feeling like a complete failure as a mother accorinding to my doctor

Jessica - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

173

37

19

for the past 4 yrs going on 5 yrs. i've been dealing with depression. borderline personilty disorder, and post tramic stress disorder. ever since i had my oldest son. i've been dealing with problems with his weight gain, tantrums fits, food throwing not wanting to eat, ect. got services to help Moderator him with his weight and behavior. change my whole rutain around to find out which works best for the both of us. UNFORTUNATELY. i have no support or of lack of support from my family (mediate and extended) So i get the full blame for everything that is going on. how can people jugde from the outside , but doesn't know anything from the inside?. what does a stupid piece of paper do. and can;t tell u everything that goes on. i get asked do i starve my child. what the hell. of course not , but yet looking at his weight he doesn't way like a normal 3 year does.(rpughly a three year should way 45lbs but my son weights 30) i give my son food and make sure he eats. i fight with him for an half an hr to an hr, my son like to drink and not eat. we've talk about getting him put on meds. my doctor doesn't belive in that she thinks its shows bad eating behaivors. i ask what going to happened when he not to the normal wieght of a 3 yr. no answer. i have to feed him more i have to change my daily schedule around. beasica;y they want me to get up at 5:30 am to feed a child at 6:30am everyday what the HELL i don't know anybody to get that f****ing early to feed breakfast for a child. i no my son i keep saying hes not going to eat that early. its hard enough to get him to eat at 7 am. when is normal eating time its at 9:30 am.
But yet according to the doctors i'm a horrible mom , bec asue i wont change my routine that i no its not going to work. i then begain to tell my doctor that i've had gotten my oldest boy check to see if he does have any behaivor issues'. i told him that even tho he is really young that raiden falls under ADHD/ODD and no we arent putting him on meds. my doctor doesn't like the fact that he got label as that. he too young to be that i need more sturcture i need to change i need to change i need to validate, my priorties. i need to figure out how to get his weight up. all i'm doing is making excuses for my sons action and that its my doing hes being like this. of Course i get even more fustraited. and more piss off. they kept looking at the paper of his growth cart saying he needs to get up and that i need to do something about it. they don't want me filling out this paper work. they wont tell me what it is. so i left the doctors office being chewed and spit out. feeling like no matter what i do and no matter how hard i try its never good enough in other people eyes.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

7 Comments

View replies by

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

173

37

19

more updates, well the day is getting closer to find the answer to my kids issue, but leaving my doctor is like leaving a personal relationship. i no she means well but i do get other info from other doctors. i dont like starting a new realtionship with doctors becasue i hate giving my whole life story and shes been real helpful in the long run.. between my therpist and doctors, i'm starting a cirlce among them so they can talk to one another so they can stay on track with me. i find it really wonderful. on me they are thinking i might be ADD on top of the other digianse.. fun fun fun. but i knew somehow they would find it just amattter of time. however the bond between me and my son is still a work inprogress and i will keep inform whats going on\

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

173

37

19

Quoting Heather:

I know how u feel! I have been dionosed with bipolar disorder and panic disorder as well, i cut myself and do what I call blood letting. I am constantly depressed and I hate it. The only difference is that my kids were put with my ex sister-in-law for awhile and then when I got a divorce from my husband, he got full custody of my kids. Everyone where I used to live thinks that I am crazy and dont't deserve to have contact with my kids. I live about 1200 miles away so I can't just go and see them whenever I want. I am taking meds and going to therepy but lately it seems like I have regressed. I feel hopeless like I will never be good enough and I will never be a good mom. My son, who is 2 and a half now, doesn't even know who I am. It has been that long since I have seen my kids. I feel stuck and lonely and am trying my hardest to get out of this hole but it just doesn't seem to be working. Hang in there. Sometimes things will work them selves out. That is what I am hopeing for. :)


i wish u the best of luck. i dunno know how i would feel if my kids didn't know know who i am.  but they only thing i can suggest try to find a place closer to ur kids if u want to be in ur kids lives. i no it would sound easy and its hard to do but i hope that one day ur kids know who u are.

Heather - posted on 01/02/2010

2

9

0

I know how u feel! I have been dionosed with bipolar disorder and panic disorder as well, i cut myself and do what I call blood letting. I am constantly depressed and I hate it. The only difference is that my kids were put with my ex sister-in-law for awhile and then when I got a divorce from my husband, he got full custody of my kids. Everyone where I used to live thinks that I am crazy and dont't deserve to have contact with my kids. I live about 1200 miles away so I can't just go and see them whenever I want. I am taking meds and going to therepy but lately it seems like I have regressed. I feel hopeless like I will never be good enough and I will never be a good mom. My son, who is 2 and a half now, doesn't even know who I am. It has been that long since I have seen my kids. I feel stuck and lonely and am trying my hardest to get out of this hole but it just doesn't seem to be working. Hang in there. Sometimes things will work them selves out. That is what I am hopeing for. :)

Kim - posted on 01/01/2010

2

23

0

Sometimes we as caregivers & patients alike NEED a "label" in order to help us understand what is going on, what the possible causes are, and what the possible treatments & solutions may be. I know in my case once I had the actual diagnosis and was able to form a "game plan" I felt much more in control of the situation!!



My best advice to you is TO FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR ASAP!!! You have every right to a doctor that you are comforatble with & works with you. In my case this made all the difference in the world as well. They are supposed to help & support you!!!



Best of luck my dear. Just keep in mind that you know you are doing all you can & screw what anyone else thinks!! You are in my thoughts & prayers!!

Jessica - posted on 12/20/2009

173

37

19

update, i made some phones a week ago, and had call the dietion that had work with him in the past. she thought maybe gi can have a look into it. well took him to his appt. good news is they aren't conserned about his weight how ever they are conserns about his eating habits and to check if everthing is going down ok. so on tues i have an appt. for him and its going to be hard not to give him anything until after midnight for later than morning. then i have to do it again e weeks later for another test for him. ugh i keep yinz updated and thx for the info.

Fawn - posted on 12/19/2009

10

2

1

Jessica,



I have bi-polar disorder, post-traumatic-stress disorder, and an anxiety disorder. I have lived in that dark, frightening, frustrating place that you speak of. Don't be too hard on yourself. All we can do is the best we can do with what we have at the time (emotionally, mentally, and physically). Some days that really isn't very much, I know. Just keep trying. As long as you keep working at it, you are never a failure.



As for your son not gaining weight, I have a six-year-old daughter who just barely made 39 lbs. She has never weighed very much and is very thin. She does not eat very much most of the time. I have found that the best way for me to get her to eat is to let her eat a little bit at a time all day. I feed her regular meals, but I also leave out things for her to snack on at the kitchen counter: cheese, crackers, granola bars, cereal, chocolate milk, etc. This sweet little girl has anxiety problems. We taught her the deep breathing exercises to calm herself when she was only two. We still have tantrums, bossy behavior, emotional meltdowns and other frustrating behavior.



One thing that I have found that lessens the tantrums, acting out, and yelling is to take the time and listen to what she has to say. We also snuggle and read stories and have activities together, just the two of us.



If your doctor won't listen, find another who will. If your routine works for you and your son, why change it. You know your son better than anyone else. I wish you well. If you want to talk go ahead and email me. Just put "Circle of Moms" in the subject line.

Tracey - posted on 12/14/2009

301

122

23

Hi Jessica,



First, sort out the issues that need to be solved. When there is a problem, or problems, before they can improve; first realizing that everyone involved (including yourself) is, usually, in some way contributing to the problem. Even when it's not intentional. How to stop this?...Take some control. Maybe finding another doctor is necessary...if you feel you are not being taken seriously or aren't being respected, maybe a new doctor with a new outlook would be a starting point. Or tell your doctor you need your children referred to a pediatrician. When you request it, it is your doctor's responsibility to see that you get another professional's opinion. By the sounds of things, your one child is trying to gain nutrition through liquids and is also considerably underweight. So please continue to work very hard to make sure your kids get what they need.



Whatever you do, try to ignore outside judgement; a lot of people say things, and should spend more time worrying about their own problems (as I like to say, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones). As you've indicated, what you're feeding the kids doesn't appear to be a problem. But even though you may be feeding your kids an o.k. diet under normal circumstances; if there is something else causing your children's bodies to lack absorbing the vitamins and nutrients from their food that they NEED to grow strong and healthy than diet could still be a problem. This is where a good pediatrician should be able to help. And you might have to be open to some different eating ideas, at least for a little while. Because diet is extremely important, and when there is a lack of proper nutrients, it can cause any number of problems; including adhd, mood disorders, depression, sleep and stress problems, learning disabilities, and much more. I would probably suggest, smaller meals throughout the day more often (6 to 8 snack size meals). And a nibble, here and there, in between if they will take it. At least until they're eating habits are solid and they're absorping nutrients. Don't allow the kids to fill up on liquid - if you find they're drinking their milk or juice first and then not eating the meal; then provide them with a drink at the end of the meal. And if they aren't already, they should be on homogenized milk; the extra fat will help them to put on weight plus the added fat in this milk helps with normal brain development in children. Also add a good daily vitamin supplement in addition to the regular diet and see if the doctor will also give shots of B vitamins to boost the immune system (this will have to be on the doctor approval, after an assessment). B shots should only be given when they can't be absorbed normally.



Also, because sometimes kids for no other reason than "hey it's mom and I'm going to press her buttons" and they know exactly how to do this; I would suggest finding a good support worker who can help you with the boys. And, trust me, if you are dealing with an ADHD child you will be glad to have the support worker, even if it's just someone to vent your frustrations to once in awhile. ADHD children are very trying, but if you can learn how to work with them without putting them on medication then all the power to you!



Best of luck and take care,



Tracey Alderson, Administrator, Epilepsy Awareness 2009

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms