New Here and i need help!!

Amanda - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello, i am 23 with 3 children. I really just need someone to talk to that knows what i'm going through. i have depression/anxiety and severe panic disorder. I feel like i am losing interest in my kids. Only 2 live with me (other lives with my mom...long story), they are 2 and 1 and they constantly fight. i feel like all i am ever doing is yelling at them to stop doing this or that. I never feel like sitting down and playing or being creative with them. I feel like i'm a worthless mother not only because i don't feel like playing with them but because they never listen! I know they are young but do all kids act like this? I can yell til i'm blue in the face for them to stop fighting or doing something and they just look at me and keep doing it sometimes they laugh thinking it's funny! I am with them 24/7, i have no time for my self to think, relax or anything! i'm at whit's end and i don't know what to do! I feel like this depression is taking over me, my whole body hurts, i have constant headaches, i'm gloomy all the time, and sometimes it's even hard not to think negatively, like for example: my husband and i were talking about how we were getting our own piece of land to set our own house on. Now normally people would be excited about that, but here i sit talking about all the negatives, like "what if this doesn't go right?" Or " what if the money doesn't fall into place?" i can't look at the good side of things only the negative and i hate that. I hate the fact that i don't feel normal and i feel like i won't ever be happy or "normal" again. I want to be there for my kids more than what i am now, and look at the good side of things and all that, but i don't think i ever will.

I'm sorry that this is so long, but i've been holding it all in for a few weeks now and i had to vent. But if anyone can help, just the slightest bit, it would be highly appreciated.

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4 Comments

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Britt - posted on 04/18/2011

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Amanda,
I am so sorry that you are (were) suffering so. I, too, have depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and mild bipolar. My mental health overshadows every aspect of my life and it often times wears me out.
I am learning that a regular schedule of self-care, eating healthily, exercise DAILY, a regular break from the kids (even just an hour), and if you believe, time with God to let go of the anxiety you may have about long-term things.
Please, please call or email me when you feel like you are at the edge with nowhere to go - seriously. You do not have to suffer alone - we were not intended to be as isolated and lonely as we are in today's society.
Britt - 310-429-6434, brittswoo@hotmail.com

Chris - posted on 03/25/2011

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Hi I am Chris
I understand completely I am Bi-polar and have horrible anxiety attacks and have border line personality disorder. my best advice is to see a Dr. even a clinic, I remember when my middle son was about 2 going to a clinic and collapsing on the floor crying my eyes out and telling them I didn't think I could do it any more and the started me on some antidepressants, and we worked around with it until I found the one . and I had to just find something even if it was just going to the store by myself. and talk to friends that you can trust just vent even if it is just on here . good luck hun I hope things get better

Melody - posted on 03/18/2011

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I have anxiety disorder as well, and I was the same way as you are describing. Honestly, for me what helped was taking a mild anti-anxiety medication. I take the lowest dosage of Valuim(2mg) as I am breastfeeding, but for other people they usually prescribe higher dosages. When I started taking it I noticed an immediate difference. Okay the first time I took it I felt weird, but after that I was able to appreciate the little things about my kids that I have been missing, and all the minor things that really irritate me haven't been. I was able to handle the situations in a different manner because I wasnt stressed out, so my toddler started behaving better. When I take them, it really helps(i am pretty forgetful). Just a thought, it helped me so much. I really was worried about the fact that my children didnt bring me joy anymore and I was always angry, and my daughter was always misbehaving, but this really helped me.

Jennifer - posted on 12/14/2010

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Hi Amanda.
I totally get what you are saying. Im Bipolar and I really struggle with depression every winter.
I also have a two and a three year old.
No that you aren't alone. I struggle to stay positive every day.
The best thing I can tell you with the kids not listening is that you are their best example and a lot of times when they are fighting or doing bad behavior they need a distraction, a book to read, a bath, anything that can stray them away from what was going on.
Being depressed is something that you should address with your doctor their are many medicines out there that can help you with your depression.
I also go in and out of interest with my children, It's not that I don't care, but being stuck in in the winter time has really had me struggling for activities that keep them occupied.
I have a lot of social anxiety, but this week I signed up at the local library for a Mom's Club, this isn't really my kind of deal and Im sure that I will feel awkward but I am reaching out so that the three of us will have activities to do with other childrens and moms.....whether I like it or not I am going to perserve for all of our sanity. Im sure that the Mom's club thing is nation wide so look at your local library and start there.
I hope some of this help, and know that the more positive that you try to be the more it does work. It takes a long time sometimes but this too shall pass. I promise.
Hugs,
Jenn

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