Friends...before and after?

Lizzy - posted on 12/06/2011

with my first i didnt lose alot of friends a couple but not alot i have the facebook friends now with my second but no real friends if any i have 1 but we live in differents cities so its not always easy to get together but we try to as much as possible

Miriam - posted on 12/06/2011

I have no more high school friends! I was the first to get married (24) from the group. and Had my first son at 27 and my friends were still single.. so after he was born and I could not go out whenever they wanted to we slowly distanced ourselves :+( now I have my son and baby twins!! I do work and have 2 good friends at work, but we each have husbands and families and the good thing is the three of us pretty much tend to and spend our free time with our families so we agree on that. and we talk but not like if we were in h.s. I think our life just changes throughout our different phases of life..

Mabel - posted on 12/06/2011

I have one friend from high school.I eventually dropped the rest because of me growing up and them not,but this one friend Lesa has been through a lot with me and vice versa.We don't talk every day or even every few months but we both know when one of us needs the other we are there.We are going on 16 yrs and she has a 9 yr old daughter and is single.I think and have told he more than I can count how much she amazes me by doing the whole parent thing on her own.I have my 3 yr old and am married and she makes me look bad by comparison lol,but I lve her to death.She is my forever friend :-)

Deana - posted on 12/06/2011

I had my daughter way later - I'm 38. Most of my friends had their kids in their 20's - and I always made time to go visit with them or do things together. Now it seems everyone is so busy with work or their own kids, who are older, etc. And where I live, most people my age don't have babies, and the ones that do are much younger than me. Moms groups always meet during the day, when I'm working. So it's hard to meet other moms. Mostly my friends and I keep in touch through facebook. If it weren't for that, no one would know what my daughter looks like or anything that is going on with her!

Kelli - posted on 12/03/2011

I couldn't relate better! I was the same I went out with friends even my husband and I had friends @ our house when I was pregnant now that my daughters 1 we never get asked to go out anymore

Synquis - posted on 12/02/2011

I felt this way for a little while. But then I noticed if they are really a good friend they would make the effort to keep in touch. I only got one friend from my past that kinda keep in touch. Even with her I have to call and text her. All I have is family. No true friends. I have to find a way to make some new friends lol.

Tiajuana - posted on 12/01/2011

you dont loss REAL friends.

Maria_NYC - posted on 11/30/2011

A true friend will always be there through good and bad time, if they are no longer in your life that' because they were not a true friend and your better off without them in your life.

Shelby - posted on 11/29/2011

i always say that if ur friends all of the sudden stop talkin to u or dont stick to their plans that they were really nvr ur friends. i was 17 wen i had my son n i chose to stop talkin to a lot of my friends cuz they were still in their "partying" stage and thot hanging out wit someone who had a kid wasnt very exciting. i would rather spend time with my child then with my friends neways. friends are just friends, u can pick them like flowers, a child is something special. dont get hung up on wanting to hand out wit friends wen u have a child. friends dont mean much wen it comes to ur kid.

Shelby - posted on 11/29/2011

i always say that if ur friends all of the sudden stop talkin to u or dont stick to their plans that they were really nvr ur friends. i was 17 wen i had my son n i chose to stop talkin to a lot of my friends cuz they were still in their "partying" stage and thot hanging out wit someone who had a kid wasnt very exciting. i would rather spend time with my child then with my friends neways. friends are just friends, u can pick them like flowers, a child is something special. dont get hung up on wanting to hand out wit friends wen u have a child. friends dont mean much wen it comes to ur kid.

Courtney - posted on 11/26/2011

I only have a few friends from when i was in high school. I only keep in touch with a few but i am lucky if i have time to visit the ones i do talk to.

Jennifer - posted on 11/25/2011

I know I lost almost every friend I had. I have 4 friends now, just 4. But I don't care as much as I used to. If those people don't want to be around my children, and cannot make an effort to make room for me in their lives, they are not worth my time.

Jennifer - posted on 11/25/2011

I still feel this way in a lot of ways. But in some ways, I am grateful for it too.
I have 2 kids and am only 22. Both were on purpose and I wouldn't change it for anything. I do NOT feel like I missed out on anything because I CHOOSE to not go to school yet, not to party, etc. I am SO GLAD that I had my children young!
I have several young mom friends..but like others have said, a playdate here and a playdate there is not the same as having a REAL friend. My closest friend lives 5 hours away so although we talk daily now, we see each other maybe four times a year.
I wouldn't change my choice for any reason and I don't feel like I missed out on anything by getting married or by having children (young.)
A real friend or two would be nice, but overall, I have my two babies and my wonderful hubby so I can't really ask for much more than that :-).
Its nice to know that other people feel the same way I do and have similar experiences!!

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2011

omg, yes. Just being on mat leave from work I feel like I lost even my coworker friends not being there. People that I would hang out with don't really keep in touch anymore. Just like you said alunch here or there and comments on facebook but no real plans. When I had my first child 2 years ago people made some attempts but now that i have 2 kids...i've been forgotten. I summed it up to they got sick of inviting mr places because I had to keep saying no due to being a mom :( lonely at times, yes

Adrienne - posted on 11/22/2011

I had a few friends have kids in their teens and twenties, but since I was on the party/career path, I didn't keep up with them. I am now in my early 30's and most of my friends are having their kids now. We're a nice group but we just don't always have time for each other. We get caught up in housework, playdates and just sleeping! My best friend from high school is still my best friend even though she doesn't have children yet. When we get together, we chat about everything and nothing. She understands that I'm tired, distracted and that we can't have a full conversation without me running after someone or breast feeding. I have other mom friends but for the most part, we talk about everything but the kids (or try to) Since I decided to stay at home, most of my friends do have their jobs and during the week I'm more alone. We just moved and I have a few neighbours who are pretty neat. I admit, I do miss the partying, shopping, 3 hour long lunches, idle gossip, going to the gym every day...but I know that it's not the end of the world that I'm missing this cause I did that during my 20's before having kids. You know what I miss the most? It's sleeping...I used to be able to sleep 12-14 hours on week ends...those lazy week ends where I would spend about 80% of the time in bed with my hubby...I would kill for those back!!!

Jenna - posted on 11/22/2011

By the time I had my children, I was in my mid-20's, so the majority of my single friends were all also getting married and starting families. I do remain in contact with a great many of them. However, although I have always had a lot of friends, known a lot of people, etc., I have never had the kind of friend you describe--always make an effort to see me, tell each other everything, etc. I can count on one hand those kind of friends that I've had throughout my life and those ladies are still very dear friends, although we are now separated by many miles. I don't really feel like I lost a ton of friends when I became a mom, but I feel like now that I'm a mom, it's harder to make new friends.

Holli - posted on 11/22/2011

Since I had my daughter, I have absolutely no friends, which was a shock to me because I had friends with children. I guess the difference was that I am still breastfeeding and can't go out to drink, and my old friends were fine with leaving their week old babies to go to the bar :(. I've been trying to find other moms to hang out with but it seems like all the moms my age party too much for me to keep up. It's tough.

Khali - posted on 11/22/2011

I have to say yes, I lost alot of friends when I had my kids, But more for the reasons of they went out and were still partying and being well young and dumb(lets face it we all have had our moments) but they got to do alot of things that I had to "give up" (not that I regret it at all). But there was a big shift in prioritys for me.. And alot of my single childless friends just didn't get it.. but meh I figured it happened for a reason and I would make new friends who understood what it means to be a mom. hope it helps.. You are certainly not alone, Just have faith that the real friends will come through in time.

Jody - posted on 11/19/2011

I know exactly what you mean, I left school and 6 months later I was expecting my daughter I thought I'd lose alot of my friends, we still talk over facebook but barely see each other in person, I get invited to things but most of the time I'm busy being a Mum and it ends up being 'drinking' anyways. I enjoy having Mummy friends as I find conversation is so much easier and we have our little girls nights and double family nights etc which is cool. But all in all it is hard to go visiting others as a parent and it needs to be a joint effort to 'catch up' as well. I find I have loads of friends but just a few close friends/best friends these days. All in all what you feel is totally normal! :)

Anna - posted on 11/19/2011

I feel like my friendships changed. I lost a lot of my single friends (and was surprised by the single friends who still wanted to be friends with me, mostly guys) but I gained a lot of new SAHM friends that I met through activities at the YMCA, local library story times, etc.

Meghan - posted on 11/18/2011

I feel the same way. I guess once you start maturing and having a family people think that we are different. I feel like my old friends are the ones who let me down not the other way around. I may be married but it was just as bad when I got married I lost a ton of friends, it hurts but that beautiful smile of your child helps ( ALOT!!)

Jenn - posted on 11/18/2011

OMG I feel the exact same way...I always had a ton of friends, and two super close best friends that i grew up with and was friends with for years, the kind that know EVERYTHING about you and you can tell everything to, but after having kids, we slowly drifted apart. We started just not hanging out as much, making plans and then cancelling last minute like you said. It really hurts me that my best friends aren't with me to share the biggest step of my life, becoming a mother! But i understand that people change and grow apart. It sucks though. I used to always be doing something, going out even just hanging out, now even if i wanted to have a girls day, i wouldn't know who to call:( I cant just blame them though because i know i have blown people off also because after having kids all day i am just not in the mood for small talk. It is hard to be friends with people who don't have kids because your lives and priorities are just so different. Not saying you can't make it work but it definitely takes an effort on both parts. It does make me sad though, like when i had a bad day and just want someone to vent to I wanna reach for the phone to call a friend, but i am at a loss for who to call. Maybe you should try reaching out to an old friend though, who knows, they may be missing the friendship you once had as well. Oh well, instead of dwelling on the lost friendships i have been trying to focus my energy on creating NEW friendships with other mommies that are in the same boat as me and i can relate too. Although whenever i get together with other mommies to get away from the kids the conversation somehow always manages to drift back to the children anyways. It must be a mom thing!

Savannah - posted on 11/17/2011

Yes and No...I guess I figure that they weren't real friends in the first place or they'd still be around even though I have kids. I have 2 friends...yes 2. Out of those 2 I see one of them maybe once a month. That's only because she lives closer to me then the other. Both of them have made an effort to stay in touch. On the flip side they both have kids. So as far as single/childless friends...no I don't have any.

I'm a SAHM so ya I have basically nothing in common with those single "friends" who occasionally say hi on FB. I have my hubby though so it doesn't really matter all that much to me.

Alex - posted on 11/16/2011

I had my son my senior year of high school so i am missing everything expecially all my friends. I have two really really good friends that still come see me but other then that everyone else just kind of forgot that we had relationships just cause i had a baby. I do not regret anything and would go back to change what i did. I am happy with my life and I am blessed with such a beautiful baby boy. Having a ababy just showed me who my real friends are :)

Casie - posted on 11/14/2011

It makes me sad, Because when they grow up settle down and have children I truly hope this doesn't happen to them but they have already pretty much severed all ties of my friendship

Dane' - posted on 11/14/2011

o yeah i was in the same boat your were. i would wake up some morning and wonder where are all my friends i would always have at least one sleeping on my couch every night and then when i had Caleb poof their gone. im not sure why. ive never experienced having a friend with a baby so i would know what pushes friends away but i love babies and i dnt think i could ever stop seeing my friends because they had a child and i didnt...but me and you can be friends lol :) smile it gets better because not to far down the road my friends got pregnant and guess what they alllllll poped back up lol and never bring it up to them why they didn't come around anymore just be there for them. show them what a real friend is like...

Vanessa - posted on 11/13/2011

I used to be out every weekend and most nights during the week before I had my daughter. It was hard being pregnant because all my friends would still be out partying and I'd be home growing a belly. My bf would still go out sometimes too so it was a real shock for me being home all the time. Once I had my daughter, the first few weeks I heard from a lot of friends and got visits fom quite a few of them, even the ones with kids already. But as the months have gone by I hear less and less from them. A few of them expect me to always go see them and don't realize how much more effort it is to leave the house. Not that I mind, but it would be nice to have them come visit me at home for once. I thought that the ones with kids I would get to see alot more of, not the case either. My bf doesn't always understand why I get down sometimes because he still sees and hears from most of his friends. Being at home most of the week without much word from friends when your used to being at work and out with the bf or friends is a big transition to make.

Nafisa - posted on 11/12/2011

I know how you guys feel. All our friends now are mainly my husbands friends...Wait not mainly they are all my husbands friends who are now getting married. I lost my few single friends that I partied with once I got married then got pregnant and two kids later I am friendless : ( My single friends come and visit once in a blue moon and comment on my fb pictures but thats about it. I haven't been out even for coffee with a friend in about two years since my 1st son was born. Its kinda sad being that I have no family here and my husband either so its just us and the kids. I can't wait to get to full time work to be around other people for more than two hours.

Traci - posted on 11/11/2011

I lost alot of my friends when I got with my partner. I used to be a party animal with a load of friends that I could call at any time and hang out with. But then I calmed down when I got with Mike cuz he is a shy guy. So I lost a lot of friends then and it only got worse when we had our first child. Those few people I saw suddenly disappeared. i am lucky that my sister had her daughter at the same time i had my son (he is older by 5weeks, 5days lol) but she lives an hour and a half bus trip away and we can't always afford the £6 for the bus :( Now I have 2kids and I am actually desperate to go back to work ( I was back at work on an informal, odd-day basis when my girl was 6weeks old!!) full-time just so I can have human interaction. I spend alot of time with my nan who has always seemed more my mums age but its not the same as having friends! I try so hard to meet up with 2 other mummies every wednesday but thats the same bus trip as it is to go see my sister. One of my closest drinking pals from back in the day recently had a baby and I tried so hard to be friends but she obviously didn't wanna know :( another of my drinking pals is pregnant and i can't wait for her maternity leave in january so we'll have more time to hang out!! Other than that its all facebook friends... xxx

Daniela - posted on 11/10/2011

my husbands friends didnt get at first what it meant to be a parent, they thought he could/would still go out all the time and they would get super pissed when he couldnt go out, now after 4 long months i think they finally get that going out is a special thing, not an every weekend thing.what sucks it they're all 3 years older than him and most of them still live with their parents, have crappy dead end jobs, or no job and just have no responsibilities in the world. all they do is party, honestly i think they're a bad influence but i know they're his friends and i cant change that. :-/

Dakota - posted on 11/09/2011

if you want to chat send me a message anytime!

Melanie - posted on 11/08/2011

I had one good friend all throughout high school. I was so excited to tell her i was having a child. It didn't take long for her to completely stop talking to me. at first it hurt my feelings and then i looked back and realized she hates my husband and wont see reason. i saw her for the first time in almost a year. She stopped to talk to me for maybe two minutes. I dont understand why people do that.

Casie - posted on 11/08/2011

Its hard at least for me to see how my friendship has changed but my husbands friends are still by his side, anyone else who experiences this?

Dakota - posted on 11/08/2011

I'm a 21 year old stay at home mom. I had a good amount of friends in school. Like you, some will comment "oh how cute" on Facebook. We recently moved to another city away from my hometown, and I don't have any friends here. I definitley lost a lot of friends after having my son!

Casie - posted on 11/03/2011

I had a Ton of friends before I had my little girl but now I have NO real friends, Just friends who pretend to be there but never make an effort to see me or hang out. Basically Facebook friends. I'm finding life as a new mom and a stay at home mom very lonely.

Samantha - posted on 11/02/2011

I feel the same way...i had a few friends from high school we were always together almost every night and weekend..we were attached at the hip in hs then after hs we stopped hanging out.went our different ways..i still talk to one of my best friends..shes amazing! shes basically my only friend..i lost most of friends due to marriage and moving out of state..and cuz most of them were younger..yeah i may talk to them on facebook but thats not the same as hanging out like the old times.but thats life. i hope to make new friends whether it be on here that other moms can relate to and understand more.. :)

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2011

Yes, I do feel this way. I have met a few friends on circle of moms we are e-mail buddies !:) If you want to e-mail me its

puddypoo1202@aol.com ! :)

Brittney Olson- - posted on 10/29/2011

It is very common.... I have been reading a short book about it. I can't remember the name... It's something like "Why mommy's need friendships" or something like that, I'll let you know. I have a few high school friends tha have kids and even those relationships can be hard bc of all the kids schedules and work schedules. Since I'm a stay at home mom it makes it even harder when everyone has work and stuff sometimes I don't feel like I have a life outside of the house expescially since I don't have a car. The book mentions the reasons for loss of friends, a few reasons they name are.. Bc of change in interest, bc of different goals in life, bc of jealousy and also bc of lack of attention on both sides. I have found that some of my friendships have faded for all these reasons, like me being so into being mommy that I forget to be me.
It's great to get into a mommy group or find other friends that have kids at church or other places. I still sometimes miss my friends but I find with me it's not so much the friends that I miss, it's the having tome for me just to hang out and have fun without having my mommy side turned on. Even if you just take an hour once a week to hang with a friend or even just go pamper yourself by yourself, it will make all the difference. I always felt bad leaving my babies with someone even if it was my husband for ven a short period of time but I learned that everyone needs at least a little time to be alone and just pay attention to yourself and your needs. :) Sorry I know I'm going on and on and it's not even completely what you asked but I thought maybe it might be of interest to someone.
God Bless!

Ashley - posted on 10/28/2011

People grow and change all the time. I lost all my friends when I met my husband because I was starting a new life and we didn't connect anymore. I still have one friend that I talk to once or twice a year mostly because she lives out of town. I've found now that I'm connecting more with women twice my age and it just so happens that my mother inlaw is the only friend I have now. It took me a few years of mourning single life before I realized I'm much happy with my family as my friends, besides who has time nowadays to commit to the friendships we had before? I find I don't have time for anyone else in my life because raising kids (and husbands) is 24/7 thing. Im lucky if I get an hour a night to myself. So the the friends that matter will keep in touch and it's okay to grieve the ones that won't keep in touch. Just remember that your happiness doesn't come from other people. You are in control of that.

Andrea - posted on 10/28/2011

HUN I HAVE LOST ALL OF MY FRIENDS SHURE I GOT ALOT ON FACE BOOK BUT LETS BE HOUNIST THEY NOT REAL FRIENDS AS FAR AS GOING OUT AND PEOPLE VISITING ITS ONLY MY FAMILY NO FRIENDS NO MEN NOTHING ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN EXIST ANY MORE I FEEL LIKE THE INVISIBLE MAN

Miranda - posted on 10/26/2011

I had my 1st child 2 months after HS & my friends couldn't understand how being a mom makes u change ur priorities changes & it wasn't till some of them started havn kids when they saw what being a mom is like. I look at it as ppl comes into ur life but most r not meant to be there for forever. I now hang with other ladies who love being a mom so ur circle somethimes do change & that's not a bad thing either.

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2011

This is my biggest thing, once my "friends" found out I was pregnant they were all excited for me but I feel like if I ever hung out with them I was a burden because I couldn't drink or I was tired and didn't want to stay out too late. Even after I had my daughter they came and saw her but they never invite me places or if I am I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone anymore. Sadly but true I feel kinda left out, I joined a mom baby group but the other parents are quite a few years older, does anyone have any advice of how to get in touch with other teen moms in my area?

Laura Zoey - posted on 10/18/2011

I know what you mean Jennifer, I have a few potential friends here but there's always a 'fatal flaw' I can overlook alot and we can agree to disagree but when one friend won't discipline her son for hitting my son that's a no go. Or another friend is constantly repeating herself telling the same stuff over and over and it makes me batty to talk to her! Even though her son is an angel. It's hard, I get along great with one mom in almost verythng but she lives 2 hours away.

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2011

Plus its hard to agree on parenting issues. I don't judge most of my young mom friends but there is one in particular I can't stand the way she handles things.
I don't mean that in a "oh I am a better mom than her" kind of way. I just don't want my kids acting like her's does. Does that make sense?
Its hard to make a connection with someone you have a hard time agreeing with things on. And it is impossible to agree on everything. But young moms are everywhere! Since I wrote this post, I have moved back to my old home town and have reconnected with a few of my old high school friends that now have kids. Like you said Daniela, with schedules its so hard to find time that works for everyone!

Laura Zoey - posted on 10/18/2011

We are all over! But I think it's hard to connect and find a mom that you clicknwith and can bond well.
I'm just waiting til my sister has babies cuz shhes been my best friend and will be even beter once she's a mom too!

Daniela - posted on 10/18/2011

when i told my best friend of 11 years (which was half my life) that i was pregnant she told me it was a mistake and she didnt think i would be happy. that broke my heart and pissed me off greatly because she could obviously hear the excitement and joy in my voice. so i screamed and called her bad names and we havent spoken since, and im ok with that. the worst part is i have alays supported her in whatever she did or i at least was understanding even if i didnt agree, i guess that was a big test to see how true of a friend she was. as for now, i have one friend that has a kid but our schedules are so crazy, especially hers. that we dont see each other as often as we like. i would like to make more friends with kids, espeically as young as i am but not sure where they all are lol

Molly - posted on 10/17/2011

Yes I do. Partly because we moved just before our first daughter was born. I fully appriciate how you feel. I often miss having someone to share things with or have a lazy afternoon and just be me again. Rather than having to watch who is doing what or where we have to go to buy things for school, parties, outings etc.
I have a couple of good friends who I stay in contact with over FB and I always visit them when I am home but I do miss the social contact and a good chat over a cup of tea. Or having a good winge about something. In a way it has bought my husband and I closer together because I discuss much more with him now. But it is not realy the same as having a good girly natter about things :)
I am not sure what advice to give because as yet I haven't taken any action on my situation either ! But I do know how you feel. Maybe there is some comfort in the feeling that you are not alone !??

Take care Moll

Nicole - posted on 10/15/2011

I am a working momma and at times I feel like the only friends I have are my co-workers. All of my pre-marriage and pre-baby friends never come around like they think I have a disease or something.

Polina - posted on 08/08/2011

i feel like i have lost most of my friends. i've noticed how they only wanted to visit me if there would be food and/or drinks and me full of energy (which is not the case now days). they would come after the babies went to bed for the night when I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed myself. i felt no support from them in any way, i feel that they truly could not care less about me. even on the surface:a few sentences about how the baby is doing does not interest them. so I keep the distance. i do have a couple of close friends who are my friends for life though. but i do have regrets that i did not meet more of that type of people who are genuine and sincere while i was childless.

Nicole - posted on 08/08/2011

I had a group of friends in high school that I hung out with all the time. After I had my 1st son back in May 2009 they started talking to me less often but they would ask me to go out every now & then. Now that I have my 2nd son & am now married, I have like no friends. Out of all my friends I only have 1 friend that also has a kid. The 2 of us talk some because we have things in common having babies, but other than that I only have 1 other friend that I actually get to hang out with and she loves coming over and playing with my boys when she isn't away at college. I feel like the rest of them don't talk to me because they feel like I can't do anything, when in reality I could go out every now & then. No I'm not going to go out every weekend anymore, but going out to lunch or to see a movie or something would be nice every now and then. I'm a SAHM, so I would like someone to talk to at times because it does get lonely only having a 2 year old and 10 week old to talk to all day long. I just wish they would understand my life a little better and not think that I can't be their friend anymore.