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Amy - posted on 06/01/2012
I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in August 2010 and life has been a roller coaster ever since. Not that life wasn't before, its just that you are more aware of it now because you have a name for acting the way you do. I am on countless medications and I hate everyone of them. I am what you could call treatment resentment. I have a great team of docs, I see a therapist every week, my husband and I see a therapist every few weeks and I see my shrink every 6 weeks. We all work well together when I am willing to play by the rules. It is hard for me. Sometimes I just lose it with my kids and then I remember they are only kids and have no idea why I overreact the way I do. But each day gets better, and I love my family more than anything in the world and know they will always be by my side.
Valerie - posted on 05/04/2012
Hi! Im a mother of two, and have had bipolar for almost 10 years now. Dealing with it before I had kids was hard enough, but now with not one, but two kids, who are almost 3 and 14 months old, gets very stressful sometimes. I also would love to talk to other moms who deal with the same things I do. My husband works a lot, so its usually just me taking care of the kids, he tries to help as much as he can, but its hard when hes gone so much. I guess im in need of a friend or two to talk to. Message me if this sounds like something you can relate to! :)
Michelle - posted on 03/27/2012
My name is Michelle I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar/Borderline Personality Disorder. I have three kids, my daughter Isabella and my Step-Kids Tony and Karley ( Normally I would not use the term "step" as I love them as if they were my own) Thier ages in corrosponding order 11/17 & 13 (going on 24 lol) I work full time for Longchamp USA I have been there for 5 years prior to that I worked for Volvo Cars for 10 years. I love being married and I love my kids ... most of the time ... we all have our moments! I am on medications for my disorders. Lithium, Geoden & Trazodone. They seem to work for me very well. It was a rough process trying to find the right meds that would work for me, but I feel I am doing much better than before I realized something was wrong and saught help. Having three kids and working full time is stressful and yes I still have moments of depression anger anxiety and extreme cycles of manic, but NOTHING like before. At one time I was suicidal, in hurting myself, I grew out of that and into suicide by other. meaning I hope/wish/want something bad to happen to me that would cause my death. an accident or illness type of situation. I would see a car accidcent on the road and some with fatalities and I would think why couldnt that be me? Then I come back and realize I have three children to finish raising and I want to be there for all of them and maybe grandchildren someday too. It is not easy to always bring yourself back and acknowledge that you are having bad thoughts and force them to change. That takes a lot of time and practice. I know there is still progress to be made and for everyone with these disorders and similar always need to remember to congratulate yourself when you can see your own progress. Self confidence is a huge assistant in dealing with our type of issues, so CONGRATULATIONS to all you for being in this community, dealing with the real issues, confronting the cycles and facing it all head on!
Ms.Khulu - posted on 12/12/2010
this site is truly amazing! i am a new member and i just joined the site yesterday.i LUV it. i have not talked to anyone about the way i feel about my diagnosis ever since i found out about it this year, now that there are other moms out thr in the same boat i feel like letting it all hang loose and exhaling deeply.wow. i am a 24 with a 14 month year old baby i found out what i was suffering from after i collapsed into emptiness, nights of raging mental commentary and sleeplessness a month after he was born. i got hit by PPD and had a schizo attack where i was hearing voices, hallucinations, feeling very angry, got very violent.as i am living with my parents ( the creator bless them), they were able to help me, took me to the hospital with the help of the police. I was banging doors believing that they were plotting against me ( my first attack) i got meds, but i still believed that there was a bigger agenda out there for me and that i was part of a bigger movement that was trying to stiffle me and take me to the mental hosptl. i did not take them as i was ment to the fights continued with my parents, thats when my baby was put on formula because i went to the hospital.up to this day i beat myself over this becuase i really wnted to breastfeed, anyway police were called on me again after i had a physical fight with my mom i brougght out a knife on her. the following day i was taken to the psych clinic things got worse i was CRAZY, the shot me with somthng to knock me out and i woke up in the police van on my way to the mental hospital. that night i ended up in solitude due to my behaviour upon arrival, i woke up in the middle of the night my head had cleared and thats when i realised that i was back again in the hospitl.heei, i stayed there from jan this year till mid march. a fight. thy helped me get my sanity back and in the morning i felt good to go but tht hospital loves keeping people, i mean i felt ok in a week but thy insisted on keeping me until i involved my parents and had to really stand up for myself with the doctor.i cant talk how i missed my son and kept on trying to fight the feelings of not hitting insanity whilst thinking of him without me evn though my his grandma was takin care of him well. i had another one of these attacks in 2008 but i was never diagnosed at the hospital. i am on meds i take them every month, i take sodium valporate, chloropromazine and benzhexol when i need it. as i am going back to school next year and all else ( a fresh start and all) i want to get off meds and opt for alternative approaches. the worst part is the stigma attached with having been in a looney bin that i have to go through with my family knowing but i know i am going to be a success in life before i got knocked up and diagnosed i was in university after being a top student throught my school years, so i am ok about my capabilities i just do not wnt to depend on meds because i am afraid my creativity will ween. another shallow point is that the father of my baby is just an asshole he has not seen his baby, i mean his in another country and all but we are neighbours. we used to talk and he used to send some money before but now he has just disappeared.................gosh! life. i could go on and on thats why this site is my new BFF.
Jennifer - posted on 05/20/2009
Welcome. Wow. I can totally relate with you on mostly everything except my children are too young to have been diagnosed yet or if they ever will.
I used to cycle rapidly but right now am stuck in a depression. I have been since before Christmas. I beat myself up literally not physically everyday. Its like a continious conversation that I am having with myself about whether or not I am good enough, good enough mom, wife, homemaker. and of course i never add up.
Although I am a positive thinker and try and put postive out there in the world I just have not been able to break this cycle yet. It is very frustrating. I was just thinking today, I would kill for a little mania today! Although I dont really want that either.
In my opinion once becoming a Mom. I have an 18 months old and a 8 months old (how does that grab ya, lol.) I have found it much harder to stay balanced.
Although at other times in my life have been balanced on meds for quite a length of time.
Im sorry that your husband doesnt understand. My husband comes from a family where they dont discuss "these types of situations, like mental health" but you know what I speak to them about it whether they like it or not. Im not saying that I tell them the worst things, but I do tell them if I am up for a med change or have been manic lately. Sometimes they look at me as if I just grew horns, but I say things to them like, well if I had Diabetes you would want to know the status of my health, wouldn't ya.
Any how I am currently up for med changes and I hate that the most.
Im sorry that you arent on any meds though, its sounds as if you could benefit from talking to a Doctor.
Possibly you could call your local mental health hotline, crisis intervention, tell them where you are and ask if there are any programs to see a doctor as an outpatient and even if you have to wait a bit, maybe there are some meds that can help. Meds have come a really long way.
Welcome to the Community. We are here for you, we understand and you are safe here.
I hope to speak with you soon
Shannon - posted on 05/19/2009
Hi. I am a mother of 3 boys ages 13, 11, and 10. I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 14. Most people around me do not know that I am bipolar. I don't talk about it to anyone anymore because people just don't understand what it is. Its nice to finally have a place to go where people actually understand what I'm living with. My oldest boy was diagnosed as bipolar when he was 9. It has been a very long hard road. Some days it almost impossible and I can honestly say that the ONLY thing that keeps me going are my boys. My son is my role model. I watch him fight so hard everyday and think if he can do it so can I. I also know (based on peoples treatment of him) that if Im not here, he will be alone.
I was diagnosed after running away from home. I spent a month in the hospital and the dr sent me home on an antidepressant and told my mom good luck. I did not react well on the med, it made my rage so bad that my mom refused to take me anywhere because if someone even looked at my I wanted to attack them. I have had to response to several antidepressants Ive tried over the years. My mom took me off the med and that was the last attempt made to help me until I became an adult.
I am currently not on any medication. Although I know that I REALLY need to be. But I do not have any type of medical coverage and can not afford it. I tend to have more depressive states then mania. Although I just spent the last 3 days with no sleep at all. I totally redid my house. Which right now is in a major state of chaos because I started so many different projects and hardly finished any of them.
My cycles vary. Sometimes they last for weeks but they can also cycle many times in just a day. Its really hard because when I rage there have been times Ive had my boys in tears hiding in their room begging to know what was wrong. I try not to let them see that side of me but its hard. My husband is just dumbfounded. He has no idea how to help me. He was taught don't show emotion.
I currently had my son hospitalized in hopes that they can adjust his meds. He was just suspended from school for threatening another student. This is his 3rd hospital stay,since he was diagnosed. My heart breaks for him because I know I gave this to him. I made him this way. There are times I wish I had been born barren so that I couldn't pass it on. He doesn't deserve to suffer like he does because of me.
The voices are what scare me the most. There are times that the anxiety makes everyday things impossible. I can hardly drag myself to work and if I could afford it I would have myself admitted to the hosp. If it were not for my boys Im scared to know what my life would be like right now. Its my love for them, and the desire to show my son that he can survive too, that keeps me going. Although I don't know how much longer I can keep up this lie. I think being referred to this site at this time is a sign. I would love to talk to moms dealing with bipolar.
Linda - posted on 03/26/2009
Yes, I believe it is pretty common. I know I have received the same orders from my doctor before. Sorry to hear about your husband loosing his job.Is there any kind of medical assistance available to you? I know where I live we have a family medical clinic that charges based on your income. I would check with your local health department to see if they can help you or give you some suggestions.
Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2009
Hi Jennifer Billings,
My husband just got laid off for the 2nd time in less than a year so I'm hoping applying for Medicaid and SSI won't be too big of a pain-in-the-___! My psych wants me to have a full panel of blood work done as well as an EKG, but without an income right now I just can't see that happening until my husband has a job again. Is this common to have tests like these done as a baseline to go off of health wise concerning meds?
Linda - posted on 03/18/2009
Hi Jennifer, I understand how you feel about the phone, I do not blame you. I did not realize people could take so much medication at one time.I'm glad your not taking anything that makes you feel like a zombie I have been there, so I know how it feels. I am glad you have a great psych. When I was in the hospital it was standard practice that whatever meds you were on everyone with the same Dr. was also on that med. If you do not mind I would like to add you to my circle? Good luck with the little ones I don't know how you do it with 2 at one time, that must be alot of diapers to change.Hope to hear from you soon.
Jennifer - posted on 03/18/2009
Only have a sec b/c of the little ones. My psych is great. I have been trying new meds. However, I react terribly to the mood stabilizers. Right now I take 300mg day of Effexor, just started Abilify, and Xannax. I have been on a plethora of meds at different times and I know adding more is in my future. But I refuse to add more than one at a time and try it for a months. Abilify isnt giving me any problems thank god. I had just tried Topamax and I was like a zombie. Couldnt talk right. Couldnt drive on it. Was afraid to be left with the children alone. I will write more later.
I wouldnt feel comfortable talking on the phone just yet. My own trust issues. But after some time talking on here. That would be nice. Hope you are well, I will stay in touch.
Linda - posted on 03/16/2009
Hi Carolyn, I am glad you have a support group! If your ex is not properly tending to your sons personal hygene I suggest you keep a log with dates and times.It will help your case if you ever decide to try for full custody.Since you are divorced the only comunnication you need to have with your ex is anything that has to do with welfare of your son. Don't let this man try to control you any more you owe him no explanations for anything going on in your life.Sooner or later he will figure it out for himself.Good luck with the state exam and let me know how it turns out.Get plenty of rest and EXERCISE it will make you feel like a new woman.Soon enough when you are not even looking you will meet a man who will treat you with the love and respect all woman deserve.I am glad to hear your story. kkep in touch. Linda.........
Carolyn - posted on 03/16/2009
hi, linda, i was so into your story i had similar symptoms like you but i didn't go to a
state hospital, i was taken to a rehab called THE CENTERS, IN OCALA,FL. it was
cold place and felt like a prison to me, its been a year and i have not been back there and overcoming my bipolar, and going to support groups and going through a process of divorce and have 50/50 of my son, steve my soon to be ex- was not supportive and have no respect for me and has not forgiven me for what he has caused me since last years bipolar episode, he was upset i made a mess of the house but he left me there without my son and he left with nathaniel for 9 days while i was in a mental
state, he didn't care about me, he was concerned for nathaniels life. which i never did anything to my son. like i said, its been a year, steve only seen me a few times since last year or spoken to me, and i told him i hit rock bottom. and i picked myself up without your help, i had help from my supportive parents because they took me in and i have been living with them even though i have no income, i'm still surviving on what i have left, but i am taking a cna state exam wednesday the 18th! for myself= for only myself and have confidence in myself and believe i can do anything as long as i do my best is all that matters to me. my son is 14 months, keeps me on my toes, keeps me laughing and discplining him everyday shows how he reacts to what i say, he says no, no, momma. i said, yes, nathaniel thats right. no. he is a smart boy. without my son, i'd be lost and brokenhearted but having him 5 out of 7 days brings me joy, and we have fun. was married 5 years, steve my soon to be ex, stopped loving me, to caring about me, stopped being there for me, he controlled everything, he was manipulative, verbally and mentally abusive says, he does not recall treating me like this, cause he did this to me and he didn't care what he was thinking, like it never bothered him, like tomorrow was another day and he forgot what happened the night before. he was like that alot, would have conversations but he would say he wouldn't remember what he had said, like when i was 6 months pregnant in 2008, he said you don't know what you want from me,and i said excuse me, what did you say, he said it again, but he was close to my face. the next day he didn't know what he had said because he was blocking it out, i think he needs a psychologist but he says he fine. yeah right. he's been living a childhood problem for years not taking care of his hygeine only bathes when he feels dirty enough to shower and he has already done that to nathaniel= cause nathaniel is afraid of water and after awhile he gets somewhat used to it, my son has been in two different environment one- don't clean unless you really need to , for me well i was raised the right way to take care of yourself everyday because its a routine and my son has a routine when i take care of him while he's with me, and his dad well i have no idea what he was thinking not bathing him for a month and relied on me to take care of that when steve has running water . hopefully someday, i'd like to have custody of nathaniel because he deserves better and be in a clean environment and be around children his age so he can have fun, get used to being around children, steve keeps him isolated and he did the same to me for the 5 years of marriage not only that i was working a 40 hour job plus mowing the yard, paying bills, the out side of the house needed to be cleaned, inside the house had to be cleaned, i did this for 4.5 years until i made him clean but since out of steves life, he thinks he's single and i'm still married to him and he does not about nathaniels health. this entire bipolar thing had ripped me into shreds, if i would have seeked helped 3 years ago, i bet ya i'd be my self but that is the past i just want to be the normal woman surviving day to day crap, because i do put up with his bs alot, believe me i do get angry who wouldn't at times, he would say hows your mood, i say alright but let him have it for treating me like a child cause he speaks to me in baby talk its so annoying, i'm a woman and strong enough to stand up to and tell him how i feel about this part of me, i can't pass by what i am, but believe that all is possible
to have supportive friends that are bipolar like me and deal with it differently but understand each other better cause it happened to me and them, not you. he has no clue what happened to me and he was not there to comfort me. i was there for myself and listened to music, and fell to to the floor crying last year the week of march 17-26th, 2008, believe me this does not slip my mind. because i know deep down i had to release the the anger, the tears, and the black hole dragged me through loops but today
i have my moments when i'm sad and happy. have hope, and confidence in myself and keep a routine.
Linda - posted on 03/15/2009
Hi ladies, I have to admit I feel worn out today ( I went out last nite with my husband to celebrate my 46th birthday.) Jenn, I thought I was reading a chapter out of my own story when I saw your post. It seems like we have the same type of symptoms.I don't mean to sound unsensitive but I don't understand why you can not still be a successful business woman. Although I only know about you from reading your last post it sounds to me like you may need a new physciatrist. A big part of finding the right medication to stabalize your mood and control physcotic episodes is finding a doctor that is willing to change your medication until the right chemistry is found for your specific health conditions. I have learned that some physciatrists get stuck on a particular medication and prescribe the same thing for most of the patients in their care. You did not mention the medication you are being prescribed or what you have taken in the past. I know this can make a difference from my own personal experience. I am currently taking 900mg of Trileptal a day. Which is a mood stabalizer. Trileptal is known to cause drowsiness so I take one 300 mg tablet in the a.m. and two 300mg tablets at bed time. I also take 0.5 mg of Risperdal at bed time as well that medication is an anti-phsycotic. I am not saying this is what you need. I am not a doctor nor do I claim to know what is the best medication for you. I am just sharring this with you because we have had the same physcotic episodes and experiences. When I first started theese medications I was takeing a stronger dose. I started on 1200.mg of the Trileptal and 10mg of the Risperdal. The dosage was lowered by my doctor at my request. I feel like I may not have won the war but at this time I have won the battle. I feel normal, I am not spaced out or lethargic, I do however take a multi-vitamin along with a time released b-12 supplement daily.You mentioned the ages of your children, it sounds to me as if you may be suffering from post-partum deppression as well. I would talk to my gynecologist to see if there is something she could do to work with your physciatrist to help eleviate the symptoms you may be temporarily experiancing that has become a known condition after child birth stemming from Hormones. I know this discussion is for moms not children but I feel it is important to let you know I am raising a child that also suffers from a severe mental illness. I found an organization that has 24 hr. telephone counselors available although they were established to help children and teens I have always been welcomed to speak to a counselor what ever time of the day or night. They are called Boys Town .org you can find an 800 number on thier web site. I have also been known to call the pedriatric nurses station where I had my children in the middle of the night just to speak to someone familiar with what new mothers are going through those first few months when things can seem so overwhelming. You can usually find a nurse that does not mind talking to you while they are nursing the new born babbies. I found it unobtrusive to their duties if I called after 1:00a.m.when most nurseries have calmed down for the night.I hope I am not comming off as a know-it-all. I just know some of what you are going through. I you ever need some one to talk to or just to rant let me know. I don't know what the policy of this site is about sharing phone numbers. Nor do I know what time zone you live in but I will be glad to give you my phone number. My Husband works swing shift and does not get home until early in athe a.m. so you would not be imposing. Linda...........
Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2009
Good luck with the SSI. It is not the most pleasant of experiences, but if you can get it and Medicare, it is SO worth it. Just know there are those of us here pulling for you with that as you go through it and just don't give up. I hope you have someone who can be a good support person for you through it. I have it and I don't know how I would survive without it.
Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2009
Thank you so much for sharing. We are very lucky for today's medical knowledge of mental health issues. I am Bi Polar and my Mom was too. I watched her go through terrible things that would have never happened today.
Your story is inspiring. I am so glad that you are well.
I was in a mental ward 3 times, for over a week each time. The first two times I was hospitalized I had stopped my meds for one reason or another (I think I hadn't accepted my diagnosis and felt I didnt want to live on meds for the rest of my life) of course I was very immature and only 24 the second hospitalization. I was so manic all of the times that I was hospitalised that I had psychotic breaks. I was halucinating. I had delusions and it was scary to me and the people around me.
However after my second visit I was determined to never ever go back there so I took whatever meds I was prescribed.
So when I was 30 and had been stable for 6 years I never saw another hospitalization coming. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and still scares me to this day because it happened so fast. I became manic, and lets be honest, manic in the begining is great. Accomplishing a lot, being funny and full of energy..but I started to loose sleep and by the time I called my doc, I hadn't slept for four full days...psychotic break.
This time I was hospitalized in a ward with dual diagnosis. That means that drug addicts are on the ward with mental health issues. It was like being in a prison and if I wasnt paranoid enough, I was truly scared to dealth in there.
However I have had rough patches here and there. But I have worked since then so hard with my psych to find patterns in my illness and recognize the signs of when I need a med change or need intense therapy to keep me from having a psychotic episode.
I was a very sucessful business woman, I just had two children. They are 16 months and 6 months. After my seconds birth, I have been very unstable, rapid cycling. But I am working with my docs, seeking a therapist and trying new meds. I wont go to the hospital, unless there is no choice.
I am applying for SSI and I feel like the disease finally won. However if I stay out of the hospital then I guess I win.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Welcome look forward to sharing with you.
Linda - posted on 03/09/2009
hi ya'll, I am new to this community and facebook. I thought I would share with you..maybe this will help some of you. I have 3 children one is twenty -one, one is eleven, and my third is my step-daughter who is fourteen whom I have raised since she was eighteen months old. I am manic bi-polar. I was diagnosed with this ten years after being hospitalized in a state hospital.and that was over twenty-one years ago. I had my first nervous breakdown two weeks after the birth of my first child. It is an experiance I willl never forget and something I hope non of you will ever have to experiance. You see back then nobody new much about post-partum deppression. I was young and did'nt have any health insurance. I was so out of touch with reality I was held in a round room until a bed was available at the State Hospital at Whitfield Ms. That took approximatley 2 weeks. By then with no medication I had no idea who I was or where I was. It took 3 months for me to remember that I had just had a baby.My doctor diagnossed me with paranoid schizofrenia and medicated me with Halodol and cogenten.I had transformed into a glassy eyed zombie.Luckily my doctor went on vacation and the doctor assigned in her place came to my room and told me, she had been studying my case and believed what I actually had was post-partum deppression. She also told me she couldl not do anything to help me because she was not formaly the doctor assigned to my file. She did however tell me how to break myself off of the medication once I was discharged form the hospital.( All I had to do now was find a way out). Well my loving husband at the time would never listen to me, (when I told him before I lost it) that I was not feeling like normal, he just added to my insanity. He came to pick me up for a 2 week visit home, Usually you have to go through a set of suppervised visits before you are allowed a 2 week pass. But because we lived so far away from the State Hospital, (3hrs,) he was allowed to by pass procedures. On that first visit home I remember seeing my baby for a few minutes and that was after he brought me to an attourney to sign custody over to his mother. He told me if I did'nt sign the papers the state would take my child from me and I would never see him again. Now mind you I was still very medicated. I spent the rest of my visit left alone by myself for most of the time. I tried to figure out how this nightmare could be happening to me and how it only seemed to get worse as time went on. When my 2 week pass was over my loving husband drove me back to the hospital. He made it clear that he would not make the trip again unless it was the last time he would have to pick me up.Well, when it was time for another visit home I did'nt know what to expect nor was I prepared for what was to come. My loving husband told me, that I had 2 weeks to find somewhere to go because he was my ward by the state, and he was the only person who could ever get me released from the State Hospital and if I was around after the 2 week pass was over he would bring me back and that I would never get out again.Now,here I am still taking my medication, not knowing if I was a paranoid schizofrenic or just suffering from some post partum disorder that hardly anyone had heard of. But I knew the worst thing that could happen to me, would be going back to a hospital that was more like a prison than a treatment facility. With nowhere else to turn I called my biological father whom I only vaguely remembered form my child hood. I traveled to Tacoma Wa. and stayed with him for about a month. Just long enough to break myself off of the medication. Meanwhille, unknown to me, back in Mississippi there is a warrant out for my arrest for being A.W.O.L from the State Hospital.After I returned to to Ms. I begged my mother-in-law to let me stay with her until I could secure a job and find a place to live. While I stayed with her It was the first time I was around my baby since he was 2 weeks old. We never had the chance to build that loving mother child bond that should never have been lost.By the way he was six months old by this time.I found a job, and a place to live where I could raise my baby. When my husband found out that I was getting my life in order he informed me about the warrent. I have to admit I was scared to death that they were going to arrest me and drag me back to the Mental Hospital. When I contacted a state socail worker, she told me I needed to come in for counseling. I told her that I did not trust them and I did not need any more of thier help. Thanks but no thanks. She finaly convinced me if I would agree to counseling for a set number of sessions that I would not have to go back. I agreed to go but, I always brought a trusted friend with me who promissed to make sure they would not keep me. I think my first viist with this counselor must have blown her away, After my third visit she assurred me I would be fully and totally discharged with nobody as my ward not even my loving husband. It took me several months but I finally convinced my mother-in-law to do the right thing and sign custody of my child back over to me. As for my loving husband, he had no clue of his mother's own deception to his well thought out plan until the divorce judge asked him why he would pay his mother child support for his child, Whom was being raised by and in the custody of me the biological mother.It was about seven years later when I remember having a severe anxziety attack . I was still with out medication and reffussed to seek medical help. I trusted no doctors or counselors, I do'nt remember what exactly I did to maintain myself. I just know I had a strong will to never be locked up and at the mercy of others. When I became pregnant with my second child ten years later I was scarred to death of what might happen again.But this time was alot different more people were informed and edjucated about post-partum deppression. My doctor simply prescribed the anti-deppresent Effexor which I started taking emmediatly after birth and continued for about six months after. Just when I believed the doctor at the State Hospital had missed diagnosed me years earlier. I had another nervouse breakdown. This time I had medical insurance, my second child was five years old, and I truly had a loving husband. The big difference in my treatment was that this time I was given a serries of tests includding an extensive physcological evaluation.The diagnosis was Manic Bi-polar disorder.once again I was given medication, This time I was prescribed Halodol and Resperidol. I learned that when you have a private doctor you have alot more input into your treatment.After a few months I felt I no longer needed to take medication and convinced my doctor the same.She agreed and I discontinued taking any medication. Five years later, I decided to quit smoking ciggarettes. I tried before with the help of Wellbrutin that drug did not do well for my physcic. So I thought I would use the aid of sessation patches. Would'nt you know, I quit smoking and came down with a terrible upper resperitory infection.I put off going to the doctor until I could no longer bare it. Now the doctor's office is clossed for the weekend and I end up in a urgent care center. I do not reccomend this type of medical treatment. If you have a family doctor available to you take advantage of thier services. Do not procrastinate as I did. I filled out the medical history information as the clinic required. If the clinic doctor had read the chart he would have known that if 1000mg of Biaxim could cause hallucinations he probably should'nt prescribe 3000mg to a person with Bipolar
Dissorder. As my luck goes I have another nervouse breakdown, this time while I am at work. Naturally my employer believes I must be freaked out on drugs and tries to get me to submit to a drug test. That breakdown landed me a night in jail. My husband tried to bail me out 3 times he came to get me and take me to a private hospital.They told me I cussed him like a dog and denied knowing him. Back to the hospital I go. This time my physciatrist denies she ever agreed that I could stop taking my meds in the first place. Thank goodness, my husband was there when she made her first decsission.I decided it was time for a new physchiatrist. He explained the reasons why I needed to stay on meds.At first he put me on Zyprexa it seemed to work well for me except I could not live with the side effect of weight gain. I then tried taking Trileptal along with Resperidol. It has been two years. I do not miss a dosage if I can help it. I still have life challenges lilke all of us. But I want to tell anyone who needs to hear this.. I have been through my share, I made it without the support of family.I never went on welfare or public assistance, Sure I hated men for about ten years. I have raised 3 children, work full time , I own my own dream home and just had my first grandchild this past December.I am sure you have noticed by my grammer I do not have a college edjucation. But, you can do it ....If I can't sleep because my mind is racing I take a sleeping pill. I have a physcologist I see twice a month to help keep me grounded. I did not know there were so many moms out there.I wish I found this site twenty one years ago.Thanks for letting me get this story off my chest ...I have been holding it in there for a long time. I hope my story will give you encouragement, that you can over come your challenges....please let's keep in touch
Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2009
Hi Jennifer Adkison,
A couple things, first, I am on Geodon (40mg in the morning because it makes me drowsy, too, 80mg mid-day, 80mg at night). You might try taking it at night if you can for drowsiness. If not, I am on a drug named Providial that helps me wake up in the morning and so far I haven't seen any side effects (and I've been on it a while). I do take a complete vitamin - like Centrium, as well as Calcium +D for protection from bone disease. I still have days I am just exhausted and can't get anything done, but these seem to help me.
As far as paying for it... boy do I feel for you there. We pay more a month in dr bills and meds than anything except mortgage payment, just barely though. Ok, here are my suggestions: 1- Look into social security and being deemed disabled. This will do two things: it will bring in money for you and your kids through SSI for their schooling and a little left over for their housing and food needs (always good) and it will set you up for medicare which will pay for doctor's bills on top of what Blue Shield pays and meds to a certain point (I max it out in June every year, but I am special in that respect). It's a hard process but if you have a good doctor and some patience it is really worth it. 2. With the bailout bill that was passed under Bush, mental health problems have to be treated like any other health illness like say diabetes or high cholesteral, when covered by insurances as of (I think) 2010. One more hard year, but that will help us all a lot. 3- Call your State health agency and see if they have a health program for the working "poor" (nothing against your husband, anytime you have a chronic disease you become poor). WIC or something else may take some of the burden off you. 4- and just the last on my mind at the moment, is call the doctors, see if they can give you a cut rate because you have insurance and can't afford the rest, ask your doctor about drug samples or calling the company about discounted drugs (it does happen sometimes). See what they will do to work with you. Just have all of your numbers (how much you make a month, how much you spend on what a month) ready for your own sake to prove to others that you really do need the help, it'll make it easier. Feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions about this. You can post to my wall or something. Best of Luck - I really can feel for you.
Been there- Jen
Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2009
I know what it's like to be tired all the time. The meds that I'm on (Geodon) make me drowsy and I've found by keeping myself busy throughout the day I can combat the tiredness. However, I don't know if this would work while being pregnant (I wasn't diagnosed yet with either of my pregnancies and remember being fatigued with both). Have you tried taking a B complex vit.? That might help some.
Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2009
Hi Jennifer Billings,
I have 2 little boys and a very supportive husband, but we're struggling financially to pay for my meds and my dr bills. I'm afraid my husband makes too much to get federal or state help (we live in WA). How do I look into getting help with my meds and paying for dr bills? My insurance (Regence Blue Shield) doesn't even cover either of them (I'm taking Geodon). If anyone on here knows of how please let me know. Thanks!
Jennifer - posted on 03/01/2009
Hi, all... Your stories are all couageous and wonderful. I totally understand what you are going through. I am 39 been diagnosed since I was about 25. I have two children, 16 and 18, who have grown up with this disease. I have a wonderful husband who has been there for me every step of the way. I have been through more meds than I care to keep track of at this point. I am very sensitive to side effects. I am now on about 2 anti-psychotics., 3 anti-anxiety, 1 anti-depresant(Effexor also), 1 Post Tramadic Stress Disorder, tremor med (side effect of an antipsychotic) and 2 Sleep meds, not including other problems I have. Lovely, isn't it. I've suffered for years but this has finally mostly taken care of the problem (except the PTSD which is a whole other story). I do require ECT every few years to equalize the chemicals in my brain and I don't know what I would do without it. Those of you who don't trust it have never had a competent doctor explain or use it because it is amazing. I have been hospitalized 3 times. And yet at this point life is going well. There really is life at the end of the tunnel and it can be ok. I, too, am federally disabled. I don't know what I would do without the Medicare. It was a hard, sometimes humilitatiing process for me, but well worth it overall. If anyone has questions for me drop me a line, I'd love to help, because I've been there. It's easier when your kids are as old as mine (mostly).
Thanks for listening.
Christina - posted on 02/26/2009
I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar when I was 21, so 9 years ago, though I suffered with uncontrollable symptoms for years before that. With strict diet and lifestyle changes I was able to get off of medications after 1 year. I haven't had problems since then except when I'm pregnant. I'm happy for people for whom medications are effective, but don't personally believe in taking them.
My son is now four and I'm pregnant a second time. I wasn't working the first time I was pregnant and was able to visit family (who all live on the other side of the continent) for 6 weeks during the roughest part. This time I'm working, in a very visible job, which makes it worse. I'm having great difficulty coping with mood swings, fatigue, etc. Sometimes I feel particularly bad for my son because my symptoms make me so tired. I need to sleep a lot. I feel like he may as well be raised by an alcoholic or something.
I feel like my rambling is pointless, but I just need people to hear me out who know what it's like. And, hopefully, my comments will prove, in some way, strengthening to others to know they're not alone. Thanks.
Jennifer - posted on 02/24/2009
Hi to the two Jen's,
I wanted to share with both of you that I take Effexor XR and have for a long time. I just had my dosage up'd to 300mg a day. I feel much better (was really depressed) in just a week. I am still looking for a mood stabilizer that works for me. I just started and stopped topomax. It really made me feel unsafe to be with my children b/c i was so loopy on it. I wouldnt have felt safe to drive on it, and not to mention it gave me an incredible headache. I was on abilify (although i dont know that i really gave it a chance) and felt no side effects and no results so i stopped taking it, but if the alternative is topamax, i will go back to abilify and stick with it.
Coni - posted on 02/20/2009
I am on 225mg Effexor (recently had to up my dosage...I was feeling more depressed again.) I am on Lamictal 300mg...it has really helped with my mood swings. I worry that Effexor will stop working for me someday because I have had to up my dosage from 150mg to 225. Hopefully that won't happen!!! I have heard that Effexor is hell to get off of...but it has really helped with my depression. My dr may put me on Buspar in the future because I still have some anxiety issues. I really don't want to start a new med. I'm hoping that Effexor will work better for me now. It has helped with my anxiety before. I love Lamictal...what is your dosage?
Niki - posted on 02/20/2009
I want to breastfeed but at least i'll be able to keep in contact with a doctor or therapist in case I need to get put back on meds.
Just wanted to let you know that there are some meds that do work while breastfeeding. I was put on a daily low dose of Zoloft (50 mg), a couple days after I gave birth because I was worried I would be affected by post-partum due to my history of depression and anxiety. I wasn't going to do it until they told me I still could breastfeed, which you most definitely should do, it helps with bonding and releases natural endorphins that sometimes do more than 'scripts. Just thought you should know, keep in touch!
Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2009
I have the same issues and was just diagnosed with BP type 2 as well. What medications did they give you?
I'm taking Zanex XR, Zoloft, Buspar and Lamictal now. It just seems like so much medication! I feel better most of the time. What do you think helped you the most?
Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009
hi there. i've had symptoms of bipolar for most of my life, but i wasn't diagnosed with the disorder until a little over a year ago. i'd love to chat with you or anyone else who deals with the ups and downs of this.
Ashley - posted on 02/11/2009
I'm a mom of 2. 6 year old daughter and 7 year old son. I was diagnosed 3 years ago. But have battled depression all my life. I have recently started experiencing anxiety attacks. My husband has been very supportative of me. He lets me contact him any time he is gone. My whole family including myself has a hearing loss. I just had my 2nd cochlear implant and so far so good. My son who has a hearing loss also suffers from type 1 diabetes. He blood sugar was extremely high this morning it almost made me wanna cry, but luckly my husband is home due to his surgery (deviated septum) yesterday. I am looking forward in keeping in touch with everyone here.
Hanna - posted on 02/10/2009
Marisa, me too! I've been battling since I was 13 and I am 36 now. :) I am a working mom of 3, boys born -97 and -99 and daughter -02...
I just spent 10 days in a hospital due to major depression and have been on a sick leave since the beginning of last December... Thinking about returning to work in 2 weeks from today, and scared as hell to do so.
Marisa - posted on 02/07/2009
Aloha! I'm just your kind of mom. I've been battling this craziness since I was 13 years old and I'm 36 now. In fact, I have a multiple diagnosis. I have 2 boys, ages 5 and 12 and 3 step-children, ages 9, 10, & 17. If you'd like to talk or need release any stress, feel free to email me anytime. Take care, Marisa
Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2009
You are a stong woman, and i applaude you. Be there for him. It gets easier. Every marriage has its ups and downs. It takes true commitment to see our vows through. When he knows he can confide in you, it makes it easier for the both of you.
My husband has been through so many rough patches with me, but he sticks. He is amazing, and it really, really helps me to know that I can trust him with what I need to tell someone, and that he has my back through it all.
Life is a tough road, no matter what issues you face.
Keep on Keeping on.
Kerrin - posted on 01/27/2009
that is wonderful that you have suport with your family , and i sorry you didnt have it from your husband ..it takes a very storg person to not be scared of something they can not see or control..there are plenty of days when i get frustrated but i think if it was my child wouldi give up, nope so why would i give up on my husband th person i swore to love and take care of the rest of my life and he spent the first 12 yrs of our relationship taking care of me and suporting me not quite the same way but now its my tur to help him!! i am glad to here you are doint well!!
Carolyn - posted on 01/22/2009
you did the right thing for being their for him, my husband wasn't their for me when i hit rockbottom, he left me alone for nine days to deal with it myself, he was not brave enough to be by my side but my parents were their every step of the way, they took me in after i was discharged from a facility my husband and his mom called to get a cop to transport me to it instead of him taking me there he said he was afraid of me doing something to him, still to this day he still thinks i'm where i was 10 months ago, i am soo not there anymore and have turned myself around by seeking support groups, counseling and found a new MD, but i am taking care of myself since april 2nd 2008 since the day my parents took me in since he stopped supporting me because of the bipolar I i was diagnosed with, he has a tedency to belittle me as well as his parents and they still this day have no clue how much pain i went through from the symptoms to rockbottom, to picking myself up from the bottom and reaching out and talking it out with my parents, they are my support and i go to my support groups for advice and have met others and are friends that know me for whom i am not what i am. carolyn
Kerrin - posted on 01/21/2009
hi , i dont have bi polar myself but my husband does he has had bi polar, ocd,borderline personality,and post tramatic stress for almost 2 yrs now his first major break down was 2 wks after our second daughter was born, extreamly scary since i had know idea of the thoughts in his head for months(i thank god every day he got scared and called me in enough time to save him) now we live with my mother with our 2 girls and he is back on disabiltiy for the second time. i know its hard for me to deal with helping him i cant imagine how it is for him , i dont think i ever will i just make sure im there for him.
Brittany - posted on 01/10/2009
Hi, I'm Brittany.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 6 year ago when I was 16 or 17. I actually believe it may be something like schizoaffective disorder because my moods don't always match my thoughts and i have paranoia. If it is Bipolar it's rapid cycling, my moods change so frequently it's hard to get help from them. I can go from one extreme to the other in 24 hours, crash and start over. I'm off meds right now because I'm pregnant, and luckily my fiance is very supportive and does whatever he can to keep me from getting stressed. I've actually been off meds for a while because i didn't have insurance and would forget my mental health appointments and then just not go anymore. I've learned to cope pretty well, but I'm worried about having a baby with being bipolar. I'm going to find out if I can keep the medicaid because of the bipolar. I want to breastfeed but at least i'll be able to keep in contact with a doctor or therapist in case I need to get put back on meds.
Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2009
Hi Coni , Lisa, andCaroyln,
Welcome! I just started on these boards recently and have found it a great place for support. Just remember any "advice" you get doesn't always have to work for you. Hope to hear from all of you real soon. This is an old thread, next time you post, start a new one, hard at least for me to catch up unless their is a new thread.
Hang in there chickee la la's, this too shall pass.
Lisa - posted on 01/08/2009
Hi moms! I think I have found a great new beginning here for me. I am Bipolar to the ninth degree. I have rapid cycling bipolar and have never really talked to anyone about it before. I also have a few symptoms of Schitzophrenia and OCD, but they are all in the same mental illness family so no surprise there.... As much as I am sad for those who are really troubled by BPD, I am glad to hear there are others out just like me. For years now I have held everything in, until it pours out in either tears or anger... I hope I can come back here to vent or even just read stories. Group therapy doesn't work that well as I have to drive an hour to get there, so I hope I can count this place as my therapy. Thanks for listening and for letting me read your stories!
Carolyn - posted on 01/07/2009
hi, my name is carolyn, i'm from summerfield,FL. i was diagnosed with bipolar in march 26th, 2008. i started out with postpartum after my son was born two months after i was at rockbottom and was not sure what was wrong at the time, i didn't sleep for 9 days, raged, tore up house, and tried to flood it, i heard voices, was in a mental state that my soon to be ex husband no longer supported me do to my bipolar, said , he'd rather take care of nathaniel our 11 month old son, at that time he was 3 months old, and steve said, i was of harm to him and nathaniel, he abandoned me and left me there cause he didn't know what to do. for one he didn't take it like a man and stayed with his parents, he didn't want to see me in that state but even though it happened in 2008, i nalso had symptoms in 2006 which were the same and he said it was a phaze; how would you know how someone feels when they don't feel right. he didn't realize how much it affected me- emotionally and physically - i needed help but 2 years later it was worse than before along with depression and anxiety and thanks to counseling and support groups that i've overcome alot of issues and healing from my pain and marital difficulties which is part of the divorce process. so i am taking care of me better and following my heart on the right path and focus on what makes me determined and confident.
Coni - posted on 11/30/2008
Hi Jennifer! I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder. I have a younger sister who is bipolar 1. For years I was prescribed meds for anxiety and depression...but I knew that I didn't fit the "mold" for either one or both of them. Finally my recent dr. helped me to find out what the real issue is. I only knew a little about bipolar 1, and I didn't fit, I do not have some of the same issues that my sister has...so I at first couldn't believe that I could be bipolar. But as I learned more about bipolar 2 (or spectrum bipolar), it completely fit me. My medication is working very well for me... not perfectly, but so much better! It is a relief to not just think that I am a bad person and that if I only tried hard enough...
I have four kids. Ages 7 yrs on down to an almost 1 year old. Tiring and a challenge. Luckily, my husband is the best and he helps me to "get away" when I feel like I have had enough and need some alone time. Being pregnant was pure hell, no medication and my moods swings were very severe...more so during pregnancy. But each child is such a blessing.
Today I was just thinking that I feel so alone...in that only my husband and dr. know about the bipolar. I believe that everyone would look at me differently and I don't trust them to know, even my parents. I love to be here to chat with you! I need someone who understands too! Tell me some about yourself:)!
Jessica - posted on 11/24/2008
when i say by being unstable its like various of emotions coming at once and i don't know how to pick just one emotions. for example it can be me feeling depress at the same time being angry at being depress, then frustrated, and irritable...etc. finally it get to the point that i want to harm myself (so far i have done any harming on my self for a little over a yr) but sometimes i may harm someone else unintentionally , and that part frightens me. usually it triggers with me being so over relemed with everything around me (chaos). other times it can be trigger with me not having control (power) over myself and others around me control me. i hope that kinda explains everything
Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2008
jessica, what is your unstable like, depressed, angry sad, unable to do anything. are you by yourself. do you have a good support system. im trying to better understand, what you mean by loosing it, as it is all different for all of us and maybe i can give you some imput. sounds too like you dont want : another diagnosis : UHG! dont focus on what your Diagnosis is or what books say unless it help you. didnot help me at all gave me more to worry about. if your diagnosed bipolar big deal. i look at it all like ok, i have mental illness, each and every doc i have seen over the 15 years want to call me something else. i gave up a Correct diagnosis theory, and dont care what the word is as long as the symptoms are being treated correctly. i am on Effexor xr also and abilify, ehh, im not sure if it is working or not, but no side effects so im giving it more of a try. Describing your person symptoms to a doc, they always want to say ok that is this diagnosis. doesnt matter, you knowing and describing your symptoms as best you can is the most important part and finding meds that work. hope this helps Hi to all who have joined. Jessica Great board for us. Give your self a Hug from me. Be kind to your self. We are our worst critics, and being gentle to ourselves is our greatest gift. Be wEll until we speak again :)
Julie-Anne - posted on 11/22/2008
Hi Nikki, sounds like you are having a real rough time I am fairly stable I have to be absolutely pedantic with my meds i am on epilim ,efexor (antideppressant) and abilify i had 18 lots of shock treatment and lot's of other meds. i feel like i am just starting to find my self again
Nikki - posted on 11/22/2008
Hi Julie-Ann I too have been diagnosed with bi-polar and have suffered from depression and anxiety also. I currently struggled through a rough period last week in that my psychiatrist wanted to switch my meds and I crashed with withdrawls and ended up in hospital which was not at all pleasent. I would be interested in chatting with you if you have any questions etc its nice to find others suffering similar to myself. ((((HUGS)))
Jessica - posted on 11/22/2008
jennifer i hear you about getting on ssi. i've been unemployed for the last 3 years. my doctors and therapist are also watching me very closely. my lawyers and i are waiting for appealed date from ssi . so for trying to get ssi might take another year and i've been fighting it for three years as well. so i know its very difficult. i wish u the best of luck. unlike you i'm unstable most of the time and when i do start to become stable i slip and it starts all over again for me.
So ladies its hard for me to control my life situations around me when they are out of my control. I often feel like i'm made to be unhappy and not enjoy life. But however i'm blessed with a wonderful child, who is 2 and another on the way due jan 15 2009. I'm happy with that but its very difficult to remain balance in my life. so how do you guys deal with if you loose control of your self. I often fear that my son will get hurt if i'm loosing it. i try my best to have him stay away from me or me away from him when i loose it. Knowing that i'm having another child makes me very happy but at the same time very afraid if my stress levels get to high, that i would be diagnose with manic depression (bi-polar) on top what i'm also diagnose with.
Julie-Anne - posted on 11/21/2008
Hi Jessica,nice to meet you too !!! I find it extrememly hard with 3 kids but they are 9, 10,& 11 now and not so demanding and can do things for themselves but i know all about having babies close together and having mental health problems it'sbeen 3 years since i was diagnosed with bipolar but before that i had anxiety, deppression ,obsessive compulsive disorder& at one stage was told that i had borderline personality disorder I have a wonderful partner Danny who has been very supportive the whole time
Jennifer - posted on 11/21/2008
i have been diagnosed since i was 19....have had 3 major manic episodes ending up with pyshcotic breaks...tried and dealt with a lot of meds....however have had much sucess, and i look forward to sharing here and supporting each other.
Jennifer - posted on 11/21/2008
hi ladies. i am a mom of two, one 12 months, one two months old....it t'aint easy tis it. i have recently had to start a new med. abilify. not fun when dealing with 2 little ones. i am trying to file for permanent disability and a lawyer told me not to expect a check for two years....huh its very hard. i am realitivly stable and have been for going on 6 yrs. i had to go off of most of my meds during my pregnancies and that made me very nervous but as of yet.....dealing with some incredibly difficult life situations and only mild flare ups ....however doc is watching me closely....its nice to meet you ladies. hope to chat more.