Jay - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )
I have suffered from depression and anxiety all my life.
But since I had my baby 6 months ago I feel so alone.
I used to go to a group once a week to meet up with people in simular situations and talk positively for an few hours over a cup of tea. But it stopped for the summer and is not coming back. I just feel alone now.
I am breastfeeding my baby and refuses bottles so I feel like I never get a break! I am always with him, and to be honest the thought of leaving him really scares me. Even when I went to my group from when he was 4 weeks till he was 15weeks I used to be so worried about leaving him and I used to get my mother to drive an hour to be at the house with my husband in case something went wrong.
But now I feel like there is not even that once a week meeting to look forward to. Some weeks I don't leave the house at all. My husband tries to get me to do the weekly shopping with him, but some times I just don't go.
I never leave the house alone, I am either with my husband or my mother drives to see me and talks me into heading down the shops with her. I live in the city, a 2 min walk from the closest shop and I would text my husband to bring back a carton of milk and wait till that evening for the milk rather than walk out by myself.
I feel like my husband can do so much better than me, and my son too, I think he needs a better mum aswell. I just don't want my depression to effect him and how he grows up. And I feel like the house is always a mess unless my husband cleans it, he notices the dirt that I dont, like when the bathroom needs to be scrubbed.
I feel like he needs someone that will be happy and be a good mum. And I can never seem to show him how much he means to me. I loose it at the slightest thing and I feel like I always say the wrong thing, especially in the heat of the moment.
Sorry for the long rant, I just feel I can't talk to anyone about this. x