Potty training advice for the world's most stubborn 4-year-old.

Alessandra - posted on 02/09/2013

Our thing is our son eats dinner and drinks all he wants, my son goes to bed at 9 so at 8:30 all food and water is cut off. He uses the potty before bed. His been walking up very dry. But due to our situation of my husband being in the military, moving, moving, that can take a lot out of a kid. Where finally at a place where he wants to try. I think, it's because he gets so annoyed with us asking. He doesn't want to do it, but with us naked training him. And just letting him get a feel for his body. I let him pick out his underwear. Tell him you can't pee on spider man you'll make him cry. Or something creative. And pull up during the night until he gets used to his underwear

Alessandra - posted on 02/09/2013

I have a four year old as well. He hates sitting on the potty. I have tried games, for a few weeks it worked where he would just sit there but now his old with them. I have tried the prize if you go, get a candy if you try. Reading a book while he goes. Still I am at a lost of what to do. I have even tried with the cereal in the potty. Nope that doesn't work either, he rather see it go around and around then pee on it. I have found naked training has been working really well. I don't even ask him if he needs to go. He comes to me for help at the potty, he even goes poop. But while naked potty. I still remind him if he needs to go potty he needs to ask for help. There are places in the house where his not allowed to be by himself do to accidents. So I took all his toys out of his bedroom and put into an open area where I can keep an eye on him. He loves playing on my phone and on my iPad, do to his age I always keep an eye on him but his very careful.

I have found after waking up, after lunch, before a nap ( if yours still takes one ) my son only takes one when his really tired so we find things to do that will really nock the tiredness out of him. That having him learn that he needs to go before these everyday activities. He doesn't want to try. So I have found finding a game on my phone or my iPad he can only play if he goes potty, and it seems to be working.

But I advice if you are potty training skip the whole pull ups, cause its just another diaper.

We are now in underwear mood, underwear in the day until he gets used to them and knows when he needs to go. Then we will try them at night.

Potty training sucks it really does, but keep at it and don't let them see you getting mad or upset. Cause they won't want to try at all.

Janie - posted on 01/14/2013

Same thing here, 4 year old son who will NOT use a potty. Still buying Pull-Ups :(

Alyson - posted on 01/09/2013

I totally commiserate. I have tried everything with my 4 y/o son and nothing worked. he knows when and why we use the potty, but he refuses to sit on it. He wanted to wear underwear instead of pull ups, but once I put them, he freaked out and was screaming for me to take them off. I'm frustrated and feel like a complete failure because nothing I do helps.....

Pam - posted on 10/16/2012

We are having the same problem only she is my Granddaughter and she has split custody between my house (son's also) and her Mom. To add insult to injury she just got accepted in 4yr preschool plus daycare after school. So not only will she not go for us but no one else.

Any suggestions?

Rajal - posted on 12/19/2011

My son finally got potty trained last month. He will be 4 next week. Here is what finally worked 1) Baby Bjorn potty chair. 2) New rule: Mommy doesn't change diapers. I made him change his own diapers. If we were at home, I put disposable liners in the tub and had him change there, including wiping himself and throwing away the dirty diaper. In public restrooms, I laid liner on the floor and had him do everything. After two weeks, where mommy did not give in, he decided no more diapers. Actually he had an accident in the tub at bath time. I didn't yell, I made him clean it up, and I told him, this is what you did as a baby. You are a big boy now, where does poop go? He said in the toilet. So I said, starting tomorrow could you do that? He said yes and the next day he was completely potty trained.

Prior to all this, nothing I did ever worked. So I know your pain, I've been there.

Jami - posted on 12/16/2011

I have a similar problem my son will be 5 in april. He has been peeing in the potty for several months with very little accidents. He wears big boy underware all day everyday and has for months. But I can't get him to poop on the potty for anything. We have tried everything, he tells us when he has to go and wants a pull up on and goes to the bathroom shuts the door and goes and than wants changed immediately. I am not sure what else to do! so I also would love some help good luck

Sue - posted on 12/09/2011

Wish I had good adice but i'm going through the same battles with my 3 yr old daughter right now. She knows what to do just stubborn. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 12/05/2011

I have no suggestions, I would just like to say that I empathize! I have twins that are 3 1/2, on has been potty trained for almost a year, the other...just like your daughter. I'm at my wits end with it, so I'll be following your post for replies and suggestions as well! Best of luck to you!

Kelly - posted on 12/03/2011

My son just turned 4 this past oct. & is finally doing really well with it. Here's my story....http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2011

I am in the same position with my 4 yr old son.I have been trying to potty train him since he was 2!He will be 5 in march. I have done everything you have also. If you find anything that works let me know.

Janet - posted on 12/01/2011

Alright, I'm going to suggest doing this a little bit of a different way. You know she can go potty, but chooses not to. This is very important. Now, you have to figure out *why* she choose not to. There are pretty much 4 reasons a child does something.
1) Sensory - they like the feel of it
2) Escape - they don't want to do what you asked them to do
3) Attention - you give them some
4) Tangible - they want something (an object) from you.

So, think about what happens when your child makes a mess in her panties. It sounds like she gets a lot of attention from it. She wakes up, you talk to her, check on her undies, find them wet or dirty and have a little freak out, then wash her up, warm water and nice smelling soap, put her in nice clean panties etc. You likely talk to her while you're doing all of these things. So, either - she just wants nice new panties on (tangible) or a bath if you give her one (also tangible), or she wants your attention when she does this.

Maybe try this: Make a schedule - about every hour or so at first, or whenever you're able depending on your day - to take your daughter into the bathroom and try to pee. Stay there with her about 10 minutes or until she pees. Sing songs, play I-spy etc.. but she has to sit on the toilet and try to pee. If she doesn't pee, that's ok. No big deal. Go about your business until its time for another 10 minute pee try. If she DOES pee... have a mini party - be loud, dance a jig, be silly, give her tickles - anything you can think of that will make her smile and laugh. Then she'll get to thinking "hey, that was pretty cool, I wonder if she'll do that next time" Or "that was neat, I like that better than being wet!"

In the morning when you discover that she's peed or dirtied her panties, simply say "Oh, you dirtied. I"ll get your things ready" or something like that. Then leave the room, or put your back to her, and get her the things she'll need to clean herself up with - A nice warm cloth with water, towel, clothes to change back into etc. Then, go back and say "Okay, its all ready, now you can clean up" and show her where the things are (put them all in one place). Then either, turn your back on her, stand up out of her reach, or leave the room, depending on what you're comfortable with. Have her try to get ready by herself. If she's anything like my kids, this will upset her, but try to tough it out a bit. Even if you wait 5 minutes and then go back in and do one thing for her, then go back out (lather rinse repeat) - it will give that moment of inattention. When you do help her, say "ok, I'll help you with this one item and then you can try the rest" and then do not give her any attention - no talking, no looking etc. When that task is done, go back to your "no attention" stance - standing or turned around or out of the room.

This sounds pretty harsh, but if she's doing it for your attention, it may be something that will help.
Good luck!

Vickie - posted on 11/30/2011

only my first born was stubborn about potty training. first of all relax. I promise you will not send your child to college in diapers. or first grade for that matter. just think of the peer pressure. I discovered that my first born was a perfectionist. and he was not interested in underwear till he knew that he would never have an accident. He was almost 4 when he put the big boy undies on all by himself and never had an accident. It was his idea and his decision alone to be completely potty trained. By the way he did the same thing with the alphabet. would not attempt it till he could go from a to z without a mistake. I thought there might be some thing wrong with him because I am a preschool teacher and he was in my class. All his three and four yr.old peers were learning it before him. He just wanted it to be perfect. something to consider.

Amber - posted on 11/28/2011

Ok so I am in the same boat with my son (born 5/1/07). He will go pee pee in the potty all day long with no accidents (except an occasional accident like when we are in the car or something but even that is rare.) The problem with my son is he REFUSES to poop in the potty. He will only do it in his pull-ups. We too have tried everything we can think of. We have done praising, treats, bribing, punishments, taking toys away, taking tv time away. . . EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF WE HAVE TRIED! I even tell him he can't go to school with his friends if he doesn't lose the pull ups and be a big boy. Nothing is working! I am at a road block. . . I dunno what else to do. If we put him in "big boy underwear" he just goes in them. I have even made him clean himself up and told him that I would not do it for him. I dunno what else I can possibly do to get him the idea. PLEASE HELP SOMEONE! :-/

Teysha - posted on 11/18/2011

My step daughter just turned 5 and I've been encouraging her to be fully out of pull ups at night. And hasn't gotten very far with her until yesterday! She said "you know I can tell when I have to go during the night" and I said thats great! So I asked if she wantedto wear big girl panties at nitght and she said yes! So I woke her up about 11pm and 3 am to go potty, and you know what, dry bed and panties!! Yay!! Unfortunately her mom won't help out with that but next week I asked her if she wanted me to keep doing that until she can do it on her own and she agreed! So she's heading in the right direction! Ps, I cut off liquids about 6pm. And no juice in afternoon with food coloring, sometimes it can irritate the bladder.

Sean - posted on 09/23/2011

i need help to sort of the same problem

Justina - posted on 06/19/2011

Wow! If she is holding it for 12 hours and going at night, she knows you are going to clean her up. Make her clean herself up. Make her take the sheets off the bed; put them in the washing machine; take her wet clothes and put them in the washing machine. Then, make her run her own bath water and take a bath. When the sheets are ready, make her put them back on the bed. She doesn't want to hear you talk about it anymore, so she holds it knowing you will take care of the situation in the morning. If she poops, make her help you clean it up. Our doc suggested this option. My son hated it. He soon started doing #2 in the potty. Good luck.

Konsuelo - posted on 06/17/2011

Wow, I thought I was the only one in this boat.

Tasha - posted on 06/16/2011

I wish i could help. I have the same problem. now my daughter did really well for a few weeks for my parents took her to the lake with them, and now...ugh shes back to peeing and pooping in her panties. I feel like she is punishing us. If you find something that works PLEASE pass it on!

Jen - posted on 06/08/2011

Yes, we have tried real panties. We threw away all diapers and pull-ups in the house.

Savannah - posted on 06/08/2011

Have you tried putting her in real panties? I did that with mine, and she realized she didn't like having wet/dirty pants/legs. I know it's a little bit of a mess, but it lets her know what happens when she's taken out of the diaper/pull up. Just an idea,as that's what I had to do with mine.