Letter to Non Pregnant People.

Brenda - posted on 03/14/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Got this from my due date club and thought it was amusing.



Dear Non-Pregnant Person,



I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.



1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ass (including, “Did you plan this?”)



2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".



3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. The same goes for the name of the baby.



4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.



5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance, and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".



6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.



7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.



8) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.



9) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.



I hope this helps- it sure makes us feel better.

Signed,

All Pregnant Women

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16 Comments

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Caitlin Jae - posted on 04/03/2009

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i loved every single part of this.. i have had problems with pretty much all of it, but so far i've been able to handle it. what i'm most upset about is that since my husband is away for school in the army, he is not allowed to come home for our son's birth. if he makes it home before he's born i will be one lucky you know what!

Taira - posted on 03/24/2009

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LOL

Do not touch my belly unless you ask first please! I have actually reached out and rubbed someones belly as they rubbed mine (without asking). DO YOU like that? I think they got the point but maybe not. My neighbour asked the MOST inappropriate questions when she heard we were pregnant. "Did you plan it?" uh, is that ANY of your business? "How are you going to afford it?" see previous comment. Congratulations, you look great, that's all you need to say, then back off! LOL I have been avoiding her ever since.

[deleted account]

LOL...I would let some things slip too. I think that is a great idea to video tape it and then have a family get together when we are feeling up to it and watch the video.Thank you!!!!

Sue - posted on 03/24/2009

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Hi,



Is there anyway you can say to your husband that you would like it to be a "just us moment" and video the event, then when you are feeling up to it have a family get together and watch the tape. I never wanted my MIL in the room when I gave birth just incase I let slip just what I thought of her. It would of slipped out with the pain!!!! Honest!!!



Good Luck xxx

[deleted account]

Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Took the words right out of my mouth. I need to put this on a t-shirt....LOL. or print it out for my in laws and have them read it, date and sign it before I go to the hospital. Paragraphs 7,8,& 9 are my main problem.



Is anyone else having problems with their in laws or any family members for that matter wanting and expecting to be at the hospital when u give birth that you don't like, they don't like you or you just do not get long with? If so how are you handeling it? I am having a issue with my sister in law. For the past 5 1/2 years we have not gotten along at ALL. She was at the hospital when my son was born. I was so uncomfortable with her even being there. I didn't make a big deal about it then b/c I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings or make anyone mad at me...(like my husband, his mom & dad)...I didn't want them mad at me for not letting their daughter be there for the birth of my son.



To this day I regret having her there. I do not want her there before or after the birth of my daughter. I would rather her wait a week or so when I am ready and have the energy to be around her. I know it sounds harsh but she has put me through some crap the past 5 1/2 years. I want to cry just thinking about how mean she has been to me these past few years. It doesn't make sence to have her at the hospital just because she is related to my husband. She has no respect for me or her brother (my husband) what so ever. It should be about what I want and what my husband wants.



My husband only wants her there because he does not want any drama with his parents by not having her there. He just wants to keep the peace. So even if he doesn't want her there either he will still let her be there and bite his tongue to keep the peace with his parents.



I know that I can't have her there and I am not going to have her there. I just need help on what to say to my husband. I would love to take this up with her and leave him out of it but I am affraid of how she will respond. She is hot headed and immature when confronted..she is 26, as I am but she acts like a 4 yr old when she doesn't like something. I know I am not going to be able to make everyone happy but it is not about everyone else that day.



I didn't mean for this post to be so long. My due date is near and I need to handle this asap. Please help a pregnant girl out!!

Beck - posted on 03/23/2009

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some of it seems slightly harsh but so very true :) I hated people just taking my daughter without asking and I ended up doing everything. I hated having people comment about my weight and now I hate it even more, "oh you are so small" "Wow are you sure you're not having twins?" "oh look at your belly" while touching me. I had an old lady in the supermarket reach out and touch my belly when I was pregnant with my first. Then when she was born another just touched her again in the supermarket saying oh look at those cheeks. I felt like telling her to get lost and don't touch my baby! I just didn't do it at the time but so wish I did

Patty - posted on 03/15/2009

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My mom called my daughter her little girl all the time it drove me up the wall

Brittany - posted on 03/15/2009

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LOL, this was funny! So far the ones i really have had experience with that bother me are one and two. When I told my dad I was pregnant he said "Are you happy about it?" I was like wth, of course. I've told friends and they ask the same. I'm wondering if I wasn't happy about it would it be all over my Myspace and Facebook and would I be telling everyone? and 2! OMG I lived with my mother and she kept saying "my baby" until finally I looked at her and said "this is MY baby, not yours"

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