Sick and Tired of people comparing my child to others

Tera - posted on 07/15/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 yr old son who was born with many health issues brain surgery at 2 months old, herina repair at 2 1/2 months old and was digonised with renal kidney disease the sme time he had the herina repair.
He isn't walking on his own yet he crusies along the table couch walks around everything he can but he doesn't have the confidence inhimself yet to let go and walk. He will test him slef every once and while and let go of his walking toy and he will be just standing there but he doesn't take the inative to walk.
I have had some very rude comments about him not walking or anything yet. people will ask me why and if he is ok? and they are always comparing him to their children or other children they know and it makes me feel like i am not doing such a good job with him :(

I just wanted to know if it's just me thinking its my fault or if there is something i can do otherwise i help him everyday and he has phsyio and ot and is going to be going to a program to help him but i feel like there needs to br more done.

Thanks

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12 Comments

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Courtney - posted on 08/21/2009

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People are just rude, about EVERYTHING. I'm so amazed at how many opinions I get about my twins. I don't think it would be so bad without the fact that they stand out as twins but seriously I could just lose it some days. I always worried about them too since they were preemie and behind in some things, but you don't have to compare. It's hard for you and obviously harder for random people who just MUST give you their thoughts on the subject, but truly. He is his own little man and he's doing great! And so are you. The fact that you are worried you aren't doing enough is all I needed to hear to know you are giving him every opportunity to develop his skills. I think the PT is so important. Let the pros do their jobs and you just make sure he gets there. Hang in their mommy, you are doing great!

Kimberly - posted on 08/21/2009

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sounds to me like you are doing a great job. My son has developmental delays and vision issues. He also has some sensory issues so when we go places he gets into the thing where he will retrace the same path over and over and wont sit down for anything. my family has had lots of "advice" on how to get him to do this or that. I take it with a grain of salt and am secure knowing nobody knows my son like I do. I also get the opposite, I know my son has vision issues so he falls a lot and runs into things and I get the "all toddlers fall a lot" almost like they dont believe there is anything wrong with him. anyways good luck with everything!

Jennylee - posted on 08/14/2009

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no it is not ur fault, ur son is special just like my daughter is special 2 me sometimes the things a child cant accomplished no matter how much u try n get it down the goin 2 take a little longer. 1 day ur son gonna b an all star football player or track runner in his future. not all people are perfect look what he has gone through his 1st couple of months of his life. im sure ur a wonderful mother and doin ur best 2 keep ur son healthy, happy and helpin him grow. i have worked in daycare 4 a very long time and have a 2 yo of my own. ive seen child go through many things n take them a really long time 2 develop. but the next time somebody makes a smart remark n try 2 compare, make them put their foot in their mouth cuz they not seein the child could b n they only c his disablity.

take care n think 1 day maybe he will b that star player!!

Mary-Ann - posted on 08/12/2009

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from the sounds of it there isn't much more you can do. He will walk in time. He had two major surgeries, one that likely kept him in hospital for a while. You can just tell people he had more important things to do than learn to crawl or walk when he was "supposed" to. Oh and one thing have his ears checked, He may hear just fine, but the middle ear is what keeps us balanced, if fluids are sloshing around in there he may feel off balance. By the way he so freaking handsome I just want to squish him hehehe,

Tera - posted on 08/09/2009

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Thanks for all the support and comments! it's nice to know i have people who understand what i am going through, other then the people who don't. and the thing is the people who compare him to thiers know what he has gone through and still think that they have the right to say something smart. He is doing really well, he has learned to walk with a walking toy more better but is still scared to let go, he stood up for teh first time by himself the other day without holding on to anything just pushed imself right up off the floor i was in tears, i just couldn't believe it!. i will keep ya all posted on when he actually walks i am hoping it comes soon! he is almost there. :) Thank you again for all help.

Amie - posted on 08/09/2009

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dont be hard on your self my older sister is having troubles with her 4 year old son who has a mental disability he is a 1 year old in a 4 year olds body. so when my 2 year old son comes to play there is a lot of pushing and hitting which my son Ryan always comes off second best. It's hard but every child is differnet i have found that all 3 of my children have done things at different stages like my 6 month old he's not sitting up yet like my second born was and my 6 month isn't crawling like my first son was at his age. I jsut sit back and go with the flow now days so what if my little boy is slower then the normal baby what is normal these days any way???

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It is not fair for people to "compare" children. Every child is different and reaches milestones differently. You are doing all you can for him. Just continue to encourage him. When others compare, just let them know that your child is not like other kids and then walk away. Don't let them get you down.

Antoinette - posted on 07/27/2009

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I think you are doing everything you need to do! I would just say enjoy him, he just needs your love and suport. You have and are still doing all you can ask for your son. Other people can be rude when they do not understand and it can be hard to take and I am sorry for that. But from where I am stitting you are amazing and strong and I garenty your son is getting everything he needs and more! Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Tera - posted on 07/18/2009

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Yes joanne i am following the pt plan to a T! and i just wish he'd start walking on his own already, thanks i can't help but feel like "it's my fault" all kids do learn at thier own speed, its hard when you have other people constantly critizing your pareting skills and saying how if i would have done this that way or so on and so forth maybe he would be "ok"



Thanks katy! he is my little prince :) he has been throught ALOT! i mean for a two yr old he's had more surgerys then i have in my 25yrs. It'd very hard sometimes i am so overwhelemd with everything thats going on, they now digonised him with mild autsuim so there's another thing to worry about. (sigh). I enjoy him everyday :) he has come so far for a baby who they never thought was gonna live past 3 months then a yr and now he's two! he beats all their odds! :) i agree it is thier problem for being so worried over how my son is doing they maybe should learn to watch thier own, lol



Thank you trica i can't hear that enough! :) most of the people who do say the rude comments know everything that eh hsa gone through and still think they have the right to thier very rude opnion, but when u explain to some of them who dont know they are all shocked and are like omg im so sorry no wonder why he's not, and i tell then im not looking for your sympathy amd neither is he. he shouldn't be judged on weither or not he is doing things on time . and they just give me a dirty look or a look of like huh! lol.



Thank you girls you have made me feel alot better please keep in touch it would be nice to still chat with you all again.

Tricia - posted on 07/17/2009

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There is no reason to be tough on yourself! You are being a great and supportive mommy. Maybe you can look at it as an opportunity to educate people. Maybe if you politely explain everything you guys have been through they will feel like a jerk and be more sensitive in the future. Have faith that everything will work out.

Katy - posted on 07/16/2009

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Let me start by saying he is an adorable little guy! He has also been thru quite alot in 2yrs! You love him, hug him, snuggle him and tickle him. Therefore he is secure in the fact that he has a place in your heart and a place he belongs!!! Don't beat yourself up. While my little guy was pulling himself up yours was trying to survive and having surgeries he will catch up and before you know it you won't remember that he ever seemed behind...they all do things at their own pace even without the obstacles your little one has overcome. So basically enjoy him and don't give ANYONE the power to let you fill badly about how and what your baby is accomplishing and when it happens! That is their problem. Let them go and try to ruin someone else's happiness!

Joanne - posted on 07/16/2009

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Sounds like you are following the PT plan and getting him lots of help. I doubt there is much you can do beyond that. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your son is very young and kids are so resilient, and they all do things in their own time.

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