What's your parenting style?

Merry - posted on 04/21/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Everyone has a different style when it comes to being a mom, and it also changes as we learn and grow.
If you have kids already, what's your style? Are you changing anything this time around? What's some things you would never change?

For first time moms, what do you feel is the best fit for you? Have you gotten alot of advise (wanted and unwanted :)
Do you have concerns about certain aspects of being a new mommy?

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Jen - posted on 04/21/2011

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I love your response Jennifer. I think I'll build on my response with yours.

-I Did Not get an epidural with Savannah. I did go into the hospital wanting one, but after being sent home while in active labor and returning to the hospital an hour later, there was no time for one. I Do Not plan on getting one this time either.
-I will breastfeed Zachary as I did with Savannah. Savannah was breast and formula fed from day 1. I plan on EBF this time around, but will be pumping starting day 1 so that we can still have bottle feedings. My husband is responsible for feedings before 1am and I'm responsible for everything after that. I know this time around that I need to build my supply before my son starts day care because it is so hard to do it once he starts.
-My daughter started solids at 4 months. She was hungry, so I fed her. She is almost 3.5 now and eats EVERYTHING! We have only found 2 or 3 things that she doesn't like. Olives (yuck) and Pickles.
-My daughter does drink juice. She was given it at 6 months of age and only gets 1 cup a day. It is more than the recommended 4 ounces or less, but she loves juice and I don't care about the sugar content.
-My children Will Not drink a soda until they are in school and even then will get it in small quantities, once a week if not less.
-My kids are allowed to have milk, juice, water, lemonade, and sweet tea. Fruit punch is offered of there are no other acceptable drink options. At least 2 cups of milk a day are encouraged.
-I plan on hybrid diapering this time around. My husband refuses to touch a cloth diaper. I want to at least give it a try. If it doesn't work, fine, but I'd like to say I tried it out.
-We are not religiously "neat." My daughter washes up when she's super dirty, but I do not require her to wash every 5 minutes. Kids are messy and there's nothing wrong with that.
-My children can have comfort items, but they stay in the bed unless a special situation arises (very upset or cranky). My daughter has 2 blankie animals that she sucks on to go to sleep. She reused the pacifier pretty early on so she enjoys to suck on her animals or blankies. If Zachary chooses a comfort item it can stay in the crib as well (once he's an older infant of course).
-All bottles, pacis, and formula are gone by 12 months. My daughter used a sippy from 6 months until 2.5. By 2.5 she was off the sippy and fully potty trained.
-Potty training is praised, but not pushed. My daughter was interested at 12 months, but wasn't fully trained until 29 months. Pull ups will probably not be used as much because it's just an expensive diaper. Underwear and plastic pants work just fine.
-My son will be circumsized. I don't see what the big deal is.
-My kids will get all of their vaccines. The only ones I'm not sure about are the meningitis and the gardasil. I think that they are still relatively new and they are ones I never received. If I see the research suggests that they work then we'll probably use them.
-My children Will Not have cell phones until they are teenagers and hanging out at the mall with friends. I don't care if "everyone has one."
-My kids are raised to be polite and use proper language. I correct my daughter's grammar constantly. I was born and raised in Florida and although I use ain't and fixin' to, I still know how to speak and write properly and my children will do the same.
-We use the cry it out method.
-I do not feed on demand. A schedule is determined shortly after birth and that is what we will follow. We also do not make separate meals for everyone. Eat what was served because you're not getting another meal.
-My kids will go to day care and preschool. I am not a SAHM. I can not stand being tied down to the house and I like to help support my family. I'm glad that there are moms out there who can afford to stay home, but that's just not us.
-My children will be open minded. We do not differentiate between the color of someone's skin and I Do Not encourage gender differences. My daughter can play with trucks and my son with dolls. We also Do Not criticize people for the lifestyles they choose. Even though I do not believe same sex couple should be married, I have no problem with them as people or how they choose to live their lives. My children can develop their own opinions as they come.
-When my kids are teenagers they will be taught about safe sex. If my daughter tells me she needs to get on the pill, I'll take her to the doctor. If my son needs condoms, he can ask his daddy. lol. The point is that I want them to be protected and know what they are getting into ahead of time.
-I do take my children to church, but they are allowed to attend church with their friends when the time comes. Even though I am Catholic, and was raised that way, I have no problem with my children believing in the views from another church. My son's godmother is Jewish so we're very open to other religions.
-My children will be in a car seat as long as possible. It is safer for them and I feel more comfortable knowing that they have a seat that will keep them restrained if we ever happen to be in an accident. I have no shame taking my child to elementary school with them still being in a car seat. Once they're big enough to sit with their legs over the seat and the seat belt on properly, they can leave the car seat and booster behind.

Anyway this is the kinds of things we use in our household. We all have different beliefs and styles and I love to learn how things are done. There is no right or wrong way of parenting. I'm not going to criticize a mother for doing something just because it's not what I would do. It does tick me off when a child's safety is in jeopardy, but again I would never tell another parent that they should be doing it "this" way.

Merry - posted on 04/21/2011

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Jennifer I think it's awesome that you have it all figured out for your family so well, I do think going with the flow has it's place, but honestly I think good solid planning is a great start! Lol

Well inspired by your up front post I guess I'll put all my crazy out on the table too!

-I define myself as an ap mom, that meaning to me that my babies are with me all the time and they are cared for instantly

-I will wear Fierna in a sling as long as possible, as often as possible. Not because I think you have to, but because I think that's where babies feel safest, in moms arms, and since I have other stuff to so my hands can be free and she still is with me

-we are bed sharing with Fierna, didn't with Eric, wish I had.

- I'll be breastfeeding, no ifs ands or butts, lol. Made it to two years with Eric, don't see anything coming up I can't handle at this point.

- I will be breastfeeding on cue, likely hourly or more as the milk is digested in twenty minute I feel like the more frequent small meals she gets the smaller her stomach stays, and with America so far into the obesity crisis the last thing I want to do is stretch out her tummy so she feels she needs big meals to feel full

-I'll hopefully use a pacifier as little as possible, I'd prefer she use my breast to comfort herself then any other item

- but daddy will likely give her the pacifier if I'm busy with Eric, or in the car etc so I'm not concerned with it's usage.

- she will hopeful suck her thumb! I hated losing the pacifier and don't like how it looks so just like Eric I'm hoping she takes to her thumb if necessary

- there is no time limit on how long they can suck their thumbs, I'm not going to try to make Eric quit, it's his thumb, and if he feels he needs to suck it that's his right.

- I don't do regular baths with babies, I think they are so sweet and genle skinned and the bath pulls out so much oils etc, unless she wakes super sweaty I will bathe her weekly at most

- I'm cloth diapering, I used disposables with great outcomes with Eric, no rashes ever etc, but I hate the cost, and I hate the waste so we are going with cloth. I hope it's not too hard, cuz if it is I'm more then ok going back to disposable ones, but they do cost a pretty penny, even the cheapies at target :)

- as a general rule I don't let my kids cry, I prefer to respond to their needs before it gets to crying so honestly Eric cried very little as a baby, I would wake to feed him when he began grunting etc, and I was thrilled he never got that piercing wail like other babies I'd met

- Fierna will not have pierced ears! Yes I think its cute, but I can't justify myself putting her through unnecessary pain for cosmetic reasons especially with the slight risk of an infection.

- we are delaying shots, not interested in debating this, but it's not an ignorant choice

- I'm very protective of my babies and so most people don't get to hold them, it's not so much a germ thing past a few months old, it's more of my baby and I don't like handing her over!

- we don't do daycare, we don't do babysitters until about a year old, and then it's only grandma and only about once every two to three months as needed for matt to have some reconnection time with me alone :)

- I'm not pumping! Lol hated pumping so much with Eric, and now since I'm not working I see no need to do it,so I don't want to!

- we don't spank, I'm trying to teach Eric there's no reason on earth that could ever justify him raising a hand on another person, so I figure there's no way to make him believe that if I spank him. He gets very firm discipline and is the best behaved two year old in our group despite being the only one not spanked.

- we do eat junk food! In moderation but I'm not super picky about every tiny bit of food they eat.

- that said the first year of fierna's life, like with Eric, is sacred for her tummy. No processed foods, no junk foods, no juices, no sugars, nothing I could consider bad food for the first year. After that it's a slow introduction to the family foods including desserts

- we don't do hand sanitizers, and I'm not a regular hand washer. I don't like getting sick and honestly I rarely do,so I am of the mind that germ exposure helps,not hurts.

- we don't start solids until minimum of6 months, but likely will be longer if Fierna is like Eric who didn't take to any solids until 10 months

- I'm not doing jar foods, no puree foods, when she can chew and put it into her mouth herself she can eat appropriate sized and shaped and textured foods, but I'm not going out of my way to get solids into her before she is ready

- we have pets, there is hair in our house, I don't feel this is an issue, having pets helps kids not get allergies, not the other way around

- we do straw cups, not the spout ones, I don't like bottle like cups and it worked well with eric

- we rear face the kids in the car as long as possible, so that means Eric is stil rearfacing now, and will be until he hits 45 lbs, or roughly 4-5 years old.

- I don't have a infant seat for Fierna, she will go right into a convertible seat. She will be in the sling when I'm out of the house.

- we are homeschooling, I'm not ok with the way kids are turning out in my area and I don't want my kids becoming like the adults I see here. I don't want to let another person help raise my kids, so I'm not ok with teachers and the strong influence they can have on my kids. Call me selfish,but I don't want anyone having that amount of influence on my kids.

- we are really open about the human body with Eric, and he knows both male and female body parts, I feel like it Is best for him to think it's all normal and not any more interesting or taboo then the elbow, like I did when my family shied away from all terms about the body.

- we do have baby can read, it's not about forcing Eric to read it's about him becoming interested in words letters etc.I'm not a big reader, neither is matt. Eric needs all the help he can get because we both don't enjoy reading.so far Eric does not read, but he adores the numbers and letters so I think that's all I hoped for

- oh, yeah we don't agree with the while gender roles being forced on kids, Eric has dolls.he loves them. He will make a great big brother and hopefully a great dad one say. Fierna can play with anything she likes, well, gender related. But we are quite strict about certain girl toys

- no barbies, bad body image IMO no brats dolls, ew. No Disney princesses, can't stand the darn princess fad in little girls!

- yes our kids watch tv,not all day, but I'm not going to worry about it if they watch tv



Well I'm sure there's tons more we are heavily opinionated about :) lol but from Eric I have learned alot. Before he was born I had alot of ideas that now I disagree with.I've changed in the past two years immensely in my parenting style and I hope to keep on learning and improving myself as I go on into raising two kids. That's the best part I think about circle of moms, I'm constantly learning from other moms, in other parts of the world, and I'm able to form my own opinions as I go along. I wish I knew before Eric was born all that I know now, but hey hindsight is always 20/20 right!

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2011

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Excellent question. I actually had several people give unwanted advice, ask nosy questions, be judgemental, etc recently and vented a bit about it on my blog. I'm just gonna copy and paste it on here...so ignore the parts that don't really have to do with your questions...it was a rant blog lol. And I guess if I had to label the "style' it would be wing it as well...take it as it comes and do my best always with each child..even if that means each child differently.

http://jkehoeyoung66.blogspot.com/2011/0...

I get tired of negative comments about parenting. They aren't always directed to me..but hearing someone complain about how someone else parent's their children or an issue that they feel strongly about or whatever really gets to me sometimes.
NO PARENT IS PERFECT. Most are just trying their best in their own way to raise their child however they feel is appropriate. Which while I may not agree with some issues, I can totally understand and hear every side of the issue. WITHOUT JUDGING. I may disagree for MY children with your way, but that's not judging. And I don't EVER do it outloud.
However, I NEVER judge how a parent handles issues and parents their own children. I hate the way people make me feel like I need to defend my parenting. Because honestly, I don't need to. I am doing the best I can for my children and I don't judge you.
But here it is...and I honestly could care less if you agree or disagree or support or hate me for it...They are MY kids :-)

-I did NOT get an epidural with Tucker and I don't plan to this time either. Its a personal decision and as long as its not having a negative effect, its what I am doing. I believe its best for MY children. I totally respect and understand others for getting them, but its not what I am doing.
-I AM breastfeeding Rylie. I believe its the best thing you can do for your child IF you can do it. However..
-I tried breastfeeding Tucker and ended up quitting. He was a formula fed baby after the first week and he is and always has been PERFECTLY healthy. NOTHING wrong with formula.
-I start rice cereal at 4 months.
-I give my child juice starting at 6 months.
-I use disposable diapers. First of all...I LOVE them. NEVER have had a problem and Tucker has NEVER had a rash with them. I understand your carbon foot print issues and all that...but its not what is best for MY family. Don't even try to tell me that you've done a million hours of research and everywhere you read says cloth is best and disposables cause rashes and blah blah blah. Its BS. Plus...I refuse to deal with poop more times than I have to. Disposables all the way here.
-I do NOT do organic. If something is on sale and it happens to be organic, then that is what we get. I refuse to spend an extra 25-100% more just for the "organic" label. Nothing wrong with things that aren't organic.
-I don't use hand sanitizer or wash my hands religiously. Therefore, I don't and won't ever make my kids do it like crazy either. Their immune systems need to get some germs to grow and be strong.
-That being said, if my kid is sick, I do NOT take him to interact with other children. That is rude, mean and purposely spreading diseases and such. Its gross enough for your own kid to walk around with snot dripping down his face...My kid won't be "that kid" wiping his snot on other's toys and clothing. Gross.
-I do sanitize bottles, breast pump parts, etc....once a week. Its ridiculous to me to do it more often. A simple wash with hot water and soap is plenty.
-Tucker uses a blanket as his comfort item.
-Rylie can pick her own comfort item..whether thats a blanket, a paci, thumb, stuffed animal, etc...she can pick.
-After 8 months, Tucker was off a bottle and only used sippy cups. A little earlier than I planned, but I was thrilled. None of my kids will ever you a bottle or a paci past 12 months.
-Tucker has and will continue and Rylie will get ALLLLLLLL their vaccinations. ALL of them.
-I refuse to push potty training. When they are ready, then we'll proceed and never look back. Until then, I refuse to push it.
-I let my kid drink sweet tea. He likes it. Scratch that, he LOVES it.
-Public schools all the way.
-My kids will NOT be raised in a church. We'll teach them about the bible and they'll know all the stories and such. But I will NEVER force religion on them. I will NEVER force them to believe one point of view is the best and only right way to see things. When they are old enough, they can decide if they would like to attend church or any other religious activities they wish.
-I won't let Tucker wear his pants so that you can see his entire butt. I won't let Rylie wear short shorts, belly shirts, shirts you can see her boobs, etc... My children will dress modest.
-Tucker sits in time out, gets his hand popped and occasionally even gets a spanking when he misbehaves. Rylie will too.
-I will NOT allow my children to drink before they are legal or to do drugs.
-My children will NOT smoke ciggerattes.
-I won't ever force my children to or make them feel like they HAVE to go to college.
-I let my kids get dirty, splash in puddles, etc. They're only kids once.
-I will use both homemade food and jar baby food for Rylie. I did with Tucker too.
-I let Tucker cry it out. Rylie will too.
-I will NOT co-sleep with my children.
-I am a baby wearer.
-I will NOT breastfeed Rylie past 2 years old. I do NOT want her remembering that.
-My children will NOT have cell phones when they are ten. Probably not even until they are in high school.
-My children will NOT go to day care or preschool. I am a SAHM.
-Tucker bites his nails. His father and I do too. Its not a great habit by any means, but there's nothing wrong with it. I will NEVER dip his hand in any kind of liquid or chemical or pepper to prevent him from continuing this.
-I do NOT leave my kids with sitters. I have occasionally left Tucker with my mother but I didn't become a mother for other's to do my job.
-I will let my kids drink juice, soda, etc (in moderation).
-I won't allow my children to use language like "balls, dick, tits, etc" or swear until they are well over the understanding age and at least in HS.
-I am a young mother. And I LOVE that I have children so young.
-Tucker plays with trucks, cars, etc. If Rylie would rather play with those over barbies and babies, she is welcome to.
-I refuse to buy "My Baby Can Read" or Baby Einstein, etc...My child can and will learn at their own pace.
-I feed on demand until 12ish months. Then a pretty regular 3 meals a day with snacks.
-My children will NEVER be homeschooled.
-My children will never need anything but their every want will NOT be met.
-I don't know how I feel about medication for children for ADD, etc. IF we ever come to that hump, I will make the decision I feel is best for MY child.
-I will NEVER have a planned home birth. I would do a birthing center if there was one available though.
-Tucker is circumsized. So glad he is.
-My children aren't allowed near certain family without me. I don't care if they are family or not..some people will NEVER be allowed near my children alone.
-I won't force my children to play sports, join clubs, etc.
-My children will NOT be racist.
-My children will be taught to see other lifestyles with an open mind (same sex partners, etc)


Honestly...It is none of anyone's business how I choose to raise my children. Judge me all you want..but keep it to yourself. I don't care how you feel about any of these topics/issues. They're MY kids.

But most importantly...no matter what, I will love them.

Jen - posted on 04/21/2011

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This is baby number 2 for us and we'll pretty much be keeping the same parenting style. Our daughter has been raised to be pretty self sufficient and independent. She's always been on a schedule and as she's gotten older it's become more flexible. She's allowed to do pretty much what she wants, with the restrictions we give her. I tend not to be overprotective or to shelter my daughter, but I obviously want her to be safe. She is raised to be polite and respectful. Obviously each child is an individual so I'm sure there will be some tweaking, but we're pretty flexible.

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Corrie - posted on 04/24/2011

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I don't think anyone can have a specific parenting technique as what we do changes on a daily basis depending on our children, the world/society we live in, social/familial relations.... Anyone who says "I do the.... Method" Is just silly. haha. No parent and no child is exactly the same as another, so trying to follow techniques other parents have used is all good and well but it's not necessarily going to work like it did for the original parent.
I can't say "My mother did THIS/THAT and i tured out fine" Because my mother either wasn't there or wasn't sober and so when i ask her, she can't remember. My Partners mother remembers too much, and i don't think she realises her answers change on a regular basis, depending on the severity of her inebriation at the time.....So i go by what i've learned from people i consider intelligent and GOOD parents (though i don't REALLY know what that is...) I go on instinct and common sense, and like any normal person, occasionally think what i'm doing may or may not be wrong and seek advice from family, friends and books/online (Like you lovely ladies :D)
When it comes to reins or leashes, i used one for a short time when he first started to run because he was so small, he didn't understand that holding my hand was important and i wanted him to be able to explore and be free, rather than constantly in his stroller, and it was only ever used on main roads (i'm very pregnant and can't chase him or carry him too far) But i don't like the idea of him being tied to me all the time.
On the topic of nudity... i suppose we have an entirely different approach again.... Neither of us has any inhibitions about our bodies. We don't strip naked in public and i don't walk around with my backside and clevage constantly hanging out but i do enjoy my body and so does he. We walk around our house scantily clad, and so does our son, and because it's a normal thing, i don't expect to ever have a problem with it. When my son's are old enough to not be breast feeding or sleeping with me (not that we co-sleep, and i don't breast feed sam any more), which is obviously a dabatable age... or perhaps when they're old enough NOT to bath together any longer, i will be more modest, but i have two sons and i don't expect their father to hide his body from them, when all they can do is learn from it. When sam plays with himself in the bath or while getting his diaper changed (which all babies do) we calmly say to him that it's for bedtime! There is nothing wrong with that. Hopefully for a few years he wont feel the need to touch himself very often but if he does i want him to know it's not a WRONG thing just a private thing. I don't want him thinking that looking at breasts or a woman with curves is wrong or different. I want him to know how natural bodies are. Both of us have tattoos and peircings but i'm not going to hide them from my child to stop him from doing the same thing, i'll explain to him what they mean and the importance of informed decisions.
Thats how we roll!! haha. We deal with things as they come. For instance the first time Sam hit another child, we picked him up, looked him in the eye, told him off in the big daddy and mammy voice, took him away and put him down. He still hits now and then when he is angry or wants attention but not all the time and with any violent intent. But we don't hit him, or scream at him. We remove him from the situation. We pick and choose our battles. And time will tell whether or not our parenting has worked.
With general upbringing of the babies:
Breast is best
Teeeeny Babies do not cry for no reason.
Feed children from a spoon until they can feed themselves then let them go, mess or no.
Nappies are nappies. They stop a child from being uncomfortable and wet and smelly. Whichever works for you, works for you. I tried one, i want to try the other. If i don't have a third kid i wont have to choose! If the new type doesn't work, i'll revert back to the old.
I don't stick medicine down my childs throat unless it's entirely necessary.
He doesn't wear or eat brand name items unless i think they are genuinly better quality.
I don't deny children the occasional bit of chocolate as a treat or juice, but he has his 5 FnV a day and never drinks pop.
If my son had needed to sleep with me, or did so now, he would, i have no problem with that, but he sleeps in his cot, very well and when he cries i let him. I know the difference between whinging, whining and actually being upset or scared.
I dunno. I don't feel like listing really today!! I don't think it's justifying my parenting, and i've enjoyed reading other womens ways of parenting, and i don't think there is anything i totally disagree with, but i think we're all different and so are our children. We learn as they do :)

Merry - posted on 04/24/2011

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Chelsea, Jen, my husband too is quite modest around eric, and says he will be even more with Fierna. With Eric I have told him he can NOT make a scene if Eric sees him naked. I don't want Eric getting the idea that our bodies are something to be ashamed of. I'll teach him about private etc, but he's just two and for now I want him thinking that a penis is not more exciting the a knee! Matts done great, but he avoids being naked in front of Eric, that's fine in my opinion as long as he doesn't make it seem like a big deal! Fierna will see Erics body, so she will know what a penis is from Eric, but I think matt will be even more discreet around her.

Jen - posted on 04/23/2011

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@ Ianina: My cousin was raised bi-lingual and I was always jealous that my parents didn't do the same for me. His dad talked to him in spanish and his mom in english. He was raised in Puerto Rico so both languages are used there anyway.

@ Chelsea: I'm so glad you pointed out not using leashes. I have always said the same thing. My children are not animals. I don't care if you dress it up to be a monkey backpack or not. It's still a leash. My daughter is taught to hold someone's hand or hold onto the shopping cart. My husband is also very modest in front of my daughter. He will not dress in front of her and she's not allowed to follow him into the bathroom like she does with me. Until about 6 months ago I didn't think she was very aware of the male body until she asked if daddy was going to stand up when he went to the potty like a little boy in her class. I couldn't stop laughing, but I was also a little surprised that she has seen a little boy go to the bathroom lol.

Chelsea - posted on 04/22/2011

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i think my styles boarder between old fashioned and natural parenting.



-I breastfed kaelyn only till 8 months but wished it was longer, she did fine with formula but i think it is not as good. I plan on breastfeeding maecyn as long as i can and am comfortable doing so, i woulnt put and age on it

- I used paci with Kaelyn, she sucked constantly either on me or her hand and i dont want my children sucking ther hands or thumbs, I cant take those away, I want the paci gone by 6 months although due to kaelyns medical problems she has it in bed and at the doctors till 14 months, but only those places after 6 months

- after the paci was gone we introduced a blanket to kaelyn and she we bring it everywhere, at 3 blanket stays in bed or the car seat only.

- I wore kaelyn sometimes but am excited to be a almost full time babywearer this time.

- I used and still use diaposable diapers with kaelyn but will be switching to cloth, i have delt with poo so much with kaelyn that it doesn't phase me, we plan on me staying at home this time and need to save money so that is why we will use cloth, plus there so cute.

- Im starting my own organic garden, i buy regular food to, but buy organic when ever possible

- i have no idea when i will introduce Maecyn to food or juice because i had to with kaelyn because of her digestion, i will not be buying baby food this time, i will make it

- I do not co-sleep, mommy and daddy's bed is just that. I cant sleep with the baby in bed we tried a few time during early breast feeding. My babies go into there own room soon as they leep through the night or out grow the bassinet, which ever comes first. With kaelyn she slept her her own room at 3 months old. She did not wake for night feedings so i didnt see the need to have her in my room.

- babies get baths when they need it, if her hair is greasy or she made a mess on her self then bath, 1 a week other then that. at 1 year bath every other night.

- i love bows and hair clips and hats, and ruffles on my little girls, my girls wear blue, green and red.

-kaelyn would rather play with a ball or car then her dolls but she likes those to.

-My girls do not a will not wear 2 peice bathing suites tube tops, belly shirts or halter tops till there teenagers.

- as for phones we will see about that as they get older but not until there at least 12

-I will not peirce my daughters wars at birth, she can choose to get them done after her 5th birthday but no sooner. It is cute but i dont wear earrings and im not taking care of a new piercing and a new baby at the same time.

- i dont want to vaccinate my children at all but my husband does so we do no more then 1 a month, if there combo shots she skips a month.

- my children do not go to daycare and never will, My step dad watched kaelyn while i worked but i am not going back to work this time. I have only left my daughter overnight 1 times since she was born and it was for my wedding night.

- I will homeschool because i think public school is failing our children,i am using an online course to help me.

- my children will be in one activity from the time there 2 until there teenagers and want to stop, socialization is important. We will introduce sports and music very young, and if they show they don't like then we will try something else.

-i spank i will hit there butts mouths or hands depending on the crime.

- when they scream and yell, they go to bed. this starts at 6-8 months old. They know sign language and can communicate there needs, yelling gets them nothing.

- Please and thank you are a must, kaelyn learned to sign please at 10 months and say it at 12 months and she using it all the time, thank you is harder to say and sign so it tool till she was a 13 months to say it.

- we teach yes ma'am no ma'am and the same with sir.

- telling adults no or not listening is not tollerated, same with yelling at me or telling me to quite.

- I shop at thrift shops for cloths and toys more then the meijer and walmart, things dont have to be new to be nice.

- me and my husband are not religious and disagree on how religion or god should be introduced, i think it should be introduced and she will have choices to continue to learn about it, believe and practice. my husband wants to avoid it all together and leave it souly to them.

- I have two girls so i dont have to worry yet but we will not circumcise, the choice isnt even left up to my husband not happening.

-We eat fast food way more then i would like, kaelyn has only 4 teeth at 2 years old and struggles with meat that isnt processed.

- Kaelyn has never had soda and we will hold off on that as long as possible, she is not aloud to drink from our cups because that means she thinks she can drink what we drink. she gets water or juice and very little milk due to her digestion.

- I have 3 dogs, soon to be 2. they are pitbulls. there is dirt and hair on our furniture, we use receiving blankets on the couch and floor when they are little but around 6 months i dont mind to much.

- i use sanitizer on the shopping carts, and our hands when we go out to busy places. kaelyn went to disney and chicago and flew on a plan before she was 6 months old and this is when we use sanitizer. Im not religious with it but sometimes its necessary.

- i will not use a child harness, leash or backpack with a leash. I think our children are not dogs and are parents took us out without using them.

- My husband is very modest so my daughter knows very little about the male body, he wont even sit in boxers around her, i dont agree with this but htats how he is.



I have no problem with the way anyone else chooses to raise there children but this is what works for us, i get told all the time how well my daughter listens and how that most of my friends and family have never seen her cry other then if she is hurt or tired

Ianina - posted on 04/21/2011

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I forgot one of the MOST important points in our soon to be little family.
We are raising the girls bilingual. Sean is from US and speaks english only (he knows very little spanish) and I grew up in Argentina (I speak English and spanish) so we decided to teach the girls both, but a lot more spanish at the beginning. We will see how that goes

Kelly - posted on 04/21/2011

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2nd baby on the way. Basically going to stick with what works, and toss out what doesn't with the first :) With Kevin, we tried the cloth diapers at first, and quickly realized it just didn't fit our family, so we'll go the disposable route this time too. With Kevin, we started cereal at 4 months and he had chronic digestive problems until recently (he's almost four) so we'll wait until Jimmy's 6 months at least. We ended up co-sleeping with Kevin for longer than planned, so will try very hard to not co-sleep with Jimmy. Our guidelines are mostly based around health, safety and respect. Our discipline usually still is focused on redirection. We try not to yell, as Kevin usually just shuts down and it does no good. Kevin earns an allowance through a point based system focussing on what he needs to work on for the base and allowing bonus points through doing extra chores (each point = 5 cents) - it's working great, so we'll probably keep that. We read to Kevin as much as possible, go to the library at least 1-2 times a month, encourage him to play with magnetic letters and such, but will never have my baby can read or baby einstein around for him or Jimmy as it just doesn't fit our family. Kevin gets to watch some tv everyday, we have a family movie night, and he can play a few fun family xbox games on weekends, but we do try to limit his screen time, as we feel kids learn more through play, not from watching tv. From day one, we spoke clear full sentences with Kevin and his vocabulary and speach have been pretty advanced compared to other kids we know and socialize with, so we plan to talk to Jimmy a lot too. We're not religious, but explain about different beliefs as they pop up, and if the boys are curious about what goes on at a church, we'll take them. We go to a co-op preschool, started when Kevin was 3 months old, he'll graduate from there a year from May and Jimmy will start this up coming fall; I attend one day a week with Kevin, and drop him off the other two days, and Jimmy will go only one day with me. We're planning on public school for both boys, but will reassess if it doesn't fit our needs. We have a schedule that we'll introduce Jimmy into when he arrives, but stay flexible. I will wear Jimmy as much as possible, as I did with Kevin, and will breastfeed for as long as possible (Kevin stopped at about 2 1/2 years old), while breastfeeding I will feed on cue, for though we have "mealtimes" around the house, when Kevin's hungry - we feed him, same goes for his brother :) I could also go on and on and on, but I think that gives a snapshot of our philosophy :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2011

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Even when we disagree I think everyone can learn something from someone else..even if it is just reassurance that you don't want to do the same thing the same way as some one else. So even disagreeing about certain topics but not fighting over them can help all of us grow :)

Merry - posted on 04/21/2011

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Thanks ianina, I debated with myself over starting this thread for a fee days! Lol I wasn't sure if I could handle opening it up, but I decided I'm a big girl and I have to do it! Lol. It's hard, I'm so damned opinionated. But I'm getting there!

Ianina - posted on 04/21/2011

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LAURA
I'm proud of you! you are not fighting Jennifer or anyone else for that matter.
I'm not being mean or anything like that. I really thought this was going to be a messy thread because of opposed opinions but I'm SO happy it didn't went that way.
Glad to see we can ALL be grown ups :)

Jen - posted on 04/21/2011

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We never used the big bows with Savannah. They look so huge on such a little head. We did start using bows with her once she was over a year. She loved them for awhile, but now she's not wearing them as much. I've also gotten some nice headbands for her, but nothing stays in her hair very long anymore.

Ianina - posted on 04/21/2011

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Oh god I hate the head bands on girls too! They barely have any hair...I think it is pointless.

Adding to the list
-Cellphones. I think the reason why you have a cellphone is to let people know where you are in case something happens. WHY on earth a kid should have one? I'm sure we are going to know where our kids are 99% of the time. Don;t see a reason.
-Disposable diapers here, can't do clothe, sorry. Is too much for my stomach.
-My kids will be going to daycare. As much as I'd like to stay home I have to go to work. I have free daycare at work and we wen't to check it out. Sean wanted to be a SAHDad but not going to happen with the twins.
-I'm vaccinating the girls
-Sports, I really don't care. Up to them

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2011

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Oh I don't think its wrong at all..especially for the BF mom!! We have a full size bed and I am a LIGHT sleeper..every little wiggle my hubby makes awakes me. So my main reasons are...the bed is too small, I wake too easily, my husband sleeps too heavily and sometimes rolls all the over onto me and I slept much better with Tucker right beside my bed than in my bed..even when hubby wasn't in it with me. Even now, he's 2 and while he sleeps with us sometimes (he wakes up at night sometimes and needs to cuddle) but after an hour or so..I carry him back to his bed. Its nothing against co-sleeping..I just can't sleep well with kids in the bed lol. However we did get this bed buddy thing..definitely gonna try it out! It is like a little bed the size of a changing table pad with hard sides so she's in her own bed...in our bed. Gonna try it..if we don't like it..the bassinet right beside me will work fine :)

haha no offense..but I am NOT discussing circumcision with you. I know how you feel about it and I feel exactly the opposite. Althougth I do understand your side..I just don't agree with it for MY kids. No hard feelings there.
As for our soon to be daughter..I like head bands and bows....to a point. I like hats better tho :) Although if she is like Tucker, she will refuse to wear anything on her head haha. And I am getting her ears pierced ASAP. I think its adorable and I've had mine done since I was 6 weeks old as well.
See..we can talk it out like big girls!!

Merry - posted on 04/21/2011

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Thanks Jennifer, I've come a loooong way in my attitude towards other parenting styles. And I used to really think my way was the only right way! Lol I'll blame it on being young and hot headed. But I now am able to see that what's best for me isn't always the only way.

Yeah, and I was going to ask,why do you feel so strongly against co sleeping? I know I didn't with Eric because the nurses told us how it's so deahtly and lots of babies die from it. But upon further research I found that while many Americans do have deathly co sleeping accidents, it's not the co sleeping that's killing, it's the badly set up beds, or sleeping pills, obese moms, other kids in bed with them, exhausted moms too tired to be aware, etc. So for me I found we can create a good co sleeping environment, and I feel quite safe doing it in my situation. But I do see how it has to be a well thought out safety thing and many people just can't manage it.

Do you think it's wrong? Or just that it's not for you?

It wasn't an easy decision on our parts, it was a very long process to make sure it would be safe for Fierna.

And we also strongly disagree about circumcision. Not sure if I'm level headed enough to debate that with you, cuz I really like you! But I do have to add

- circumcised Eric, wish I hadn't. Wouldn't do it ever again.

- oh and also I hate the little bows and head bands on baby girls! Lol idk why I just don't think they are cute and matt agrees so Fierna will be a little hat girl, no bows, or head bands :) hopefully she has some hair....

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2011

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As I was reading yours there were things that I was like man I should of included that! And other things that I don't necessarily agree with for MY kids, but I can completely understand and support for YOU and YOUR kids. I'm glad that we can state our own opinions about such things without feeling like we're about to get our heads taken off for or get into a debate over. I mean there are obviously things that we disagree on, (like shots, co-sleeping, etc) but for the most part, its interesting to see how the base is the same in ways. Does that make sense?
And like you said, there is TONS more than we are very opinonated on and even more that we have yet to form an opinion on (because we're not to that stage yet) but stating it isn't the important part...Being the best mommy you can be is all that is important.
I hear issues that some mothers feel SO STRONGLY about (and believe me, I have some issues like that too but I try to keep an open mind) and it amazes me how they can't respect how another mother is choosing to raise their child...which is why that little blog I wrote a few weeks back was written..defending yourself gets old.
So I guess what I was trying to say..is while you may not feel I am right or that what I do for mine is right for yours and vice versa...I appreciate your support ladies :) Especially you Laura, because while we have obviously had some disagreements in the past, you always have a way of showing your support in my/others decisions when we need it! Thank you :)

Merry - posted on 04/21/2011

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Re read jennifers and have a few to add to mine!
- cell phones, heck no at ten! Lol I'll want them to have one with them at all times if they are driving or away from home but that doesn't mean they get their own, and even if it is their one absolutely no Internet, games, etc it's about safety, not fun
- hopefully there will be very few contact sports for Eric or Fierna. Matt broke both his knees in middle school football so honestly I'm pretty sure I won't be letting Eric play football.
- college, I didn't go. I had no interest in a degree or a career, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I'm ok if my kids have dreams that don't include college. But I'm not ok with my kids being bums who live at home forever without goals or dreams.
- oh and Fierna will be born at home. Hospitals are great options, some are better then others, mine in this area sucks and so my best choice is here at home. Different pregnancies will require completely new decisions on where to birth safest.

:) I'm open to talk about anything I've said. I know I'm not the mainstream American mom. And I honestly love that :)

Ianina - posted on 04/21/2011

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I didn't thought it was rude by any means...as you said, those are your kids (and your hubby) and you do what you think is best for them.

For us, we refuse to take them to Mc Donalds, Burger kings and all those fast food places while they are kids. why? they are expensive, the quality is not so great and I rather give them a burger at home made with meat that is actually meat. I do not go often to those places either. My mom was a SAHM and she always cooked for us so we grew that way. And that is what we want for our kids.
I'll try to BF the twins, I think is the best for them but I won't get crazy if I can't or don't have enough milk. Also, since they are twins, they are having formula at night so dad can help with the feeding.
I believe in supporting their choices as they are growing up. That means, they are going to play with whatever toy they want to, choose their own carrear later in life or the lack of one if that is what they want.
We want to raise our kids to be independant, fully informed persons able to make their own choices in life if they think is the best for them. We are not going to shelter them but we are not going to let them do whatever they want to. I think the best way to raise a kid is to be parents but at the same time, guide them to help them take their own decisions. I don't think a parent should be BFF's with their kids, that is BS. You are a parent, you should be there for them when they need you but you also need to respect their space and time. I'd love to have a relationship with my girls in which they can trust us enough to talk to us about everything.

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2011

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hahaha I just read back over that and realized some of it sounds pretty freaking rude. I didn't mean it rude at all and am willing to discuss anything with any of you.
And I will support ANY parenting you do! I think everyone on here is and will be awesome moms :)

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/21/2011

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Umm, don't we just write about ourselves here, as we'll just end up straight imputting our own selves onto them? Haha



Therefore, we are laid back, easy going, people with strict morals about how society should be. We discuss politics, ideas and anything that comes up openly and thuroughly in order to understand each side of every story. We complain about how common sense and common courtesy have died, and are horrified at children who don't listen to their parents, or have no boundaries. So we are going to try our best to make our children responsible, respectful, caring, aware indivduals. And I know they will have a semi-rough life because most people don't care anymore so they will end up being part of the bleek few who actually want to be good people.... but we ban together in tiny numbers across the globe and hope that Swine Flu or sheer stupidity takes the rest........ LOL bwahaha :) oh and obveiously they will inherit our sarcasim and dark sense of humor.



But seriously. I was in the store the other day and some fat lady was in the freezer section with her shopping cart taking up the WHOLE isle, pointed almost sideways. And she looked at me when I shoved her cart out of the way as if I was the rude one. How about not blocking the isle? And my boyfriend and I almost got hit while pushing a shopping cart with our SON in it. The lady simply said "I didn't see the baby" So apparently she thinks its okay to run over us but feels bad for our child?! The crap I see on a daily basis from soceity has me gasping for air wondering how America will survive. So no matter what people teach their children, I hope you all teach them courtesy for their fellow mankind.

Ianina - posted on 04/21/2011

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First time mom here...we are going to wing it! hahaha
Thank god Sean and I have the same basic ideas on parenting...e.g putting them in a cage when they don't behave well, physical and mental abuse and all that stuff.

I try not to pay attention to unwanted parenting advice (my MOM...yes, she is getting noisy and came to the point that I don't want to talk to her about the babies anymore). I think this is our kids and we are going to do our best while learning what NOT to do :)

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