I have many mental issues and have 3 kids...

Monique - posted on 09/25/2009

Thank you all for your support, I know I don't get on here much anymore, with my oldest daughters activities for school, my youngest daughter being in prek and my son only being 22 mths old right now. Plus, I have been in school for Massage Therapy since Jan of this year. I am almost done I guess I can say. I need to take my boards yet, pay off my tuitiion and finish my project book then I'll finally be licensed to practice!! But it may take me awhile with the divorce going on and all the stress that comes with it has been preoccupying my mind where I can't even focus on school right now. So, I took a leave until its all over with. And it looks like it may go to trial, the date is already set for October 26th and a phone conference is scheduled for the 2nd. And I'm pretty stressed out right now and getting pretty anxious, they put me on Xanax for my stress/ anxiety, its helping a little bit, but still I just want this crap to be over with already!! And I know the feeling about being a stay at home mom, I was for years and the winter always made me so depressed that I felt trapped inside myself!! But I have hope now and to me that is an important lifeline for me, that I will finally be able to do something for myself and not have to be doing nothing but caring for my kids. Don't get me wrong I live for them, but I also have to take care of myself before I can really take care of them the way they need. I want to be the best mom I am capable of beiing for them and whatever it takes I will do. Once again thank you for the support and I will try to be on here more!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/24/2009

Hi Monique,
I am bipolar and have been through a lot also. I have never attempted suicide, but have have thoughts about it. I would never go through with it though, for many reasons. I feel your pain though. Your dtrs diagnosis could have come up even if you didnt have problems and if it was your gene's think of all the people that say have heart disease or diabetes or something of that nature and still have children. Having children is a crap shoot on what you get as far as I am concerned. At least you have the tools or know where to get help for her when needed.
I have been in psych wards 3 X in my life although not a pretty place, and I didnt like being there one bit, every time I went I needed it, and that was the only place to get my meds stabilized.
I think knowing yourself and as much about your disease as it is so different person to person is all we can do, along with seeing our docs when needed, and taking our meds.
Its not easy for me as a parent at all, my mood swings constantly make me feel like lashing out at the kids when they are having a tantrum or something. I dont, I hold it in, but sometimes I feel very lonely...being a stay at home mom with bipolar isnt easy.
I do well in the Spring and Summer, and fall isn't bad, but winter absolutely kills me every year.
My children and 1 and 2, totally dependent on me and I dread this winter coming as I know i will have a terrible time with depression.
I try and stay positive every day that I can and keep my chin up.
I hope that you do too. I have found this community very helpful, even when I was only able to type a sentence or two. I feel safe here and share things that others may not understand, so keep coming back and I hope we can be of some support to each other.
Be well, think of sunshine, butterflies and rainbows, I do as often as I can
Jenn

Monique - posted on 09/22/2009

Right now I'm on Lamictal 300mg, Cymbalta 90mg, Abilifyand Xanax 1mg 3 times a day. With all of my stress that I'm going through it seems I am still on a roller coaster, besides the fact that I also have adult ADD!! Its been hard for me trying to get the meds just right and I know that at any given time they could stop working for me, which is a very scary knowledge!! Cause of my 3 precious babies I don't ever want them to see me how I was last year. I attempted suicide 2 times last year and I never want them to see me that way again. I know its a frightening diagnosis, trust me I know!! And the wanting to go off of your meds is normal really it is. Cause once you start feeling good you think ok I'm fixed!! I tried that at the beginning and ended up in the Psych ward for 3 days!! And the wanting to leave your husband is perfectly normal. Maybe its because he is in denial of your diagnosis as much as you are in. Maybe you should take him to one or more of your psych appts and have them explain it to him or even just get him info off of the internet to help him better understand what you are going through everyday and what you will be going through for the rest of your life. Its hard, I'm not gonna lie to you, it really is hard, but eventually you will come to a point in your life when you will finally be at peace with yourself and your disorder, but it will have consequences. But you will find yourself in this whirlwind of a life you are about to encounter!! Just keep your head up and believe that it does get better. I know for me that since I've been stable on my meds I feel numb to everything and thats been hard for me to accept but I know that its just me being finally stable and I'm just like everyone else in this world, I do still have my highs and lows like anyone else, but they are not extreme anymore. Its been hard to feel so numb after being so extreme on my moods but after a year of being stable I have accepted that its just being normal like everyone else with the minimum highs and lows. If you ever need to talk just look me up!!



Monique

Peanut - posted on 06/26/2009

I have 2 kids and I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was very hard to hear since it something I have misunderstood and feared my entire life. I'm pretty sure it has been passed down for generations, but I am not here to diagnose others.

I can understand the "it's my fault" thing. Had I known I was bipolar I would not have had children. My children are the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so grateful that I was blessed with them. I hope my experinces will allow me to help them through any difficulties they may have as they grow up.

I wonder what your meds cocktail is. I am new to this "arena", and I'm slowing upping and adding meds, that at times seem like they are not working. I want to stop taking them quite often, which I realize is part of my bipolar issues... I get this feeling of better than everyone else and think I'm fine and don't need meds. Or I start thinking it's all my husband because his expectations are so high, and I always fall short. (this is how I feel and he would tell a very different story if asked) so I start wanting to leave him...even though he is my best friend and I love him deeply. I know this is also bipolar stuff. Reading what others have had success with is so helpful to me! Their stories are also good for me because it helps me feel less alone. So advice is always a great help.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

-Robyn- :)