Vegemite - posted on 05/02/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have had what I can only describe as depression and anxiety since my oldest son was born in october 07. I managed to work through this but when i was 3weeks off having my youngest in june 09 it started back. Over the last year it has continued to get worse, now i feel like i'm at breaking point. I can't handle my kids and the smallest thing sets me off into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I have taken to hitting myself, mainly in the head as it "feels good" and i can also hide any bruises and lumps with my hair.
I have told my husband and a counselor about my concerns over my mental health but have been told that it's because i have too high expectations on myself and parenting and my children by both of them. Also that if i just lower my expectations and except things as they are i will be fine.
I asked my husband what i have to do to get myself heard but he said he knows my concerns and has tried to help me by giving me time away for a couple of days and i can do that when i feel too stressed. He doesn't understand that this doesn't help but is like a band aide for a head wound and i feel ok for only a week or two after. I feel like i need to do something drastic to get someone's attention and get the help i clearly need.
Today my husband saw for the first time what it can be like. My 3yr old wouldn't eat or listen and was throwing his food all over the floor and spitting it which is normal and he does this nearly every day. A small thing but small things can cause me to panic become anxious and doubt myself as a mother and cause me to lose the plot. Anyway i ended up leaving my two sons in their high chairs and locking myself in the wardrobe and putting dints in the wall with my head. My husband's response was to wait until i'd calmed down, he watched the boys with the rest of their lunch, vacuumed the carpet then told me he was going to work. So i waited until he was gone, got out of the wardrobe and put the boys down for their afternoon nap and cried for the rest of the afternoon. I think he thinks today was for his entertainment but this is my life and it's no way for children to be raised. I know if this continues they will be damaged by this and i don't want that to happen.
How can i get someone to help me, how did you girls get help. What is wrong with me
Thank you for reading my lengthy rant