How are the siblings adjusting

Chelsea - posted on 06/25/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I figure we have a thread about allmost everything else why not one for how well or not well the older siblings are adjusting to the new baby.

my daughter kaelyn who is 26 months older then the new baby has been so great. We have had a few minor act ups when she wants attention but nothing more then say jumping on the couch or banging a toy on the sliding glass door. Other then that she is doing amazingly well with herself, she wakes up and runs right to the baby and even wants sister to be involved in story time before bed, she wants to hold her ALL THE TIME, almost to much and has to touch her and kiss her if she can reach. She is ok with other people holding the baby instead of her but wont leave the baby's side if she isnt with us. She sings to her sister, dont cry baby and our family good night song. She loves to help me when im nursing by getting me pillows or the remote to the tv. She went for daddy time the other day and insisted that baby sister had to come to, she wasent happy leaving the baby at home with mommy

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Marianne - posted on 07/14/2011

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Lena, I used a teething necklace with my oldest and I really think it helped. It was made of baltic amber and when worn against the skin it provides natural pain relief. I have also heard that hazel wood necklaces also help with teething pain. You can find them online if you do a search. Good luck to your little one.

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Lena - posted on 07/14/2011

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My 19 month old daughter Hazel is doing pretty well with the new baby, well she was at first. She always wants to touch the baby and kiss her. She bit baby Chevy's finger a few weeks ago. It started out as a kiss and then she put the finger in her mouth lol. Luckily Chevy was ok. Hazel started acting a little cranky just before Chevy was born. She is teething and had a little cold so I'm mostly blaming her attitude on that. We went on a 2 week vacation recently and boy was that hell. I do not recommend spending any uneccessary time in a vehicle with small children. Hazel did very well on the plane rides, just getting cranky towards the end of each ride. But then the 2nd week she had a high fever and I ended up taking her to the ER cause we were out of state. I had to fight that off for a few days and I'm pretty sure it was her teeth again, but man was she crabby. The crying and whining is really getting to me. I know she feels horrible but I'm getting so irritable. I feel bad for feeling that way, but I really just need a break. I wish I could just make her feel better, I don't know what to do about her teeth hurting her. I just got back from vacation yesterday and am thinking about taking her to the pediatrician now that we are home just to make sure it is her teeth that are bothering her. Anyhow, other than that Hazel is pretty good. Sometimes she wants to lay on top of the baby when I'm holding her or feeding her lol. But she mostly loves her little sister and has started saying, "Sissy, wake up" whether little Chevy is sleeping or awake...it is too cute.

Marianne - posted on 07/13/2011

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Thank you, Laura. I really needed to hear someone tell me to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment as best I can. Your notes come on the heels of an evening out with the neighbors. One of the neighbors has a 4 year old son who kind of likes to provoke my son (or that is how I see it). So my son (who is obviously not acting appropriately) decides to bite him to try to get what he wants. I was nearly in tears as the parents each took a turn lecturing me on what I need to do. "You should bite him back." "He just needs a good spanking." etc. I felt so judged. My parents used spanking and I think my dad even bit my brother back when he was a kid, but for various reasons I just really don't want to use those tactics. At least not at this point. And as my husband so gently reminded me, "that is the great thing about being the parent... YOU get to decide how to raise your child."

Thanks again for taking the time to share with me your friends' stories. It is nice to know that I am not the only mom who has ever gone through this and somehow we will get past it.

Merry - posted on 07/12/2011

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My other friend who has a may baby has an opposite toddler problem, her daughter is 23 months and she has rejected her mom. She plays alone alot. She doesn't want hugs or cuddles, she now prefers her dad. She in just indifferent towards the baby, she just is trying to ignore mom and baby.
It's breaking her moms heart but she's managing best she can.

Its harder then people let on, I think most of these posts hinted at hard parts, they just tried go focus the posts on the positives but I can see where most hint at issues too.
It's an adjustment for all of us, and it's rarely perfect right away!
It's not your fault and your not the only one!

Merry - posted on 07/12/2011

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It's not been all good for me either, Eric throws tantrums when I'm nursing Fierna, he's constantly asking me to put baby down, give baby to daddy etc. He hates it when I cone out in the morning holding her, he wants me to put her back in bed! He only hit her once, but he's never been 'spirited' but he has started throwing toys more in frustration.

Merry - posted on 07/12/2011

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I can tell you about my friend, she had Levi her second this past march, her first son Thomas was 22 months. Thomas began hitting, kicking and throwing things at the baby. She was constantly protecting little Levi from Thomas. Thomas was hitting other kids too. She also quit socializing for a while. She just couldn't handle both out. She went to stay with her mom for a week or so when it got really bad. She hired a neighbor girl to come play with Thomas some days while she was home so he got a fun playmate to occupy him. She also nursed and Thomas took that chance to act out.
Levi it now4 months and she has completely figured it out! Thomas has gone back to being a sweet kind boy, Levi is not getting hit anymore, she goes out with both easily, and breastfeeding is a breeze now. She is happy confident and enjoying her boys!
I really worried about her for a while but she just did her best and she got through it. And it did pass!
Get help if you can, and keep up your mood by remembering it will pass. Love on both kids as much as you can, but know that your toddler is going to be better off from going through this. A sibling is such a blessing to him and he will adjust and soon love the baby.
Deep breaths!

Marianne - posted on 07/11/2011

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Although I am thrilled for the other moms who posted before me, unfortunately, I cannot relate. My 23 month old is having a very hard time adjusting to his new baby brother. He has always been a spirited child, but now he has taken things to a new level. He has gone from my sweetie to an aggressive, frustrated toddler, It is rather depressing for me as I can imagine what he is going through and I just want to hold him and let him know how much I love him. But, no matter how much cuddling, praising, encouraging and reminders to use "gentle hands and safe feet" I provide he just has not been able to accept the changes. (It has only been 7 weeks since the baby was born.) His aggression toward the baby is worst when I am nursing, It is obviously a jealousy issue, but I don't know what to do. His aggression has recently taken a horrifying turn toward other children. He pushes them whenever he gets the chance. Of course, as some background, his verbal skills are very limited and he is very tall/large child. (He looks more like a 3 or even a very small 4 year old.) I know he gets frustrated easily and temper tantrums are currently the norm in my house. It is all so upsetting as I have begun to isolate myself. I don't go to playgroups or even to the store with both kids. It is overwhelming and, although I am very happy for parents that have accepting, well adjusted older children, are there any parents out there who can commiserate with me? I could use someone to normalize my experience a little and tell me it will all be ok and it is not all my fault.

Nicole - posted on 07/11/2011

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My 2 year old son, Braden, just loves his baby brother! Right after Bentley was born, Braden would cry like a baby, try using his brother's pacifiers (although he's been without one since he was 12mos), and would need rocked like a baby. Once my husband went back to work, Braden started acting up at home towards me. He would throw toys at me and just not listen. Now that Bentley's been around more and Braden realizes he isn't going to lose much attention from us he is perfectly fine with him! He loves to hold him, kiss him, lay on the floor with him. The only time he seems jealous is if your talking to the baby and not him but he doesn't act out at all! I love watching them be together!

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my 13 year old daughter loves being a big sister and my husband and I love that we've actually been out on two dates already! may seem strange to have a teenager and a newborn, but it works brilliantly. he's made her very happy and I love witnessing them together.

Jen - posted on 06/27/2011

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Savannah LOVES her brother! We haven't had any issues. She loves to watch and play with the baby while I get ready in the morning. She sings to him, she shakes his toys, and she loves to make him smile. She says that he's her baby a lot of the time. She also allows her friends to touch the baby when I drop her off at school and she reminds them that they can't touch his head. She's a little mommy. :)

Merry - posted on 06/26/2011

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Erics doing pretty good, he adores the baby and loves talking to her patting her, giving her the pacifier, and giving her hugs. But he is jealous of my lap. When I'm holding her he whines more, and wants tv alot. He is still nursing so he sometimes gets upset if he's asking to nurse but I have to nurse her first. That's understandable cuz I'm essentially choosing her over him but she is the one who actually needs to nurse ASAP, he has to wait :(. It's sad sometimes to see him missing me but I know he will be ok and adjust eventually.
But thankfully he has never seemed to take it out on Fierna, he loves her and really seems to enjoy having her.......as long as he still gets my attention!
He has been frequently requesting 'give baby to daddy?' so cute :) unless daddy is at work and I have to say sorry hunny daddy's not here!

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2011

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That's great that she has adjusted so well! My 4 older kids, daughter 9, son 7, son 5, & son 3 just love their baby brother. Always wanting to hold him, hug him and kiss him. My 15 mo old is having a hard time. I really have to watch him cause he tries to touch Elyas's eyes pat's a little too hard on his head and has tried to push him to the side when I am holding him. My 15 mo old has been showing jealousy toward his baby brother. But that is too be expected cause he still is a baby himself.

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