How do I talk to in-laws about smoking around my child?

Kelly - posted on 05/06/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I just went back to work and my MIL is babysitting my daughter 4 days a week. (Until I find a daycare that I am comfortable with and can afford. So far the ones I have visited have all been duds.) I have always had an issue with them smoking in the house, especially when I was pregnant or when we would visit with the baby. My husband has said a few things to them but just in a joking way. Other than the smoking it is a great daycare situation. She also keeps my niece and a few other children from the neighborhool. Is it possible that she just doesn't know how dangerous it is for kids to breathe in smoke? I'm thinking that it probably won't matter what I say because I have mentioned things before and it didn't stop. I want to tell her that the only reason I am looking for a daycare is because I don't want my child around smoke. They say they don't smoke around her but when I dropped her off yesterday my MIL walked by with a cigarette. I did say "please don't smoke around my child especially right now bc she is sick...thanks" and she went outside, but I doubt she goes outside when all of the kids are there. I just don't know how to approach it because she is so great with her and feeds her nutritious meals and uses our cloth diapers with no complaints. Should I print up some info from online about the dangers of smoke and kids and give it too her? Do you think that is a bad idea? It just makes me sad that they are either too ignorant about the dangers or they just don't value their grandchildren (and neighbor's children's) health. Selfish of them or just ignorance? I just don't get it.
Sorry for the rambling.... :)

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√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/14/2011

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My mom started smoking when she was like 9 and got stuck in a station wagon on long road trips to places like Disneyland (from WA state) with the windows ALL rolled up and her mom smoking....... at 18, they tested her lungs and they were healthy and pink. No offense but I think people take this no smoking thing WAY too seriously. Whole cities dedicated to not smoking. Not being able to smoke while in the kid with your car even with windows rolled down. I mean come on, where does it end? I'm not even a smoker and I think this is overkill....... HOWEVER this IS YOUR KID. If you are not comfortable with it, confront her. Just know that if you don't like what she has to say you're either stuck with her letting her care for your kid orrrrrrrrrrr paying for daycare asap and putting her in a daycare you don't like. Honestly, I think she'd be totally fine........... but if you don't feel that way, stick her in a daycare........... I just don't think daycare would be any better than loving family role models. I would personally be grateful

Loni - posted on 05/14/2011

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Ask her point blank to stop. This is your child and your RESPONSIBLE decision to not allow her to have toxins in her air. My mother had the thought that, well we smoked around you all your life and you turned out fine... but really we are lucky so far to not have had anything wrong with us! We both told her to stop smoking around our kids straight out. She went outside to smoke.. simple as that. If she gets mad, then she is being selfish and irresponsible with her grandchild.. it may be a little blunt but honestly think of all the things that result in 2nd hand smoke! Who is more important? Your mother or your child?

Karli - posted on 05/06/2011

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I would just come out and say it. Or maybe get your husband to do it. It is so dangerous for kids to be exposed to that, especially if it is the house. I am an ex-smoker and I know that it gets into their clothes and their hair and on toys and blankets. Nico tine can actually grow. Nobody can be that ignorant to the dangers of smoking and second hand smoke anymore. I understand how hard it is to stop but smoking in front of children is just wrong and they are being very selfish. I don't know what the laws are in your area but I'm almost positive they have either passed or are going to pass a law making it illegal to smoke in a vehicle with small children in it here because it is that dangerous to their health.

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