I'm scared... Any advice?

Lisa - posted on 07/06/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I've been with this group for a while now, and I usually just tend to "listen" and learn. But I need to talk and hopefully get some advice. I don't really understand what's happening to me.



I thought I had my Bipolar under somewhat control, but lately it seems it has me under control. I have been having many flare-ups and I can't control my temper. I have been under stress lately, as I don't do well in large crowds and my family was having their huge party for 100 that I attend.

My life at home is under stress as my husband isn't working, and I stay at home with our 5 yr old daughter. I am either so tired I don't do anything, or cranky and angry. My head hurts from all the pressure and I'm sure it will burst at any moment. I don't know who I am anymore, except a mother. And now I can feel myself detaching from her at times. I get so angry that I throw furniture and scream... This last weekend I screamed to hard that my abs hurt for 2 days after. I took too many anxiety pills in a feeble attempt at suicide/attention before my family stepped in. My doctor now has me on a 2x daily dose of some anxiety thing to keep me calm and he upped my lithium dose. But he said if this happens again I need to go to the hospital and get help.... What happened to me? I used to be happy and carefree, I'd go out in the crowds I had so many friends. I had passion for life...... Now I'm scared and I rarely leave the house to visit anybody. I'm not sure what any of this means or what I should do. I don't want to live this way, but I'm not sure how to break this and get control back.



Thanks for listening - any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

- Lisa -

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Donna - posted on 07/07/2009

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Im sorry to learn of your plight. I work in mental health and cant help wondering whether you need to go into hospital for assessment. Your condition is obviously deteriorating so much so that you wanted 2 self-harm please seek help not only for yoursel but also your family. Tell me did you suffer post natal depression before that? By the way do you have regular blood tests taken because of the Lithium that you take. There are a couple of useful websites you might find helpful such as MIND, and National Library for Mental Health. PLEASE PLEASE get the help you need before its 2 late. I really think you need to go into an acute unit in order to be stabilised.

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Toni - posted on 09/26/2009

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I so totally agree with Carmen. I was on lithium for 1 yr. and i went through yelling stages and furniture throwing being mean to my kids and once I realized what i did I would sit in my room and cry. This doctor put me through hell! I was on every med possible. I finally found a different doc and he took me off the lithium and told me I shouldnt have even been put on it. When you go to these type of doctors you need to be very persisstant and stand up for yourself. Make sure you tell them you need to be able to function and take care of your family. And that you want to be happy with your life. I know I am new here but i do have alot to offer when it comes to mental health. So hang in there and if you want to chat I hope I can help.

Toni - posted on 09/26/2009

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Quoting Carmen:

you need to go into the unit and get sorted - I don't think that upping the meds is just going to be a quick fix - lithium doesn't work for everyone and it may just need to be a change of meds, but you will need to be in a safe and stress free environment to have this done and the unit is the best place for this - I suffer from extreme stress which causes me to go for days without sleep - I have sleeping tablets that I have given to me by my mental health doctor - and when I am in need of taking these I make sure that my son is staying with friends so I can get a good 2 - 3 days sleep , take some time for yourself each day even if it is going to your room and writing in a dairy how you feel and what has made you feel this way - it is a good way to learn about what your triggers are and what you can do to avoid those triggers, even if your husband takes your daughter away for the weekend - that will give you time to be you - he doesn't have to take her some where fancy - out on camping weekend or even have her stay at your parents place for the weekend - that will give you time to relax and get your thoughts together - but I do advise that you go into the unit they can take your bloods and reassess your meds and work out what is right for you and what will work the best - hope this helps and it's good you spoke out - it's not easy being like this but we are here to help and hope you get better soon (hugs)


 

Carmen - posted on 08/08/2009

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you need to go into the unit and get sorted - I don't think that upping the meds is just going to be a quick fix - lithium doesn't work for everyone and it may just need to be a change of meds, but you will need to be in a safe and stress free environment to have this done and the unit is the best place for this - I suffer from extreme stress which causes me to go for days without sleep - I have sleeping tablets that I have given to me by my mental health doctor - and when I am in need of taking these I make sure that my son is staying with friends so I can get a good 2 - 3 days sleep , take some time for yourself each day even if it is going to your room and writing in a dairy how you feel and what has made you feel this way - it is a good way to learn about what your triggers are and what you can do to avoid those triggers, even if your husband takes your daughter away for the weekend - that will give you time to be you - he doesn't have to take her some where fancy - out on camping weekend or even have her stay at your parents place for the weekend - that will give you time to relax and get your thoughts together - but I do advise that you go into the unit they can take your bloods and reassess your meds and work out what is right for you and what will work the best - hope this helps and it's good you spoke out - it's not easy being like this but we are here to help and hope you get better soon (hugs)

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