Jessica - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
for the past 4 yrs going on 5 yrs. i've been dealing with depression. borderline personilty disorder, and post tramic stress disorder. ever since i had my oldest son. i've been dealing with problems with his weight gain, tantrums fits, food throwing not wanting to eat, ect. got services to help Moderator him with his weight and behavior. change my whole rutain around to find out which works best for the both of us. UNFORTUNATELY. i have no support or of lack of support from my family (mediate and extended) So i get the full blame for everything that is going on. how can people jugde from the outside , but doesn't know anything from the inside?. what does a stupid piece of paper do. and can;t tell u everything that goes on. i get asked do i starve my child. what the hell. of course not , but yet looking at his weight he doesn't way like a normal 3 year does.(rpughly a three year should way 45lbs but my son weights 30) i give my son food and make sure he eats. i fight with him for an half an hr to an hr, my son like to drink and not eat. we've talk about getting him put on meds. my doctor doesn't belive in that she thinks its shows bad eating behaivors. i ask what going to happened when he not to the normal wieght of a 3 yr. no answer. i have to feed him more i have to change my daily schedule around. beasica;y they want me to get up at 5:30 am to feed a child at 6:30am everyday what the HELL i don't know anybody to get that f****ing early to feed breakfast for a child. i no my son i keep saying hes not going to eat that early. its hard enough to get him to eat at 7 am. when is normal eating time its at 9:30 am.
But yet according to the doctors i'm a horrible mom , bec asue i wont change my routine that i no its not going to work. i then begain to tell my doctor that i've had gotten my oldest boy check to see if he does have any behaivor issues'. i told him that even tho he is really young that raiden falls under ADHD/ODD and no we arent putting him on meds. my doctor doesn't like the fact that he got label as that. he too young to be that i need more sturcture i need to change i need to change i need to validate, my priorties. i need to figure out how to get his weight up. all i'm doing is making excuses for my sons action and that its my doing hes being like this. of Course i get even more fustraited. and more piss off. they kept looking at the paper of his growth cart saying he needs to get up and that i need to do something about it. they don't want me filling out this paper work. they wont tell me what it is. so i left the doctors office being chewed and spit out. feeling like no matter what i do and no matter how hard i try its never good enough in other people eyes.