no one will listen or help

Vegemite - posted on 05/02/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have had what I can only describe as depression and anxiety since my oldest son was born in october 07. I managed to work through this but when i was 3weeks off having my youngest in june 09 it started back. Over the last year it has continued to get worse, now i feel like i'm at breaking point. I can't handle my kids and the smallest thing sets me off into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I have taken to hitting myself, mainly in the head as it "feels good" and i can also hide any bruises and lumps with my hair.



I have told my husband and a counselor about my concerns over my mental health but have been told that it's because i have too high expectations on myself and parenting and my children by both of them. Also that if i just lower my expectations and except things as they are i will be fine.



I asked my husband what i have to do to get myself heard but he said he knows my concerns and has tried to help me by giving me time away for a couple of days and i can do that when i feel too stressed. He doesn't understand that this doesn't help but is like a band aide for a head wound and i feel ok for only a week or two after. I feel like i need to do something drastic to get someone's attention and get the help i clearly need.



Today my husband saw for the first time what it can be like. My 3yr old wouldn't eat or listen and was throwing his food all over the floor and spitting it which is normal and he does this nearly every day. A small thing but small things can cause me to panic become anxious and doubt myself as a mother and cause me to lose the plot. Anyway i ended up leaving my two sons in their high chairs and locking myself in the wardrobe and putting dints in the wall with my head. My husband's response was to wait until i'd calmed down, he watched the boys with the rest of their lunch, vacuumed the carpet then told me he was going to work. So i waited until he was gone, got out of the wardrobe and put the boys down for their afternoon nap and cried for the rest of the afternoon. I think he thinks today was for his entertainment but this is my life and it's no way for children to be raised. I know if this continues they will be damaged by this and i don't want that to happen.



How can i get someone to help me, how did you girls get help. What is wrong with me

Thank you for reading my lengthy rant

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Vegemite - posted on 05/20/2011

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Thanks girls I went to a specialist female GP she's great and has helped me a lot.

Britt - posted on 05/09/2011

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I, too, suffer from depression and anxiety attacks. In my opinion, you don't need to put your kids in childcare and go to work. That will add a whole new set of stressors on your family.

You need to get some psychiatric help now. Today! Call your insurance company, if you have one, and get names and phone numbers of psychiatrists on your plan and in your area. Make an appointment ASAP with one of them.

I take medications for both the depression and the anxiety and would not make it without them!!!!!!!!! Your kids pick up your stress and act out because of it. It is a natural response for them. Your husband doesn't understand - and how could he if he has never experienced it. And, he cannot fix it (as men want to do), so he just goes to work.

If you feel like you need help immediately and you cannot get into a doctor, then go to your nearest emergency room for treatment. If you need to stay in the hospital for psychiatric help - fabulous. You will get help sooner than later. Just get help - Now!!!!

If you do not have insurance, many doctors will work with you to create a payment plan for cash paying patients. The emergency room (hospital) has someone on staff whose job iti is to help patients get the care they need at a cost they can afford - like refer you to providers who work on a sliding fee scale. A sliding fee scale is a payment plan based on your family's ability to pay. As far as the emergency room, they cannot refuse to treat you if you cannot afford to pay the bill. It is against the law. They have to treat you and you just tell the business office that you cannot pay.

Do not feel guilty about seeking treatment - financially or otherwise. It is absolutely imperative for the long-term health of yourself and your family. And don't feel ashamed or that you are flawed. It is truly a brain chemical imbalance that can be corrected with the proper medicines.

Don't wait - get help today either through a psychiatrist or the emergency room. From someone who suffers as you do please get help.

Louise - posted on 05/02/2011

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Ok! I here what you are saying you are not coping with the children on a daily basis and you feel that the only way to get through this is to harm yourself.

This is a toxic situations for all of you and you need to step away from the situation. I think it would help you greatly if you went out to work and put your children into day care because this would take the daily pressure away from you. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be with your kids 24/7 some women simply can not cope. I would urge you to look for a good nursery for your kids where they are happy and content in a learning environment and look for a job where you can learn to be you again. I think the relationship with you and your kids would be greatly improved if you had quality time with them rather than every day chores. Then you need to talk to your councillor about the self harm issues you have. Honestly I think if you were working you would halve your stress levels. You seem to of got it into your head that you are a bad mother and you punish yourself. You really are not. You simply feel you can't cope. Lots and lots of women feel the same but they do not go as far as to lash out at themselves.

Look for a nursery today and take the pressure off yourself before you seriously harm yourself. You will be a better person for it. There is no shame in being a working mum and in this situation I think the whole family will benefit from having a mum who is happy in herself.

Lisa - posted on 05/02/2011

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Have you perhaps spoken to a GOOD family doctor about this? My husband has extreme anxiety disorder and recently learned that he is also Bi-polar. But this took going to a family doctor that would actually sit and listen to what he had to say for about 30 mins , most dr's here want you in and out of the office.

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