Where does my marriage stand?

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2011

THis is so heartbreaking! I cannot imagine the immense pain your heart is in Shannon. It sounds like he has got alot of undealt with issues. You can only do so much by your own hand but only God can change hearts. Its not easy and personally in things like this I wish I could reach in and grab ahold and make changes for you.. but God works things out and we have to stay strong. I encourage you to soak yourself in the truth that YOU are loved by God. REally get this into your reality as it sounds like you need the support. You cannot carry him or try to make up his mind.. it sounds like he is in alot of confusion and you need to stay strong for your family. Its not fair. Rejection from others is always a sting but the cure is knowing that you are accepted by God and allowing Him to work the changes in you necessary. He promises not to leave you nor forsake you. I encourage you to loosen the grip on him for now. There is no love in controlling or trying to manipulate others for the sake. In grace and Gods love is when all that you do for the sake of your marriage and family will be fruitful.. it will be less of an anxious need to bring love to him and your family and more of a pure joy as you know your real resting place is in the arms of God. I am praying for you sister!

Kimber - posted on 06/29/2011

Hello Shannon, well first of all let me say that iam very,very sorry that you are having to go threw something like this!!! I think it is very sad! You sound like you just love your hubby to death,and for him to come to you,and say well sorry but i don't love you,and never really did!!!!!! Man alive that would cut me to the quick! I really think that it is pretty shitty of him to come to you now,and say thoes things to you!!! I think that it was good that he did go to counseling,and atleast try to work things out that's good! But if it were me i would not want to be in a marriage where my hubby did not love me,or ever did!!! I think that you can do better for yourself then that! You deserved to be loved comepleatly by your hubby,or boyfriend,or who ever you are with!! Other wise then are"t the both of you just waisting your time? Life is so short anyway,so i say let him go find him somebody that he does love,and leave you alone so you can find you someone who is going to love you the way you need to be loved! I know it is going to hurt like hell for a while,but you can,and will get threw it. Then the next time you fall inlove that person will love you back not just keep you around for sex!!!!!!!! That is just shitty as hell in my oppion!!! If my hubby came to me,and said that he does not love me anymore,and that he does not thank that he ever really did,and the only reason why he married me in the first place was b/c he could have sex with me!!!!!!!! "WHO-HOO"!!!! First of all i know i would be one pissed off person for sure,and yes hurt like hell too,but why in the world would you want to stay in a marriage where someone did not love you the way you love them! You so deserve to be loved the way you need to be loved not just half heartedley That is not fair to you what so ever!!! But this is just my own oppion,so you do what ever you feel is right for you,and the rest of your family,but i wish you all of the best at finding a new love,so that you can know how it really feels to be truely loved by your man! Good Luck Girl Kim

Heather - posted on 06/16/2011

Hi dear. I meant to suggest doing the Love Dare. See how that helps? You know where to get me if you need ANYTHING!!

Shannon - posted on 06/07/2011

Thank you so much! The kids and I did leave for about 4 days because he said he wanted me gone,but he said he wanted us home.It was mainly the kids he wanted but we briefly talked bc he wont talk to me much at all and he was saying that while i was gone he considered us over,if i would we would be "separated" than if opportunities arose (as in another woman) he wouldnt turn it down. and that is part of the reason i cant do the separation thing very well just because he wouldnt be against "cheating" even though he wouldnt consider it cheating since he would take that as being over. And its just hard because he told me what girls he was already thinking about being with so its been a challenge especially since my husband has lost his faith,he says he is on the fence about God and its just sometimes i dont know if our marriage can be saved since the vows he took were under the false pretenses in a way. And Ive become very insecure with his habits of lusting/admiring other women and just to know that he doesnt care about me and has told me that its hard for me to trust him. I continue to pray for my husband and our marriage,and i continue to try to get through one day at a time and fix things but my husband turns me away and there is just a very cold space in between us.And i know no matter what i have my kids and God :) thank you so much for your prayers.

Keri - posted on 06/07/2011

This makes me soo sad. Looking at your groups its says you are in the christian mommies group so I will give my advice from this position. My husband asked for a divorce once as well, we went to 2 counseling sessions, but then he was convicted by the grace of God and came to his senses. Continue to pray, for the effective prayer of righteous man accomplishes much! At this point I would ask him if you could simply separate instead of a divorce. If he isn't even willing to do that, I would probably prolong the divorce as long as humanly possible. That is just me, it hurts I know, but God is soo much bigger than we are and knows all things, and Through Christ all things are possible, I know a few couples that went through this even got the divorce and re-married later! I'm not saying that this will occur for you though I pray it doesnt even come to that point. I DO know however God is faithful and whatever occurs He can make good come from it. Look at your babies! How precious are they! God will see you through. I am praying for you AND your husband!