through it all, with your children they will move on having a family of thier own...Don't be one of those women that focuses on your children now and worry about your marriage later b/c it may not be there when it's all said and done!!!! Good luck and let us know how it's going!!!

Bethany - posted on 07/02/2009

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It's been a couple months, so I hope you and your husband are doing better.

You can't change your husband. Nagging won't work. Disrespecting him won't work. Fighting won't work. All you can do is change you and pray for him. Yes, you have a difficult job, and a husband who doesn't understand certainly doesn't make it any easier. I know, I stay at home with my daughter and sometimes feel like a failure when the house isn't spotless and my husband comes home to a mess. However, staying at home is so important for young children, and so you need to do what needs to be done for them.

The book previously suggested I've heard is good. I would also recommend John and Esther in the Bible, "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace and, perhaps, "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. The second is somewhat borderline IMO because it can come off as a means to control, but it does help give a little direction and ideas of how to pray for your husband, if you're a believer.

As I said, I hope everything is going better already!

Samantha - posted on 06/20/2009

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I can understand how you feel. I'm in the same sort of situation. I'm a stay at home mom with a 16 month old daughter and my husband works all day. There are times where i feel like a single mom. I'm home all day with Rhayne and he comes home from work and immediatly gets on the computer and spends 5 or 6 hours straight on it. He doesn't know how to stop or put it down. I've tried bringing it up, and sometimes he gets it and other times he throws it it my face that he works all day too and i need to remember that. But i feel like i work 24/7/365. I've learned that you have to pick your fights. sometimes its just better to let it go, it's not worth starting a fight over small things. however, if it keeps up, put your foot down. you work just as hard as a stay at home mommy as he does going to work. Try to find a happy medium. For me and my hubbby, we've agreed that Thursday and Friday mornings (his days off) that he gets daddy-daughter time and mommy gets to sleep in, since he doesn't like to sleep in. It gives him an insight as to what i put up with all day while he's gone and in the past few weeks he has gotten a lot better with helping me around the house and with the baby. Hope this is a little helpful, and hang in there.

Tom N Anita - posted on 05/07/2009

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Deangela-Deann Chastain,



I have to say kudos to you, awesome advice. I totally agree with you. I currently am a sahm of 4, homeshcooling my teenager and have my own direct sales company. 3 years ago when we moved from northern MI to Southwest Mi, my husband & I decided it was best for me to stay home with our children. I love it. But I have to say, my husband works 6 days a week, long hours mostly. I have been on both sides of the road, if I stay at home it is my job to do the laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. My husband deserves to come home to a hot meal, clean house, clean clothes for the next day and yes a beautiful wife. He sees women all day, I will not let him come home and find me in my pj's, hair a mess, no makeup, unless I am sick.

I want him when he is out in the world & sees other women who work to know that he has a beautiful woman waiting at home for him.



I always try to greet him at the door with a big hug and kiss, and try to let him unwind before I discuss my day with him. Now with my business, sometimes I am walking out as he is walking in, but dinner is done, or in the oven, house is clean, and he can enjoy time with the children.

I find that if I am doing my job during the day, then my husband is relaxed when he gets home and more willing to play/spend time with me & our children.

Pick your fights, after 19 years of marriage, I know that my husband will not be putting his socks in the laundry basket, just isn't worth wasting our precious time together fighting.

Stop fighting, clean the house, cook, do the laundry, if home is a place of relaxation he will want to spend more time there.

Hope this works.

Taryn - posted on 05/01/2009

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I hope some of the advice and replies are helping you. You guys jumped into marriage and a family just like the 100 yard dash. You have to remember why you married him, was it a contract or covenant? Alot of your issues do sound like a young newly married couple. And I will say it when no one else will: Being a stay at home mom is the toughest job in the world. I don't care if your husband hangs upside down by his toenails all day long for his job (metaphor). Did you two discuss and agree on your roles in your marriage? Even if you did, it's time for you two to sit down and talk again. Not scream. Write down your feelings and get them out on paper with specific bullet points before you talk. Your emotions are going to confuse your husband and he probably will think or already thinks you're nagging him. I'm glad you're sharing this with the community, because neither of your parents or extended family should'nt be involved in this at all. They will support each of you individually, and they just do not need to know everything that is going on in your marriage with biased opinons. Your relationship sounds like a parent-child situation. Hubby has a lot of growing up to do. Has he ever kept the baby alone? If not, he needs to. Not just for a couple of hours, but all day. He needs to understand what it is you do and why you do it, selflessly. Ever considered " Wife Swap" or "Trading Spouses". I have, and I threaten to do it sometimes. You never realize how good you have it in life until you walk in someone else's shoes. Hope this helps.

Liz - posted on 04/28/2009

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This all sounds like a typical argument in a typical marriage. Everyone wants to be right and no one wants to focus on the issues at hand.

First of all, neither one of you have the "harder" job. Being a mother is not a "job". Being a mother is a calling from God. Our children are fragile gifts from God that we are to lovingly care for and prepare to be adults. Better adults than we are.

I do believe your husband is to respect you. **HOWEVER** your husband will be incapable of respecting you if you do not respect him. It is for us as wives to honor and respect our husbands and then they give that back to us even more. It is also as wives to support our husbands no matter what. We recently had a spat about support. I did not agree with something my husband was doing therefore I did not support him. WRONG!! Got a real nice tongue lashing from Him on that one. It does not matter what your husband does you are to support him even if you do not agree with him. It will be your husband that will have to answer to God about his behavior and actions when God takes him to task on them. Not you because you did the right thing. I was taken to task because I did not do the right thing and next time I am to do the right thing. Praise Him for telling me that I was not being a good wife because that is all I want to be!

You have to be organized to run a house. You have to figure out ways to make things easier on yourself. You have to figure out what you can do to save you some time. I clean a room a day and the house stays clean. I pick up each room every day and my kitchen is cleaned daily but otherwise I pick a room a day to deep clean so that way I am not overwhelmed with having to clean everything all at once. I use disinfecting wipes for the bathroom between cleanings. I have a Swiffer Sweep n Vac and a Swiffer Wet Jet. Total time and work savers. I also use those neat dusting cloths and then once a month I dust with Pledge. I have laundry baskets for darks, whites, and work uniforms. My husband is a welder and he is a dirty boy so he has a separate bin that has a lid for it that snaps on. When the laundry basket fills up...down to the basement it goes and into the wash. That way laundry does not pile up and you do not become overwhelmed. I probably did 2 loads a day when the kids were little to keep up with all the laundry. I do not understand why he is telling you that he is out of work clothes hen that is something you should be keeping on top of. Because you do not respect him, he will not respect you and tell you earlier he needs work clothes laundered.

What does your husband do for a living that he has such short hours and an 8 hour day is a long day? My husband would be like right on!! Only if he made the money he makes in an 8 hour day mind you lol. I would let my husband sit around if he worked like your husband does because I take care of the home and the children. He takes care of providing that home. I honor him by caring for what he works so hard for! Husbands help their wives only when they feel they are respected, honored, and supported. Otherwise, they won't lift a finger and you can't get them to lift a finger. He complains about the house because he figures it to be like this: he has enough respect for you to provide the home you have why do you not have enough respect for him to keep it clean and decluttered etc.?

Have you asked him what it is he does not like about the bike park that is near to your home? Have you thought that because things are so tense at home and the house is so unorganized that he just doesn't want to be around or have you around because he wants to get away from all that? I am betting that is why he chooses the bike park that he does.

He drives the way he does out of frustration. He will get respect one way or another from someone and people better respect him behind the wheel and drive the way *he* wants them to drive. Once you begin to respect your husband he will tone down the driving.

Please, please, please just think about what I have written and others have written. The change really has to come from you. The respect has to start with you or you will have no respect from him and things will continue on as they are right now. Once you start respecting him and honoring him with a clean home etc., then you will not have to ask for help. He will automatically give it to you. He will start going to that bike park that all of you can go to. He will stop driving like a moron and not put you guys in danger anymore. And I am sure there are other things that he will change as well that you didn't write about.

I am going to say a prayer for you, your husband, your baby, and your marriage. That baby is a cutie pie! Give him every chance to be in a happy home where his parents respect, honor, and love each other!

Send me a private message if you want to talk some more. I do have one other question for you. Are you a believer in Christ?

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BTW for a brief bio on my marriage challenges check out the reply in 'what was one of your biggest challenges in marriage' question.

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Just D is fine...

It is funny. I was in the process...still am, but now on the back burner...of writing a book along these lines when I found hers. It will change a marriage if it is put into practice.

Homeschoolers self educate and seek out good advice. One reason we find a way to make it work and find the good books

Bek - posted on 04/25/2009

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the Author by the way, is Debi Pearl, and you can find the book at your local Christian Bookstore... or order it online, just google No Greater Joy..



and why am i not surprised that you are a homeschooler, Deangela?

we homeschool, too....lol..the book and taking it's advice changed our marriage in amazing ways...

Bek - posted on 04/25/2009

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LOL..Deangela-Deanne, that is the exact same book i have read...i have read one of your other responses,from another post and wondered if you had read the book, too..



it is blunt, and straight to the point, so if anyone is easily offended by blunt, short comments, i wouldn't advise you to buy it, coz you will spend most of your reading time being offended..



but if you are really looking for a good solid helpful advice that will help you get your marriage back on track, this book will really help...

Brandi - posted on 04/23/2009

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i know exactly how you feel. i am a stay at home mom of 3 and my husband is in the marine corps. granted what my husband does is physically harder but being a stay at home mom is emotionally harder. he doesnt think that spending 24/7 taking care of kids is a job let alone a hard job. i suggest that one saturday you get up in the morning and tell him that you are leaving for the day and make him do your job for the entire day and maybe he will gain a little respect for what you do. i tried that with my husband but he wont cause he admits that he could never handle the kids by himself. we have a 4 year old a 2 yr old and a 1 year old and he has never changed a diaper or cleaned that house since weve lived together. if that doesnt work i dont know what to tell you. good luck!

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