Lisa - posted on 07/06/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )
I've been with this group for a while now, and I usually just tend to "listen" and learn. But I need to talk and hopefully get some advice. I don't really understand what's happening to me.
I thought I had my Bipolar under somewhat control, but lately it seems it has me under control. I have been having many flare-ups and I can't control my temper. I have been under stress lately, as I don't do well in large crowds and my family was having their huge party for 100 that I attend.
My life at home is under stress as my husband isn't working, and I stay at home with our 5 yr old daughter. I am either so tired I don't do anything, or cranky and angry. My head hurts from all the pressure and I'm sure it will burst at any moment. I don't know who I am anymore, except a mother. And now I can feel myself detaching from her at times. I get so angry that I throw furniture and scream... This last weekend I screamed to hard that my abs hurt for 2 days after. I took too many anxiety pills in a feeble attempt at suicide/attention before my family stepped in. My doctor now has me on a 2x daily dose of some anxiety thing to keep me calm and he upped my lithium dose. But he said if this happens again I need to go to the hospital and get help.... What happened to me? I used to be happy and carefree, I'd go out in the crowds I had so many friends. I had passion for life...... Now I'm scared and I rarely leave the house to visit anybody. I'm not sure what any of this means or what I should do. I don't want to live this way, but I'm not sure how to break this and get control back.
Thanks for listening - any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
- Lisa -