A deep depression is looming :(

Cynthia - posted on 02/16/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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It seems like i will never save money for our wedding... still no money for my dress, no engagement ring, no nothing!

I don’t know what to do?! something always comes up to suck away our savings i cant even scrounge up $120 to put a deposit on the engagement ring. How am i supposed to do this? i know the "material" of the wedding is not REALLY important but i have never had anything special (other than the birth of my son) in my entire life.

i have fought and struggled for EVERYTHING that i have. Just for once in my life i would LOVE for a good friend or family member to offer to help me... just once say its ok hun this is your special day and it will be beautiful i promise ill take care of it. am i selfish for wanting this? Fuck even if everyone in my friends list on MySpace and Face book said hey love here is $20 for your wedding i would have $1.600! that would come damn close to paying for the whole thing!

its starting to look like i may get married in a tattered dress, in someone’s shitty back yard and a 25 cent ring from a vending machine to seal the deal..

what should i do?

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Kristen - posted on 02/22/2010

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My wedding was fun and we had a lot of guests, but we shopped around for everything. I made my own veggie platters and crackers and cheese platters with food from Sam's Club, and I had big sheet cakes for wedding cake. All told I probably spent $300 on food for close to 150 people! Shop around, hunt bargains, and don't sweat the small stuff. No one notices the small things anyway! My wedding band cost 35 dollars and my husbands was well under 100. I spent a ton on my dress, and it now sits (rather forlornly) in my daughter's closet never to be worn again. All of the other "stuff" that comes with the wedding is in a lot of ways completely useless. I printed my own invitations and we had the pastor from our church marry us. Simple, easy, cheap! I had a friend that spent a fortune on the place she rented and there was a dog running around all day in the middle of all of the guests! Don't worry about the stuff. Your future hubby is going to become the man you spend your life with and that is way cooler than a fru fru wedding!

Marisa - posted on 02/22/2010

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I agree...change your expectations. My husband and I were married in Vegas for less than 200 bucks at The Little White Wedding Chapel. We didn't have the money for a lavish wedding, so we agreed it was about being with each other, no one else.
It's about the lifelong commitment, not the dress, ring, food etc. Maybe someday we will have that celebration with friends and family, but I am content with having him.
So what if you can't have what you want now. Doesn't mean you never will. I think a lot of these mothers here have given great advice for bargains and family/friends assistance.

Jen - posted on 02/21/2010

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I know it's hard to hear "weddings are overrated" or "its just a day" when you haven't gotten to experience it yourself yet, and I'm with you on that. I had the same problem. But honestly, you will find some things that you're willing to give in on in order to get the things you really wanted and THAT will make it your dream wedding.

And keep it in mind... the dream wedding is a memory, the dream man? The dream marriage? That's a life time! As long as you get married to your other half, you really wont remember much else. It POURED with rain on my wedding day, and just a year later I didn't remember that! I saw the wedding video and went "Wow, that's some storm!" lol

The engagement ring seems to be the big thing for you, so I would lay-by the ring you want and make sure it'll fit the standard wedding ring.

Good luck honey!

Carey - posted on 02/20/2010

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Coming to you as a Minister, Sweetie you first need to decide what is most important to you , spending the rest of your life with the one you love or the "material" things life has to offer. I would suggest if you want the "glamour wedding" with out the financial burden have a "Do it yourself Wedding" . Set a date ..say 1 year, durring that year slowly get the items for your weding( remember not everything has to be NEW just "look" it) Choose a set number of guest, you can do a few things with this part..1 you can invite several to the wedding ceramony and a few to the reception, 2 you can do a small private ceramony and a larger reception ( send invites out for rection only) or 3 invite those closest to you then send the rest announcments letting them know you got married! Choose your colors ( best idea for that is go to a paint store or somewhere you can get the little paper paint samples.. then you will be sure that your colors will always go together.. use these as a guide when picking out your decore) , there are second hand wedding dress shops and even some dry cleaners can help you find something, or you can order one from an online store just remember to order it in advance so any alterations to it can be done. Silk flowers 1 are cheaper to you can keep them! If you would like real flowers do specific items such as your bouquet and the one you throw, also the grooms boutinier, and the "Mothers" coursages! This will save you alot of money! Simple clear plastic vases with some crystal beads and flowers or candles can set the tables, the more you can do yourself the better it will be! The simple things that you do in life can go along way, this way you can say that your wedding was 1 of a kind.. because NO ONE else did it! You can order your cake from the ever trusting "Walmart" for around $150 for about 75 people! Instead of a sit down reception you could do a buffet or "finger food" style. Keep it simple, they don't need to have a full belly when they leave..they will be okay! Keep alcohal to a minimum if your having any at all..this is a huge chunck of the budget if you chose this! You can always get family or friends to help you do the work! as for the place of the ceremony you can go to a park or rent a hall for a few hours " rent it as early as possible, this way you can make payments on it and have it all payed off ahead of time" , don't forget that the new couple are usually the ones who give the person performing the wedding a tip. Utilizing as many friends and family members as possible cuts down on expenses.... they don't have to pay for it..just do the work..haha just when they thought they were out of it....lol anyways, remember just because it's simple doesn't mean it can't be glamorous!! P.S. No one has to know how much you really spent on it all but the 2 of you! A marriage license is only good for 30 to 60 days you will have to check on that where you are, so remember to do your ceremony within that time frame of getting your license. Best of Luck! Rev.Carey

Ashley - posted on 02/20/2010

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Well- I have been married 2 times. The 1st was the big dream wedding we all think of as children, and it sucked, cost a TON of money, and now we have been divorced for 9 yrs (we have a 12 yr. old son, and he doesn't even pay attention to him nor live in the same state!).



Now- for my 2nd (and last- I found my soul mate!) All we did is go to my fav. state park- where there are water falls and streams. We got married next to the rushing sounds of the water, had ONLY our closest friends and family (about 25 people). I wore a very simple dress I got as a "sample" dress (look into those) for $20 bucks. Our cousin took the pics for free (and in my opinion, did better than any professional!!).



Flowers- spring is coming up and it's blooming seaseon! I made my own, but if that's not in your plan go to a florist (I was one for 10 yrs.) get them to do the guys bouts. and for you just do a few flws. in ur colors, and tie a bow around them!

For food and reception (BIG MONEY!!!- usually). My family did the cooking (and you wouldn't believe the compliments!), and we had the reception in the backyard of a friends house- it was GORGEOUS!! I wish you could see pics of mine- I think you would see what I mean!!)



As for the ring- the one I have @ the moment isn't my dream ring but it's not the ring- it's the meaning behind it- so that 25 cent ring you mentioned would work just fine until you van afford what ya want!!



Most of all weddings are SO OVER RATED, and can cost way to much money you could use for other things that would last a lifetime, not just ONE day!!

Take time to think about the responses you have received, and re-evaluate what really matters- your love for that baby and fiance. Try not to tire yourself about the wedding your thinking about, and just do it!!!

Jen - posted on 02/19/2010

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Can I make a suggestion? I don't know if you'll like it or not, but here it is: do the catering yourselves with family members (mum, sisters, auntys, grandmothers whoever!) helping as much as possible. Food is always the biggest cost and you know what? Home-cooked food is always better in the end, it has that comfortable feel about it.

Other than that, you have your dress sorted out. Perfect solution, by the way, what a beautiful sentiment behind that! What's your other half wearing? It's actually cheaper to buy a suit on sale than it is to hire one. And a suit is a good investment.

Next, flowers. You have to be a bit thrifty here because flowers for a wedding cost the earth! So I would say either make your own bouquet or go to your nearest florist (not a wedding place, just a florist) and have them make up a nice simple bouquet.

Now, rings! This is the part I'm not sure you'll like. You can buy wedding rings on special and get them fairly cheap. My husband's was only $100 at 50% off. And as for yours, I suggest buying your wedding ring - make it a beautiful, simple band similar in style to your partners - and don't worry about getting your engagement ring for the day. Continue paying your engagement ring off over time and maybe your partner can do a little something special to present it to you when it's paid for.

And the reception, you know what? There is nothing wrong with having a "party" at someones home or backyard, I think they can be so beautiful!!!

I dont think it's exactly lowering your expectations, it's about how you go about it. And for the engagement ring, when you get it. You know, my entire wedding set - engagement ring AND wedding ring - only cost $200! But I love it because it's what we could afford at the time and it was placed on my finger by my beautiful husband. I dont want a big ring that costs a lot of money, the size of the diamond isn't what makes it special, after all.

A - posted on 02/19/2010

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I can understand how you feel. I never got a wedding either -- my husband and I wound up borrowing a couple of our friends from work, and driving to the county clerk's office to get married before the Justice of the Peace. We came back home, son spent the night with hubby's grandmother while we spent the night at a local hotel, and then back to work and regular life the next day (I needed to get married fast so I could be covered under his health insurance for my wisdom teeth surgery)

My ring is a hand-me-down from DH's grandmother, he doesn't have a ring to this day, we never got a reception or a "honeymoon" aside from spending the night at the hotel w/ hot tub. But I've come to realize, 4 years down the road, that it doesn't really matter about that. The fact that my husband and I have been able to live relatively frugally for the almost 7 years we've been living together, is something that has helped us to remain strong even when we've had serious issues. We don't need lots of money, or to spend frivolously on each other, to be happy together. Just him being with me is enough.

(My birthday present for my 25th birthday, I just bought myself today.... spent $30 something on a 25 lb bag of multigrain flour that I needed to get because I was almost out of flour from the last one.)

Rachel - posted on 02/19/2010

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just keep your head up~ maybe your wedding wont be perfect but it will be special if you are marrying the one you love! I always dreamed of a ceremony on the beach with my loved ones~ but instead my husband and I had a 30 second ceromony and I was holding my screaming baby the whole time~but I wouldnt change anything. We wear bands that cost $20 a peice and we are still saving for our real ones. Just do what you can and everything else will fall into place. Be thankful for what you do have instead of longing for more~ you are lucky to have found someone to spend the rest of your life with~what more could one ask for!

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Can you find a friend that sews to help you with the dress, so you only have to get it cleaned? I was on a budget when I got married and I made all the bridemaids bouquets out of silk flowers, and the invitations were done of a friends computer. The only expensive thing was the food., so we made lots of cookies to make up for the cheaper menu.

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2010

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im in the same boat i have two little girls at home and im due july 18th and my wedding is june 12th... so im talking about doing an out side wedding at a park or something... having a pot luck reception just to say we had one and i found a dress for like 99 dollars at davidsbridal cause there doing that sale and they even allow layaway i know things seem very tuff but everything will fall into place for you and you will have avery happy day when you say i do and all this stress you wont remeber

Cynthia - posted on 02/16/2010

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I have been really "thrifty" so far i have a beautiful dress that was my mothers but it needs fitted for me, it needs to be cleaned and the beading repaired in some places (shouldn't be more than $400). the place im getting married is only $400 because of my amazing pastor and that place is a HUGE deal for me because that was my daddy's church (he passed away when i was 13) and that church was a big deal to him.

i don't have huge unreal expectations i just want it to be nice and not so stressful my entire budget for this wedding can be done with like $2,000 it just seems like so many things keep getting in our way.

Alison - posted on 02/16/2010

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I can see two major options here. Either you set a date and make it happen with the means you've got and/or you find a way to bring in extra income.

You do want to make this an extra special day, but you don't want to put it off forever because you can't afford what you want.

You could choose a white evening gown on sale instead of a wedding dress (or forgo the white dress as I did and just shop for marked down evening gowns). You can organize a potluck supper or shop around for cheap catering (think ethnic). You can trim down your guest list. You can ask for cash gifts only (some say it is tacky, but those who care about you should be able to understand you don't have the means to pay for your own wedding). I am sure there are cheap rings out there (overstock.com). You could ask your bridesmaids to chip in for the dress as a wedding gift...

Mary - posted on 02/16/2010

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Just my two cents - Change your expectations about your wedding. What would be special to you that's in your budget? Not having enough money for your plans and dreams is obviously frustrating, but try to frame your ideas based on what you can do, instead of what you can't do. Eloping and a fun weekend away (anywhere - a cabin in the woods, a tent on a beach, or whatever) w/ your husband sounds fabulous to me (after having a big, stressful and expensive wedding that wasted a lot of our savings!). Or perhaps you could brainstorm with your friends? Ask them to help you find a place where you could hold it that would be inexpensive (a pretty park or scenic outlook?), but still meaningful. Good luck to you!

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