can someone please help?

Pricila - posted on 03/27/2010

Katie~ Every parent has a different child after all we are not all cut from the same mold. If it works it works. For some time out works it doesn't in this house so I do as my parents did. I know my dad was very proud of us growing up because he told us and he did your method. We didn't touch things we were not allowed to, we didn't have meltdowns or tantrums. My dads favorite story is, when we had a guest over with their child. I think he said I was two/three at the time. This child who came over with her parents went for my dads prize speakers, which he still has to this day and I'm 31. Apparently I tackled the child and she was my age too and told her we do not touch daddy's speakers. My dad was so proud because its weird for another parent to have to step in when that parent decides to do nothing to stop their child. We were good girls, not abuse like some would decree. We love our parents very much and when we have our family get togethers we talk about the spankings and laugh about it. My dad never hit out of anger, we earned each and everyone of it. Thats why we laugh cause we remember what we did to get to that point. Siblings always when in an argument like to have the last word no matter what! That was our problem. :) For me its seems that the majority of parents have become to lax. Spanking responsibly doesn't mean your abusive or that your child will learn violence is okay or that you can hit others. I know I didn't learn that and I got a belt to my butt! To this day my sister and I come to my dad for everything, he is my best friend. My mom is too but she was very lax and never followed through on her threats and we laugh about it at family get togethers to this day too!

Sara - posted on 03/17/2010

distrations work...if he's into something he just shouldn't be (say the dog bowl!) i distract him with a toy or something more fun like tickle time. but if its just a mad fit, and i've tried everything to understand what he wants i just hold him until he stops kicking and screaming. he's GENERALLY good in public places, but a dinner out one night he didn't want any toys, snacks, or coloring books i had and threw everything he could get his hands on. i didn't say anything to him, just got him out of the high chair and took him outside. the fresh air and the quiet calmed him down. my husband called my cell when the food got to the table and we went back in. you always hear they throw fits when they're mad we don't understand them or when they're tired. but sometimes is just they are overstimulated and don't know how to deal! he had just got tubes put in his ears 2 weeks before and the loud enviroment was magnified from what he could normally hear and it just put him in overload mode! so my advise is just look at every situation open minded...the same technique won't work for every situation! and good luck to us all!

Shayla - posted on 03/17/2010

Wow...you just completly described my not quite 2 year old son. completely normal for most, boys especially so I have learned. Had I not had another do the exact same thing just a year and a half ago, I would wonder to. Its a phase, it WILL stop. Best thing to do is try to ignore the temper tantrums...they are doing it for attention and the more you pay, they more they get what they want from it. Honestly, just relax and let him go. Obviously he can't be a danger to you or others so a firm NO! Biting is not nice, is my suggestion..it's worked with the other two boys and is slowly working on this one as well...although he is the baby of the family and he knows it!
Don't stress hun, your son is VERY normal.

Katie - posted on 03/17/2010

I realize that my response will be vastly different from the others posted here and terribly unpopular. When either of my two kids do something inappropriate, one of two things happens. If it is a new situation and she do not know it is wrong, we explain that what she did was wrong. She is asked to apologize and not repeat the behavior. If she DOES know that what she did was wrong (like she's been told before and has demonstrated understanding) and she does it anyway, she gets a few taps with a wooden kitchen spoon on the back of the thigh. She cries, which she is allowed to do until it becomes a rebellious cry, at which point we ask her to stop, which she does. Then we address the issue by explaining why she was disciplined. We then ask her to look us in the eyes and say sorry, which she does. Then we say that we forgive her and we give and receive hugs and kisses, at which point we ask her to do the right thing, i.e. opposite of the thing she did wrong.
Because we have employed some version of this standard of training and discipline since she was about 8 months old (we should have started sooner, which we are doing now with our second), we have never had any major behavior issues.
It's not too late to start! Kids are very quick learners. When you set boundaries and show willingness to be dedicated to them, your children quickly learn that doing the right thing earns praise and doing the wrong thing earns punishment or discipline, whichever is more appropriate to the situation. When you start to employ this kind of training, you can actually watch your children struggle with the decision to do what they have always done and gotten away with or should they do this new hard thing that will earn praise instead??? It is very rewarding to have well behaved children that you can count on!

Christina - posted on 03/17/2010

my daughter is nearly two as well and she is doing the same thing it is normal. just try to distract her with something else until she calms down it doesn't always work she has drawn blood from my arm a couple of times when she has bitten me and then she get put on a time out in her room. you just have to go was it good luck.

Melanie - posted on 03/16/2010

I haven't figured out how to fix it completely but my daughter is 22 months and is the same way at times. If I am caring her I put her down and tell her mom doesn't want to carry you if are hurting her. I believe its just a phase.

Sherri - posted on 03/15/2010

I learned that most of the time my daughter is throwing a fit because she is not getting what she wants. Usually it is because I dont understand what she wants. I would recommend getting down to the childs level and make sure that the child understands that you are trying to listen to what they want. I am a very strict parent but I do understand that at this young age they really need to know that you are the kind of mommy that listens to what they want by their words and using non-verbals. Once she realizes how to tell you what she wants the fits will be much less. Of course you can still have a nasty one year old when you tell them no but at least they will know that you are listening.

Deanna - posted on 03/15/2010

Welcome to the terrible 2s! No, you shouldn't be worried. It's absolutely normal. Our babies change so much by this age. They're incredibly curious and strong willed. They love to ascert their independence. They want to do everything by themselves now. The fits won't last forever. I would suggest that in order to not encourage the fits, remain calm and walk away when the fit starts. Once he's not receiving positive reinforcement (meaning any attention for this bad behavior) he'll give up and move right on to the next thing. May the force be with you!

Myra - posted on 03/14/2010

Sounds pretty normal. It's time to get really consistent with discipline. That's about the only fix for it. With my daughter, there's one spoken correction, and if the behavior doesn't stop, she is then put into increasing amounts of discipline. It does depend, at least in part, on the offense. Anything that physically harms someone (including herself) is a verbal correction and automatic time-out. Smaller things like touching things she shouldn't be messing with, verbal and then the next time she is told no and removed from the temptation. If she goes back a 3rd time, it's time-out.

Now, if I can just get the hubby to also discipline, we'd be in business!

Theresa - posted on 03/14/2010

There's no sure fire way to fix it unfortunately. I guess you could try different things and see what works for you and your son. I find ignoring my daughter works. When she throws a tantrum I usually just say to her 'I'm not talking to a naughty girl' and walk away. She usually stops within seconds : ) Some things work and some things don't but you are definately not alone and it's completely normal at this age. I'm hoping my daughter grows out of it (haha) in the next 9 weeks because we are due to have our second daughter then.

Heather - posted on 03/13/2010

My daughter started throwing tantrums also and she will be 2 in May..I found that at this age nothing worked except for a time out and the only place I could get her to stay and calm down was her bed and it works, she gets a minute to calm down and relax and I think she associates her bed with calmness and when she's done I explain to her that it wasn't good behavior but in an age appropriate way and then I tell her to use her words when she's fustrated or angry..hope this helps! =-) And remember this will pass its just a stage like anything else!

Rosemary - posted on 03/13/2010

I found my daughter just wanted my attention and affection. I decided I would give her positive attention when she first approached such as a cuddle or playing with her for a little while. She would then happily play with her brother or friends. It worked and she never escalated into a tantrum.

Renee - posted on 03/12/2010

Normal...that's why they call it the terrible 2's!! Don't give into the tantrums, and you can start using "time outs". Time outs work really well with my son. We put him in a playpen for time out and let him scream it out in there...he is a head banger when he has tantrums and this keeps him from hurting himself. I also found that keeping a strict schedule keeps the tantrums to a minimum.

Jeannie - posted on 03/12/2010

I tried talking to my daughter about her behaviour, but honestly she could care less. Time-outs really don't work for her, either. At 2, your child's attention span is minimal, so my advice is to pick them up and put them in their room. I would tell both my children that they could cry and scream in there, because I didn't want to hear it. Just remember to NEVER give in to the tantrums. The terrible two's are called that for a reason. They are just trying to figure out just how far they can push you to get what they want.

Amy - posted on 03/11/2010

Yes, that's very normal for 2. What we do, and found works pretty well, is for starters give our son choices (fore example what to wear, what to eat, etc). Then when he's being bad we start by saying no, and telling him why it's not good to continue doing what ever it is. If he doesn't listen we count from 5-1, if he doesn't stop by the time we get to 1 it's time out. For some things like hitting we give automatic time out for. And if he's being REALLY bad and had several time outs in a row for the same thing (or for not listening) he'll get a forced nap time. It took about 2 weeks for everything to start working, but now it's much better :) Be consistent with what ever you decide to do for punishment.

Maureen - posted on 03/11/2010

This is normal behavior for a two year old. Be consistent on your expectations and they will calm down soon. I have three kids and all of them at this age started challenging the boundaries. This is how they learn their environment. Try distracting with something else. When mine throw a screaming fit, I let them scream but in their room. It usually doesn't last very long and then I go in and talk with them to help them express themselves better. My daughter would just get frustrated that she didn't know what words to use. Hang in there they call these the terrible two for a reason. Be consistent and shower them with praise when you "catch them being good". Good Luck.